Lost

- 1 week later -

Staring out the window, I felt as if time had slowed down. Is it wrong to be lost in my mind? To others, I look as if I had experienced something painful. No smile shone on my face expressing my emotions. Looking down, I felt as if the world was thousands of miles below me even though I was on the ground. Feeling someone wrap their arm around me, I almost jumped out of my skin. Oh, it was Eva when I felt her hug me tighter. Tears of anger and sadness slid down my cheek, making me know how broken I had become. What broke me to the point I almost feel hollow?

- 4 days earlier -

Smiling, I was joking around and playing cards with Eva and James. They were trying to keep me from having a mental breakdown a day before the wedding. It was fun seeing James lose to Eva and me. Ericka was also there watching us and laughing all the while. James always turned towards her and said, "Then why don't you try to beat these experts." Laughing some more, Ericka said, "It's not. They are experts. It's just that you suck." Looking at her, James said, "Why don't you come over here and say that to my face!" Getting up, Ericka repeated herself to his face and sat back down. Causing Eva to kiss James's face causing him to go quiet and get back to playing the game. Honestly, who needs a comedy show when you have this.

It was so enjoyable that I forgot the worries of having a wedding. Soon hours passed as we laughed. Nick never came. He was never there in the first place. I didn't mind that he was finishing a project for work that he never finished. It was lonely, but I had everyone else with me, making me not notice it myself. We spent the night arguing and having fun, making me relax and feel like I could conquer the world. It was only for a while, but I felt a tingle of worry spread throughout myself. Will I mess up? It was the question on my mind. I ignored my self-doubt and went to bed.

It's the day of the wedding. I'm so nervous. Standing there, I waited in the hall, waiting for someone to say Nick was there. No one has seen him since yesterday. He never came home, and no one had seen him at work. When I called, I even asked if they had seen him leave work the day before. He was never at work, but I waited. I didn't mind that he wasn't at work, but I wish I knew where he was. I haven't seen him, the person whom I'm supposed to marry in a few moments. As I look at my hands, I see the beautiful design that seemed to pop out, making the theme for the wedding seem more apparent.

- 1 hour later -

he isn't here the wedding was supposed to take place half an hour ago. Where is he? Calling his phone for the 20th time, not like anyone is counting. My call was sent straight to voicemail. I'll wait for him no matter what. As I sat there, some people were getting ready to leave since they had more important things to attend to. Looking at the time on my phone before I made another call, minutes turned into hours. Taking a breath, some people who stayed for the few hours which remained saw me walk out of a small room. Standing at the podium, I did what no woman should. Taking a deep breath, I said, "To everyone who remained here, I apologize. As the host for the wedding, you can leave the wedding has been called off due to the groom not being present for the wedding." Tears slid down my face as I talked, and I started to hiccup. "As an apology to you all, you can go to the reception hall and eat to your fill. All are dismissed... I am sorry for the inconvenience, and have a great rest of your day." Slowly but surely, people started to leave. Even my best friends, who seemed not to know what to do, went. Once the area was empty, I fell to the ground, tears streaming down my face. Covering my mouth, I almost screamed into my hand as tears streamed down my face. Where is he? Why did he not come? Where is he? Why do I feel that he wasn't going to go in the first place? All my doubts and insecurities started to spill out of me as I cried.

Where is a god when you need him? Why can't my suffering end? It is too harsh, too harsh. Why should I suffer through all this torment? Hearing a bang of the double doors, I saw the silhouette of James walking towards me along with Mr. and Mrs. Crem. I couldn't make out their faces, but I knew that Mrs. Crem said they would take care of the rest. What's going on? Did James find Nick? Is Nick here? Standing up, I heard James say something, but I didn't listen. Kicking off my heels, I ran out of the double doors to find that Nick wasn't there. Nick, where are you?

Tears slid down my face. I crumpled on the ground once more, this time in shock and sadness. Isn't this supposed to be the best day of my life? Why??? Why??? Why??? Why is this turning into my worst nightmare worse than the other nightmares of my past? Tears were streaming down my face as I heard wailing from my mouth, not sounding like me. It sounded like a wounded animal who would never see the light of day or even face the worst betrayal. It wasn't me. It can't be me, but alas, it was me. I was in pain. I knew why; I just didn't want to admit it. I don't want to admit it.

Feeling several people wrap their arms around me, my wails became even louder as I shouted, "LEAVE ME! LEAVE ME!!!" Trying to shake off their arms, I was too tired and broken to muster enough strength to fight. Feeling hands standing me up, I could not discern shapes and blurs from my tears. Nick, please come back. Walking to what I think is a car, I was sat down when my eyes started to dry, and my tears stopped only for a moment. At that moment, I wanted to hide my eye's I didn't want to see it. I was home. It wasn't my home anymore. All of the things that made the house ours disappeared. All Nick's things were gone making me know that he had left. He is not here, and I knew it.

I fell to the floor, tears streaming down my face once again. He left me... Nick left me... he left me on our wedding day. My face was wet with tears as I silently cried. Walking over to the couch that we chose together, I buried my face into the pillows we both chose when we got to the place. The things that made it not seem like just me only remained in the things that we got together.