'Maybe not the balcony'

The wind picked up and the rustling leaves outside woke me. I hardly ever move when I'm asleep, so when I came to and found that I was lying on my back, I knew that I might've been moved at some point. 

I rubbed my eyes and looked around. These past few days, I've slept and woke up with no one by my side, so imagine my amusement when I looked to the vacant side of our bed and found it... not vacant.

Count Leon Salvatore Astor-Leighwell, War Hero, mercenary guild master, and my husband-to-be in a week, laid on his back beside me. The silhouette of his side profile would embarrass any well-sculpted statues any day, and I thanked the Heavens that the war didn't leave any permanent scars on his face—although... even a small scar would make him look even better.

"Your long lashes are illegal," I whispered, an elbow supporting my weight as I stared at him at a safe distance—about a feet away to be exact. "And so does that shiny and long black hair of yours. I doubt you do anything extra other than wash it like anybody else. I doubt you even heard of hair balms to condition the hair and make it softer." With a face like this, he should be regarded as a national treasure. His face should be protected at all costs!

I giggled. My free hand itched to weave my fingers through his hair, but I knew better not to awaken a sleeping man.

A sigh left me. Staring would only make me want to touch him even more, plus I need to pee. So, with one last glance, I pushed the blanket away and got off the bed silently, the feel of the cold wooden floor made me shiver so I stopped by my vanity chair to pick up my robe.

I walked to the next space in the room where the bathroom was. When I was done, I went back to bed and looked at my would-be husband again. I laid down facing the canopy ceiling with my hands on my stomach.

I tried to sleep. The Heavens know I tried so hard to sleep, but how can I? 

Turning my head to the side, I stared at Leon. He hasn't moved an inch. Is he really asleep? 

"Leon?" I whispered to myself, but I waited for a reply. When I didn't hear a peep, I glanced back at him and sat down. I looked at the mantle and made out what seemed to be a little past two in the morning. There should be at least a soul awake by now, right? Some guard patrolling the area, or maybe even Cosmo?

I contemplated again and again until I found myself walking to the balcony. I wanted to open the glass door, but they were heavy, and they sounded a little when I pushed them.

"Maybe not the balcony," I said as I walked back to the adjoining room and found Leon's desk illuminated all mysterious looking like the light from the moon outside illuminated the parchments on his desk. "Oh, right, the ledgers." the recollection of the very thing I wanted to ask him about earlier came into mind, so I hurried back to my dresser where I remembered placing it next to my pearl powders.

There are still a lot of things that don't add up that I want to clarify with Leon because if the data in these ledgers were correct then, there was really no point of ever setting a dowry from both of us. He can even fund the whole of Ozryn for a few years if he wanted to. 

***** 

While I was going through the pages of the ledger and taking note of the ones I found unbelievable, my eyes spotted a worn out leather-bound notebook. Curiosity got the best of me when I remembered seeing it clutched by Leon earlier.

"Wouldn't hurt to take a peek, right?" I'm not normally a nosy person, but he's left me by myself for days which led me to think about some... unwanted things. I deserve some peace of mind too.

Suddenly feeling justified, I moved the ledgers in front of me aside and carefully moved the notebook to a place in the table where I can read it with ease. But as soon as I opened the cover, I let out a short shriek when I heard someone cleared his throat.

"What are you doing?" his voice was stern, and his eyes pierced me dead-cold.

"I... I was just looking through this," my hands struggle to pick up a ledger.

"Oh? I don't think that's what you're planning on opening though," he cocked his head to my hand still on top of his notebook. When I realized what he meant, I quickly retracted it and placed it on my lap. 

I mentally reprimanded myself at this point, my head low in embarrassment. The only time I decided to be nosy, I ended up being caught red-handed. I will have this night and this embarrassment as a constant reminder why I should just mind my own business, and if there's something I want to know, I should just step forward and—

"You're not crying again, are you?"

