Baby Got Rack!

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Hentai Shinobi Rule 7: If you set your mind to it, you can jack off to anything.

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It was another one of those days where Mito would have several questions. But Kai was content in obliging the woman's wishes. Their talks never exceeded a few minutes, and Mito never appeared judgmental compared to other elders in the village who had something to say about everything!

Oh, you shouldn't trip children.

Why would you steal her candy?

You shouldn't break their toys.

Don't tell orphans in an orphanage they are unwanted!

The list goes on and on!

Kai would have thought it was something he did if he didn't know any better!

"Seals?" Kai let the word sit on his lips. "I remember the ones you taught us before, Mito-sama. But it was just how to write a few and maintain the stability of our hands while writing them."

"Indeed," Mito smiled. "Seals are the backbone fuinjutsu. A sealing master must be precise in the strokes of his brush, the amount of chakra stored within the ink, and the consistency of the ink itself. But I never taught you about the unorthodox uses of seals, did I?"

"I don't know? Did you?" Kai impishly smirked as Mito ate the creamy pie Kai baked for her.

"You're lucky that your cooking is getting better by the day," Mito scoffed with a fond smirk. "As for seals… do you remember us discussing various clans divided into main and branch families?"

Kai nodded.

"And are you aware of kekkei genkai?"

Kai rolled his eyes. "Am I? Kushina and Mikoto wore my ears about how superior their chakra reserves or eyes were. I don't know why they like bragging when I still beat them in every practice and bukijutsu exercise. And they have the galls to touch me after losing to me! Why can't everybody be like Tsume?"

Mito refrained from pointing out how the boy adored being adored. She let him pretend and fuss before chuckling. "I'm sure you are enduring hell every day, dear. But back on topic. Why do you think such dojutsu and kekkei genkai aren't easily leaked into other shinobi villages?"

"I'm going to take a wild guess here," Kai looked up from Mito's surprisingly swiftly 'de-aging' feet. It would seem his massages were doing the work of Rikudo. "Since you brought the topic of seals, the answer should be the same."

The corner of Mito's lips twitched as she felt the boy's sass. Like his talents, his sass continued growing.

"Indeed," Mito didn't give Kai the satisfaction of his sassy remarks working on her by keeping a kind smile on her face. "Seals are more than producing explosive tags. Seals are the classification of Jutsu that can perform everything an elemental ninjutsu can and more. For instance, the Hyuga Clan's Main Family issued a seal upon the branch family. This seal allows the Clan Leader and Elders to manipulate the seal's 'key' to physically control the branch family."

She observed the boy's reaction as he frowned with surprising distaste. His words shocked her more.

"Are they afraid of their members to the point of enslaving them?"

"What do you mean, Kai-kun?"

Kai worked his jaw before pointing out. "I could understand if you want to enslave a prisoner. I could even understand someone getting sealed like this in return for getting something of similar value. But what is the point of enslaving your family?"

"To protect their eyes, boy," Mito chuckled. But a strange flicker appeared in her gaze as she expected Kai to question something. And he did.

"Do the Main Family also have similar seals?"

"They don't."

"No wonder that Hyuga girl in our class is such a tight-ass," Kai blinked. "That explains a lot of things."

"And you accept this?" Mito tilted her head. "Only the Hyuga Clan has such a seal. Meanwhile, the Uchiha Clan targets another body part with a seal to prevent such cases. However, I won't go too in-depth about them."

Kai shrugged.

"Didn't better shinobi than me come and go? They would have solved it if it was effortless to accomplish."

Mito smiled. "The Hyuga and the Uchiha once visited me to help them develop better seals. Why do you think I ignored their pleas? Don't you think I was unkind to Hyuga Clan's branch family members?"

Kai laughed. "Won't that be like saying I was unkind to a girl by popping her balloon?"

Mito blinked. "You did?"

"Yes."

"That was unkind of you, Kai-kun," Mito frowned as Kai shook his head.

"On the contrary, Mito-sama. I taught that girl a valuable lesson. She now understands that life will hand her shit to deal with even when she is doing nothing. Just to drive in the point, I laughed at her while she cried."

Mito fell silent. A part of her appeared… shocked. And the other part—

"Bahahahaha! Who needs monsters like me when you're rearing this kid? You—grooming, dry bitch! How does it feel—"

Mito ignored the voice and looked at Kai. "Did you hurt the girl?"

