Walking about

((Book 1 if this is your first time here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BZZBHBMF))

"Is walking around a good idea?"

"Better than laying about." I answer, "Where are my clothes? My wand?"

"Your medium broke, and we washed your armor. It is currently hanging out in front of the house."

How could she be talking so freely with someone who was responsible for so much death? To someone responsible for the injuries she sustained? If only I had acted sooner. If only I weren't so hesitant, if only…Ah. Nyt is just pretending to be friendly, to spare your feelings, Lawrence. How pitiful.

"Thank you. I'll get them."

Her eyes never leave my chest. I suppose she doesn't even want to look me in the eyes. Can I blame her? How many of her comrades died because of my mistake? Sure we won in the end, but at what cost? I feel my father's cold, cold hands on the back of my neck once more, and a shiver runs up my spine.

"Where did you get that?" She asks, motioning to the amulet.

"Ah, it was around my mother's neck."

She winces.

"Why? Do you know what it is?"

"I don't think you're going to like it."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a spirit stone."

"Spirit stone?"

The Ir nods.

"You place it on the person before they die, and it captures their soul."

"That's….why?"

It takes a moment for me to realize the implications, and I pull it off of my neck.

"Normally, it's used for when the elderly are about to pass so that their children would be able to say goodbye, no matter where in the world they are."

"So...my mother is in here?"

The Ir nods.

"But…"

"But?"

"The spirits within can only last a month before they go mad and they turn into Shades."

Shades...ah, no wonder the glow on this stone was so familiar.

"Like the ones in the kris I had?"

"Kris?"

"That wavy dagger I had?"

She mouths a soundless, 'ah,' and nods her head.

"Yes, she'll become one of those if she's not released." The Ir states plainly.

A month? How long had she been in there? A couple of weeks?

"How do I release her?"

"Typically, you would have to be the one to urge the spirit on."

"I understand," I say as I take a deep, shuttering breath.

"Do you want to wait until we're on Earth to do it?"

I think it over for a moment. Mark had all but cut them out of his life, and she had no family that kept in contact with her. Would he want to say goodbye? Would he even care that she's gone?

"I recommend doing it here," Nyt says after some length. "Your father passed here as well," her words sting a little, "And the Keeper of the Bridge can lead the lost souls back home."

"The Keeper of the Bridge?"

"She that maintains the divide between The Living world and the World of the Dead. There they'll be ushered to your world to rejoin their ancestors."

"Are you sure? Aren't the gods of this world dead?"

She winces in pain at my words.

"Efra's not dead." She says in a low whisper, "Once Roki's gone, we'll be able to…"

"I'm sorry, I assumed…"

She takes a deep breath.

"It's alright." She says in a hurried whisper, "We'll win, and we'll be able to bring the gods back."

How could she be so confident?

"Especially since we have you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" My first inclination is that she's being sarcastic.

"You killed an apostle and slew an army of nearly 2000 strong in almost the blink of an eye. Do you not know how incredible that is? Can all of Earth's Apostles do that?"

All I really remember from the fight was the white-hot rage and the catharsis I felt after splitting the apostle like a dried log. I don't know if I can take credit for my actions there, but the fact remains that the apostle and his entire army were dead, and I had done it.

"But my inaction lead to the deaths of hundreds of our people."

"Your inaction? No. Your naivete, yes. You put your trust in people who never showed, but that's not your fault, is it?"

She's right. It's not my fault that they chose to abandon me, but it was my fault for putting my trust in someone else. It's a mistake I vow in that instance to never make again.

"So they never did come?"

She shakes her head.

"Even after I had been missing for nearly four days..."

She shakes her head again.

Were they caught up in something? Were they dead? I suppose I shouldn't blame them just yet. I unclench my fist.

"I want you to know, Lawrence. No Efran here blames you for the deaths on our side, in fact, we are all grateful."

"How could you be?"

"What do you think was all of our fates if you hadn't come?"

"I don't know."

"You went to the fifth island, right? The one full of poison? That would be one of them. We would be worked to death, used in experiments for the Poisoners, or cut up and used as food. Without your intervention, we were already dead."

For a moment I do not respond. How conditioned have I been to always view everything in the worst possible way? Certainly, many died during the battle, but many lived and will continue to live for the remainder of their lives free. And to those who died, I had given them a fighting chance at surviving. How long would it have taken to see this if it weren't for her words?

"Thank you." I manage to mutter out after some time.

"You're thanking me? Didn't you just hear what I had just said?"

"I did, but it helped straighten my mind out some."

"What does that mean?"

I suppose it's an expression that doesn't translate well to Efran.

"Helped clarify some things."

"Ah, you're welcome then. It's a hurdle that most good commanders have to clear; moving past the 'what-ifs,' and the, 'if-I-had-dones,' as my mentor had called them. You'll wrestle with them more in the future."

No, I won't. I don't plan on leading any more people like this. I have to get stronger so that if I come across another situation like this, I won't have to stay hiding behind the walls. Strong enough so that I could confidently take on an army by myself. Strong enough so that I could take on the whole world without risking another person's life. Strong enough to kill a god, at the very least. That is the second vow I make to myself that day. I hold the amulet up in my grasp.

"Could you pass me my shirt and eye patch?"

"I'll do you one better. I'll get all of your stuff together now."

"All of my stuff?"