"What?" Again? My brows furrowed. When did he—Oh my, Heavens! He was awake when I was crying my heart out on my first night here. Great, the embarrassment just kept on pilling up. "I'm not. I just can't sleep." I managed to keep myself calm and move the leather-bound notebook away from me.

"That's good," he said, his tone still asserting. "I'm sorry if I haven't been around lately," I gulped when he came out of the shadows and started walking towards me. His shirt was opened for the whole world—my world—to see. His well-defined muscles greeting me with all their firmness. "I've been busy with the guild. When I came home you were already in deep sleep."

"And in the morning?"

"Well..." He placed a hand on his nape, so his shirt opened wider. I inhaled discreetly and adjusted myself so I'm facing him comfortably. "I wake up early to train. It's been like that for years. It's hard to break the habit."

"I see," was all I can say as my eyes widened when he walked around and stopped behind me. He reached out for his notebook, his arm brushing my hair slightly. If I just turn my head a little to my right, I'd come face to face with his chest. 

Should I? I'll pretend I didn't know how close he was, then maybe since I'd probably be surprised by his closeness, I'd raise my hand in defense and accidentally touch him—feel his warmth run through my hand, then I'd slowly look up to him, he'd look at me. I'll flutter my lashes like a confused, embarrassed virgin. Then maybe I'll pull my hands back, blush a little and look away. Then maybe, just maybe, he'd feel something in that mere seconds and grab my ha—

My thoughts were cut short when Leon opened the notebook cover and plainly said, "These are the names of all my men that died." I blinked a few times.

Did he say die?

My eyes shifted from him to the paper in front of me with a list of names then back to him again. Some were scratched off, some weren't. There were some that had an x at the end of their names, and some were encircled. Some names had both.

I can't believe he's talking about death while I fantasized.

"Why are these scratched off?" I asked, my attention narrowed at the notebook. 

"Those were the ones that we were able to deliver their bodies to their families."

"There's not a lot of them..." I whispered, suddenly guilty about my former thoughts and how I've lived my life since.

"Yes, there isn't. We couldn't retrieve some of the bodies especially in the middle of a battle. Some were too disfigured to even identify." 

My shoulder slumped and my heart felt heavy. Imagine going to war, leaving your family behind, not knowing if you'll make it back alive. While everyone was risking their lives to keep the empire from being taken over, what were we doing? Hosting lavish parties, setting trends, and bidding on who gets a grain-size piece of crystal to be used on a jewelry that'd be too precious to wear every day?

"What about these ones with the exes?" I pointed on a few names.

"These were the ones that died due to injuries or some other health issues. The north is hell covered in snow; you know." His voice hardened. "The ones that were scratched, we've managed to send back their bodies. Though most of them we cremated before sending back." I felt Leon placed his hand on the back of the chair to support himself before turning a few pages.

"And the ones with circles?"

"These..." his body sagged as he let out a sigh. "These were the ones we couldn't find."

"What?" my voice trembled. "Then their families?"

"We tried to gather all their belongings and brought them here. We're still sorting through it so we can send them back to their families." I only managed to nod as I try to keep my emotions in check.

Leon continued to tell me about the ones that didn't have anything on their names. He said they were all alive and are members of his order who lived here in the island. 

So, the rumors about his men were true, I thought. For the first time while listening to him, I felt relieved and as I leaned back and felt the chair's back cushion behind me, I have completely forgotten how close we are of each other that I can literally smell the lavender soap my maids lathered me with earlier.

But this time, with no malice whatsoever, I reached out my hand and caressed his cheek, softly saying, "Thank you for coming back alive, Leon."

His eyes widened for a heartbeat. It was such a refreshing expression that I couldn't help but tease him a little by not retracting my hand caressing his cheek really, really slow only for the tables to be turned against me.

"And thank you for agreeing to be my wife, Isa," he whispered with a faint smile after planting a small kiss on my palm.