San Ilia: The Religious Nutcase City

{Author's Note}

Hey everyone! Got a second chapter out in just as many days! Let's hope that I can keep this up for as long as possible! I would call in sick to work tomorrow to make sure my job couldn't drain both my patience and my creativity, but I already have used too many sick days in this quarter to be able to get tomorrow off.

Also, we're officially over 100K words! This is the longest story I've ever written, and it's because of you scrubs that I'm able to write as much as I have. For those of you who regularly comment on my works and encourage me, give yourselves a pat on the back! In part of celebration, I finally changed the cover art of the story to a picture of Sylph, my favorite of the Four Spirits.

Anyway, I had fun writing this chapter, and I hope all of you scrubs like reading it!

ON WITH THE SOTRY!

***

<Three Days Later>

It took a few days to reach San Ilia on foot.

Alice and Kevin had stayed at the Inn in Port Natalia after getting back from their quest, but set off the next morning after packing all of their camping supplies and food in the Eevee's Backpack of Holding. He'd eventually also given in to holding a multitude of objects the lamia previously stored in her own pocket dimension, but only because they helped increase the weight of the bag, and thus how dangerous it was as a bludgeoning weapon.

He didn't know whether to be surprised or not that they only encountered one monster on the way to the city, and it wasn't even a feral one. She had been a green-scaled lamia with pale skin, blue eyes, and skimpy white clothes that covered her modesty (not that Kevin believed any monster had modesty in the first place). Unfortunately, just because she wasn't feral, didn't mean she was particularly intelligent.

***

<Flashback >

<Yesterday – Halfway to San Ilia>

[Lamia]

[Type: Poison]

"Oh…an unbaptized traveler! How rare," she purred, eying him up like a piece of meat.

As usual, Alice had already disappeared from the area, this time having placed two fingers on her forehead and using what Kevin could only describe as Instant Transmission from Dragon Ball Z to teleport away. The boy was still appreciating the showmanship the Monster Lord was now putting into her disappearances when the new lamia appeared.

"I'll coil around you," the blond monster continued, her expression turning perverse. "Slowly squeezing the life out of you, I'll torment you, and show you the true meanings of pain and pleasure."

Instead of cowering in fear or shivering in anticipation like she expected, Kevin merely shook his head and looked at her with pity. "No, you won't. If anything, by the end of this encounter, YOU will be the one whose learned something about pain."

<End Flashback>

***

By the time Alice had teleported back to his side, the Lamia had been put into a very sorry state. Having evolved into his Espeon form, Kevin hadn't even bothered to use any Moves on the poor monster after she tried wrapping her long body around him. Instead, he'd used pure Psychic power to loosen her grip on him, then proceeded to slam her in to the ground, rocks, and trees for the next five minutes, all without lifting a finger.

To add insult to injury, he hadn't bothered to seal her in the end. Instead, after she'd finally been knocked unconscious, he forcefully tied her body into a knot and pulled it tight enough that she wouldn't be able to undo it herself. Which, if he was being honest, was unlikely to happen any time soon, what with the lack of other monsters in the area and the reluctance of humans to help monsters.

The only reaction Alice had to the unfortunate monster's fate was a raised eyebrow and a mental note to never provoke Kevin in his Espeon form. Sure, she could easily shapeshift to get out of such a predicament, unlike the other lamia, but that didn't mean that she wanted to experience it in the first place.

Anyway, aside from that and their usual mixture of banter and silence, they arrived at San Ilia at around ten o' clock AM on the third day. At a distance, it was impossible to not see the city for what it really was: a massive cathedral surrounded by houses and businesses. Seriously, the building was as big as a castle, and Kevin later concluded that it most likely had been converted INTO a castle upon seeing the men in armor guarding the front of it and patrolling around, keeping out the crowd of adventurers hoping for an audience with the King.

