2

When Jeongguk was eleven years old, he heard the word 'queer' for the worst time.

Being sprayed around like a dirt, being thrown into little boys' eyes who got confused and blinded by the sudden abruptness of a word they'd never heard of. Suddenly, it became the biggest insult there could be.

See, Jeongguk didn't know what it meant. No, not until he was thirteen. But he knew it was something bad. He knew it was something one should be ashamed of, something one should laugh at, and something one should get beat up for being.

Jeongguk got called a faggot once. Just once, when he was thirteen.

He remembers it clear as day. He remembers sitting under a big tree and reading a book. It was called 'Darlings and Girls'. He remembers the word 'acceptance' and 'pride' in the book, and he remembers reading about the woman in the book kissing the man in the book and getting butterflies. He remembers the ending being unclear to him, because the man and woman didn't end up together, instead the woman lived with her woman best friend. He doesn't remember why that happened, but he remembers never asking.

Jeongguk remembers the book being snatched out of his hand, rough fingers imprinting the thin paper and chucking it to the side. He remembers looking up and seeing 3 boys who were all older, all on the track team, where they ran every morning for half an hour in tight shirts and shorts around the field.

Jeongguk doesn't remember exactly what happened. They punched him in the face is what he does remember. Punched him in the face and called him a faggot.

Jeongguk went home later in tears, hugging his mother tightly while she consoled him. When he told her why he got punched, the reaction was a little different.

She got mad at Jeongguk for provoking them. Grabbed him by the arm, took him to the church, and made him pray for two hours. She said if he didn't, he wouldn't get dinner. So Jeongguk did. Didn't know what he was praying for exactly, but he did.

Jeongguk likes to think of destiny as the enemy.

Something so idealized might be something Jeongguk fears of the most.

His entire life is in the palm of someone else, a higher being, he supposes. The higher being can meaninglessly card its gentle nimble fingers through his life and cause it to be burnt to ruins. That's what destiny is.

Every single thing that happens, happens for a reason.

That is terrifying.

Every action, every word spoke, every thought, every motive for an expression- all of it, it means something. Something which ties together for the grander scheme of things. Something which will come together in the long term, and goddamnit- Jeongguk doesn't want to wait for the long term. He wants those actions to piece together and have it's impact now.

Though sometimes, just sometimes, things happen which don't have any meaning. Which are just for the fulfillment of the current moment.

See, over the course of a week since he'd met Kim Taehyung, all his mind could think of was Kim Taehyung. Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung Taehyung. With his broad shoulders and soft smile, sharp yet warm eyes. It's fragments and pieces of the night they met Jeongguk remembers, and frankly, all of it feels like a dream.

Probably because Jeongguk has been dreaming about him since that night.

That probably didn't mean anything, right?

The dreams were different each time. He wonders if his subconscious has anything to do with that. Jeongguk likes that word. Subconscious. It gives him a feeling that he is not one person, but two. Two individual people conjoined to one, one trapped inside.

The first dream was the night after the meeting. It was Taehyung playing the piano while Jeongguk watched.

The second dream was the night after. It was a dream of a ticking clock. And when the clock struck twelve, Taehyung whispered to him to wake up.

The third, fourth, fifth, sixth dream had all been similar; thus, a pattern was set to place, and Jeongguk was more than excited to fall asleep and dream of the man. Handsome. Handsome was the only world Jeongguk could think of, but not say out loud.

The seventh dream was different.

It was darker. It was with mulling skies and screaming walls. It was with candles melting into nil and trees turning into dust, with no seed to be left, no life to make further, nothing. The tree was burnt down in a flash. No saplings ever to be made.

Jeongguk saw Taehyung. The tree was dead, but the ashes it wilted into seemed to be glowing. And Taehyung walked up to Jeongguk and kissed him.

Jeongguk woke up in an instant. He couldn't breathe. He looked to the side, Rosie was sitting by the window.

"Oh would you look at that," Rosie said softly, and Jeongguk saw the morning light illuminating her, stature made evident through her white gown. "The communists sent another satellite to space."

