SERA (4)

Regressor's Instruction Manual. Episode 904

Sera (4)

"Seraphim, Dominions, Thronus, and me."

"...."

"Seraphim, Dominions, Thronus, and me...."

Seraphim, Dominions, Thronus, and me... This was a phrase that had been constantly swirling in my mind since I was born on this land.

It was a phrase that always lingered in my mind. I didn't know why, but I kept repeating it to myself, even though I couldn't understand the reason behind it.

When I felt anxious, I would murmur it like a spell. Just like I did now.

"Domi, have you located Seraphim's position?"

"I'm not sure. It usually takes longer, but I don't know why it's so fast today. It doesn't seem to be detected by the detection magic. Maybe... it was a shock."

"Yeah...."

I couldn't say the words I wanted to say and kept them to myself because I didn't know how to explain it.

'Because I was abandoned by my mother.'

Or maybe...

'Because you were hated?'

It didn't matter which one it was.

I was born to be loved, to yearn for love. I realized that when I was very young.

I felt it from the moment I faced my father's face.

Ah, I was born to be loved by this person. I was born for my father.

That first moment was so touching that it brought back many emotions, and I couldn't help but shed tears.

I felt blessed and could feel that I was alive.

The gentle touch of a hand on my head and the warm voice made me feel so happy that my head felt like it was going to explode.

It was a simple expression, but it gave me an indescribable sense of satisfaction.

Of course, I didn't feel only happy emotions. I couldn't read English, but I remembered my father's expression when Sera grabbed my hand tightly.

He didn't stroke Sera's head. He didn't even make eye contact or say anything kind.

He just looked down without saying anything, as if he were thinking about something.

Sear didn't notice it then, but I was sure that my father was thinking about something frightening.

'You did something very naughty. Cherubim. You're a good boy.'

'What?'

'Oh, it's nothing. Let's go rest for today. You should think about your behavior.'

"...."

'Welcome to the world.'

What I felt then was fear.

I would never forget the moment when I felt my father's small anger in his eyes.

The fear of being hated, the fear of being abandoned, and the fear of not being loved by my father were more terrifying than anything else.

My father didn't show that expression again, but I could tell from that moment on. If I were really abandoned...

"There's no reason to be born."

"What?"

"Can you imagine being abandoned by your father or mother? Domi?"

"Don't... Don't say such terrible things. Cherub."

"...."

"I'd rather die."

"Seraphim probably thinks the same way. I'm sure."

"No, he's not abandoned yet. Father has never said anything about abandoning Seraphim. Our mother said that. Sera's mom sometimes says things she doesn't mean... She gets too excited sometimes. It's better to avoid her then... Today, she wasn't like her usual self. It must have been one of those days."

"Does Sera think the same way?"

"I don't know... but..."

"What if you heard the same thing from your mother?"

"My mother... is strict, but..."

"What if."

"Sad... he must be sad. It may not end with just feeling sad... But still, Father asked for Seraphim to be brought here. Surely, he will take some other measures... You are worried, aren't you? Father cares for Seraphim."

"Father hates Seraphim."

"What?"

"It's not because Seraphim is growing slower or lacking. It seems like Father hates Seraphim. I don't know the reason... Father has never met Seraphim alone, not even once. He has never stroked his head or said he loves him. He has never made eye contact. He always referred to me as 'Cherub' even when he was in the Blue Guild. Seraphim doesn't even know how Father's office looks like. He said he has never visited his training grounds. They have never had a conversation..."

"...."

The reason cannot be known. I thought I would never know in my lifetime.

"Seraphim lives with Father."

"...."

"But why..."

"I don't know the reason either. Mother has never told me. I have told Father once, but..."

"What did he say?"

"...."

"...."

"He told me not to cross the line."

"And..."

"That's it. Maybe Father didn't want Seraphim. Since Seraphim has been with me since birth."

Domi's face became more serious than I expected. Perhaps she was considering the possibility that things would not be resolved as easily as she thought.

The atmosphere seemed to become heavier for no reason. The words Domi said, "It's better to die," kept echoing in my mind.

Maybe Seraphim is also thinking the same. I thought I knew Seraphim well, but did I understand his feelings?

Can I even imagine how Seraphim feels right now? Just imagining it is so frightening and painful... How much agony must Seraphim be in? It must feel like the sky is falling. He will surely feel that way.

I felt more and more tension in my body. My breathing didn't become rough, but it became harder to breathe.

"Seraphim!"

