Thirty-one

The look in Loki's eyes makes me nervous and i go to bed with a sick feeling in my gut. By the next morning, I'm feeling better, but not much. I wanted to ask Roan what Loki talked to him about, but couldn't find my brother anywhere. When i asked around, no one knew. Deflated, I decided it wasn't worth crying over, even though all I wanted to do was just that. I felt like I was going to explode with emotions if I didn't let them out.

About early afternoon, Cat approaches me with a huge smile. "Zahra! Just the girl i wanted to see!"

I forget about my troubles because her smile is infectious. "Hey, Cat. What's up?"

"I thought you and I could go on a flight for a while. What do you say?"

I agree instantly and feel the tension melt away as the wind whips at my face and Cat's wings take me higher and higher. She takes me into the clouds, skimming over waters, brushing the treetops, and circles in the sky. By the time she lands back on the ground, I'm hardly able to stand from the sensation.

We giggle, feeling drunk on happiness when I start to notice we have an audience. My laughing stops as i see Roan, Aspen, Raven, June, Sorrel, Finx, Loki and his pack, and Damon gathered around. I begin to realize we aren't in the village anymore, but the meadow. Torches are lit everywhere for when darkness falls as if there was to be some kind of event.

Before I can ask anything, four little pups bound up to me and beg for pets. I knelt and let them say hi with licks and whines and barks, still alert to everyone watching. Finally, Graham calls his sons back and Roan steps forward, smiling softly at me.

"Little sister, I wish we could have done this many times before, wish I could have made this one day the happiest while you were growing up. Since I couldn't, I was hoping you would take this as a start and let it become tradition for you."

I blink. "What are you talking about?" I ask.

He cups my face, pushing hair behind my ear, then kisses my brow gently. "Happy birthday, Zahra." It was soft, filled with love and regret. It was tinged with joy, but made bitter with guilt.

I had totally forgotten about this day. My father never cared for it other than to tell me I was a year older. So, now, I look around and see Roan had made this a celebration for me, with everyone i've come to know and care about. Even the pack.

I look up at him and shake my head. "Roan, you didn't have to do this. I wasn't expecting anything for today. I didn't even know this day could be celebrated."

"Of course it's celebrated," he whispered. "Especially now that you've reached eighteen."

"What does that mean?"

"You're all grown up," he says with a proud smile. "The beautiful baby girl I got to hold is all grown up."

I smile now, grateful to him for his generosity. "Roan, you're going to make me cry!"

He chuckles and embraces me. I return the gesture, sighing in contentment. After a moment, he pulls back and turns to the others. "Enjoy the party. I will go hunt something big for evening meal, then we can feast!"

A cheer rose up and Damon ran over, hugged me, then turned to my brother. "Can I come? I want to hunt!"

Roan laughed. "Not this time, but maybe the next. You go play with the pups."

Damon looked disappointed for only a moment before running to the wolf pups and getting tackled. My brother kissed me once more, then walked away as Cinder came up to me. "Zahra, I'm so happy for you!"

We embraced and i thanked her. Then, I said, "I'm afraid I don't know what to do. This kind of day wasn't special when I was younger."

"For wolves, this day is one of the most special because it marks just how grown you become, how wise, how beautiful. And Zahra, you are beautiful."

"Thank you."

Jimmy, Richard, Derric, Kenyon, Felix, and Luca all ran up to me and acted like big brothers, ruffling my hair and teasing me. They all promised a gift later in the evening, saying it's traditional in their pack.

June, Sorrel, and Raven congratulated me before Aspen finally came up and pulled me into his arms for a kiss. I smiled up at him with delight. He said, "Happy birthday."

"Thank you, Aspen. It's wonderful," I say softly. When he pulls away, Loki is beside us, staring at me intensely and i remember the day before. "Do you mind if I talk with my pack-brother for a moment?"

Aspen kisses me one more time and leaves to mingle.

I turn to Loki and cross my arms. "What's going on with you? You're not this grumpy usually."

He sighs and shakes his head. "If I have time, I'll tell you later. For now just enjoy what your brother worked hard to do for you. I don't want to ruin this."

"But Loki, I can't stop thinking about how you acted yesterday."

