Chapter 3 - I Made Cookies

Chapter Three - I Made Cookies

"Land ho!" I called, pointing towards the island before swinging around the flagpole to point at Nami. "Sea hoe."

I dodged Nami's fist, finding her abusive nature great training before I ran off, tittering with a hand clamped over my mouth. At the boat's bow, I bent my knees, diving over the side with impressive grace.

"Bet I beat you to the island!" I called out once I had re-emerged, already zipping to the shore in freestyle, laughing all the way (ho, ho, ho).

In response to my challenge, Luffy grabbed the oars and started rowing like a mad man while Nami's boat was almost upturned in the process. Arriving on the shore, I crept around the back of the beach, army crawling up to four figures leaning on a fallen tree trunk.

"Are those the pirates you were talking about?" Usopp wondered, directing his question to the three small children that must have been the 'Usopp Pirate Crew'.

"That's right! Look, there's a pirate symbol!"

"They don't look scary!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's get 'em!" I added, causing their heads to slowly turn to me as they blinked owlishly.

I laughed as the high pitched squeals of three children soon faded into the distance. Standing up, I gave Usopp a grin, folding my arms in what I suspected to be a rather picturesque pose. Or it would have been if I wasn't still dripping wet.

"It's best if you don't attack this village, because my 80 million men are not going to forgive you!" Usopp boasted (cough cough, lied), as per his introduction to try and warn us away.

Everyone turned to look at me, being the only person stood by his side. I looked over my shoulders, checking that no one else was around before I grabbed the golden locks of my hair and pressed it between my nose and lips to make a moustache.

"You heard him!" I yelled in my best elderly man voice while I waved a fist at my crew mates. "You pirates get off my lawn!"

Nami sweat-dropped, Luffy laughed and Zoro looked like he wanted to kill me out of second-hand embarrassment. Once we established that Usopp was a liar, I got down to business, having some very important plans to fulfill on this island.

"Byyyeee," I waved, skipping down the path to the centre of the village.

"Where do you think you're going?" Zoro asked, gripping my T-shirt before I disappeared out of sight.

"I got cookies to bake, senpai!" I told him with a grin.

"Ok, see you later," Luffy called, waving at me as Zoro took it as an indication to let me go. "Oh, and save me some cookies!"

"You got it!"

Pulling a freshly baked set of cookies out of the oven, I pulled in the gooey deliciousness that was their scent into my nostrils. So yeah, I was actually baking cookies.

"What is going on here? Who are you?"

I turned around, mouth downturned as the butler walked into the magnificent kitchen. His eyes widened. Probably because, whilst making cookies, I had used a new bowl for every new ingredient to weigh it out, used a new spoon every time to mix it in, chucked some flour about the place, and made an interesting trail of white paste where the water dripping from my clothes had mixed with the flour.

"Mister Butler," I nodded in acknowledgement, smirking as his glasses reflected the light in that I'm-totally-evil-and-so-pissed-right-now kind of way. "The name's Eve. I'm making cookies."

"I demand that you leave this instant, before I have you removed," the butler demanded, jaw clenched.

"But the cookies haven't cooled yet," I whined, holding up the hot tray with my oven gloves.

"Right. Now."

"Okay, okay," I huffed, walking towards him with my tray of cookies. "Here."

I shoved the tray of cookies into his hands, eyes gleaming as he let out a shriek and I dodged past him, yanking back the tray containing my precious baked goods. I couldn't be bothered checking the rooms one by one, so I just ran outside, circling the mansion before I came across Usopp's girlfriend, leaning out the window.

"Ah, excellent! Time for cookies!" I declared drawing the young girl's attention and squeaking when the two goons from the gate came into sight. "Eep!"

"Wait," Usopp's girlfriend instructed, causing the guards to stall as I tried to hide behind a tray full of cookies. "Who are you?"

"My name's Eve. I'm Usopp's friend. He told me all about you so I made you some cookies," I beamed, lifting up the tray in my still oven-gloved hands.

That was when the evil butler caught up with me.

"Kaya! Stay back. This woman has committed theft and destruction of property," he warned the girl, pushing up his glasses with the palms of his outstretched hands.

