Give In

Most people follow the norm. Why? Because that's tried and tested. But you see, that's where the competition is the harshest because they're all fighting for a limited number of opportunity.

"We're graduating soon. May naisip ka na bang course?" tanong ni Mark habang kumakain kami sa canteen. "Wait, kailangan mo pa ba? I mean, you can go straight to training then enlisting."

I curved my lips. "I'm only 16 now, turning 17 in a couple of months. You have to be at least 18 to take the AFPSAT." hindi naman ganoon kadaling magsundalo.

"Then why are your brothers still studying? Hindi ba magsusundalo sila?"

"Dad wants them to finish a 4 year course before enlisting. It's to give them a taste of freedom. They can decide on what they want. Pagpasok nila sa military hindi na sila ang magdidikta."

"Why? Gusto mo din ba?" biro ko sa kaniya. Natawa lang si Georgina. I can feel her shaking beside me.

"As if naman. Iba ang hilig niyan." Mark wanted to be free. To travel the world and capture its beauty. Not bad for him since he has the potential and money to support his dreams. Suportado din siya ng kaniyang mga kapatid.

"Saan? Sa pambababae?" Barbara said. She just finished eating her salad. Nagbabawas na naman ng timbang kaya ganyan. I don't see anything wrong with her body tho. She looks glorious.

"Look who's talking. As if you're different. Si Lilliana lang ang medyo matino sa atin." labag man sa kaniya, walang nagawa si Mark kung hindi aminin ito.

I smirked at them. That's why you need to 'mold' your child while they're still young. And it demands continuous brainwashing to keep them in check. Dad has perfected this aspect, Severinos and their rules.

"I'm studying arts. You can do literature Lil. Tutal ikaw naman ang editor-in-chief ng school paper natin."

The truth is, I can do any 4 year course basta hindi related sa math. I'll be a soldier after it anyways. I just want to spend my time doing what I want. That way, hindi ako tatamaring mag-aral.

Hindi din kami dinidiktahan ni dad pagdating dito. Ayaw daw niyang idahilan namin na napilitan lang kami sa kursong kinuha dahil siya ang pumili nito sa oras na bumagsak kami. It makes sense anyway but I know deep down that he loves us so much that he can't bear for us to be caged by his dreams. Yes, he wanted his children to be soldiers but not if it is not what we wanted. Not if it's against our will.

Somebody stopped me before I leave the room. John, the baseball team captain is there, waiting with a boquet of pink roses. My classmates are swooning at him. I don't even know how I managed to walk towards him given the commotion around. It's an open secret that he likes me. He never waste any chance he can get to confess to me. Maybe this is the reason why I don't have any suitor aside from him.

"Hi Esperanza!" bati niya. He calls me by my second name, para daw siya lang ang naiiba. I sighed inwardly. Here we go again. "This is for you."

I smiled at his gesture but deep inside I am thinking of giving the flowers to Georgina. It suits her. Dad might misinterpret it as me dating someone.

Ilang beses ko ng sinabi sa kaniyang may gusto akong iba. But he just brushed it off as my excuse. Patuloy daw siyang manliligaw hanggang wala pa akong boyfriend.

"Thanks John." I looked at my phone to support my alibi. "Mang Delfin just texted me. Nasa labas na daw siya. Gotta go." dali-dali akong umalis palayo sa kaniya. Hindi ko na nilingon pa kung nakasunod ba ang mga kaibigan. I know for a fact na nasa likod lang ang mga iyon. Madalas kasi ako na ang naghahatid sa kanila pauwi. Along the way naman ang mga bahay nila.

Nagulat ako ng businahan ako ng itim na sasakyan. The windows rolled down and I saw Joaquin, the reason why I can't entertain any suitor of mine. He already took my breath away with just one look. I swallowed before going to him.

Lately my mind is filled with warring factions about him. There's the usual side of me that wanted to stay prim and follow the rules. The other side wanted me to give in to my heart and do things to get Joaquin. Today, I decided to give in.

"Hi Joaquin! What are you doing here?" I hopped inside, smiling happily at him. I should strive hard to close our distance. Nakapagdesisyon na akong magiging boyfriend ko siya. "I can't see Mang Delfin, can you give me a ride?" pouting my lips, I tucked my errant hair.