With nothing better to do, the duo headed to one of the city's many Inns and booked one of the rooms in advance. This was mainly for Alice's benefit, as while Kevin now had the luxury of sleeping on the equivalent of a memory foam mattress every night with a silky blanket to keep him warm, she was stuck with coiling around trees or herself whenever they camped out for the night. Kevin knew that she preferred sleeping in a comfortable bed, even if she never complained out loud.

A lazy stroll around the city and through the various weapon shops, tool shops, restaurants, and food stalls came next. Alice particularly enjoyed the latter two, buying one of every item on the menu and having Kevin store most of them in his bag for later. The looks on the waiters' and chefs' faces as he shoved plate after plate into the backpack without running out of space was priceless.

The biggest source of rumors and speculation in the city seemed to be a mansion to the north, which was supposedly haunted. They overheard quite a few people mentioning it and the supernatural circumstances surrounding it.

"The land to the north used to be an ancient execution ground," an old man stated. "It's said that the hatred of those killed there lingers in the house. How terrifying."

"I heard there was a graveyard to the north," a little boy said to a girl, trying to scare her.

Even the shop owners were talking about it, with the weapon shop owner declaring that the blacksmith in charge of procuring material went to the haunted mansion on a dare, and was traumatized upon coming back. The tool shop owner, though, was in full business, even selling 'Anti-Ghost Water' to anyone who would buy it.

Needless to say, Alice purchased ten bottles without thinking twice, despite Kevin telling her that the water didn't have anything special about it. He would've gotten a prompt from the System to assimilate it if it did, after all. She still bought it, stating that it was "just a whim" and "things like ghosts are ridiculous," all while showing a perfect poker face.

"Yeah…sure," he replied, his tone showing just how convinced he was that she was telling the truth.

It was as they were passing by the front of the cathedral/castle that one of the guards unexpectedly approached them. "Excuse me, sir," he began –

– only to be interrupted by Kevin. "Go away. I'm busy," the boy stated, before walking away with Alice.

"Please wait!" the guard called out. "I just need to confirm something. Are you Kevin? The Hero who saved Iliasburg from the Heavenly Knight Granberia and stopped Alma Elma from impeding trade with the Ilias continent."

Kevin let out a loud sigh. "No, I'm Kevin the Not-Hero who stabbed an idiot lizard multiple times in the chest for ruining my chocolate bar and beat down a delusional succubus because she tried attacking me for the crime of defending myself against monsters. If that's all, then goodbye."

"Hold on!" the man said, reaching out to grab the boy's arm. "I'm Guard Captain Arthur. The King sent me to bring you to the castle for an important meeting with him."

"What if I don't want to go?" the Eevee said, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Like I said, I am busy."

"Busy doing what?" the Captain questioned, certain that anything the boy had to say would be less important than an audience with the King himself.

Kevin's reply wasn't what he expected, though. "I'm busy doing literally anything other than going to meet your stupid King. Now, please let me go before I remove your hand from your body."

It took the guard a brief moment to realize that not only was the child refusing to come with him and insulting the King, but also threatening to cut the older man's hand off if he didn't let him go. A strong sense of Self-preservation caused the man to let the boy go, not wanting to anger someone capable of taking down two of the Four Heavenly Knights.

Arthur then decided to swallow his pride and go with the last resort: bargaining. "If you come with me, the church will pay for your stay in the city and any expenses you may accrue, including any purchases you've already made. All you need to do is pop in and listen to what the King has to say. Even if you leave directly after, the church will still honor the agreement."

That certainly turned the tables around. While Alice had been paying for everything with her seemingly-infinite stash of money up until this point, Kevin was well aware that she hadn't brought enough to last forever. Also, while she'd agreed in the past to pay for his food, they'd never come to an agreement on how he'd pay her back for equipment and lodging in Inns. So, the chance to owe the Monster Lord less was a tantalizing offer.

"Fine," the teenager reluctantly agreed. "But know this: if he says something stupid or insensitive, monarch or not, I will punch him."

Cringing at the thought of someone being bold enough to strike the ruler of the Natalia region, and the fact that he was specifically instructed not to reprimand the boy for anything he might say or do, Arthur led the way into the castle.