"Honestly, Clahador, what kind of thief makes cookies?" Kaya asked pointedly while I batted my eyelashes in pure innocence.

"He's probably just angry I made the kitchen a little messy, but I promise I purchased all the ingredients myself!" I lied - so sue me, I'm a pirate.

"See, she's completely innocent and she says she's Usopp's friend?" I nodded watching as the butler glared at me, most likely trying to kill me instantly with his imaginary death ray eyes. "Then she is most welcome!"

"So kind, umm… what was your name again Usopp's girlfriend?" I frowned, causing the girl's cheeks to take on a rosy tint.

"Kaya," the girl giggled, lifting a hand to her mouth as if she was amused.

"Well it's nice to meet you, Kaya, and I suppose I could clean the kitchen, but I was so excited to meet you, and we won't be here long..." I trailed off, holding my breath.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's only a little mess. Clahador will take care of it, won't you?" Kaya asked, flashing the man a kind smile.

Hahaha! Eve 1 - Evil Butler 0.

"I strongly advise that you let me remove this girl at once. Anyone who associates with Usopp is nothing but trouble," the butler said pointedly.

"She's fine," Kaya sighed, giving the butler a look before he turned away, seeing the look on the girl's face as a losing battle.

"Ahh, so kind, Miss erm..."

"Kaya."

"Right!" I grinned, bowing before her and offering up my baked goods to the window. "Please enjoy a cookie. Oh, and Mister Butler?"

The butler turned back to me, his gaze cool as he regarded me impassively as I scrunched up my eyes and gave him a lopsided smile.

"Thank you very much for cleaning up my mess!"

When we had all caught up at the mansion, hanging outside of Usopp's girlfriend's window, I really tried my best not to laugh when Usopp completely decked the butler. And by 'tried' I mean I held it for two seconds before it came flying out of my mouth. I even snorted. I'm so classy. Unfortunately for me, everyone else had a rather serious expression which meant I had earnt the curved eyebrow of doom from my green-haired senpai.

"Damn butler, you'd all find it funny if you knew," I began to mutter under my breath, proceeding to summon my demonic aura.

Satan didn't turn up again. Rude.

"Clahador isn't a bad person!" Kaya whimpered, a hand placed over her face with her head bowed.

I snorted, earning myself more disapproving glares, except from Luffy who regarded the situation with a serious face.

"Oh come on! It's always the butler!" I shrieked, indicating the aforementioned obviously-evil man.

I face-palmed when Zoro restrained Luffy, holding him back from making the man K.O. From that point there was nothing to do but let the children find out on their own that the butler was evil. I wiped away an imaginary tear. They grow up so fast. Cue the shrieking plot device that was one of Usopp's adopted children, running down the nearby path as we chilled on a white-picket fence.

"There's a weird guy, he walks backwards!"

With a shriek I zipped up the path, cupping a hand to my mouth as the hypnotist moonwalked into sight. God I love this man. A waste of potential if you ask me - he cracks me up every time!

"Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who says I am the one, but the kid is not my son!" I half-shrieked, half-sang the song, skipping along with his moonwalking before holding out my arms to present the great… whatever his name was.

I watched, poised on tiptoes as he brought out his pendulum, falling to the floor at the cry of 'JANGO!'. However, I was clutching my stomach with laughter as opposed to the hypnotist himself who was now snoring on the floor, a victim of his own hypnotism.

"You sir, are a true inspiration!" I laughed, clapping him on the shoulder as he woke up with a jolt. "Now go, be free my fellow jester, go entertain the masses with your quirks!"

And so, with my blessing, the great moonwalker disappeared out of sight, tipping his hat to me as I continued to serenade him with the musical styling of Micheal Jackson.

"What are you guys good at?" Usopp asked, most likely wondering what skills he had in his arsenal now everyone had realised the butler did it.

Gasp. Shock. Horror.

"Cutting!"

"Stretching!

"Steal-"

"Interrupting!" I beamed, earning myself yet another head injury courtesy of Nami.

As the sun rose the next morning I beamed, giving the handle of my sword an attentive touch, remembering the words of my senpai when he had placed it in my hands.

'Just don't embarrass yourself.'

So when the crew realised we were at the wrong entrance to the village I gave my senpai a back glance, smiling as his form disappeared down the oily slope.