"Of course not," Kai pouted. "I even tossed a candy in her mouth when she cried and gave her the money to buy another balloon. Sure, I popped it again… BUT I gave her more money later."

That had got to be the weirdest thing Mito heard this year. And she'd heard a lot of things.

So, Mito shook her head. Eccentricity often follows genius.

"It's alright, dear," Mito smiled.

"It is?"

"It is?" Kai shared the sentiment with Mito's furry tenant as the woman shrugged.

"Of course. Just keep making pies like this," Mito smirked at the boy before enjoying a spoonful of cream.

"Say, dear," Mito began. "You said something intriguing before. What was that about accepting a seal for a price?"

Kai covered Mito's feet before pumping a few squirts of cleansing liquid on his hand and rubbing them together. "I suppose everything has a price. I get stronger when I train, but I lose time—the time I could have used for other things. For instance, that pie. It took me two hours to bake it. I lost those two hours, but I also got some appreciation for it." The boy smiled. "Similarly, I don't mind helping you because all that spent time always makes me happy and relieved. So, I would expect something in return had I been a Hyuga and ready for that seal. It could be training in the ways of the main family, special privileges for my family if I had any, or something else."

Mito nodded. "I'm glad you feel happy around me, Kai-kun."

"Well," Kai shrugged. "You're like a grandma, Mito-sama. Of course, I'm happy around you."

"Pft—GRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Mito's lips twitched as she nodded and dismissed Kai.

<<<>>>

Kai looked at his stats and was positively satisfied with his growth. It was already the end of the second week of June, and the curriculum would soon transition into more chakra-oriented jutsu.

[Name: Kai

Age: 8

Title: Konoha Student

Gamer Traits: Skill Tree; Sleepless Gamer

Skill Points: 102→181

Chakra: 28→40/1000 (1/hr)

Physique: 37→43/1000

Mental: 13→21/1000

Perception: 36→51/1000

Chakra Control: 10%

Skills:

Titles:]

[Rope Escape Technique (E) (10/10): Can't be bondaged against your will. This skill informs the users about several joints and corners of the body that can be more pliant than the rest to quickly escape tricky knots and tight corners.]

[Trap Making Art (E) (15/15): Who says you can't be a trap? It's an information-granting skill to inform a catalog of traps, their parts, the interactions between several hooks, devices, and more.

Skill Tree Evolution: Fuin Trap Construction Art (B) (0/50)]

[Fuin Trap Construction Art (B) (0/50) (Locked)

Unlocking Conditions: 12 SP, 250 Chakra, 200 Perception.]

[Shuriken Throwing Art (E) (8/15): Learn the way of tossing stars. This skill improves the user's knowledge, aim, and hand-eye coordination for throwing a shuriken at the target at every level.

Next Level: Achieve perfect aim 319/351 {Active Title: Konoha Student} Or 1 SP.

Skill Tree Evolution: Fuma Shuriken Art (D) (0/15); Shuriken Formation Art (C) (0/20); Chakra Enhanced Bukijutsu (B) (0/5)]

[Fuma Shuriken Art (D) (0/15) (Locked)

Unlocking Conditions: 2 SP, 50 Physique, 100 Perception.]

[Shuriken Formation Art (C) (0/20) (Locked)

Unlocking Conditions: 5 SP, 100 Perception, Mastered Skill: Shuriken Throwing Art (E).]

[Chakra Enhanced Bukijutsu (B) (0/5) (Locked)

Unlocking Conditions: 12 SP, 200 Chakra, 200 Perception, Mastered Skill: Chakra Flow (B)]

[Kunai Throwing Art (E) (15/15): Between a kunai and a lover, always pick kunai. This skill improves the user's knowledge, aim, and hand-eye coordination for throwing a kunai at the target at every level.

Skill Tree Evolution: Kunai Taijutsu (D) (0/15); Kunai Formation Art (C) (0/20); Chakra Enhanced Bukijutsu (B) (0/5)]

[Kunai Taijutsu (D) (0/15) (Locked)

Unlocking Conditions: 2 SP.]

[Kunai Formation Art (C) (0/20) (Locked)

Unlocking Conditions: 5 SP; 100 Perception, Mastered Skill: Kunai Throwing Art (E).]

As one would expect from a skill tree—a few skills had identical evolution across the board. However, Kai wasn't aware of Chakra Flow since the topic wasn't within the academy curriculum. His growth in all his stats may appear slow in a traditional sense. However, Kai put the same effort into raising several qualities as his peers, who only worked on a singular quality.

