Weird Life

It has been ten years since that incident. Tyson and Harry were rescued (not by police or fire soldiers) by a giant that nearly scared Tyson wondering if such a thing was a thing nowadays. After that, they were left in front of this house, number four of Privet Drive, of Dursleys.

That night he saw many strange things and heard many weird words. An old man with glistening long silver hair and beard put out the road lamps with a cigarette lighter and reverse it again with that same cigarette lighter. An old woman transmuting into a cat talking about some wired being You-know-who, He guessed that it was that baldy which silver old dude called Voldemort and the giant that rescued him and his brother was Frackring flying a Frackring motorbike.

He was not surprised though. Well, he got reincarnated so what's more surprising than that? maybe?

Well anyways, Dursleys had a perfect and sweet little family of three (according to them of course). Their aunt Petunia Evans Dursley, sister of their mother (apparently), Uncle Mr Hipp- Vernon Dursley and their sweet little Humpty Dumpty, Dudley Dursley (a pig through and through if you ask Tyson, one step from evolving into a hippo, his father).

This most perfect, happiest blah blah family was ruined after they both joined the show (or as Tyson says mental hospital).

Their pumpkin always would always bully harry since he was easier to pick on and as for Tyson, well-- whenever he would see him, the boy would maintain a proper distance of twenty arms like a true gentleman and pray that Tyson doesn't see him. This cousin of his would slap him saying that there was a fly on his face. If he complained at home he would ask for evidence and if any of his friends-- well he would beat them too and the next day no one would want to be his friend.

So, here's the thing that Tyson noticed. Parents and guardians in this modern day and age unlike his old man and tyrant of a mother (in the previous life) would not beat the golden cake out of their children. Knowing that his aunt and uncle can not beat the legendary golden cake out of him he rejoiced and would often comment sarcastically and made fun of the fat pig in front of everyone.

Ahem- but not today. Why? Today was the day that Dursley's perfect (people sure are delusional, like he used to be), sweet (watch for fruit flies), cute (yeah sure, delirious guys) pumpkin was born.

Tyson wondered how could a person be born ten times. He has already watched this day ten times already but that fat pig, instead of being reborn was just moving on (from his snacks) to other better stuff (other snacks). Hah- man-o-man life was still somewhat the same as those days in his last life but weird. Weird for sure, being wired up in this Fracked causality of reality (argh).

"Tyson Wake UP!" Aunt Petunia banged his cupboard startling his sweet dream of chasing after a girl with the surname of Lovegood, and guess what he sure was good, she better love him (eh- eh haha).

"Wake Up Tyson! It's Tyke's special day." She yelled (more like a car screeching to Tyson).

"Um! morning already? Gosh, I just slept like what-- a few hours ago." Tyson said, "Let me sleep more not like that pi- I mean cute Humpty Dumpty will get lost or anything."

He didn't really care much and slept again in his cosy little cupboard. He liked it here more than anything (memories of the past). When he was given the choice of sharing a room with harry he was horrified. He, a mentally mature person, in one room with a toddler? Unacceptable.

But he can't let his brother live in a cupboard so he stayed here reminiscing about those times when they had to dig holes in the ground and sleep there in winter surprisingly these holes were cosier than a room with no blanket, mattress, and fireplace.

"Tyson Get Up I said. Your fault that you sleep, at four in the morning." Sure enough, he can't have his second coming of dream (Lovegood) sigh.

"Yeah, yeah" He got up and come out of his sweet little place lazily, "Morning Aunt PeTuNiA"

Aunt Petunia suddenly yelled "Argh- Stop rubbing your eyes! How many times do I have to tell you? Go wash your face and come to the kitchen. Harry is almost done with the bacon and eggs. and good morning." jerking his hands off of his eyes and pushing him towards the basin and goes back entering the Kitchen Gate.

"Sigh- dear Lovegood, what a sweet little girl! hehe-" he quickly washed his face remembering his sweet dream and rinsed his mouth, checking his sparkling white pearls with a smug look, "I am good, dear Lovegood. Haha-"

He roared in laughter in stormed off towards the kitchen.