"Don't worry, senpai!" I called, taking out my sword from where I had attached it around my waist with an orange sash. "With this sword I will vanquish my enemies and make you proud!"

That was when I turned back around, following Nami to the north shore, blinking as her pace picked up to an abnormal speed as Usopp bargained with her precious treasure. I shook my head as they got into an argument over who was going to fight, stepping forward in my moment of glory.

"Moonwalker!" I called out to the bottom of the slope, pointing my sword to the hypnotist with heart shades.

Smirking, I flicked my fingers towards me. The universal sign to 'bring it on'. Of course the two idiots behind me ruined it as they launched their spikes at my back, causing my eye to twitch.

"DO YOU WANT ME TO CHOP YOU GUYS UP INSTEAD!" I yelled, red faced as I waved my sword at them.

I yelped, dodging as someone swung an axe at my head, body moving like a noodle when someone else swung out with a sword. Then, as Usopp fell to the floor and Nami was forced against the rock of the slope, my face darkened.

"Didn't you hear me?" I muttered lowly, screaming into the enemies faces. "I SAID I WAS GOING TO CHOP THEM UP!"

Nami and Usopp sweat-dropped as I slashed left, right and centre with my sword.

"I don't know whether to be thankful, or scared," Nami whispered as I took out the seven guys leading the charge, finding it was easier to pound them in with the swords hilt, or whack them on the head, wielding my sword like a baseball bat, than actually slice them up.

As the hypnotist commanded his forces forward, I barely managed to dodge, hissing when I felt an axe scrape my side. However, it was soon dropped as the mass of pirates were sent flying in the air.

"Chuh," I scoffed, giving Luffy and Zoro side glances as I rested my sword over my shoulder. "So what? I can't jump in on your fights, but you can damn well interrupt mine."

As the fallen pirates were revived by the mystical power of hypnotism, their eyeballs disappearing into their heads, I sweat-dropped.

"You heard her Luffy, we shouldn't impose," Zoro grinned, eyes darkening as the enemy charged forward.

I held my nerve. I gripped the hilt of my sword. A man on their side crushed a wall with their bare hands.

"Ahh, please help me!" I cried, already finding Luffy charging forward from the effects of hypnotism, ripping the bow from their ship as my jaw hit the ground.

The two cat burglars had revealed themselves and shown their true strength, Zoro now thoroughly pissed having watched his two katanas being thrown away. I stepped forward, ready to gallantly fight this duo by the side of my noble senpai…

"Hey, give me your sword," Zoro demanded, grabbing it's hilt.

"No!" I snapped, pulling it back with great difficulty as we fought for it like two children playing tug-of-war.

"Just give me the damn sword, woman!"

I won the prized sword in a true show of strength, dipping my head close to the hilt and licking his hand like a lollipop. I grinned, stepping forward as the cat duo launched their cat attack, earning me several deep scratches for all my efforts.

"You'll pay for that! I'm going to take one of you down," I bellowed, swiping my sword out, and blinking when it didn't make contact.

"Our claws are indeed sharp, aren't they?" the slim cat grinned, tongue hanging out to the side as my eyes bulged, seeing my prized sword had been sliced down to a pitiful size.

I gulped at the realisation before Zoro appeared before me, taking the second round of the cat attack as Usopp, oh so helpfully, launched something from his slingshot to hit Zoro in the back of the head.

"Hey Usopp! Hit my senpai again and I'll knock you out!" I threatened, waving a fist at him in anger as Nami made a break for the katanas.

That was when pure evil descended.

"Have fun cleaning, Mister Butler?" I taunted, distracted by his appearance.

"You," the butler sneered, eyes dark and face calculating as he released the cat duo for their five minute time limit. "Make sure that one is sliced to pieces."

"You flatter me, sir," I blushed, resting a hand on my puffed and pink-tinged cheeks.

The cat duo lunged, aiming for the kill on Zoro. My eye twitched. Blades flew as Zoro was reunited with his two katanas. The cat duo were sent flying as the swordsman struck them with his 'Toragari'.

"Just with one slash, the nyaban brothers!" the shocked cry of their comrade cut off as I butted in.