They weren't the same. However, the support skills were slow despite Kai cooking several things.

[Noble Cook (D) (1/25): Only experience and knowledge set a novice from Noble's cook. Yet, these dishes only satiate the tastebuds. Stand tall, you can cook. It's an information-granting skill that offers hundreds of recipes and bits about unique reactions between several ingredients to bestow heaven upon the tongue.

Next Level: Cook 65/120 different dishes Or 2 SP.

Skill Tree Evolution: Master Ch(i)ef (C) (0/50)]

He couldn't improve his cooking skills significantly since cooking new dishes took considerable time. Kai believed cooking was a slow and fruitful grind that did not affect his growth. Yes… cooking was the way to zen. Yep.

So, as usual, Kai chose to make his recess productive. Standing a few dozen feet away from the target, Kai aimed and—

*Shhhk*

*Thk* *Thk*

Two shurikens accurately landed on the red spot of the target across wooden stumps. It was only the beginning. Kai calmly picked two more dull shurikens before targeting the second rim of the target.

Then third.

And then the fourth!

"Tsume! You're up!" Kai grinned as the bundle of reverence and excitement jumped from her spot and dashed to the wooden stumps before retrieving the dull shurikens. In Tsume's words, she taught Kuromaru to be a good ninken by acting like one. So, it was only natural for the girl to accept a well-deserved head scratch as she grinned, revealing her sharp canines.

"Tch, he keeps getting better," Mikoto narrowed her eyes, feeling competitive. Kushina sat beside the Uchiha princess, enjoying her lunch under the tree's shade. They watch Kai train, having nothing better to do. However, their peace was short-lived once a group of boys emerged from the academy and located the duo.

"What is it?" Kushina scowled at the group. Kai would have applauded the group's stubbornness if he cared. Sure, many boys may have had a crush on Kushina, but it quickly turned into severe annoyance at her presence once their 'surefire' tactic of bullying their crush backfired. It only salted their nuts when Kushina and Mikoto spent more time mauling Kai's cheeks than looking at them when they tried being cool during the shurikenjutsu lessons.

"What?" One of the boys barked. "It's our academy, too. We can go wherever we want."

Mikoto nodded and dug into her food. She needed all the nourishment to trump the cheeky devil that practiced like there was no tomorrow.

Kushina snorted and ate without bothering them.

"Tsume! The shurikens," Kai 'encouraged.' His voice reached the group, and one of them snorted.

"Tch? Doesn't he have anything else to do?"

"Isn't Kai your servant, Kushina?" Another snorted. "You should keep him in check. How will you feel if your servant gets better than you?"

'If?' Mikoto blinked. Kai already surpassed Kushina in every area except for raw capabilities and chakra reserves. Meanwhile, Kushina's brows knitted into a scowl. "He isn't my servant! Stop being stupid."

"He is a menace," Hiruna Uchiha barked, glancing at Mikoto. "I saw him bullying little children. That's not how a shinobi should be.

Mikoto frowned. Sure, Kai did that. It wasn't like he hid his actions from others. But most of his acts were harmless jests. The boy also paid for 'damages,' stating he thrived on unchecked emotional damages instead.

But Kushina had enough of it as she stood, intending to leave.

"Tch, running off to your orphaned servant, Tomato?"

Kushina instinctively turned with a blank look on her face as her fist struck the boy, sending him flying and knocking against the tree. The almost rotten swing attached to the tree shuddered as Mikoto yelped and got away.

*Crash*

The tree fell with a loud noise as Kushina suddenly felt others' stare. It was different this time. She was a few punches short of letting it all loose, and the sight of the unconscious boy filled her mouth with bitterness.

Mikoto couldn't help but swallow the lump of rice stuck in her throat as the redhead looked away.

"Woah? Did Konji just rocket into a tree?" A loud, childish whistle broke the terrifying silence as Tsume agreed with his assessment. "Well observed, Alpha."

"Kai-chan… they…" Kushina floundered, unwilling to state how others thought little of him. She never saw the boy as her servant because he wasn't. But what if he grew distant from her when he learned the truth?

"Why did you punch Konji so hard for a servant?!" another boy screamed as Kushina's expression faltered. Mikoto couldn't help but glare at the broccoli head as Kai looked sideways at Tsume.

"Servant?"

"He isn't my servant!" Kushina shouted. Her head swiveled in Kai's direction with palpable worry in her gaze. "I didn't tell them to call you a servant, Kai-chan!"