The inside was, unsurprisingly, far more extravagant than the outside. Stained glass windows depicting Ilias and the angels under her could be seen everywhere, the stone columns were just as intricately designed as those in the Kraken's temple, and the floor was spotlessly reflecting the multitude of chandeliers hanging in the space between the archways. The halls were large enough to fit the Kraken herself comfortably, and were lined with wall-mounted candles that kept them brightly lit.

Another attraction that made the boy groan and Alice sneer was the enormous statue of Ilias herself that stood proudly a few dozen meters in. Any person passing by it would bow their head and say a short prayer to the goddess without fail, leading both travelers to conclude that this building was indeed filled with religious idiots.

Kevin stared at the marvel of artistic talent for a few brief seconds, wondering if she had anything to do with him suddenly being brought here. She'd only visited his dreams one more time since they'd made peace with each other, and that night was mostly just spent bouncing a small rubber ball back and forth between them off one of the walls in his dream bedroom, with the goddess seeming content to bask in the calming effect of the room.

"I see you've noticed the Magnificent Goddess Ilias Statue," Arthur observed, taking it upon himself to educate the two traveling companions. "The great Ilias created the first man and woman. To lead them, she bestowed upon them this magnificent statue. For thousands of years, this statue has guided the hearts of humans."

"Hm," Alice hummed, obviously not seeing the point in such a useless statue existing. Kevin was of a similar mindset as well.

Arthur continued. "By the way, did you notice that everyone is careful when walking around to not point their sheathed sword at the statue? Do you know why?"

"Probably some stupid reason," Kevin answered honestly.

"It's because one of the five commandments is [point your sword at the Goddess and thou shalt cry]."

Alice now looked closely at the statue. "How stupid. Since I hate this stupid thing, can I destroy it?"

"What are you saying!?" the Guard captain exclaimed, nearly having a heart attack at the mere implication of the woman's words. "Weren't you listening to what I just said!?"

"Of course, I heard it," she nodded. "Don't point your sword at the goddess? Making sure you slaves don't become hostile to your owner. You idiots apply it even to this stupid statue of her."

"Amen to that," Kevin nodded, looking at the statue in a new light. "Maybe we should destroy it."

"Moving right along!" Arthur practically shouted, walking ahead and hoping the duo would take the hint and follow behind him. They were making it harder by the second to not detain them for their heresy alone, and he didn't want to know how the King would try granting them a pardon for DESTROYING the most important statue in the entire castle.

A mixture of nuns, priests, and Heroes milled about in all directions. It was impossible not to overhear their conversations as they passed by, though it was better than just being left to their own thoughts about why they were here in the first place.

"Thousands of years ago, there was a holy war. The great Ilias leading angels on one side, and the first Monster Lord leading her forces on the other," one of the priests preached to a group of adventurers. "The conflict shook the land itself, and only stopped when Ilias defeated the Monster Lord. You can still see traces of the war around the land."

Another priest was ranting to one of the nuns. "The people of this world are truly outrageous. The heathens that turn away from Ilias…the heathens that conspire with monsters. Truly, truly, Truly Outrageous!"

A scholar off to the side appeared to be answering questions from a Hero. "The large basement library has the largest collection of books in the world, so it's not an exaggeration to say it contains the world's knowledge. Scholars that seek that knowledge travel from all over the world to study here. As for me, I'm researching sacred energy. Unfortunately, you need permission before you can enter the library. It contains so many valuable books that you need to be properly vetted. It took me a week to get permission."

One conversation that caused Kevin to chuckle when he overheard it came from a duo of scholars discussing their research with each other. "I specialize in deciphering ancient texts," one stated. "But right now I'm stuck on a mysterious phrase in chapter seven paragraph three of this book."

"Oh? What does it say?" the second asked.

"[Whomsoever troubles thy goddess with repeated Evaluation Meetings shall receive judgement.] If you do this [Evaluation Meeting] too many times, you will be judged? This is the first time this [Evaluation Meeting] has been mentioned in any text."

