Chapter 140

Jo was right.

This boring.

Michael and Jack have been talking about magic whatevers for half an hour, and though Lucifer occasionally chimes in, he's definitely starting to understand what Jo meant when she said she felt like a third wheel. Fortunately, now that Lucifer's here, there are four wheels, and four wheels work far better than two.

Lucifer subtly nudges Jo with his elbow. "How have you survived of this?"

"It wasn't this boring at first," Jo says. "It was kinda fun, but then they started talking about all this mumbo jumbo and I had to call it quits."

"I actually understand all this mumbo jumbo and bored, so I don't know how you did it," Lucifer says.

"Well, now you're here to keep me company and I can have a conversation I understand instead, so I consider that a win," Jo replies.

Lucifer scoffs. "Wow, you think talking to me is a win? You must have been bored."

"You have no idea."

"Well, hey, now we can suffer together," Lucifer says. He wracks his brain for something to talk about, but with Jack so close to breaking down the warding, it's hard to think of anything else. He settles on a related topic, asking, "So, we're almost out of here, thank god. What are you gonna do with your newfound freedom?"

"Michael and I are gonna open up the Roadhouse again," Jo tells him.

Lucifer cocks an eyebrow, hoping she'll explain more.

"Well, you know, with my mom's help," Jo adds, which doesn't make any more sense whatsoever. "And maybe Bobby, too, at least at first. It's gonna be an all-hands-on-deck type thing."

"Okay," Lucifer says slowly, "and the Roadhouse is...?"

"Oh, sorry, it's the bar my family's been running for a few decades now," Jo explains. "It used to be a safe haven for hunters until it got burned down, but we still own the land. I'm sure Michael can fix it up."

"Ooh, alcohol," Lucifer says. "Always a fun time."

"Well, I can't drink on the job, if that's what you're getting at," Jo says, "but yeah, it really is a fun time. I can't wait to go back."

"I hope you guys enjoy it," Lucifer says, and he means it. They've had to deal with way too much shit while stuck in the bunker -- much of which being Lucifer's fault -- so he hopes they make the most of their freedom. He's not sure how working at a bar is the ideal use of anyone's time, but if that's what they want to do, who is he to complain?

"What about you?" Jo asks. "What are you going to do?"

"I dunno," Lucifer says with a shrug. "Probably something I shouldn't." He hasn't really thought that far ahead yet. As far as he's concerned, anything would be better than this lockdown, so he doesn't quite see the point of rushing to find something to do.

"For the record," Jo says, "if you start on some murder spree or whatever, I send Michael after you."

Lucifer scoffs. "That's exactly what you were trying so hard to all those years ago, but if you'd like to see the apocalypse after all..."

"Okay, I see your point," Jo says. "But, like, seriously, please don't kill anyone."

"I can't promise I won't kill ," Lucifer says because god knows people get on his nerves easily and he doesn't manage his anger very well, "but I'm not to kill anyone. I don't know, maybe I'll go take over Hell again. That's always fun." It's actually fun, but it's also disappointing to know he's not in charge at the moment. He might as well get it done real quick just so he knows he has the demons under his thumb, and then maybe he can leave them to do whatever they've been doing while he does... whatever he's going to do with his freedom.

"That's... good?" Jo says uncertainly.

"If people leave me alone, I'll leave them alone," Lucifer says, "which is a very valuable lesson I've learned over the past few months."

"See, maybe this whole 'experience' was good for something after all!" Jo says with a grin.

"No," Lucifer deadpans. "No, it really wasn't."

"Yeah, no, you're absolutely right," Jo admits. "For you, at least. I mean, I was dead before this whole thing started, so at least I've got that going for me."

"Oh, right, I forgot you died," Lucifer says. In his defense, he didn't know her when she was alive; he's seen far more of her now that she's back from the dead.

"Which is kinda rude," Jo says, "considering it was your hellhound who killed me, but whatever."

"Hey, take that up with Meg," Lucifer says. "I never sent my dogs after anyone." He pauses. "Maybe what I'll do when we get out of here. I'll go check on the hellhounds. I doubt anyone's taken care of them while I was gone." Most of the demons seem to think of them as nothing more than weapons, but Lucifer's actually quite fond of them, and he was not happy when he was freed from the cage to find that they'd been neglected in the millennia he was gone.

"Oh, yes, you better make sure your 'dogs' are okay," Jo says sarcastically. "It's not like they're trained murderers that can take care of themselves or anything."

Lucifer narrows his eyes. "If you keep talking shit about my dogs, maybe I will send one after you this time."

Jo snorts. "And then Michael would kill it, and we'd be right back where we started but with one less hellhound."

Lucifer frowns. "Okay, you have a point there." Not, of course, that he was going to send a hellhound after him, but the least she could do is let him think he could, right? Wow, humans these days, always ruining your murder plots.