Hopeless

But, all that hope was shattered, nothing left. My willpower must be blocked by this damn illness of mine.

Is it still possible for me to start from scratch? I only have a month's time, as the doctor said earlier. I really don't believe in his analysis, but my body is also an ordinary human body, apart from the magical abilities I've learned from childhood. Magic can only be learned. Even though I am a descendant of Tatsuya, but if I don't learn magic, of course I will become an ordinary human, not a magician like my predecessors.

Then I thought again, can I save my village like my father asked me that time? Kami-sama, is it still possible for me to last more than a month? Maybe, I should start the countdown from now on.

This situation is so complicated.

First, Eva Nee-sa was the only one who could save me, now actually falling in love with her own prey.

Actually, it's not death that I'm afraid of. Really!

I'm just afraid that until then, I won't be able to free my village from the curse.

Then, not to mention I have to answer to Len. Now Kentaro appears again. I must be able to guarantee the lives of the two dogs, because I am their master. Even though I was never treated as an employer by the two of them. Especially Kentaro, who only appeared a few days ago. He is very wild and comes home only when it is time to eat.

I still want to be their master. I don't want to die just yet. The two of them would be stranded if I wasn't around. Thinking of that makes me sad.

Alright, now I have to make a list of good deeds like studying magic until my breath stops. Then, work hard to make money so Len and Kentaro don't starve if I die. Then, give happiness to all residents in my village. I hope they will always be happy. Whether or not I'm on their side.

However, still have time for me to do it all?

"Shino?" A voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Len?"

I started to occupy myself with doodling on the talisman paper.

"You haven't slept, eum? Please don't make things worse for you, Shino! Where have you been all day, um?"

Len stared at me intently.

Oh come on, Len! Don't pity me like this! It hurt my pride.

I just give a little smile as reaction.

"Get some rest, Shino! You don't have to work so hard anymore! I can feed myself, so don't be burdened by that, okay?"

"I'm fine right now, Len. I could die at any moment. So I'm fine right now."

For some reason, the words just slipped out of my mouth. I can't deny that there is a sense of hopelessness.

"Stop talking about death, you idiot!"

Len banged on the table and threw away all the papers on it. Now, the talisman papers fell scattered.

I stood up and now faced Len.

"Why really, huh? You don't like me cheating with those fake amulets? You want me to give up the responsibility to support my pet? Then, what contribution can I make to you and Kentaro, if I just lie on the bed, Len?! "

I was starting to get annoyed with him. Actually no, this is more accurately called my attempt to appear strong in front of Len.

Len then hugged me, the warm embrace of a brother to his sister. Or rather I call it like an uncle's hug to his nephew, huh?

"Please, don't talk like that again, Shino! I promise to do whatever it takes to save you. Trust me, Shino! If Eva-sama can't, then Kentaro and I will work on it." Len spoke softly.

I remained motionless, did not return the hug. For some reason, my tears just fell.

Stupid! Why am I crying so much lately, huh? Is this the syndrome before death? Ah, I don't know.

(Shino POV_end)

***

Right now, this was the only place that Shino felt could ease Shino's emotions a little. He didn't want to go home just yet.