Chapter 24
Standing off against a vampire is something I never ever imagined myself doing. Just the reality that I am about to spar with a vampire suddenly gives me nervous jitters. I know I am safe, I know Jasper would never hurt me or punish me the way I've seen others be. I am completely safe here, yet the images stir up my focus. I shake my head, and the thoughts, away. I want to learn. I asked to spar. I can do this and I am safe. This is not life or death, I will not get hurt.
"You're sure you''re alright to do this? You are a bit nervous."
"I'm fine. I got this." I breathe out and try to remember everything he's taught me.
" Lets start slow okay? I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do at first and you can counter after a few I'll stop preparing you."
I nod. A few moments pass just listening to the silence until he finally spoke.
"downward strike, crown" He waited a moment before moving his staff downward towards the crown of my head. I recognize this as a lethal blow. Images flash inside my mind of those I've seen die from this very attack. As It comes closer to me I know I am supposed to move but I am stuck, so frozen in place. I feel my feet step back evasively and as I do I see passed the memories as Jasper, a man who does not resemble the monsters in my mind. As he strikes his face holds no anger, no hatred, no lethal intention. His form is flawless and beautiful, his eyes are are calm and rooted in experience. His mouth is set in a relaxed smile, a trusting and guiding smile. It the same moment my foot touches the ground, I raise my staff and as the sound of the collision hits my ears, I am confronted with the shattering of every version of this scene I had seen before. I look up to our stilled staffs, I am blocking an attack. I am not defenseless. I am not dead. For so long, if I ever dreamed or imagined being one of those slaves who stood up to her master, it always ended in darkness and death. Defense was never a part of it, winning was never an option. I never knew how it'd feel to hold some control over my fate. It is invigorating. Somewhere in my mind I know logically, I am no match for a vampire. There is no weapon or technique that would ever level our skills but I don't care. This feeling of control over myself is what amazes me. The ability to fight the final say of my enemy. The idea that I could, in any way, fight for myself felt like a wholeness I had never felt.
"Good, jab to your left temple." This time there was no pause, he said it as he stepped and he was already swinging by the time his sentence finished. This time I didn't feel afraid, I didn't see the deaths of others, I felt the determination to block every attack he could give me because with ever strike I block, I feel I am bringing justice to every girl I cried for, taking one step further than they ever lived too. I am feeling it for them, I am feeling what it is to fight. I have never before felt so free than right now, when I block I feel as if I am taking a stand against all the helplessness I've ever felt. I block it slowly, making sure I got the position right. I know he will wait for me, he will help me get better and stronger and safer- even if the danger is in my memories and in my scars.
A few more go by faster and faster than the last, I step back each time blocking. He stops calling out his attacks and I find I actually prefer this, the unexpectedness makes my reaction time faster, more natural. I find that I have always wanted to move this way. I have always wanted to move away, to block, to escape the hands of my masters. I wanted more that anything to fight, it is an instinct I have long buried for my own survival. If I were fighting a human my instincts would be reliable but with a vampire, they were always more cause for harm that feelings to heed. Jasper helps me listen to my body. I understand now why he waited so long to attack that first time, he was listening, waiting. He is an expert, he knows this but more than that he knows how to listen and heed his instincts and feelings. In the silence between each attack I don't think. I don't plan. I listen. I wait in the moment and feel the breath in my body. Each attack is more difficult than the last but the silence between each one keeps me grounded, being able to find the moment in the chaos to be calm keeps me from going into a panic while also allowing my body to react on its own at each strike. It's like my mind is in the calm silence and my body is in the action.
"pause." He says as he puts his bo staff beside him in a relaxed fashion. His smile is wide and amused. his eyes sparkle and glisten like his skin in the sun.
"Your blocking and dodging wonderfully. Really, I am very impressed with your quick improvement. I honestly expected to call out each attack today, I know I said earlier it would only be the first few, but I didn't think we would really get much further. This is not because I assumed you to be weak either, I don't but Carlisle cautioned me that your trauma runs deep and a man, much less a vampire, could make it...extremely difficult for you to face me in this manner. I wanted to go at your pace and I am surprised by you. Truly, you are amazing. However, I think we should stop for today. Your body is going to hurt quite a bit tomorrow from the exercise. I don't want to push your limits more than we already have."
"Thank you Jasper. Carlisle was right..and if it were anyone else teaching me I don't believe I could have gotten so far. Can you teach me more another time?" I feel the blush upon my cheeks, it feels odd to blush like this. I feel more nervous now than before simply talking to Jasper about the unreal experience I just had with him. Although it was surely not intimate or personal to him but to me...it feels like he guided me to a part of my soul I was missing. It felt very intimate to me.
"I'm afraid my teaching style is one a dozen, I am not very original but thank you regardless. I like teaching you. I enjoy spending time with you, especially doing something I treasure. You will make an excellent fighter but that is all by your own means, I can not lend you strength or determination or persistence...that is all you. That's why I suggested this in the first place, aside from being a selfish man who wanted to show you something I love so much, you already make up the perfect martial artist- all you needed was the physical training which I am happy to provide any time you'd request it."
"we'll have to agree to disagree...I don't think I could ever recreate this experience with any other teacher. I think you are amazing too. Thank you for everything you said and did today...It's really changed me. I want to keep this up with you....only you though...so no trading me off to someone else okay?" I don't know why I felt the need to clarify this, I just don't want to do this with anyone else. I trust him to see me at my most vulnerable, while I'm learning and I want to see him smile like that, I want his calm eyes to remind me why I can do this.
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it." His smile is infectious and this moment too feels like its one of ours, like its intimate and precious.