Chapter 34:  A Life In Reflection

The Master Bedroom, The Rawsone Residence, Denver, Colorado...

Anxious and weary were the two emotions that described Julia Rawsone as she found herself lying awake in bed awaiting the arrival of her ailing husband. Hadrian had been gone for hours attempting to get an early session with Maureen and it only made the situation more tense for her as she agonized over what the outcome would be. The questions on whether or not his condition could be treated were numerous and disconcerting. Still, she had hope that he could be treated and that they could get back to their lives. Guilt had consumed her as she thought back through the nineteen years they'd been married and the upcoming twentieth year that was ahead of them.

Hadrian had done everything he possibly could to ensure that she and the girls were happy and safe and felt loved and somehow she had lost sight of that the past year and betrayed him in the worst way possible. Maureen had been right, of course. She would have to eventually come clean to her husband about what she'd done and hope that he had it in him to forgive her.

She had not counted on his being kidnapped nor the subsequent shooting happening to him during the time she believed she'd been "living her life". She had not given a second thought to what that meant for him or their marriage and looking back on it all, all she felt was guilt and shame for having taken the poor man for granted.

Julia couldn't help, but look back on the years she had known Hadrian and reflect on their life together. He'd been there for her every step of the way ever since they officially met. She recalled seeing him around school, the quiet boy with towering height always sitting beneath the same tree at lunchtime and sketching something or another in the book he always carried around with him. Not a day passed that she didn't see him lugging that sketchbook of his, something she found out about after they got together when he showed her his collection of drawings for the first time.

She'd been blown away by his talent. All those long hours of just sketching beneath the tree while the world seemed to pass him by and he saw more in those moments than anyone else ever did while living their lives.

It wasn't difficult to recall the handsome boy with lengthy dark hair and curious eyes that seemed to change color during his moods or with the season. He dressed rather casually, jeans and a t-shirt mostly, and a pair of unappealing off-brand shoes depending on which shirt he had on that day. Hadrian didn't have very many friends in those days, just Gary Sanders, mostly because Gary was two years younger and fascinated by Hadrian's ability to draw.

Julie wasn't at her best back then and it was with good reason. She'd been the target of local jock and resident bully Rhett Davis after having rejected him when he attempted to make a pass at her. Rhett was apparently as charismatic and rich as it got when they were kids. His father owned several businesses and bought his way out of trouble time and time again.

She loathed to even think about the scumbag Rhett Davis, but it was how she first fell in love with Hadrian Rawsone. Julia had been a girl of sixteen when she was invited to a party that had less to do with having a good time with friends than it had to do with Rhett attempting to get back at her. Formerly close friends of hers had talked her into going and when it was all said and done they parted ways for life.

Looking back on that time she never would have believed she would have survived it without Hadrian right there beside her. A smile came to her as she thought back to their first initial meeting. They were both late for Home Ec. She due to having spent the past hour and a half crying her eyes out in the girl's restroom after receiving the worst news of her life from the nurse about her queasy stomach and odd cravings. Hadrian had been where he always was in those days, sitting under the big tree in the center of the courtyard having lunch alone and drawing in his sketchbook. They had gotten to class at roughly the same time and well after the bell.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

Home Economics Classroom, 1973.....

Hadrian Rawsone was attempting to get his sketchbook into his bookbag when he accidentally bumped into a teary-eyed young woman whom he knew for quite some time to have been Julia Renwald. He could see the sadness behind her eyes and the urgency in her manner as she attempted to get into the classroom as quickly as he had with both of them knowing how late it was. The teacher at the time was none other than Gloria Patterson and she wasn't too thrilled about the two tardy students walking in during her introduction lecture. She was an average old woman with piercing blue eyes that looked the equivalent of steel when she was angry and a leathery face that came with her considerable age. She wore casual attire, a nice colored purple blouse with white lace trimming and a pair of blue jeans with flat brown shoes. She wore horn-framed brown glasses with string on the ends that hung around her neck when not using them and had her hands bent at the wrist fashioned along her hips.

"Renwald, Rawsone...both of you are late and as such you have lost the ability to willingly choose your partners for this new assignment", bellowed the annoyed older woman. " As it so happens, Claude Parker and Janet Ross are absent so they will have to settle for each other while you two will be working together."