Jeongguk chuckled. "Let the Americans deal with it." He said, but he sounded choked up, extremely confused by the events configured in his dream by his subconscious. Jungkook didn't like that word anymore.

"Good morning. I've made some tea for you." Rosie said and then got up from the sofa seat accentuated onto the slab stretching from the inter of the window. Jeongguk saw her walk over to him, saw the frail cotton of the sleeping gown. Saw her breasts round and pressed against the tight cloth of the gown. She opened her mouth to speak, yet;

"I need to go to church." Jeongguk let out, and Rosie paused.

"Y-you- why? You haven't been to the church since our wedding," Rosie said in confusion, blinking her hazel eyes.

"I need to pay my dues. I-it- it feels right." Jeongguk said quickly, and then got up from the bed and moved past Rosie. "Today's Sunday, right? They'd let me in- of course they would. Where's the nearest church anyway?" He spoke quite quickly, seeing the tea on the table in front of the bed. He picked it up, took a sip, and felt it cold against his tongue.

"The tea's cold," Jeongguk said, turning around to look at Rosie, who looked utterly puzzled. She looked down in embarrassment.

"I-I'm so sorry. T-the water didn't turn warm enough, a-and I- I-" Rosie started, sounding fearful, almost.

"Relax, Rosie. I'm not mad. I'll have tea when I'm back," Jeongguk said, and then set the cup down. "Don't wait for me to eat breakfast, you look hungry."

Jeongguk washed his face with the water from the sink, and then took a coat and put it on.

"But-" Rosie started in a startle, following behind Jeongguk through the tiny hallway of their house to the open stretch of the living room and kitchen. "-mum says the first meal of the day should always be had with your husband, or else-"

"You mum says a lot of things," Jeongguk said, and Rosie paused for a second, and Jeongguk sighed. "Sorry. I-I'll be back soon, I promise." Jeongguk said, and Rosie nodded quickly.

Jeongguk walked out the door, the cold November air sending chills down his spine in forms of icicles without fettle. Jeongguk's hands toyed with themselves, a nervous instinct. The reason for being nervous was more than clear, yet Jeongguk didn't want to delve on it.

Dreams are figments of imagination, illusions your mind creates when you're asleep, you have no control over them. So he dreamt of Taehyung, a man, placing his lips on him, another man. The absurdity of it, the absolute idiocy of the mere thought.

It was unthought of. Two men together like that? The preposterousness almost made Jeongguk laugh.

Jeongguk walked till the church which was down the road, seeing passersby walk by with their own motive, action, desire. The bleak walk was uneventful, thus finally spotting the church was a joyous thing on its own. Jeongguk saw people entering, dressed in fancy Sunday clothes, whilst he still wore home trousers.

Jeongguk eased himself. He was told he'd find comfort in places where things are pure. Near people who are pure. Who are good. Jeongguk wanted to feel that comfort, he's unsure if he's ever felt it.

Steps became faster, as did his pace towards the colossal building. Jeongguk almost stepped foot inside- until he heard a voice. "Jeon Jeongguk?"

Jeongguk turned around. His breath hitched. Kim Taehyung.

The blonde haired man stood in front of him, dressed in simple home clothes. Jeongguk wouldn't think of him as a rich lawyer if he saw him- yet, he still looked handsome. Jeongguk wondered in the entirety of time he'd been away from the other man, that the beauty of Taehyung had been a mere misconception. It'd had to have been.

No one had made that kind of an impression on Jeongguk; ever.

Yet, standing here, having said two words, with a laid-back grin on his face, hair neatly brushed, clothes comfortable, he still looked so goddamn charming.

"Kim Taehyung." Jeongguk let out, and the man looked at him with peculiarity.

"Didn't take you as a church-goer." Taehyung chuckled, and Jeongguk looked into the hall he was supposed to enter, but then felt his mouth go dry.

Wasn't the reason for his journey to avoid these delving thoughts he'd had of the older man?

Yet here the older man was, right in front of Jeongguk.

Jeongguk faced Taehyung. "I'm not," He said. "Just came for a little... walk, I guess."

"Understandable." Taehyung nodded but looked unconvinced. "I came for a little walk too. Would you like to walk with me?"

