Rebirth of the Uchiha: Chapter 22

"Don't you get it yet? I'm immortal, bitch!" the silver haired psychopath crowed, an absurd number of kunai embedded in him. Deba just grunted, pulling them back with his chakra threads.

"No technique is perfect. Though I must admit... this is new. New plan: Fuuton: Shogiri!" he cried, firing a barrage of wind blades at the Yugakure nin. The man simply darted forwards, swearing profusely as the blades tore at his skin.

"Motherfucker! I fucking hate Fuuton cocksuckers like you! Hurts like a bitch!" he snapped, ignoring the gaping wounds as he swung wildly with his unusual triple-bladed scythe, Deba barely keeping ahead of him as Hidan's wounds closed.

'So, immunity to seemingly fatal wounds, but he still feels pain. Also, very big scythe. That seems important, somehow,' Deba mused, disappearing in a swirl of wind as the red blades snapped through his previous position. 'Weird as it is to say, I wish Deidara were here. I'm sure he'd find a way to make this situation better. No, not better. The other one- Awful, that's it. Whoops, still in a fight. Serious time.'

Deba vanished again, being replaced by a log attached to several explosive tags, sending Hidan sprawling through a rock formation and reducing it to some very nice gravel. "Please tell me that worked at least a little," the Suna native groaned before the scythe flew out of the dust cloud on a cable, snapping past his head and acting as a grappling hook for Hidan to land a punch to the thinner man's gut. "Fuckberries."

"Oi, bastard! You know they make us pay for these pieces of shit? I'm gonna need you to repay me and Jashin-sama... with your life!" Hidan roared, still smouldering as he forced Deba back on the defensive.

'Okay, he's faster than he looks, and with his weapon giving him extra reach I'll need a distraction to get a trap or two set up..." Deba thought, before a white spider landed on his face. Being a shinobi, he most definitely did not scream like a little girl, why would you say such a thing. It leapt off his face and onto Hidan, who blinked dumbly at the cutesy-looking thing. Then it exploded. So did the giant owl that Deba barely managed to avoid.

"Have a taste of my art, un!" Deidara whooped, somersaulting down to land next to Deba, smirking with all three of his mouths as he struck a victory pose. Deba jumped away, snatching the blond's collar as the enemy's weapon snapped out again, this time with the three blades rotating wildly around the handle. Despite his efforts, the scythe still drew blood, slicing Deidara's forearm. As far as shinobi injuries went, it didn't even qualify.

"What if it was poisoned, you idiot? Why'd you stand there like a complete fool, you could have slit your throat yourself and saved him the trouble!" Deba snapped, rushing through handseals for a basic diagnostic jutsu. He was no medic, but he didn't need to be, seeing as the wound was clear of any foreign substances. He tuned out Deidara's response as he turned back to their opponent, who was standing again, scythe dragging on the ground as the smoke wafted away in the faint breeze.

"No way... even after you hit him point blank. Hell, I got hurt worse than him from the look of it." Deba groaned, catching Deidara's attention as Hidan grinned, now resembling a shinigami with the balck and white patterns covering his skin. The man was putting the finishing touches to a seal made from blood.

"The fuck?" Deidara blinked dumbly. "I know he didn't get all that from me," he mused before they noticed a crimson line across the enemy's stomach, seemingly healing rapidly. "He used his own blood... that's pretty ballsy..." he managed, before Hidan slashed his own leg with his scythe, and Deidara collapsed to the ground, yelling in pain.

"That's right. Scream, bleed, die in agony for the glory of Jashin-sama! My Lord, I bring you a sacrifice! May his death please you!" the silver-haired nin crowed, slashing himself all over as Deidara screamed in agony, Deba looking on in horror, before throwing out a hand, Hidan freezing in place.

"Let him go." the Suna-nin ordered, voice cold. Hidan just smirked as his muscles tensed.

