effect of your red hair on my memory

Shushin POV

After that day, I decided to be an obedient woman (temporarily, as I would not go anywhere unless it became ruined because of me.)

I was sleeping soundly in my room, this is how my life used to be, sleepless days or days where there is only sleep.. And I never intended to throw my habits behind me, even if I Ruled the world, I didn't want this world at all, and I didn't even want a small part of it, I wanted myself and tranquility, after I left the hall yesterday, the fate of my life was written and published all over the kingdom, invitations were sent to the 7 clans, the coronation hanfu, speech, wine, hall, decorations, fireworks, makeup and Crown were prepared, only I alone didn't change, only I alone sat still waiting for the world to calm down around me, only I have already decided to go on being a responsible queen, but I am not sure if I will still be the same woman I am now; I am afraid that I will betray myself...

Since that night, days and weeks have passed. I have never left the palace and remained locked up in order to become a decent woman. I made a deal with my uncle. I will become the queen and I will be responsible for the law and evil in the kingdom. I will not let corruption and filth ruin the country where we have no home but it, the country that Many look at it with love, wishing to live in it forever. But me too, if I'm not good enough, if I'm tired of the adult world, I can give up being a queen, and that will of course mean giving up being a princess and this house and this family, so I will become a queen and wander as I please, I will live like a beggar, I don't mind that much. Regardless, before the coronation ceremony the day after tomorrow, there will be a welcoming ceremony for the clans who will come to attend the coronation ceremony...

I was wearing a red hanfu, one of the best types of fabric in the Kingdom, with all that make-up and jewellery, so much so that I almost did not recognize myself. All the people were present in the hall, here in the middle of crowds of people sitting on each side of the hall. The wide and high door opened, and I entered. Behind me came Xiao Yan and Tian Yang, each side by side, and right behind me walked Shijin, and behind him Xiao Yao and Yao Yao, such a deadly presence as we walked in the middle, I looked with my eyes to the side at some people whispering, I was trying to scare them, intending to be a scary woman, show up. My true color In the end, we went and sat at the top of the hall, and I sat in the middle.

I looked around as some chairs were empty, before leaning to the side to ask Xiao Yan, the door slammed hard, here comes Li Yuxi, Feng Ji Ji and Yan An Yin were walking beside her but slightly behind her, and behind them were YuXin and An Xin.

I smiled, and said to Shi Jin who sat next to me, "Your sister looks better with them."

Even he didn't like what they were like, "I don't think so."

"Don't deny it, brother, they look like moral people but they are all demons," Xiao Yan said, placing her foot in front of her.

This made me think about it clearly, as indeed, I felt as if every person I had ever met was not an ordinary magician, they were all demon-like in their skill. I was even told that I was a devil, and this made me uncomfortable, as it meant nothing but trouble..

Suddenly, our latest visitor, the Demon Clan, came. It's common for everyone to arrive before the royal family, but those fellows don't know anything about those simple manners, and neither do we... That's when that red hair attracted me again. It turned out that she had been with them the whole time. So she smiled slyly, she had to add it to me, since for the second time, she had stolen me from my thoughts

The servant rang the bells, which meant the start of the party, and while I had not stopped drinking, I sat and stared at the wide world in front of me, where I was high and far away from everyone, and this made me realize that the price of freedom or success is often loneliness. People fear people who are free without leadership, and successful people without... Hurdles. Because you can be the obstacle in their lives, or the barrier to freedom, and in that case you will often be abandoned, so people abandon those people in order to protect themselves.

The taste of the wine was bitter, but sweet and light, it tasted like peaches and pink flowers. I kept thinking of the words I had heard all my life, words that were said as just a mere example, but in my eyes they seemed like words said to console someone, like the time Someone said to me, "Things that you cannot reach. They do not simply belong to you, but those things that you can achieve are destined for you." This meant that the reason for my presence here was that this was my destiny. I alone in that hall are able to sit in this chair, even if this is temporary. Every small detail is... Fate, but we can still choose from among a thousand options that fate makes for us, and therefore I promise myself not to leave regret a home in my heart.

The party was kind of over, the party that included my presence was over, and as for the guests, they continued the party with themselves. In any case, there is no benefit in having a girl like me among old people who like to drink, but I do not deny that I was walking like the dead, tossing and turning everywhere, and I do not remember when I got drunk with that. I was walking hard, and when I almost fell, a warm hand grabbed my shoulder. As the weather was slowly getting colder, her body was warm. When I looked to my side, I saw that red-haired girl. When she found me staring at her, she moved away, and said in a polite voice, "Sorry, Your Majesty. I was afraid you would fall."

I also moved away, leaning my body against the wall next to me. We were in the hallway, each of us leaning our bodies against the wall in front of each other. "I am not the queen yet, there is no need to act like this."

She was looking at the ground, avoiding my gaze, "But you will be queen tomorrow."

"Oh, I might die before then, nothing is certain."

Although she did not show it, her voice sounded angry and choked, or a feeling I did not know how to describe, "Why would you say something so bad? It is a loss to die before thirty, before you are free."

I smiled, "You really think death is loss? Loss is not dying, how disgusting it is to live so long."

But I thought about her words, about dying before gaining freedom, and indeed that idea is terrifying. It's not death, it's wasting the only chance to live in this world, but if I don't have a chance at all to be free, I don't want any hope at all. If death were a human being, what kind of conversation would we have before I die? Will he be affectionate, or will his heart harden with time?

I looked at her, "What's your name?"

She finally looked me in the eyes, "hong mei"

"a beautiful name"

"Thanks"

I asked, "So... do you long for freedom?"

"No. Freedom has many meanings, and I got the most desirable meaning, to be an orphan from loved ones, friends, and family. Therefore, I can do everything in this world, but I am still alone."

I didn't know what to say. People often say their emotions, but I had what she wanted, and she had what I wanted, but we both found nothing but the pain hidden behind our easy desire, "This is the price of freedom, but you don't even have it. Those who are free... They don't think about others, because when you are attached to someone, you are not free anymore."

She smiled a sad smile, "Oh, this means that I didn't even have freedom. I was trapped inside myself and I wasn't free at all."

I regained consciousness a little. I moved away from the wall, ready to walk. "Then let us be alone and free together. Although this is difficult, if you want, you can travel the world with me."

"I travel with you?"

"Yes, it is because I want to travel around this kingdom."

"Why?"

"I'm thinking maybe this will make me Feel less lonely."

I smiled at her, "Thank you for helping me. I'll see you tomorrow, so be sure to come."