"Yes, of-of course- absolutely." Jeongguk stammered, and Taehyung chuckled, and then began walking, expecting Jeongguk to walk along.

Jeongguk cursed under his breath. Yes, of course, absolutely? Three ways of saying something that could've been delivered through a simple nod? Jeongguk was embarrassing himself. He was always so sure of himself, yet now, in front of Taehyung, he found himself second-guessing every sentence.

"How's work?" Taehyung asked, hands slipping into his pockets, a gesture that somehow emasculated him; and Jeongguk liked it, liked the emasculation. Something about the allurance it radiated.

"Same old," Jeongguk said, and Taehyung scoffed.

"You sound like you're 40," Taehyung said, and Jeongguk looked at him.

"What? Aren't youngsters allowed to dislike their jobs?" Jeongguk asked, a little grin on his face as he saw Taehyung smile too.

"Not when you've only been working for 2 days."

"Now you sound like you're 40. How old are you, anyway?" Jeongguk asked, and then his eyes widened at the next thought. "Did you fight in the war?"

"No, I was too young," Taehyung said. "It was sickening. All the older boys, all intent to plunge into their deaths. For what? Nationalism, the idiocy of it." Taehyung snickered, and Jeongguk looked at him oddly.

"You don't think the war was good?" Jeongguk asked in confusion, and Taehyung finally looked at him, brown eyes lighter in the daylight. "We did win, after all. We defeated the Nazis,"

"Oh Jeongguk, I expected better from you," Taehyung chuckled lightly, and Jeongguk felt... offended?

A little embarrassed, maybe. Taehyung knew so much, and Jeongguk knew so little. He felt inferior to him in ways indescribable. Taehyung must think he was a nobody! With stupid opinions on important topics. Jeongguk was a nobody in front of Taehyung.

"Tell me more," Jeongguk pleaded almost, turning to look at him. "Please."

"Eager," Taehyung concluded, a glint in his eye which reached the smile which emerged on his face. "I like it. Let's keep walking."

"Where're you going anyway?" Jeongguk asked, stood still while watching Taehyung continue to walk down the path.

"Don't ask, just walk," Taehyung said, and Jeongguk was almost a little nervous with how commanding his tone was, but he also kind of liked it.

Jeongguk caught up with him, put his hands in his pockets too, perhaps imitating him. "What do you do for fun, Jeongguk?"

Jeongguk pondered for a second. Hesitation was never a good sign. It was almost kind of scary. What does he do for fun?

"I... read," Jeongguk said, and then smiled. "I read a lot. I love reading."

"Everyone reads." Taehyung cut, and Jeongguk frowned a little. "What's something special that you do?"

"Something... special? I don't know... why's there got to be something special?" Jeongguk asked, and Taehyung hummed.

"There's no fun in normality, is there Jeongguk?" Taehyung asked, looking at him.

Jeongguk paused for a second and then tilted his head. "What do you do for fun?"

"I read," Taehyung said, and Jeongguk rose his eyebrow.

"But-"

"I also listen to a lot of music. My wall in my bedroom is stacked with records. Veronica gets mad at me sometimes because of the abundance, but I love it." Taehyung said.

"Veronica seems smart."

"Oh, she is. Very intelligent. She doesn't need anyone's help in anything; she's practically a man on her own." Taehyung snickered, and Jeongguk looked ahead.

Suddenly, he saw Taehyung stop in front of a store. A record store, selling discs. Jeongguk looked at him for a few seconds, but then widened his eyes when he saw the man reaching for the door.

"What're you doing?" Jeongguk gasped, and Taehyung looked at him casually.

"Don't fret," Taehyung said, and then kicked the jammed door once and it opened.

"You- you can't just walk in there! That's trespassing! It's closed today- look, the sign outside the door says it's closed!" Jeongguk said quickly, growing increasingly nervous that they might get caught.

"I'm aware," Taehyung said, and then entered the store.

Jeongguk gulped, standing outside, looking from right to left to ensure no one saw them. Taehyung looked at the walls decorated with numerous records and grinned, turning to look at Jeongguk. "It's cold outside."

