Breakdown in and out

I can feel my body.

Even though I am laying down on my bed, I don't feel the slightest feeling of relaxation, on the contrary, I feel tense,as if something is breaking apart as I'm there,doing absolutely nothing. And something is breaking apart, and that's me, I try to force myself to become a rock,completely static,does nothing, thinks nothing...just exists as everything around it happens without it having anything to do with it. I don't want to think about my past,the reason for my existence, my shattered identity, I have to purge those thoughts away,forever.

But of course, that is impossible, I don't control my emotions, my thoughts that need to appear will always appear weather I like it or not,and if I try to distract myself,it will sting the back of my head until it eventually comes back full power,reminding me of everything I don't want to be reminded of...basically,there is no escape from myself.

People say:accept yourself and you'll be happy, and I just don't see how that's true,how is it that me recognizing myself as something other than a piece of trash is going to make my life any better? I am useless, and there's no escaping that.

As I think and feel the tension constantly increase, I hear a loud noise coming from somewhere. Oh great, first my mental breakdown and now my house is haunted,how lucky; I get up from my bed and stand in front of it so I can see beyond the open door, I stare at the short corridor that leads to my living room,hoping see the cause of the noise, and I see nothing. I wait at the same position, in anticipation for the noise to come up again...it doesn't for almost a minute,until...

I suddenly hear the noise even louder,and when I look above me,my ceiling is apparently breaking apart,and pieces of concrete are falling down. Whatever is coming, is really eager to come,since it doesn't stop hitting the concrete to get to the other side,as the banging noise gets louder and louder,and starts to happen with an exponential frequency, I realize I should be running away,but when I give my first step to try that...the ceiling breaks,and a vibrant purple light comes out of the hole that forms on the ground,hanging there is a human silhouette,as it comes down to the ground, the purple light illuminates their face,showing it clearly.

It's...me.