Huli na ng napansing kong galit siya. What's wrong? Hindi ba dapat ako sumakay? Should I leave? Pero kadarating ko lang.

"What's with the rose?" masama ang tingin niya sa hawak ko. Lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko. Give me all your brotherly love and I will still interpret it onto something I want.

"Pretty. Isn't it?" inamoy ko pa ito para ipakitang natutuwa ako. Get mad. Iyon ang gusto ko.

"John gave it to me. Last time he gave me a teddy bear." the one that I gave to Barbara because I don't even want it.

"He's so sweet to me" naniningkit na mga mata ang nakita ko ng tignan siya.

"Your boyfriend?" diin niya, nakalabas na ang kaniyang mga ugat sa higpit ng pagkakahawak sa manibela. He pressed his lips in a grim line as he survey me.

I arched one light brow. "Manliligaw pa lang."

"Lang? May balak kang sagutin siya Lilliana?" I can feel his control disappearing. What will happen if snapped?

I paused for a bit. "I don't know. Maybe?" depends on what you want. Just tell me Joaquin.

"Do you like him?"

"No." only you.

"Turn him down. Tell him you're still young." bossy. You can boss me all you want. He took a deep breath. I just nodded at him. Inagaw niya ang bulaklak na hawak ko at hinagis ito sa likuran. My eyes are twinkling with happiness right now.

My phone rings. Napatingin siya sa direksyon nito. Feeling irritated that I still have the guts to answer it in front of him. Ang mga kaibigan ko!

"Hello?" I mouthed Georgina's name at Joaquin.

"Lily where are you? Hindi ka namin makita dito. You're supposed to give me the flowers. I need those. Pampabango sa kwarto." I looked around and saw my friends waiting. My mind is filled with this man beside me that I forgot to tell them I can't make it today. Feeling sorry, I think of food to bring next Monday.

"A-ano kasi." should I say the truth? Bago pa ako makapagdesisyon inagaw na ni Joaquin ang telepono.

"She's with me." kita ko ang pagkatulala ni Georgina sa labas. "Mauuna na kaming umuwi" napailing na lang ako ng magtatalon ang kaibigan. We've been friends since elementary, kasing tagal ng pagkakakilala ko kay Joaquin. I'm sure she's familiar with his voice given she's that happy hearing him on the line. He ended the call and gave me back my phone.

Kuntento na akong panoorin siya habang nagdadrive. His dark messy hair didn't diminish his charm. Nakadagdag pang lalo ito sa kaniya. He looks like a lazy panther ready to shed bloodbath any time. He's dangerously calm.

"Hanggang kailan ka dito?" I won't call you kuya. Lalo na tayo lang dalawa. Should I tell him I like him? Pero mukhang hindi na kailangan. Nakailang dalaw na siya sa akin simula noong nag-Palawan kami. Noong una, medyo naiilang pa ako at nahihiya. Kalaunan ay nasanay na ako na nakikita siya pero hindi pa din nawawala ang kaba ko pag kami lang dalawa.

Nagpapaalam din siya kay dad tuwing aalis. Sinisiguradong nasa bahay na bago mag-alas dose ng gabi. See? I'm your modern day Cinderella.

Tumikhim siya. "Until Sunday. I still have classes." Dalawang semestre na lang at gagraduate na siya. He took business economics, good for pre-law and his dad's business. Not his choice tho. Ganoon pa man, mukhang madali lang para sa kaniya. Balita ko he's running for magna cumlaude.

"Mag-isa ka lang?" tinignan niya ako. Iniisip kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong malaman.

"Yeah." nabalot ng katahimikan ang sasakyan. Wanting to lighten the mood, I connected my phone and played my favorite country songs. "Are you busy this weekend?" I smiled sweetly at his question.

Tapos na ang quarter test namin kaya medyo maluwag sa mga nakaraang araw. The truth is we were invited to our classmate's birthday party but I can't even care anymore. Hindi mo na ako kailangang papiliin pa.

"Where are we going?" we. Not just you. But you and me. How many times have I wished to say your name together with mine in a sentence. It feels satisfying.

"Hiking. You said you want to try it last time." tumango ako. I want to try all sort of things with him. Hiking is just one of my excuses. All I wanted is more.

"Joaquin" I love saying his name. "I'm all yours."