City Hall

"Get off your ass and get ready for adventure!" I yelled at the Crestfallen Warrior who looked at me like the madlad I am.

"There's no sal…" Cresty started before I cut him off.

"Shut your filthy loser mouth." I commanded, then took a sniff of the air, "My poon hound senses are tingling, but first…"

I sat down at the Firelink Bonfire like I had so many times before, and felt the world warping around me as I became aware of my own soul and the souls I carried. Upgrading myself using the souls of this world would require me to go through many new games to gain a single soul level, but for the aspect of my strength that I chose to manifest in this world, that of the Asylum Demon, I noticed a very fun little occurrence.

I was at soul level zero with only a single stat point in each of the eight aspects of the soul: Vitality, Endurance, Strength, Dexterity, Resistance, Intelligence, Attunement, and Faith. Using my souls acquired in the Undead Asylum I adjusted my strength up and noticed that neither my soul level nor my expenditure increased, and this remained true until I assigned the additional seventy two points between me and soul level one.

Assigning twenty points to Vitality, thirty to Endurance, and twenty eight to Strength, I rose from the Bonfire min maxed like none other, scaling off my base Asylum Demon power rather than that of a normal man or woman. Quite spicy.

Filled with new power, I descended to the cage of Anastacia of Astora and one by one tore the bars off. The woman inside wore grimy robes and under the filthy hood her eyes widened as she mutely protested my violation her self imposed exile.

I simply threw her over my shoulder and hauled her up into the light.

"Estus." I commanded from my knight bros with a hand outstretched.

Dumping the Firekeeper on the floor I poured the best friend of the undead down her throat and watched as her tongue grew back as she hacked and coughed from my rough treatment.

"Why?" she groaned.

Rather than talk I took out my oversized bass guitar and played out the fortifying healing goodness across my shining metal spider queen spun strings. Both Anastacia and Cresty perked up as their humanity grew until the dwindling flames of their light abound brightly within their souls.

"What is this?" Cresty questioned in awe.

"Metal." I answered.

"What does this mean?" Anastacia begged at my feet.

"It means the tyranny and the bullshit are over." I told them as I continued my strumming as Petrus of Thorolund popped his head out to see, "It means it's time to rise up and fight. All the people out in the streets! Its time to rise up and fuckin start a riot! Up in Anor Londo those old fucking shrivs are ruining it down here for us. It's fucking over. From now on, we're calling the shots, and by we I mean me. None of this Four Kings bullshit."

"Doesn't that mean we will have thrown down the tyranny and replaced it with a new tyrant?" the youthful Chosen Undead pondered.

"Oh don't give me that bullshit, like any of you would even know what to do with freedom. At least I know what the fuck I'm doing." I responded then muttered, "Fucking cycle slaves getting uppity. See if I save your ass from burning up in the First Flame."

"Okay. Enough about who is in charge after we take over!" I declared, "We got an epic quest to go on and some mother fucking bells to ring. And you!" I shouted as I pointed at Petrus.

I walked up to the surprised man with a stupid bowl cut.

"Me?" he questioned and pointed to himself right before I kicked him in the daddy bag.

"Stop being evil." I commanded, "I can't have you running around killing slam pieces."

Petrus nodded his understanding.

"Alright, good." I told him, "Your general ugliness means you can't come on this epic quest. I don't want to have to look at you."

"As for the rest of you. Spend your souls quick so we can move out. There's adventure to be had." I smiled at my trio of warrior homies.

Cresty followed us with an unsure look on his face, but after I buried a few hollows into the ground or cliff face with my Demon's Greathammer - more like a great mace but who am I to argue with From - the road weary warrior got his fighting legs back under him and we ascended the aqueduct into the Undead Burg.

I found the Undead Burg even more nostalgic than Firelink Shrine as like a proper heretic I preferred Majula out of the Dark Souls hubs. My clearest memories of early Dark Souls was of grinding this route before learning about the Hellkite Dragon bridge exploit.

Leading the charge I smashed, and smashed, and continued to smash the aggressive hollows of the Undead Burg. They offered no real resistance on our way to the real prize who gazed off into the distance.

"Hey friend, can I interest you in joining my army?" I called out to the Black Knight who responded by spinning around and swinging his sword down at the same time landing on my armored shoulder with a hefty clang.

"I guess not!" I laughed as I kicked him away and smashed my hammer down on his shield producing an enormous gong and rusting the nearby ivy.

The knight fell to his knees and tried to stab up into my groin but failed to make the angle and harmlessly slid his sword tip across my armor while I brought the hammer down again forcing him prone where he took three more blows on his armored back before expiring, leaving me his neat sword and shield.

Cresty spat upon the body and the team looked at him funny.

"It's the least he deserved after killing me last time." Cresty answered the unasked query.

With Blacky a no go, we climbed up into the Burg on our way to the good old taurus demon fight.

"Up the ladder boys." I commanded as we stepped upon the rampart between two castle towers. As my boys did murder upon the crosbowmen in the tower I strolled to the half way point on the rampart and the taurus demon hopped down off the second tower.

The bull demon and I ran at each other and I stepped under its wild swing of its axe and delivered a thunderous overhand hammer strike to it's dome, sending the demon reeling back with a mooing groan and leaving its leg wide open for me to spin around and deliver maximum punishment. My third and final strike came as I spun once more and slammed the hammer down on its chest, shattering its ribs and the organs beneath.

With a grin I stored the Demon's Greathammer in my soul and took up the Demon's Greataxe. It looked like shit, but is also the single highest physical damage weapon in the setting. Not to be confused with its better looking Dark Souls III variant that splits with fire damage.

I'd make it look less shit when I get some titanite.

With the demon out of the way we continued onward, taking a right at the bridge we arrived at the true heart and soul of Dark Souls.

Solaire.