"Se... Sera!"

"Where is Seraphim?"

"Seraphim! Where are you?"

"Ah... Still no confirmation of his location?"

"Just a moment... I'll try to find him."

"This wasn't supposed to happen. We got separated."

"Yeah. I'll contact you right away."

Shortly after contacting Domi, I spotted a faint light in the vast forest.

After quietly contacting Domi, I approached slowly, and a faint flickering light came into view.

There, in the hollow of a large tree, I saw Seraphim crouching.

I couldn't see his face because he was bowing his head, but I could tell his state from his trembling shoulders.

Should I speak to him? Did he notice that I'm here?

Various thoughts crossed my mind, but I quietly reached out and gently stroked his head.

"Are you okay, Seraphim?"

"...."

"Are you okay?"

"...."

"She didn't mean what she said. Don't be too upset. Seraphim."

"...."

"...."

"Did she really mean it?"

"Yeah. Our mother said the same thing. Jung Hayan seems to like Seraphim very much... She always said that."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Father is also worried."

"...."

"Let's go back."

"...."

"Being here doesn't change anything. Let's talk to Father together. Apologize to Jung Hayan as well... Admit our mistakes... Ask for forgiveness and promise to do better in the future. Maybe she will forgive you."

"Will it really... get better if we do that?"

"I will try to convey it to him properly..."

The voice of Father came from that moment.

-My beloved children.

A voice resounding in my mind. It feels like my body is trembling on its own.

-Today, I, as the Archangel-not as your father, would like to say something.

"Yes... Yes, Father?"

"Yes."

-Yes.

-I love you all.

"Thank you."

"Th-thank you."

-I brought you to this land because I wanted to love you. I wanted to give you many experiences and give you things that you couldn't have in your previous life. Even sacrificing myself to create you, it was all for the sake of all of you. I have given up many things and taken on many responsibilities to ensure that you, my beloved children, are loved. It is not a burden. My children, I just want you to know how much I love you.

"Oh... Ahh... How could we ever doubt Father's love?"

"Father... Father..."

Tears flowed from my eyes. Seraphim was the same. It was a misunderstanding. Father loves us...

-But I can't love only you. While I don't prioritize love, I hope you understand my position that I can't help but love your mothers even more. They are the ones who make me who I am now. Yes, Cherubim, Thronus too. They are the people I genuinely love.

"....."

-That's why I have concerns. The reason I brought mothers to you... It was because I wanted them to be loved by you, but at the same time, it was because I wanted them to be happy because of you. Of course, some seemed happier because of you, but... It seems that not everyone is. I don't want you to make your mothers unhappy, Seraphim. I may not have a choice, even if I'm sorry to you. Perhaps I might have to give you up...

"Please forgive me, Father. Please, I beg you. Forgive Seraphim. Let me bear the guilt instead. So, Seraphim..."

"Ah... Ah, ah..."

-Your love for your siblings always pains my heart, Cherubim.

"No, no... Sob... Father... Please reconsider once. I beg you. Please!"

-You always sacrifice yourself for your siblings.

"I will take the burden. Let me bear Seraph's guilt."

-I don't want to see you suffer, Cherubim. The guilt you bear is not Seraph's guilt.

"Oh... No."

My mind was in turmoil. Many thoughts crossed my mind, but I couldn't find the answers.

What should I do? Mother. If Father really abandons Seraph, what should I do? Mother. I...

'Do as you wish, Cherub.'

Seraphim, Dominions, Thronus, and I.

'Live as you wish. Do everything you want and live as you please. That's what happiness is. It may sound childish and futile. Close your eyes and listen to the voice echoing in your mind. Then you'll find the answer, Perang. (Don't know what it means but it seems to be a name Cha Heera gave Cherubim) You can become the person you want to be and do everything you want."

Seraphim, Dominions, Thronus, and I.

'At least, I'm living that way. Cute Perang. You're my kid. Even if you try not to, you'll become like that.'

Seraphim, Dominions, Thronus, and I...

Isn't that, right?

"Run away. Seraphim..."

"What... What?"

"From here. Run away."

"Uh..."

"Quickly!"

-That's a foolish choice...

"Please forgive me, Father. Please."

It was at that moment that Thronus' sword was pointed at my neck.

"Don't move. Cheru. Seraph, you too."

"Thronus?"

"...."

"...."

"You. You just tried to defy Father."

"...."

"Answer me. Traitor!"

~~~~

*SIGH*

Being a parent is though.