Chapter 8

A few days passed and Mara started to feel guilty. She was ignoring Sam's texts and calls and she knew it wasn't right. She tried to keep herself busy cleaning the house. She even applied for some work part time with the local social services department. They were looking for qualified people to assist children in court who had been neglected or even hurt. It had been a long time since she worked, but she was eager to be productive.

She was trying to keep her self busy, yet Sam's voice and his handsome face kept flashing in her mind. He hadn't done anything wrong. Maybe he had been more sexually active than her that's for sure. Or maybe she was just looking at it the wrong way.

After all, she was a married woman for almost 16 years. Of course she had a lot of sex, just the majority of it with the same person. Sam couldn't be expected to do the same. But it wasn't about sex. She had worked so hard after the loss of her husband to be strong again. It destroyed her when he passed. The same question kept popping up in her mind. Would she be able to love someone else like that again?

The phone rang and it was Jillian, an instant smile came on her face. "Jilly bean, I miss you? How are you, how's school, do you need anything?" "Mom, I saw you two weeks ago, calm down" Jillian laughed. "Everything is good, classes are good, although this one Math professor is a total dick, "Jillian!'' Well he is, mom, he's so tough and he never explains things correctly," she huffed. "Ok..ok what about food, do you have money on your card. "Yeah I'm good, I just went to the atm."

"Oh good I can't wait to see you for winter break," Mara said. "About that mom, Kate and some of our friends might go to this ski spot in Gatlinburg. It's like the only area around here where you can ski and snow tube. They asked me to go, but I told them I would speak with you first," Jillian said.

"Oh, well I mean I don't want you to miss out on it. But can you get me some more info about it and where it is exactly. I mean you can come home after." Mara replied. "Yeah we would maybe go for a few days. I mean if I get to be alone with Bryan that would be awesome!" Jilly laughed. "Are you still seeing that boy toy cop?" "He's not a boy toy...ugh yeah well I hope so, I might have messed things up." "Mom, what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. I just, I don't know if I 'm ready for anything serious." "Jillian huffed on the phone, "You have been saying this for three years. Mom you've dated like two guys since dad. You always do this?" What do I do, Jill?"

"You find some reason that it won't work and you hold on to that and then it's over. Mom I know how much you loved daddy, but you're a hot lady. I don't want you to be alone forever. Oh wait ..I have to go mom some of my friends just got here. We're grabbing lunch before Psych class."

"Ok hunny love you," Mara said. "Love you mom!" Jillian yelled back. Mara knew she was right. She has to stop pushing Sam away or she would really lose him. Maybe he was right too, everything was still early on in the relationship. She was so scared of him not thinking she was enough either though.

Mara was usually pretty confident, but romance was one area she didn't have to pay attention to the last few years. She was so tired over overthinking it all. "Just put your big girl panties on and man up." she yelled to herself. If the sex was bad, then really she didn't have to worry about their future anymore. Oh she really hoped that wouldn't be the case. How could it be! She grabbed her cell and called him, "Hey, it's me. I'm sorry I've been so distant the past few days. Can we talk, maybe get dinner this weekend. ..

Sam had picked her up, but they were mostly quiet in the car. They were walking along the sidewalk to the restaurant. He was so handsome in a button down striped blue shirt over his dark blue jeans. He motioned for her to go in ahead of him and opened the door for her. They were in a casual restaurant and got seated in a booth towards the back. She looked cute in ripped jeans, a t-shirt and white blazer.

The waiter came over to them and took their drink orders. All of a sudden Mara felt nervous, but she was never one to shy away from saying how she felt. "Listen, I'm sorry to just jump in here, but I need to apologize."

Sam looked at her and ran his hand over his chin listening to her. "I called you all week, you could have at least picked up the phone," he said angrily. "I know and you're right, I'm sorry Sam. I've been acting like an asshole."

He laughed and put his hand back on his cheek. But her calling herself an asshole wasn't going to get her out of this so easily. He watched her, her beautiful lips and deep brown eyes. He had a hard time focusing on what she was saying, but tried to snap out of it. "Since we've been seeing each other, well the whole thing was just so unexpected for me. I never thought I would meet someone like you. So confident and sexy and certainly not younger than me."

He looked up as he was tired of the whole conversation about age. "I know, we're not so far apart in age. It's just not the norm, you know usually it's younger women with older men and you never think anything about that. She ran her hand over the napkin. "What I'm trying to say is that, I'm just nervous. I haven't invested any of my time in any relationship in three years. Honestly I never met anyone that I wanted to be with that badly after.."

Sam grabbed her hand. He looked at her with sincerity, " Me either Mara...and when you asked me about how many girls I've slept with." "No you don't owe me any explanation," she cut in. "No I do, it's a fair question. Yes I've slept with several girls, but ..You know I was single for along time and I just played around. I really never got attached." He was quiet and looked down and then back up at her.

"But with you, it just feels so good when we're together. I can't sit here and tell you everything that I want for the future because I don't know right now. I do know that I don't want this to end. But listen, the age thing. That doesn't mean anything to me. You have to stop harping on it. please."

Mara bit her lip and smiled. He smiled back at her. The waiter brought over some drinks and they ordered dinner. "I really just want us to spend some real time together you know, maybe go away for a few days. I just want to be with you without work and interruptions. I was hoping if this went alright tonight maybe you would finally stay over?" At that moment, Mara could think of nothing she wanted more. They had both waited long enough. She smiled and nodded her head.