"Chakra strings to hold me in place? Not a bad plan... but Sasori's better than you," he taunted, forcing Deba to use a second hand to hold the man's strength at bay. Deidara pushed himself off the ground, barely conscious as he swayed on his feet. Clay dripped from his hands, mixing with the puddle of his blood on the ground.

Wordlessly, he raised a hand, small pellets flying towards Hidan, landing well short of the man, who cackled madly. "That's it? Fuck, I was almost worried for a minute. Now, when you meet Jashin-sama, tell him you're the first victim of his disciple's crusade. Now DIE!" he cried, snapping the threads as the clay exploded and swinging his scythe into his chest, two of the blades erupting from his back.

Deidara coughed, smiling as no fresh wounds appeared. Deba swooped over to catch the younger man as his legs gave out. Hidan just stared blankly, before seeing the gaps in the outer circle where the blast had wiped away the blood. His eye twitched wildly, skin returning to normal as his opponents vanished in a smokescreen.

"SHIT PISS TITS FUCKING COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKING CUNTS!" he ranted, smashing rocks to pieces with ease, having no idea where they'd gone.

"Hidan, is this one of your prayers?" came an annoyed voice, belonging to a masked, green-eyed shinobi wearing Akatsuki robes and a scrathed Takigakure forehead protector.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP KAKUZU, I PROMISED JASHIN-SAMA A PAIR OF SACRIFICES AND THE BASTARDS GOT AWAY!" Hidan raged, before a squall of black threads ripped his still-swearing head from his body, carrying both after Kakuzu as he turned towards the east.

"We don't have time for this. Our Leader has called an emergency meeting. That means you need to quit it with those stupid rituals. Time is money, after all."

OoOoO

Kakashi strolled into training ground Twelve, noting the time as he whistled cheerily. 'Nine o'clock... well, seeing as I'm in such a good mood, I won't even keep them waiting too long- oh, there they are.' he mused, seeing a trio of genin sitting some distance away. His keenly honed senses screamed at him as he approached, and he ducked back just in time to avoid a hail of kunai. The glitter bomb took him bye surprise, though. Not to mention the banner reading "Don't be late, New-Sensei-Baka!" And the fanfare. He looked over to see Naruto grinning widely.

"You're pretty creative, I'll give you that. Now, did Iruka tell you guys about me?" he asked, still not losing his good humour.

"You're Hatake Kakashi, aka Kakashi of the Sharingan, aka the Copy Ninja of Konoha." Sasuke grunted, staring at Kakashi with an unusual expression on his face.

"You enjoy reading, training and drinking with friends, though you'll never admit it in public," the pinkette piped up. What was her name again? Sakura, right. "You dislike people who prioritise missions over the lives of their comrades." Okay, that was a little disconcerting. Maybe he should've taken Iruka's advice about being late.

Naruto was the last to speak, still grinning. "You live in apartment 3C at 42 Hashirama Avenue." he beamed, and Kakashi felt his face pale beneath the mask. He definitely should have taken Iruka's advice.

"Well," he chirped, more to change the subject than anything else. "You all seem to know enough that I don't need to introduce myself. What about you three?" he continued, noting their reactions. They seemed a little... rehearsed, more so than he'd expected. Maybe it was just him being paranoid... but Kakashi knew better than to assume that without proof.

Sasuke shrugged as he spoke up first. "Uchiha Sasuke. I like tomatoes, training and... not much else, really. I dislike traitors and liars." he spat venomously. Kakashi nodded before gesturing for him to continue.

"Any other hobbies, goals for the future?" he prompted, trying to get a better reading on the most stoic member of the team. Sasuke blinked, before rolling his eyes and continuing.

"I'm going to become a hunter-nin, and build my clan back up to greatness." he eventually grunted, slumping backwards as Sakura started her own introduction.

"I'm Haruno Sakura!" the girl said cheerily. "I like reading, puzzles and Umeboshi! I hate spicy food and..." she paused, glancing at her teammates. "I guess traitors too. My dream is to be a great kunoichi and..." here she giggled and winked at Sasuke, who blanched in response.