"You shouldn't be there. If the store owner sees you, he'll be very upset," Jeongguk said, cautious.

Taehyung chuckled. "You telling me you've never broken into a store before? Never shoplifted?" Taehyung asked, and Jeongguk frowned.

"There's a reason I'm studying law, you know! Plus, you're like, 30-"

"26."

"Still! There's a respectable age for one to be loitering out, and 26 isn't it." Jeongguk said, and Taehyung walked towards him, grabbed his arm, and pulled him into the music store.

Jeongguk heard the front door swing shut, until it was the two of them in the record shop, alone, in the dark.

"You worry too much," Taehyung whispered, and Jeongguk couldn't make out his expression, just his voice. "Relax. No one's going to catch us. I've been doing this for ages," Taehyung said, and Jeongguk looked at him.

"Why?"

"Because it's fun," Taehyung said, and then smiled. "A little escape. I don't get time during the weekdays, it's too packed on Saturdays, and it's closed on Sundays. Plus, their turntable is in fantastic quality. They have a radio too, look." Taehyung said, pointing to the side.

"But- but it's wrong," Jeongguk said, his eyes big in worry.

"It's fun to indulge in wrongdoings sometimes, Jeongguk," Taehyung said to him, and Jeongguk looked at Taehyung with confusion. "Why must we always do what's right, why must we always conform to society? Why can't we just... take a step away from it all," Taehyung said, taking a step towards Jeongguk. "And let the sins consume us?"

There was a silence, with Taehyung close to Jeongguk. Jeongguk stood there, fingers feeling fidgety as they rolled into his palm. He took a step back, feeling a discomfort. The discomfort coming from how he found their closeness a little too comfortable.

"The 'sins' being you breaking into a music shop?" Jeongguk asked, and Taehyung grinned.

"Precisely."

"But-"

"Ah- no more but's." Taehyung snapped, putting his hand up and turning around. Jeongguk watched as he grabbed a disc and then carried it to a fancy turntable in the corner, and placed it delicately, fixing it up. "I've had enough of your hesitation. Are you telling me in 23 years of living, you've never done anything wrong?"

Jeongguk paused for a few seconds and then humphed. "No, mister, I haven't. I'm a good person."

"Oh, we're all good people. Being good is so boring sometimes." Taehyung said, and Jeongguk heard the music playing softly, and looked at Taehyung.

Come Fly With Me by Frank Sinatra filled the room, crushing the silence with its soft strum.

"I don't have time to sin." Jeongguk scoffed, and Taehyung looked up at him from where he was crouching in front of the turntable. "I have work, and then school, and then back home with Rosie. I don't have time for self-indulgence,"

"Back home with Rosie? Why's that on the list of things which take up your time?"

"Because," Jeongguk started, and felt a salty residue on his tongue, his own confusion stirring him to a silence. Jeongguk thought for a second and then nodded firmly. "Because I have to take care of her."

"That's work for you?"

"You know how it is," Jeongguk said carelessly, leaning against the register. "You take care of Veronica too, don't you?"

"Sometimes I feel like she takes more care of me," Taehyung mumbled to himself, standing up.

"It can get tiring at times. Rosie's too scared of doing anything. She asks my permission for everything. I don't like getting mad at her, she's so sweet. It's... endearingly annoying." Jeongguk said, looking down.

"Do you like that?" Taehyung asked, and Jeongguk looked at him with confusion.

"Of-of course I do. She's my wife," Jeongguk chuckled, and Taehyung walked closer to him, the song reaching its bridge.

"Do you wish sometimes she'd take care of you too?" Taehyung asked.

"Rosie takes care of me- she does! She makes me tea, and she cleans everything, and she cooks really well. I ask to cook sometimes, but she doesn't let me." Jeongguk said, and then forced a small smile to his face.

Taehyung had a look on his face, the one where it seemed like he knew everything. But he didn't, how could he? He just met Jeongguk- and damn, was Jeongguk really that easily readable? Taehyung was hard to understand, difficult to read, yet Jeongguk felt like an open book to Taehyung's knowing eyes.

He kept silent.