"Ah, ah, ah," I smirked, walking up to the slim one and pointing to his chest with a sadistic grin. "Look again."

Everyone still conscious blinked at the sight of my pitiful blade lodged in the chest of my opponent.

"Told you I would take one of them down," I boasted, closing a single eye as I poked my tongue out at Mister Butler.

"Geez senpai, are you sure he's going to stay down this time?" I laughed as Zoro dispatched the tubby cat for a second time. "My guy stayed down the first time."

I laughed gleefully, running ahead as Luffy ensured Zoro's escape with Usopp dangling from his shoulder. That was when I felt the swipe of multiple blades at my back, dropping to the ground as my skin was sliced open and my blood coated the ground. Newsflash, the butler did it.

"You bastard! Your opponent is me!" Luffy roared.

"I told you I would…"

"Evil butler says what?" I croaked, chuckling low as he cut off, his jaw meeting a rubber fist of pure fury.

I made a constant 'err' sound, giggling as I listened to my voice go up and down as I jiggled about on Zoro's back, now firmly placed upon his other shoulder across from Usopp, somehow.

"How are you doing, Usopp?" I inquired, my head lolling back and forth.

"I'm fine. More than fine! I could fight an entire army in my peak condition!" Usopp declared, eyes narrowed on the task at hand as blood poured down his face from his head wound.

"Great, 'cus I'm all diced up and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna pass out from blood loss," I cackled, my voice cracking like a teenage boy.

"Geez, one's a complete liar and one's too honest for their own good," Zoro muttered, head tilted to the side.

"There they are!" Usopp called, smacking Zoro in his chest as he grumbled about his wound.

Alright, I'm lost, who were we looking for?

That was when Zoro chucked us both to the ground and I face-planted the floor, but high in the air. With a sigh, I shrugged, thinking this was a great position to nap and recover from my wounds, soft snores being emitted from my throat as I passed out.

"It's so pretty!" I shrieked, eyes glistening at the sight of the Going Merry before my very eyes.

"Are you trying to make me deaf?" Zoro snapped back, shaking his head as he looked at me from the corner of his eye since he was giving me a piggy-back onto the ship.

"Giddy up, senpai," I commanded, lifting a finger forward. "We've got us a boat to explore!"

Being the gentleman that he is, Zoro dropped me on the floor, causing me to rub my now sore behind as we sailed away, back out to sea. I blinked at him.

"What?"

"Notes?" I peeped.

He gave me a dark look.

"You're a terrible swordsman," Zoro frowned, making me establish my corner-of-shame on the Going Merry as I hung my head and stared at the deck with the blue lines of depression running down my face, "but that knife throwing wasn't half bad."

"You think?" I gasped, sucking in my breath as my eyes caught fire at my senpai's praise and I shoved my head into his face.

"You must get it from your father," Luffy grinned, slapping me on the back as I hissed at him.

Did he forget that some people take longer than a nap to recover from wounds? Probably.

"Who's your father?" Usopp inquired, looking a little intrigued at the topic.

I opened my mouth, lifting a finger as Luffy interjected.

"Buggy the Clown."

"Wahhhh?"

Usopp's jaw dropped to his stomach, his eyes bulging from their sockets.

"How many times do I have to say it!" I yelled teeth sharp as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Enough of all this talk, let's celebrate!" Luffy grinned, cracking open the sake as everyone lifted their glasses. "To a new ship and a new crew member!"

"Cheers!"

A/N: Ahh, I'm so glad people are enjoying this! The Eve/Buggy relationship is legit my favourite running joke. I think I've mentioned it in every single chapter since, so please look forward to more of that Moresi and humble guest. To Zyriarch, please don't die! Chopper hadn't been introduced into the story yet and therefore can't be used to resurrect you through A/N's. And finally, to Lily E. Miller, I'm glad someone liked fight notes (it was totally just me being lazy to be honest), but it does return in minor forms because I wasn't too partial to it, perhaps something to reconsider! Also... I've gone a bit crazy with writing this. I think I said I would post 5 chapters? Well I'm currently writing Chapter 11 as we speak (Alabasta Arc) so if I manage to finish the Saga you'll be getting loads more of this insanity than expected - sound good ;D