Chapter 1: Busting Nuts

Well isn't that just absolutely lovely? What better thing is there to enjoy in the morning than the screaming of children demanding I give them back their lunch money?

Well, perhaps there are a few things but for me, the best part of every school day is collecting my well earned pay check.

"Haru, you can't keep stealing other people's money."

A small boy comes up to me with a less than happy expression. His ruffled up blond hair and large tear drop like blue eyes are a dead give away to his identity.

Ah Minato, always ruining my pleasant mood with his annoying chatter. I really do wish I was born at a different time.

Actually...maybe this is for the better, I can't imagine being in the same generation as Jiraiya or Naruto.

Just being in the same vicinity as those two would make me want to kill myself, I'll make a mental note to erase their existences from this world later on.

The question is, should I bust Minato's balls now or wait until Naruto is born to snap the boy's neck? Truly the predicament, on one hand permanently depriving Minato of children will immediately solve the problem. On the other hand I will gain much more enjoyment killing Naruto myself.

Decisions, decisions...

"Are you even listening to me?"

Minato, commiting an extremely foolish decision, reaches into his pocket for a kunai, which he promptly presses against my throat.

"Give, them, back, their, money, Haru."

Minato says every word with his teeth gritted and with a low growl in his throat. Perhaps I've gone a bit too far in my harassment of the local ATM's because Minato seems genuinely angry with me.

"I would like to sincerely apologize I believe I've made a critical lapse in judgement."

Minato gets confused for a second before pressing the kunai held against my neck much harder than before.

"I want you to go and give back all the money you've stolen from every single person here Haru."

Oh Minato, why do you always pick fights with me? Can't you tell that dull kunai isn't even able to chop a carrot, much less me?

A cold metallic feeling spreads to my neck as I lean in, scraping my skin on the kunai just to whisper into Minato's ear.

"~Minato, your lucky you're too poor to steal from. Why don't you mind your business and go play with the other orphans?~"

I bring my left hand up to his right shoulder and push down. I can hear a sharp crack as his knees hit the floor and he begins to leak blood from his legs.

"Oh right I almost forgot."

I raise my leg and kick him as hard as I can directly in his barely developing nuts. Now the protagonist of this world won't be born, I should be awarded a medal for my public service.

[Hidden Achievement: Kill The Protagonist]

[This achievement requires the user to kill the protagonist, Naruto Uzumaki. This achievement will be awarded once Naruto Uzumaki is killed directly or indirectly by the user.]

I suppose that'll do for now. I can always make myself a medal later on, maybe I'll wear it when I get rid of Jiraiya.

Hmm, should I help Minato up? No, I'm sure he'll be fine, the teachers will come look for him eventually.

*****

[Name: Haru Uchiha]

[Health: 100/100]

[Chakra Pool: 100/100]

[Strength: 10]

[Speed: 10]

[Intelligence: 10]

[Innate Ability: Gaia]

It's always a bit strange seeing yourself represented as a mere number. It's quite insulting really, why is my intelligence so low?

[Your stats are not completely accurate Haru. As a child, your developing brain is not at the same level it used to be.]

Even so, I have multiple decades of life experience over an eight year old twat. To say I'm only twice that of these other children is rather infuriating.

[You've just begun Haru, be careful that Minato doesn't surpass you. Making enemies just for more funds is a bad idea.]

Oh I'm sure Minato will become far stronger than me and eventually look for revenge, that is something I have no doubt of.

[Then why would you antagonize him knowing the consequences?]

Studying in the academy is boring, I like bothering Minato because his heroic spiel is mildly amusing. Any sort of entertainment in this horrid village is worth keeping, even if it means becoming the enemy of the future 4th hokage.

Besides, the future is up in the air, you yourself already deemed that Naruto cannot exist in the future. Who's to say my fate is already sealed?

[Very well, would you like to spend your "hard earned money" now?]

Of course, I need to reap the benefits of my tedious labor don't I?

[There isn't a lot you can buy besides a few items so I'll only list what you can actually purchase.]

[Kunai Pack (10)-5,000 Ryo]

[This item is a package that contains 10 high quality kunai used by shinobi of all ranks.]

[Basic Chakra Control Manual-10,000 Ryo]

[This item is an instruction manual designed to teach academy students and genin how to properly control their chakra and to give them a base for harder chakra related skills.]

[Basic Kunai Throwing Manual-5,000 Ryo]

[This item is an instruction manual designed to teach academy students and genin how to properly throw kunai as accurately as possible given their skill set.]

[Basic Taijutsu Manual-10,000 Ryo]

[This item is an instruction manual designed to teach academy students and genin how to properly perform the most basic stances and movements and to give them a base for harder styles of taijutsu.]

Kunai throwing, chakra control, and taijutsu, rudimentary skills that are vital for shinobi. However, if I do remember correctly the academy library should have similar manuals for all three of these subjects.

[Those manuals are vastly inferior to the ones provided by the shop. I can assure that the items from the shop are of the highest quality.]

If you say so, it's not like I have anything else to spend this money on besides food. I'd like to purchase a basic taijutsu manual and a basic chakra manual.

[Thank you for your purchase Haru.]