chap 04 vol 01 Far away

Sitting in balcony , I'm waiting for rae hyung to return home as i see there's a bike came and I rushed down ..why ? I'm not sure! because i can't be this excited for getting rejection

Hyung ! Hyung! are you drunk ?

hey suk chin aa! what are you doing this late out?

(hyung asked while looking at me)

[I was unable to speak ,a single sight of his eyes can froze me like that ]

he's gonna go inside his house and i just grabbed his hand

[Hyung looked at me with his half closed eyes]

I've something to tell you Hyung

I really want to tell you this time ..I I really

[My voice cracked and my heart was beating like crazy but the only thought i had in my mind was that I've to get over with all this feelings . I've to]

what is it??[ Hyung asked]

Do you like boys?? [Hyung must have thought that I'm weird for asking this type of question]

[sigh ]yeah i like boys and girls. so what ?You are finding your hyung weird because he can swing in both ways..

No!! No!! i wasn't trying to say this

Then what you are trying to say?

Hyung I.... I ...

don't tell me one of your friend likes me ?

[i was shocked once hyung said that is it okay if one of my friend like hyung then me liking hyung must be okay too]

Hey what are you thinking ?

i looked up and hyung holded my face with his both hands and said...

i like girls and I've always been with girls but it doesn't mean i hate boys i just have never experienced something like that ,okay .so I'm not disgusted if one of your friend like me or something so suk chin aa don't get upset with your Hyung okay..

[at that time i couldn't think of anything .My mind went blank ]

what about me then , hyung??

[i said without realizing]

what about you?

if the person that like you is not my friend

then what hyung

[as i said this sentence my eyes was all filled with tear and i was shacking really bad ]

stop it suk chin it's not funny

[after hearing the funny word i don't know why but i felt really really angry]

why anyone can like you but not me? you are okay with anyone but you are disgusted with me? why do you think other can like you more than me? I don't deserve you ? so you can even sleep around but if it's me, you find all of it funny ?? is it that bad for someone to be loved by me

[ i shouted , its really suck when you love someone because one word from them and you are happy and another word can make you feel like dying .why am i suffering what I've ever done to feel this broken what?? i was asking this question again and again ]

why are you saying this don't say stuff like that you are like my little brother you are so precious to me ...is there something wrong do you have any problems in school just tell your hyung

[Hyung hugged me... ]

i told you hyung i like you then why are you asking about school is it that bad that you can't even believe my words now. you don't believe that i can love you.

Hyung pushed me

[ and he was looking in my eyes as he can see the truth from my eyes if I'm lying or not]

( see you beautiful in next chapter please support me so i can cheer myself for writing next chapters please)