Loki smiled at me. "As pack, I am allowed to worry over you. Ours what we males do." I scowl which makes him laugh. "Zahra, I promise everything is fine. All you should worry about is being happy tonight. I won't let any smiles turn upside down. If they do, I'll have Little Ralphie pounce on you!"

I wasn't convinced Loki was hiding something, but decided to play along.

It was an hour before Roan returned with a huge buck, making everyone cheer as he sat down and began to gut it. I smiled as he looked happy and content with the friends he knew quite well. The only company I was completely comfortable with was Loki and the pack. I was getting closer to Aspen, but that was a relationship that was to go slow. But even he seemed happy with the others.

I eventually sat with the pack and played with the pups as they went from human to wolf and back again. Rollo kept going for the kill, hungry as ever, but one look from his father and he would get into the tumble his siblings were a part of.

"You should be with your brother and friends," Graham said softly.

I shrug. "I'm happy. I like watching them. I don't want to be a part of chaos."

Graham laughed. "If you don't want to be a part of chaos, why did you allow me to welcome you into the pack?"

I smile. "Pack is a different chaos. I understand pack. I know puppy love from protective wolf. I don't understand my brother's pack though."

"You will never understand if you don't try."

"I don't know how."

Graham thought for a moment. "There is always forcing you into that situation, but I don't see a good way of doing it." I give him an eye roll. The alpha chuckles. "Zahra, if I didn't think my boys would make you insane, I'd make you stay with us."

Now I laugh. "What makes you think they'll make me insane?"

He turns to me now and rests his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sure Loki told you that a pack never leaves one behind." I nod. "All us males can be overprotective of the females. Cinder makes us think twice before coddling her. As my chosen, she has the authority and strength to do so. You may enjoy our protective side for a time, but you'll get sick of it soon enough. Once we start, we don't stop. We can't."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Just in case," he says, getting a indefinable expression in his eyes. "But know that our den is yours if you need it."

Before I could respond, Aspen runs up to me and pulls me up to my feet, then begins to spin me around and around. Before I could protest, I'm passed on to Raven, then Sorrel and Damon. Soon, I've danced with every person and return to Aspen, feeling dizzy and out of breath. He smiles at me. "Are you ready for gifts?"

I stare at him in shock. "Gifts?" He nods. I pull away and put a hand to my head. "Aspen, I don't want anything. Please, don't tell me you all went to the trouble of getting me something."

"It isn't trouble, Zahra. It's what we do."

He leads me to a log where we sit as each person brings his or her gift. From Raven, I receive a blanket made of bear hide, warm enough for when the winter comes. From Sorrel, I get an antidote. "It's to help with poisons," he explains. June gives me a bow made from an oak and polished until it gleamed. Damon gave me a hug and a promise that we would always get along. Finally, Roan stepped up to me with a hide wrapping.

"I remember how you like to learn to do things, and hunting was a major part of that," he says with a smile. I grin back, but my mouth drops open when he unwraps the beautiful set of knives I've ever seen. The hilt of each were polished wood with a strip of hide for an easy grip. The blades, different shapes and sizes, were of a black mineral i didn't know the name of, but looked sharp to the touch. "I made these over the years. Each knife is for each of year of your growth."

"Roan!" i gasp, speechless.

He takes one out and then grabs something else from behind him. "This one is what you will wear on your belt. It can be used in close combat or you can throw it."

I take the weapon reverently, finding it had nice balance. Tears came to my eyes. "Oh, Roan!" I carefully set the blade down and take the hide containing the rest, looking over each one. They were all beautiful, perfect. I set those aside as well and hugged my brother. "Thank you!"

"Anything for you, sis."

As soon as i wrapped up all the knives and set them carefully beside me, the pack came forward, all in wolf form. I furrow my brows as Graham steps close, nuzzles me affectionately, then steps back again. Together, they begin to howl a beautiful melody that was celebratory and loving. One wolf, Jimmy, i believe, came up and tugged on my shirt, wanting me to join. I shook my head, but then the pups caught on and begged the same.

Self-consciously, i join their group and sit amongst them, lift my face to the sky and howl. It wasn't as in tune with the others, but i got a teasing tackle from the pups for it. They licked, whined, barked, and pawed. I laughed, trying to howl again and again as they assaulted me.