Hadrian looked at Julia in shock as they noticed the rest of their classmates had already been paired up and sitting in their respective seats. Julia and Hadrian had little choice but to take an empty set of seats together and attempt to catch up on what Miss Paterson had in store for them.

Much to Julia's chagrin, they were to be the parents of an egg for three months to practice and learn social, parenting, and practical life skills for use in the future. Skills that would no doubt come in handy with the dilemma she was facing for the coming weeks. No one around her had known it, but she'd been pregnant during this time and fearful of a great many things.

Hadrian didn't seem bothered by being her partner and was very quiet and respectful as far as she could tell. He had gotten good grades despite his tendency to draw in class and the subsequent scoldings he got from it. Julia was no slouch in the academic department other due to her intentions of going to medical school which was being slowly eroded by the encroaching knowledge that she'd been pregnant.

Hadrian could seem to tell how upset she had been and did his best to cover for her in class and keep an eye on her. He was her partner after all and took his position as such very seriously. Once the ending of class occurred, Julia took off like a bolt of lightning feeling the onset of nausea coming on and her disgust at having to endure parenting classes while being pregnant through no fault of her own.

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

The Rawsone Residence, Denver, Colorado...

Julia couldn't take the memories and promptly got out of bed and rushed downstairs only to be greeted by a knock at the front door. She had no idea who it could be as Hadrian had his own set of keys and her parents were out of town this week. Annoyed already from the haze of old memories she so desperately wanted to forget, she opened the door only to find Gary Sanders standing on the other side with a look of longing and sadness filed across his face.

"Gary..." she said taking in the sight of her husband's best friend. "You shouldn't be here."

Gary looked a right mess, his clothes were disheveled and his hair a mess. It was like he had not slept in days. He was of average height but towered above Julia and his hands were trembling as he attempted to keep them in his pockets. As far as features went he was decidedly handsome, not spectacular, but alright to look at most days. He wore a gray suit with a sweat-blasted cream-colored shirt that used to be white once upon a time and a loose gray tie with black dress shoes. He wore glasses, square frames brownish in color and his weary blue eyes fell upon the woman of his best friend's wife and the woman of his dreams.

"I can't stop thinking about you Julie," he said unsure how to process his recurring feelings. "I can't get you out of my head...I don't care if he knows...I'm still in love with you and I..."

"Stop," said Julia not wanting to hear any more of this. "You need to leave now, Gary...my husband is ill and he will be back soon."

"Since when do you care about how he feels?" asked Gary with an arched brow. "Didn't you use to tell me that he was nothing more than a brick wall with little to no emotion...he couldn't even be bothered to help you mourn your dead son."

Julia turned away at the mention of her deceased son. It was difficult enough to deal with the loss and then to have it thrown in her face by the one person that had no right to do so.

Gary noticed his mistake and attempted to apologize.

"Julie I'm sorry...I didn't mean to....he doesn't deserve you." he reasoned.

Julia had heard enough and turned to face the man she had been so callously willing to betray her nineteen years of marriage within the wake of her own pain.

"You will not do this...you will come here and insult my husband." said Julia with narrowed eyes. "if you wish to talk we will do it some other time, but not here and not tonight...Hadrian has been ill since he was shot and I will not have you undermining his recovery."

Gary had been surprised to hear this. While he had not liked the idea of Hadrian being with Julia he couldn't wrap his mind around whom would want to hurt Hadrian Rawsone enough to want him dead.

"Shot?" said Gary confused. "I didn't know he was shot...I Julia, I'm so sorry."

"Just leave Gary..." replied Julia. "I already have a lot to deal with and there is no telling when Hadrian will be home."

Gary nodded feeling it for the best.

"We'll talk later," he said making his way out the front door and leaving Julia to her shame of having been involved behind her husband's back in the first place.

Nineteen Years.

She was willing to throw away nineteen years due to a misunderstanding and never once considered how it made her husband who had been there for her ever since that day in Home Economics class.

Julia shut the door behind her and proceeded toward the kitchen in search of a drink, where she'd await the arrival of her husband and decided what to do when the time came.