T I M E T O D E F E A T

Sometimes there are things you can't change, moments, memories that you can't forget. No matter how much you try to forget it’s always at the back of your mind, haunting you. And sometimes there are things you can’t change. There isn't a choice, you can't choose that how you want to live your life, you just have to live your life compromising, getting along with the surrounding.

I was destined to fight my monsters within of fear, doubts, loneliness, sorrow, I had to become strong to let go, I had to be who I am. This is something I can't change. Not always you are given a choice...so you have to live the way your life is destined to be.

But the decisions that you make does effect your life, you lead your journey by your respective decisions whether it's evil or good. There was this time in my life now that my decisions that were yet to be made kept reviving the memories I wanted to forget the most, I was afraid of falling again, of failure, of what I had faced before.

But I wanted to keep myself at ease forever. I knew that if this decision led me to success I could live my life peacefully. I wanted to catch the culprit the day my mother left this World but life is not always how we want it to be. My appeals got rejected, my decisions were proved wrong, my suspect was set free, everything that I aimed for..none of them succeed.

I turned on the radio as my car roared past the palm trees, I could see the meadows and the greenery that never failed to leave one amazed. My hair waved in the air as I pulled the windows down, the fresh smell of nature hit me. I pulled my hat off and brushed my fingers through the wavy locks of mine.

The shadows of the trees loomed over me as I passed the beautiful sights beside me.

'Do what makes you satisfied, in here..the heart. Don't be afraid, proceed with hope and determination.'

'I will be with no matter what you decide.'

That's what Freddie told me, my best friend had my back. She asked me what I wanted, she wanted me to know what I needed to do. What I wanted?

What I wanted?

I stopped my car near the narrow street, parking beside the old rustic gate that never closed. Hopping out I walked inside the graveyard, my feet balancing themselves on the crumpled grass. My eyes searched for her tombstone. Glancing at each and every name I slowly walked in the slightly chilly weather, my hands in my coat's pocket.

It had been quite cold since three days, Winter was not gone yet. Grasping the white lilies my feet made their way forward taking small steps, analysing every tombstone that was present.

At a corner I could see a tombstone that felt similar, the old memory reviving back. Sauntering to her tombstone I stood in front of it, my eyes reading her name.

'Hi..mother.' I uttered in my cracked voice.

'It's been long since I came here,..didn't had the courage, didn't had the strength...

I took a deep breath and placed the flowers on the soil.

...You said if I ever got stuck in life I should run to you. Here I am standing here...feeling helpless. Never got to know that there would be a time when I would speak and you could only listen.'

I held back the tears but failed as they dropped rolling down on my cheeks. Wiping them I continued.

'Am I on the right track? I don't know where the path leads, I am just walking like a traveller lost in the night hoping to find his way...praying to God that everything would be...ok.'

My fingers automatically brushed the marble tombstone, squatting down my fingers traced the beautiful name that was written on it. Underneath laid my mother whom was the most amazing person I ever got to know.

'What should I do?' I sobbed, my words filled with hopelessness.

I wanted her arms to wrap around me, take me in her embrace. Her warm arms that were filled with love but that all was gone and only her touch lingers now.

'You will always be here.' I spoke smiling through my tears. Her presence was missed but she remained same in my heart. I wish she would be here right by my side because every time I broke down I needed her to be there, when I cried I needed her to to console me, embrace me in her arms, her touch, her smile, her beautiful eyes that would become beady as she smiled, her curly brunette hair that would make me so fascinated. I missed her desperately.

Desperately.

‘You raised me to be a strong person, who would never give up, who would never let her fears overtake her...I will keep that in mind.’

I sniffed and wiped away the tears, standing up I brushed the dust off my clothes and exited my way out of the graveyard, the lonely place where silence filled each corner.

-

'Do you think you would be able to get away from the thought that you rejected someone's help to finally do what you wanted?' Freddie's words made me look up at her. She stood by my desk, hands folded up to her chest.

'Can...can I do that?' I asked.

she huffed and spoke in a motherly tone,

’You have to start believing in yourself.’

'It's up to you how you choose to live, it certainly depends on our decisions...say what you feel, what you want. Because if you step back there won't be another person like Kris coming to you again...

...tell him what you feel'

What I feel?

'I know you don't have your answer yet Bells..but think about it.'

She said ending the conversation and walked away as someone called her from behind. I sat in my office typing away things, getting the job was an unexpected thing but it would be more unexpected if I tell them I am going to quit.

'Didn't even think about this.' I muttered to myself and held my hand in a frustrated manner. I shouldn't have said yes to the job but I also didn't met Kris then!

-

Pacing back and forth in my room I kept tapping my fingers on my knuckles.

What the heck should I do?

I dialled the numbers and placed the phone on my ear. It was ringing, I hoped he won't pick up but he did.

'Kris Lin speaking.'

'Yea..I-it's me Bellona.'

'So you have made your decision?' He asked in his husky deep voice, no beating about the bush.

'Perhaps.'

There was a prolonged silence on the other side that broke after a minute when he finally spoke.

'Speak your mind.'

Speak my mind? He was silent the whole time to say this?

'Yes..uh..' I stuttered and mentally slapped myself, this was the most awkward and stressful conversation I ever had.

'I-i am willing to work on this case with you.' I finally spoke.

'I will text you regarding the procedure...am a bit busy at the current moment therefore just wait..

...and Ms.Campbell..its time to defeat, remember that.'

And with that being said he hung up the call, never spoke more, he never expressed emotions but his words they hit me hard and I live by that statement.

I didn't know that this call would change my life.