After a few more minutes of howling and playing, the wolves dispersed. I went back to my spot beside Aspen, flushed and embarrassed, but delighted. He turned to me then and in his hand, he held a necklace. I take it, seeing the stones shimmer in the torchlight. "It was my mother's," he says and takes it. I turn around so he can tie it around my neck. "Before she died, she told me to give it to the woman I love."

I finger the necklace with a smile. "Thank you, Aspen. It's beautiful!"

He cups my face when i turn back around and kisses me gently on the lips. "I love you, Zahra."

Now that everyone has given me gifts and we've eaten, I stand and stretch, finding that the sun has long since been asleep. But just as i'm walking back to the village, the pack surrounds me once more. "We aren't done yet, sis!" Luca whispers loudly. "There's still more!"

I look at him in shock. "More?" He nods. "What more could there be?"

He just grins and pushes me into someone. I gasp only to find Loki. He's smiling down at me, the same humorous man i first met. "Did you think that was it?"

"Well, Ive got everything from everyone. What else is there?"

He gently leads me away from my brother and friends and into the woods with the pack. Roan wasn't looking panicked or anything so i assumed this was known to him. However, it was a shock to me by them leading me away.

"Loki, where are we going?"

"Don't worry, it's not far." He takes my hand and spins me around once. "It's pack business. None of them are pack. They aren't allowed to see."

I roll my eyes. "Loki, i'm not sure whether to be scared or excited."

"How about excited?" he suggests. "I promise, nothing bad will happen."

Chuckling, Jimmy comes up on my other side and wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Just relax and let us take care of you! As pack-sister, and as it is your birthday, this is an honor!"

"But why? What is it?"

Before they could respond, we stop in a little clearing with a pool. Graham and Cinder were waiting by the pool with smiles on their faces while the rest of the pack allowed me to go through them until i was standing before the leaders. I look behind me to Loki, but he just smiles, nods his head, then looks to Sawyer who said something in his ear.

I turn to the leaders and find Cinder holding out her hands. "Daughter, packmate, and friend: we invite you to participate in a ceremony of which will allow you to understand and communicate with our wolves. This is a rare thing we give to others, and we don't give it lightly."

"This ability has been abused," Graham said softly. "It has been used to pit wolves against others, to start wars, to end lives. If we give this to you, Zahra, you must swear to never use it for evil-doing."

I furrow my brows at them. "How can you trust me with such a gift?"

"Because of what you have already done for us," Cinder replies. "You saved my life, saved the pups, saved this pack's future. It is because we see your kindness, your strength, your loyalty, and your beauty that we give you this choice."

I stare at them for a long moment, then turn to the others who were wating for my response. Each pack member was watching me, breaths held in anticipation and hope, i think. Loki's eyes were gentle and understanding, as if he knew how big of a decision this was for me.

I turn back to Cinder and Graham. "Is there anything else i should know?"

Graham smiled. "The only other thing is that it can mostly only be used within close contact. The exception is if you are howling an alert from some distance away."

"It will give you something like wolf skills," Cinder says. "You won't use your voice as much as your body. It will be tricky as you don't have a tail, but we will figure it out soon enough."

"So, does that mean i have to be on all fours?" i ask, half joking.

Cinder laughed. "No, Daughter. Your body will adapt to the ways of communicating instantly and insert certain movements to modify what you don't have."

Once more, i look at them, then at their sons. It was almost as if this was my family, almost as if Cinder and Graham were my parents and Loki and his brothers were my own. I felt like i belonged. I felt wanted and loved and not awkward with them.

I loved Roan and June. But they couldn't give me what i have here. The village will never be what i need it to be. The village was Roan's family. It was where he grew up and became a member. Now, as i begin to learn myself and everything i can do, Loki's pack has become the family I need to belong somewhere. Just like Roan has the village, I now have the pack.

But there was still something missing. It was like i had forgotten something that was important, or lost it somehow. Not even Aspen could fill the void that is a piece of my heart. I didn't know what it was, but knew the pack would do their best to fill much of my heart with joy and love as possible.

Blushing, I look at Cinder then Graham. "How do I receive this gift?"