"Alright, we saved the best for last! My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like training, ramen and hanging out with my friends! I don't like waiting-" a brief glare at Kakashi. "-or people who only see me as you-know-what." Kakashi choked, trying and failing to cover it with a cough. 'They all know? What the hell? Iruka, you owe me some answers after this...'

Surprised as he was, Kakashi still saw the burning glares Naruto's teammates sent him, Sasuke looking betrayed and Sakura angry. 'Knew it.' he smirked inwardly, before addressing. "You can drop the act now, you three. I know what you're doing." he sighed, trying to sound disappointed. The Uzumaki barely had time to blink before two fists went through his face, dispelling the Kage Bunshin.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow as the other two dropped their Henges, revealing two more Narutos. "He had to go and be a smartass. Sorry for the trick, Kakashi-sensei, but Boss and the others didn't want to wait. We'll show you where they are..." one of them sighed, gesturing for the taller man to follow. Kakashi did so, curious now.

'If I didn't already know the two boys, I'd never have picked up on his trick. I didn't even take notice of the Sakura clone. Naruto, you're really something...'

OoOoO

"Right, Boss, he figured it out. Finish up quick." the leading clone sighed, saluting an unimpressed Sasuke. Naruto was sitting at the counter of Ichiraku ramen, along with his teammates and an uncharacteristically hyper Uchiha Daiki.

"Hey, new sensei. We decided to go for lunch since Iruka-sensei said you might be a while. Plus we had to celebrate Daiki getting his apprenticeship with Hayate-sensei!" Naruto explained, causing Sakura to bop him on the head.

"Don't rope us into this! You're the one who wanted lunch at eight-thirty!" she snapped, Naruto adopting a wounded pout.

"Fine then, it's brunch, alright Sakura-chan?" he asked, getting a stern expression from both teammates and instantly going on the defensive. "Hey, it's the fourth most important meal of the day, right before linner. Speaking of which... Teuchi-jiisan! I'm gonna need a few bowls to go! Linner could be late today!" he called, Sasuke and Sakura hopping off their stools to approach Kakashi.

"So, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura began, bowing deeply. "What will we be doing today? Iruka-sensei's been keeping our training light since we got back from Nami," she explained, rubbing her leg as she remembered the scar that she'd gotten fighting Haku. "But he said you'd have some more ideas on how we can improve."

"Maybe..." he drawled in response, smiling as they tried to repress their reactions of annoyance. "But first I have to find out how good you guys are for myself. See you back at the training ground in a few minutes." he eye-smiled, vanishing in a Shunshin.

Sasuke turned to Sakura as Naruto bounded up, carrying a scroll in his hand. "Sakura, we have got to learn that jutsu soon."

OoOoO

"Alright then, it's time I evaluated your skill level for myself. We're going to be doing a little survival exercise," Kakashi greeted, holding up a pair of bells. "Your objective is to get one of these bells in the next hour. Whoever doesn't get a bell... well I'm sure we'll figure something suitable for them." he smiled, inwardly wishing that he had the 'sent back to the academy' trump card he normally held. It would make it more entertaining, if nothing else.

The three of them looked between one another before Naruto shrugged, taking a basic taijutsu stance. "Then we'd best get started, eh, new sensei?" he grinned before bounding forwards to throw a punch. Even Sasuke was barely able to see the movements their teacher made that led to him sitting on Naruto, one arm held behind the genin's back.

"Sheesh, you're a bit impatient, aren't you? I haven't even set the timer yet." Kakashi scolded. The genin tensed simultaneously, making their sensei grin internally. 'That's more like it- fear and anger, a teacher's best source of entertainment.'

"If you're ready to go..." he drawled, seeing Sasuke's jaw set and Sakura's eyes widen as he set the timer, holding it up for them to see.

"Show me what you've got."