After a bit, they left the store, and while walking back towards their houses, Jeongguk talked of Rosie.

"Rosie's parents and mine were close friends since ever. In a way, the marriage was arranged. Rosie likes to think we're soulmates who met by destiny- and our parents just happen to play a part in our fate."

"And I'm guessing you agree," Taehyung said, and Jeongguk didn't like how-how bored he sounded.

"Am I troubling you?" Jeongguk asked, stopping in his walk to look at Taehyung.

"No," Taehyung said, looking at Jeongguk. "Of course not. I enjoy your company."

"You don't look like you do." Jeongguk hummed, looking down shyly. "I-I'm sorry. I guess I can come off annoying sometimes. Rosie thinks I'm too serious- too mean. I don't mean to, I swear."

Taehyung laughed. Jeongguk looked up at him. It was beautiful, the sound of his deep chords stringing a laugh. It was music, but better. "You don't come off as serious or mean at all, Jeongguk. In fact, quite the opposite."

Jeongguk tilted his head in confusion, and Taehyung chuckled.

"Really? All my life I've been told I'm too serious."

"The seriousness you think of is just a shell you've surrounded yourself with. I'd like to see you a little more... open." Taehyung said softly, and Jeongguk felt his cheeks redden.

"Y-you're suggesting this isn't how I always am. It is." Jeongguk said, and then looked away. "And if it isn't, then I guess I don't know myself at all."

"Does anyone?" Taehyung asked, and Jeongguk looked at him. Pause.

"What's the last book you read, Jeongguk?" Taehyung asked, and Jeongguk thought for a second, and then turned around instantly, facing the other way.

"Why am I faced with your back?" Taehyung asked, and Jeongguk blushed a little. "I mean, it's rather plush, but-"

Jeongguk blushed harder and turned around. "How classy of you to comment on my backside!" Jeongguk said, but couldn't help smile.

"What? It's simply an observation," Taehyung smirked, and Jeongguk bit his lip, hands tightening in his pockets, felt himself swinging side to side.

"Well- I turned around because if I told you what the last book I read was then... you'd be mean about it," Jeongguk said quietly, and Taehyung peeked at him closely, stepping towards him.

"I won't."

Jeongguk looked up at him, not discomforted by the comfort of their proximity any longer, in fact, relishing it. "Promise?" Jeongguk asked softly.

Taehyung smiled, and Jeongguk couldn't help but notice how fond his smile was. "Promise."

"Nymph Of Tomorrow," Jeongguk whispered, and Taehyung looked at him for a few silent seconds- and then burst out laughing.

Jeongguk blushed. "You promised!"

"I-I'm sorry, Jeon Jeongguk, I did promise," Taehyung said in between laughs, and then tried quietening down, but couldn't. "B-but- Nymph Of Tomorrow? The book about the princess who falls in love with a prince from the rival town?"

Jeongguk tapped his foot gently against Taehyung's, finding humor in how ecstatic this made Taehyung. "How do you know about it, huh?"

"Veronica told me how stupid it was because she has to teach it to her women's class! Oh, Jeongguk. I did expect something bad, but not this. This is- this is bad, is what it is." Taehyung said with a smile, nodding his head, looking more than happy with the outcome.

"Well, what was the stupid question for anyway? Why've you gotta know what I read?" Jeongguk asked in mock offense, and Taehyung began walking again, Jeongguk finding it in himself to catch up.

"I wanted to know what kind of a person you were! You can tell a /lot about a person from what kind of book they read, you know. All I read when I was a child were Captain America comics. Not- not romance novels made for teenage girls."

Jeongguk looked at Taehyung for a few seconds and then humphed, looking away. "I think you're plain rude," Jeongguk stated, and Taehyung pinched his side.

"Now don't be mad with me, Jeongguk. I just don't see how Rosie's reached this conclusion of you being mean and serious!"

"Maybe you don't know me well enough," Jeongguk said sharply.

"Or maybe Rosie doesn't," Taehyung said, and Jeongguk stopped to give him a confused look, but Taehyung kept walking.