"Duh," Kai shrugged. "I would have beaten your ass if you did. So? What's up? What did I miss?"

"Just… that," Mikoto nodded as Kai settled down, casually acquiring the spare spoon in HIS bento that Kushina and Mikoto ate from.

"You aren't mad?" Kushina looked surprised.

"Eh, you all do what you like," Kai ate ravenously, willingly sharing his potion with an eager Tsume—a perk those two devils will never get… yeah, never! His words shook the entire classroom gathered around him. "My time is too valuable to be wasted on losers who can't aim for shit with shuriken or kunai."

Kushina's gaze widened before she gritted her teeth. Hair floating behind her back, Kushina growled, "What did you just call me?"

"Huh? I forgot you can't aim for shit either," Kai shrugged. "But my point still stands." He swiftly dodged one attack, then another, and five more.

What happened after that wasn't appropriate to be described.

<<<>>>

Grinning from ear to ear, Kushina kept a tight hold over Kai as they walked out of the Academy and returned to the residence. It was a few buildings away. But Kushina continued humming all the way.

"Stupid Kai-Chan," she chirped. "You're really not angry about others calling you my servant?"

"Oh, I'm angry about many things," Kai replied sullenly, his neck almost choked by the bear's grip. Uncaring of his attitude, no matter how much he tried reducing her existence to dust with words, Kushina rubbed her cheeks with his.

"I'm so happy, dattebane! Hihi~! I should have known my Alpha-chan wouldn't care what others said."

"Just… let go," Kai groaned. He could put the girl in a headlock, but why bother? She would bounce back from it and continue her stubborn ways.

"Nope~!" Kushina grinned.

See?

But they were not expecting a guest visit. And boy! Kai's body kicked into overdrive when he saw a familiar slug resting near the residence's pond.

"Kya!" Kushina yelped as Kai shoved her away, prying out of her grip. Ignoring the surprised girl, Kai hurriedly looked himself over. He straightened his shirt, dusted his trousers, threaded his unruly black hair with his fingers, and splashed some pond water on his face to clean himself.

"What's gotten into you?" Kushina pouted as Kai grunted.

"You wouldn't get it."

Thinking something, Kai suddenly looked at the idle slug.

"Uh, hello," Kai nodded at the slug.

Surprising Kushina, the tiny slug tilted its optical tentacles in a supposed greeting as Kai crouched and offered the tiny deity some grass. It wasn't special grass, but Kai believed it was the thought that mattered.

"Kai-chan?"

Kai blinked and cleared his throat.

"Right… nothing happened. I just wanted to look more presentable."

Kushina couldn't help but look over herself. Strands of red hair stuck out from her locks, patches of dust marked her spats and kimono top, and she could scratch the grimy product from her face. Was it a wonder Kai did not enjoy Kushina rubbing her cheeks with his?

"Why?" Kushina inquired as Kai continued ahead.

"No reason."

"Beh! You're lying, dattebane!"

"So? What're you gonna do about it?" Kai shrugged as she pouted before grinning again.

"Nothing~!" She smiled sweetly. "Kai-chan deserves eight bowls of ramen!"

They entered the room before beelining towards Mito's room. It was their usual routine. Kushina's brain momentarily froze when they entered the room. Unlike normal, Mito was already sitting up and speaking with someone.

Kushina knew the blonde woman by her reputation. Kai-chan wouldn't stop talking about her whenever the topic steered in this woman's general direction. Kushina hadn't cared about his ramblings…, but for some reason, she suddenly cared.

Her chest tightened when she glanced at Kai and discovered how straight he stood… presenting himself.

Kushina observed the woman as Mito and her granddaughter stopped speaking, turning to look at the duo.

Bright blonde hair tucked into a high ponytail with two luscious locks framed her fair face. Like Kushina, the woman's amber gaze lingered over her, sharing her curiosity. The woman wore something similar to a white crop top and a red skirt, covering the mesh body suit underneath.

"Good timing, Kushina-chan," Mito smiled. "I'd like you to meet my granddaughter, Tsunade."

"Yo," Tsunade smirked at the duo. "Grandma says we're distant cousins."

The woman nodded at Kushina before zeroing in on Kai. Kushina felt something stuck in her throat—a lump she couldn't swallow.

"And Kai," Tsunade grinned. "Grandma's all praises about you, kid. Just a few months, and you're already at the top of your class?"