"Hey, Harry busy again? Good need to raise a good fat pig for you know--" He dashed entered the kitchen like he always does.

"Morning Uncle Vernon. Yo fat pi- I mean the cutest ball of jewel (a piece of rusted golden cake)." He said his morning greetings one after another non-stop (a daily habit of his).

"Good morning Brother. I just made some scrambled eggs for you with some roasted bread and well-cooked bacon and tomatoes." Harry nodded replying to his greetings.

"Morning Tyson. Sit here." Uncle Vernon said still looking at his daily mail. As for little Tyke-- well- he just shrank into the corner behind his father and started his praying (Oh- holy lord bless this soul- what not).

"Dudley greet you cousin." Aunt Petunia suddenly said to Dudley who was trying his best to hide in the corner. He didn't like it when someone greeted you and was not received well. Especially her Little Tyke, he was most perfect and should stay that way.

"Morning cousin."

"Um~ oh happy birthday by the way! I have a present for you, I'll give it to you later." Tyson said grinning maliciously scaring him.

"Mom, he's bullying me again!" he shrieked like a car horn.

"Tyson!"

"I didn't do anything!"

Uncle Vernon had enough of it, "Stop! All of you stop!"

"Sure." Tyson sits down next to him looking at his daily mail, "A fat pig was murdered by his own cousin." (real: water tank blasted severely injuring three people.)

As he said that he looked at Dudley was got scared again. "Tyson I am warning you boy. One more, give me this one more time and you are not getting any food." Aunt Petunia also had enough. Well, so what if they can't beat the golden cake out of him? There are many ways to control him like blackmailing him with food.

"Tch,"

"Did you just click your tongue on me?"

"I just flicked my finger at the wall Aunt Petunia."

"Oh! really? Do it again I want to see if it makes the same sound." She said.

"Ouch! Looks like my finger just broke, I think I need to see a doctor." Tyson suddenly held his left hand's forefinger and cried in pain winking at Harry.

Harry who was watching knew he had it coming. He shook his head trying hard not to laugh, "Aunt Petunia I think that brother is injured, I'll take him to my room, you go celebrate Dudley's birthday without us." clenching his teeth he supported Tyson walking out of the house. (Yes! finally, get to watch tv and play video games. It would have been nice if we got to travel but oh well, since brother like video games.)

Dudley hurriedly stood in front of the gate stopping them, "Stop! let's open the gifts." he said as if he ate flies. He knew that this was Tyson's plan to stay at home and create some pranks in his room.

Last time he released hundreds of roaches under his blanket and before that he poured oil in his room along with many bird feathers of different colours and then would beat him saying that it was his birthday bomb (secret) and if he shared this with anyone then hehe--

"Really? sure." Suddenly Tyson's pain vanished and zoomed towards the gifts, and unwrapped a box almost instantly, "Oh! what's this a camera! Harry, do you like it? Here this is for you."

Like a distributor in the fields, he started his job and opened almost all the gifts.

"That's mine." Dudley saw Tyson converting his new computer and computer games, "Give it back!" and speared him.

Of course, he dodged and sneakily punched his belly as he hit the wall behind him with a thud*!

"It was not my fault! You saw that right?" He said when suddenly his face changed, "Harry run! Oh! get the beckon and eggs."

"Tyson come back here you little devil! Argh" Aunt Petunia.

"Ah- my poor Ickle Duddleykins. My poor baby mom will help you teach him a lesson." Aunt Petunia.

"Tyson you are not getting any food for a week!" Uncle Vernon.

"Yeah, sure I know how to cook." Tyson, "This is good by the way! Run hipp- Uncle is here!"

And the happy day fall into chaos when suddenly their telephone ringed which settled down everything for a moment.

"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take them. " She jerked her head in Harry and Tyson's direction.

"Yeah like I would want to go to that cabbage house." Tyson and Harry heard and were genuinely surprised and happy.

"What should we do now?" She asked ignoring him like she usually does.