Letters to Pupillam (1)

While Kazuya wanted to ask Prince Andrew what he plans to do with the information of his deceased wife's soul wandering around. He realized Lyn was awake and sent the man away. Lyn didn't bother pretending anymore, and woke up immediately. She looked like she has a lot she wanted to say. But instead his wife took his hand and told him he wanted to walk outside.

Kazuya agreed, and after ensuring she was wrapped up nicely the two of them made their way outside. As expected of the Snow Kingdom, it is constantly snowing here. Since he arrived Kazuya hasn't seen a single day where it hasn't snowed.

The two of them stood there, just watching the view. While they've never had problems coming up with topics. For some reason this felt just right.

____

3 hours later

"Lyn, what are you doing?"

"I was writing a letter,"

Kazuya frowned and looped his arms around her, "To Rhys? You know he's going to come here soon anyway."

Laughter passed her lips, "No silly, to Pupillam."

"Hmmm, let me watch. Can't have you being sneaky dear wife," Kazuya said as he took a seat beside her, "Are you stuck? You've barely written anything?"

Lyn looked down at the piece of paper in front of her and tapped her pen against the desk, "Actually, there's so much I want to talk to her about."

-

Dear Pupillam

My dearest friend. It's strange to start of this way, you've always ensured there was a boundary between us. You made sure that I didn't overly rely on you. But at the same time you were the only one who was willing to listen, the only one who was true to me.

The two of us had our ups and downs, but we've never truly argued. You got frustrated whenever I put myself down, harmed myself -

But you never expected me to lie to you.

By now I'm sure you know everything, I won't ask for words of forgiveness anymore. But I want you to know how very important you are to me..

Did you know? You were the first person to treat me with such kindness and warmth in such a long time. After I was hurt several times and betrayed, that lead to me being cautious about friendships. I was cautious about the world. I silently observed, I didn't start up conversations until people asked me. I remained doubtful. Is there such a thing as true friendship? Is there somebody out there who is genuinely sincere? I wasn't sure.

But you showed me how wrong I was. You treated me so kindly, you were patient with me. You got angry for my sake, scolded me like a friend should do. You showed me the sincerity and kindness I stopped believing in. You made me believe it was possible to trust others, to have a good relationship with them.

You pulled up this broken girl from the ground and gave her hope - but what did I down in return? I lied. When I realized that you truly cared, I started to make up excuses to speak with you less frequently. Going to sleep early, being busy, all of it was an excuse. Or maybe this could be called a lie to you?

Why did I respond to your kindness in such a cruel way? While I was slowly starting to trust in others again because of the kindness you showed me. Deep down I'm still afraid, deep down I'm still that messed up girl who can't trust others, who is afraid of them. Deep down I was worried, 'One day won't this all come to an end?' And if it does, what will I do then?

I hadn't realized how much I started relying on you till now. We always spoke about how you helped sort out my thoughts, and I can see without you once again my thoughts are a mess. What's actually happening now? What does this mean? There's a saying that you only realize how important something is until it's gone, and that's what I feel right now.

I'm writing this letter, but I don't know where you are or if you'll ever read it. But I'll send it anyway, I'll write it several times until it reaches you. This won't be the first one, there will be many more. Until I hear your words. This must be the first time we've fought with each other, I don't remember the last time we genuinely had an argument.

As you can see, I can't even last a day not speaking with you. I'll confess everything, I'll genuinely tell you the truth. But I want you to hear it from me. Don't hear it from somebody else.

The friendship we once had deserves at least this much? Is it foolish to ask for you to hear me out?

Lyn

-

It was difficult to write the last sentence, there was so much more. So many more words she wanted to say. A series of letter, she's breaking down just writing one.

Kazuya wrapped his arms around her tighter, "Sssh, don't cry Lyn."

"I, never wanted to hurt her like that."

"Yeah."

"But, but," and yet she did it? What excuse does she have? Even if she has one. The damage has been done already. A friendship once broken, can never return to normal.

But even so, if there is a glimmer of hope she wants to try.

*UNEDITED*