"Well- my house is right there. I must get going, we've been gone really long." Jeongguk said, and Taehyung stopped to look at him.

"It was nice spending time with you, princess Dandeline," Taehyung said, bowing slightly.

Jeongguk gasped. "You know the name of the princess from the book!"

"I might've read the blurb! But that's all- you get going or you'll miss your ballroom dance classes." Taehyung said in a high voice, and Jeongguk walked towards his house.

"For your information, I dance very well," Jeongguk said and saw Taehyung twirl on the road, which made him giggle.

"I'll see you later then, Jeongguk?" Taehyung said, seriously now.

"You will most definitely," Jeongguk replied, and then saw Taehyung looking as he walked up the steps of his house to the door. Before he could- the door opened.

"Honey- where've you been? You said you went to the church, but-" Rosie started in fright, but then looked behind Jeongguk and saw Taehyung standing on the other side of the pavement.

"Taehyung! O-oh- I didn't realize. Would you like to come in?" Rosie asked, and Jeongguk wishes she didn't ask that.

For some reason, he didn't want to be with Taehyung with Rosie around. Something about their friendship required intimacy; Jeongguk didn't know what.

"I'm fine, thanks," Taehyung said with a slight smile. "Why don't you two pop over for dinner next Friday? Veronica's throwing a little dinner party. It's mainly colleagues, but Jeongguk- maybe you could get to meet a few lawyers."

"Bet they'd be a riot," Jeongguk commented dryly, and Taehyung laughed.

"We'd love to be there! Thank you!" Rosie said gleefully, and Taehyung waved his hand, and Jeongguk watched him walk off, smiling to himself and closing the door.

"I didn't know you went out to meet him,"

"I didn't. I met him by the church." Jeongguk said.

"What did you two do?" Rosie asked, seeing Jeongguk take off his coat and shoes. Rosie rushed over to grab it for him, but Jeongguk placed it neatly to the side himself.

"Took a walk."

"He's lovely, isn't he?" Rosie asked, and Jeongguk looked at her. "Veronica told me all the young girls fancied him in school."

"Veronica and Taehyung met in school?" Jeongguk asked, walking towards his study.

"Yeah. Known each other since they were kids." Rosie said.

"Oh. Must be nice."

"They eloped, actually," Rosie said, and Jeongguk turned to look at her.

"What, really?"

"That's why Veronica went away to London. She went with him. Her parents were devastated." Rosie explained, and Jeongguk frowned. "Why'd they elope?"

"Well, Veronica wanted to run away since the start. I told her not to, but what did I know anyway? I was so much younger than her. Her parents didn't want her to get a job or go to study after school. But she didn't take no for an answer, so she ran away. And Taehyung ran away with her,"

"Why?"

"Because he really loved her. That's what Veronica told me, at least. She told me he said he'd do anything for her. Proper Romeo," Rosie giggled.

"Really?" Jeongguk asked, a little surprised by this.

"Of course! Can't you tell the way he was looking at her that night? He loves her so. I mean, he's letting her work and make all the big decisions. That's all out of love." Rosie said.

"All men should let their wives work, Rosie. No matter if they love her or not," Jeongguk said simply, and Rosie stood by the door.

"Yeah, but it's not right, is it? I mean, we're women after all. Meant to take care of the house and the children," Rosie said, and Jeongguk sat down on his chair in his study.

"Maybe you ought to learn a thing or two from Veronica," Jeongguk said. "You should get a job, Rosie. It'll keep you busy."

"I don't want a job, dear. You're so sweet, my modern man." She giggled, kissing him on the cheek. "I'll go make you some food, you must be tired from the walk."

Jeongguk hummed and watched her walk out. Once she did, he let himself delve into his own thoughts. Taehyung loved Veronica that much? It didn't seem so, or maybe that was just him.

It made his stomach twist a little unknowingly. The thought of Taehyung so deep in love with Veronica. It made him despise Taehyung a little, as charming and handsome and eloquent as he was.

But of course; of course, he loved his wife. Why wouldn't he? Jeongguk loves his wife just as much. He's meant to. Jeongguk let these stupid thoughts rid away as he burrowed himself in his work.

**