The trio of women waited for a response as Kai stood still with a smile.

Blinking, Mito cleared her throat.

Kai stood still.

"Konoha to Kai," Tsunade drawled with an amused smirk. "Are you still there?"

Anxious and annoyed at his lack of response, Kushina jabbed at his shoulder. That often elicited a response.

It didn't.

Kai slowly turned around and reached for the door.

"Kai-kun, I wanted to talk with you and Kushina," Mito coughed.

"Now?" Kai gulped. He couldn't stay in this room. Rikudo, have mercy, Kai wanted the [Gamer Body] for this hour. He could control his mind like a switch after a lifetime of Gamer's Mind, but his body was fueled with chakra… and dangerous hormones. He didn't believe his body could even have such reactions until now.

"Now," Mito rolled her eyes.

Resisting the urge to rush out, Kai felt grateful that his trousers were baggy… and he was still a kid. Nobody would notice what's going down there, right?

Kai turned around and slowly walked back to stand beside a confused Kushina as Tsunade humored an amused, toying smirk on her pretty, plump lips. Her foot tapped on the floor.

"Nothing to say, Kai-chan?" Tsunade wagged her brow. How she learned of that accursed suffix was anybody's guess.

"Thank you," Kai averted his gaze. It wasn't hard to look away. It's not like the mix of her smooth flesh and mesh was attractive or anything or the sneakiest peak of her belly button. Kai definitely did not find his gaze momentarily gravitating to the full thighs crossed and stretching the fabric of her red skirt.

"Mastering academy taijutsu in a week and learning other subjects at the same pace, yes?" Tsunade continued as Kai nodded.

Kushina felt something weird.

"Very good," Tsunade remarked with an enticing tone as hers and Mito's gaze caught the slightest twitch of the fabric of Kai's trousers.

'Kill me now!' Kai groaned. The fuck was his previous host on about? Was he gay? How come the current Kai had such a reaction but not the previous one?

"Alright," Mito scoffed. "Wait outside for now."

Tsunade shrugged.

"Relax, Grandma. You kept praising Kai-chan so much. More than Nawaki, too." She pouted.

"Hmph," Mito barked. "Nawaki can get his sweets when he shows his damn face around here."

"Yeah," Tsunade's shoulders slumped. She turned her gaze to Kushina again. "Nawaki is my younger brother. He recently graduated as a genin and helps around the village with Team Orochi. You should introduce yourself when you get a chance."

Kushina nodded, "I will… uh, cousin."

"Tsunade is fine," the blonde smiled and stood. Kai planned to question this world's god about why her rack bounced the way it did.

"Yes, Tsunade-san!" Kushina smiled.

"Hmm. Listen to what Grandma has to say. I'll be waiting outside," Tsunade reached out to ruffle Kushina's already unkempt hair before turning to Kai with a prominent smirk.

Flicking Kai's forehead, Tsunade said, "That's for all the pranks. Did you think I wouldn't know about them? Now, be a good child and try to understand Grandma's position. Do you understand?"

Kai frowned and nodded. However, her scent refused to leave his senses alone.

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Alternate Title: Sass Queen Kai; Continuous Chats; Kyubi Is Mood; The Talk of Seals; Kekkei Genkai Protection; Hyugas Exist For a Reason Without Experiencing any Civil Unrest—Plot; Kai, The Menace To Children and Weak Alike; Also Kai: Here's a Balloon… *Pop*; No Wonder Hashi and Madara Were a Thing, Mito's an Enabler; Mito Likes Her Pie Creamy; Cook Kai On Duty; Dutiful Grind; The Skills; Monthly Grind; Kai Is a Man of Habit; Delicate Grind Balance; The Shuriken Practice; Tsume Is a Good Example For Packs; The Happy Kouhai?; The Boys; Panicked Kushina; Kushina Likes Her Kai Cheeky And Trained; Kai To Everyone But Mikoto: Losers; The Boys Tried, But The Princess Wanted Their Cheek Machine; Kai's Cheeks=Stress Release; The Perfection; Kai Instantly Locks On; Bribing Katsuyu With Grass; Hormones of TWO Lives Hit Kai Like a Truck; Kai: Thank Rikudo For Small PP *Also Kai: Not Noticing The Tilted Tent In His Pants*; The Tsunade That Gets It; Jiggle Physics Is Real; Nawaki's Sister; The Serious Chat

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Teen Tsunade

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