Chapter 5

AN: If I could ever make any human laugh in the same way B. Kasparian made me laugh with that comment I would be set for life as a comedian thanks for that

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Naruto looked over at where Haku was talking to some of the kids. He had two options of what he could do right now. The first being talking to Haku about his feelings and coming to an emotional breakthrough of some sort. Instead he was already walking into the woods to go try and learn more about this weird time power because fuck talking about feelings.

"Ok, step one think about what this power does" Now alone in the forest Naruto decided to talk to himself to think through the problem. "Stops time, step one done boom."

"Step two ask your favorite demonic being for more information" boy golly this better not be a regular occurrence.

"Step two talk about how much I hate evil fox demons especially when they try and solicit me" your move asshole.

"All I have to do is get you to look like an idiot by making you talk to yourself about and evil fox demon, who lives inside your body and can hear your thoughts, asshole" my own insult turned against me by a fox demon what is the world coming to. "If you don't want my help fine, but good luck getting my powers to work without me."

He looked down at the ground, apparently the two options he had were; Talk to Haku, or Talk to this goddamn fox. Maybe the feelings talk wouldn't be that bad.

"Oh come on, I'm only a moderate level of evil. Talking about your feelings would certainly be worse than talking to me" the fox has got me there. "If you want to talk sit down and meditate, I'll bring you in here and we can have a nice civil chat."

"Ok Uzumaki, let's look at our life and look at our choices. We can talk to the evil demon that attacked the village and got imprisoned inside you on its terms about something you have no knowledge of what so ever; or we can just go and have a conversation with Haku."

"Wow you made that choice really fast" Naruto knew the fox was big, but the cage the fox was in, fucking gigantic. "But I'm glad you're willing to hear me out kid."

"Officially on the record I did not choose talking to you over talking to Haku" Naruto waded a little closer to the cage, apparently the inside of his head is a sewer so that's pleasant. "And don't even think about pulling a fast one on me, my mind is honed like the tip of a spear."

"I think you meant to say as sharp as a spear, but I digress. You want time powers and I want you to have time powers" the fox suddenly had a large sign near it that said 'Time powers for sale' in bright flashing lights. "Sign up now for the five year family plan and get the four year extended warranty half off."

"Whoa whoa whoa, you want to give me time powers?" his good deal instincts were perking up at the offer. "What's the catch?"

"No catch just a simple trade, you get time powers, and I get let free into the world" the fox was either going about this plan incredibly poorly, or it really thought he was that big of an idiot. "And as limited time offer this deal includes a three years supply of ramen at no extra charge, CALL NOW."

As the fox said that a 10 digit number started flashing under its sign.

"HOW DO I CALL" in hindsight this was one of Narutos greatest moments of weakness.

"Really."

The sheer level of condescension in the fox's voice as the sign and number faded away shamed him back into rational thought. Was he really about to let out a demon fox for ramen. Yes, yes he absolutely was.

"That depressing display of self-control aside, time powers yes/no?" the fox was actual kind of being reasonable and nice to him wow. "And before you ask, no I can't give you a three year supply of ramen."

"So there's no catch at all? You're just going to help me out to do something nice?" there has to be a catch or ulterior motive here.

"In all honesty I don't hate you kid, or that village, I do hate this one guy though and he doesn't have time powers. So my ulterior motive is you kill this guy for me, which will probably be easy with time powers, and you get time powers."

"Ok, I don't trust this a large amount, or really at all if I'm honest, but I'll bite. What guy?"

"I'm 88% sure it's Madara Uchiha."

"As in Madara 'A dead guy' Uchiha?"

"I mean he didn't seem very dead when he used mind control powers on me and had me attack your village, but hey I did only say 88% sure."

"Ok, now I am: Afraid, Confused, Interested, and I feel like I needed to pay better attention in history class."

"So it sounds like you're saying…. Deal?"

"Oh hell yeah it's a deal. Imagine how mad Sasuke will be when I kill Madara Uchiha" that'll show him how much Uchihas suck, if the strongest one dies twice.

"I kinda thought you'd do it out of a sense of duty or revenge or something, but for something that petty?"

"I don't hate Sasuke, I just want him to know that I'm both better than him and every other Uchiha ever."

"Ok, well, get ready to get time powered up kid."

The pain Naruto felt in the following minutes was immense, and he had very recently had his stomach removed via lightning fist. Luckily it ended faster than it began, but he knew that the screams were going to get some attention so he had to think of a really good cover story.

"I'll just say it was like a pain flashback from my wound cause I fell on a rock, yeah fucking genius" the perfect cover story for whoever showed up.

"Naruto!" GODDAMIT HAKU WHY ARE YOU THE FIRST PERSON TO SHOW UP.

Ok think, this wasn't actually a problem, it also presented the perfect opportunity to talk to him about everything and get it done with.

"To stop time channel some of my chakra and release it quickly."

No that would be a stupid move, pushing off the inevitable conversation that would have to happen is clearly not the right move.

He quickly channeled and released some of the red chakra as instructed by the fox. At first it didn't seem like anything had actually happened but then he saw a squirrel frozen midair as it was trying to move between trees.

This was tight as hell.

"Move fast you don't have forever, the well I made of my chakra will only give you like ten or so minutes."

He started running back towards the house that would buy him at least a few hours of avoiding Haku.

"How much more time do I have?"

"Five minutes?"

He cracked his knuckles and let out a sinister laugh, you want proof Kakashi. Get ready for the craziest prank of all time.