Chapter Forty. *

"..twelve of them. No uniform, probably just bandits. They waited there.." - pointed at the tall grass all surrounded us." Their weapons are better than ours. Alex thinks they might be employed by someone."

Alex looked considerably less stained then Zephyr and Demelza was hanging on him like fruit from it's tree.

" I meet bandits before, some more skilled than others but, one thing is always the same they fight with whatever they find. " - Alexander had some history so his information was reliable." Small blades or bow and arrows. Rarely swords..and not swords of this quality."

He walked from Demelza and picked one up from a cut off arm and examined it closely.

I went closer to Zephyr. I felt uncomfortable standing in the middle of this carnage. Wherever you looked there was something stomach turning.

" It doesn't matter..gather what you can and clear the road we must move away now. " - his gaze was sharp and kept it the gently waiving grass. " Alex, tell the others to keep their eyes peeled for the that damn grass. There might be more waiting."

Lucian walked closer to us and had some bruises and dust covering his clothes. He seemed limping a little. It was his voice then.

" Zephyr, should I scout a head ? " - his facial expressions was pale, his ankle was hurting him.

I stepped forward and pushed him slightly..he almost toppled over. Idiot..

Zephyr lost some of it's seriousness but, his eyes were remained unchanged. " No Lucian, just let Eli take a look at you. It was my fault this happened, I'll keep my eyes open..now go lay down."

Demelza helped him get inside the wagon. His expression was dejected.

" He was pulled of his horse.." - I looked back and saw him staring at a head. " If this trash, would've been just a little more skilled he'd be dead..GOD!!"

He kicked it so hard it flew into the grass where it will probably remain.

He was very angry.

Who wouldn't? But he shouldn't blame himself. I walked over to him and hugged him from behind.

I didn't say anything just let him know I was there.

" Ilianna will see the.."

" Our daughter is not as delicate as you might think. She's a lot more warrior..like her father."

He turned to me. The blood on his cheeks already dried somewhat.

" Now stop making that depressed face and lead us to safety. " - I wiped some of it off and rested my hand on his face.

The light returned to his eyes and it was a slightly intimidating sight..

He kissed me carefully, not to get blood on me.

" Go back the wagon my love. I won't fail my family like that again." - he rested his forehead on my mine.

He walked back soon after to the scattered bodies some blocking the road.

And, I walked away trying not to look at the scattered body parts.

Not a single dead on our side and really the only wound could be attributed to Lucian, if that.

My Zephyr...how this possibly considered a failure?

We were back on the road after our brief 10 minute forced stop.

Lucian was pouting as, Eli cleaned his arms and checking his ankle, his eyes full of self doubt.

" Stop moving!! " - she held him down and shook her head. " I can't believe you allowed yourself be unhorsed by some skeletal wretch. Had to be saved by Zephyr. "

Eleanor hid her fear and relief behind facts mixed with a mocking tone.

I smiled gently at them seeing my Anna poking his face until he showed a smile.

" I..don't know what happened. One second I was riding, watching the back of Zephyr the next, I felt pulled and landed in a bad way. " - he stared at his ankle like it was the saboteur of his life. " Before I could even register what happened something landed next to me. "

He adjusted himself after his check was finished as be continued.

" It was the devil headless body who pulled me. My lack of awareness could've caused my life and the life's of those I care about.." - he kept his eyes on my sister then spared some for the rest of us.

He relived it, as he said it. He looked at me.

" He..sliced them. ..he umm, he dealt with most of them before others could even draw their weapons or knocked their arrows. " - he looked outside side seeing two ride side by side, each watching one side of the road. " Alex is the only one who offered any meaningful help to Zephyr."

After looking at Anna he cleaned the story up, he looked as sad and despondent as a lost puppy.

I might as well throw a bone. " You know he blames himself for your injuries right?"

" Huh? "

I sighed thinking man have it rough too.

" My point is he feels the same as you. And just like him..you need to stop blaming yourself. No one got seriously injured and we already back on the road. Any other party would suffered heavy losses."

He just closed his eyes and rested his head on the side of the wagon. I doubt my words reached him in a meaningful way but, needed to be said.

Me Zephyr is the same, he did great most likely, not ever in any true danger himself yet he saw things that could've happened.. and ignored reality for it.

I wanted to talk to him but, we had a long ride ahead of us.

---

We spent it mostly in silence all lost in own thoughts.

Ilianna fallen asleep with Lucian. Eli alternated stoking their hairs.

I felt tired before but, now I couldn't sleep even if wanted. Not because I was of afraid of more attacks..

I just kept seeing all that blood and gore around me. I felt uncomfortable..wanted to take bath to wash the smell off.

I always respected my grandmother. She was a strong women, who was respected and loved by all who spent time with her. She was also skilled in something invaluable.

How can she be dealing with people missing limbs and bleeding a river of blood?

I barely noticed the sunset and then the sounds of Alexander telling us we camp for the night.

The people started to set up and Zephyr asked our own to guard around the camp.

The people were talking about what had happened. Not a lot of them saw anything, turned out those bandits lost their lifes before they could even register and what they did saw? Was just the bloody aftermath of the one sided carnage.

We cooked simply for ourself tonight and huddled together.

Zephyr held Ilianna on his chest his gaze on the fire. He looked on edge.

Every now and then, I caught him sweeping the area around us as if looking for those wants to harm is in every tree or underlying bush.

I couldn't keep to myself anymore and after Anna fallen asleep, I took him inside the wagon our home for the remainder of the trip.

" Tell me ..what are your thoughts? Are you feeling bad about Lucian? "

He smiled but, after a second or so he spoke.

" No..yea. But, that's not all it. I had time to think on the ride. It probably wasn't for the old me..but, for the me now? This was the first time a killed someone."

By Ehlite..of course. How this never crossed my mind? How could he not be troubled? He spilled blood for the first time in his new life.

I picked up his hand and locked in mine. " Zephyr..everyone would feel disturbed after something like this..."

He cut me off and told his thoughts like I made him promise to do.

" I suppose..I mean, I know you're right. What disturbs me is how.." - he wasn't sad just surprised a little. " ...undisturbed I felt. Like something I've been doing forever. My love? I'm starting to think ..I might not wanna remember who I was. "

It was a very serious thought.

Would you want to remember your previous self, if that person, who now feels foreign to you..turned out to be a monster ?