"Hm…how mysterious…"

(A/N: For those who have never played the game, an Evaluation Meeting is what happens when you lose to a monster, get raped and enslaved and/or eaten, and receive a game over, and Ilias appears to give you tips about how to defeat the monster upon reloading from a save. So, this is basically is an inside joke for people who have played the game. Kevin doesn't know this, though, and just finds the conversation itself humorous.)

They bypassed the huge chapel set in one of the side areas of the castle, as they had with every church they'd encountered so far. Arthur tried to convince them to enter and say a proper prayer before meeting the King, but they made it quite clear that if he forced them into the room, it would not be the same when they left. He decided to drop the topic then and there.

Finally, they came to the extravagant throne room. The walls and carpet were red with golden designs, and the pillars in this room were marble instead of stone with gold at the points where they met the ceiling. Seated in a throne at the top of a small set of stairs was an old man with grey hair, a lot of wrinkles, and clothes that reminded him of the pope, only with more red, gold, and blue designs.

"I've brought him, King," Arthur announced.

The old man smiled warmly. "Thank you. You're dismissed. I shall have a private talk with him."

"Of course." The Guard Captain to vacated the room faster than he ever had before. Unseen to the three occupants of the room, he immediately made a beeline for the chapel, hoping to pray away the sins he was certain had clung to his soul by just being around the two heathens.

Back in the throne room, Kevin quirked an eyebrow at the King. "Private? You do see the woman standing right next to me, right?"

"Yes," the man nodded, not taking any offense from the boy's tone. "But, if what I have been told by the goddess is correct, I wouldn't be able to have her leave if I tried."

Alice smiled smugly as she leaned up against one of the pillars, happy to have this small victory over Ilias.

"Regardless of that, I must ask you a question," the King continued. "Traveler who calls himself Kevin…you are a male monster, aren't you? Not only that, you are not baptized."

The boy nodded. "Correct. It might work as a monster repellent, but you couldn't pay me enough to submit to Ilias."

The King's eyes widened. "Oh! So, it really is just as Ilias revealed to me in a dream! You see, last night Ilias came to me in a dream. With her beautiful hair, and pure face, her angelic appearance was like a breath of –"

"That part doesn't matter!" Alice called out. "Why don't you get to something important."

Startled, the King continued. "Anyway, so Ilias gave me a revelation. An unbaptized male monster named Kevin would come before me. Though he was of monster blood, he will be the Hero who will defeat the Monster Lord."

Just like that, it was confirmed that this was all Ilias' fault. Kevin didn't know whether to be thankful for the fact that her actions led to him getting free EVERYTHING in San Ilia, or irritated by the fact that she was trying to use a local monarch to manipulate him into 'defeating' Alice. Either way, they would be having words the next time she entered his dreams.

"Now, I shall indicate the – where are you goin?" the old man asked, wondering why the 'Hero' Ilias gave him a prophecy about was just walking away now.

"Literally anywhere but here," the Eevee replied. "I've got no beef with the Monster Lord, so we might as well end this conversation right here. I would say it was nice talking with you, but it really wasn't. Come on, Alice."

The King was stumped. Ilias hadn't told him this would happen. "But…you were supposed to visit the three wise men, receive their blessings after showing them your power, and I would give you the [Goddess Sword]…"

"You mean this thing?" Alice asked, suddenly standing beside the throne and holding up a glowing sword. "With crap like this, you wouldn't even be able to put a scratch on anyone."

In the next second, a loud sound of shattering metal filled the throne room as the sword broke into pieces. The King's eyes widen as the blade that Ilias had told him was capable of making even the Monster Lord bow down was shattered like glass, its shards falling to the carpet below. His eyes remained on the hilt, even as it was dropped to join the fragments on the ground.

"Three wise men? Proof of your power?" Alice asked mockingly, turning to walk back to Kevin. "What a load of crap from this old man."

Kevin raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? I already thought it was a bunch of garbage, but you seem more offended than I thought you'd be," he commented.

"That's because even if you did want to 'defeat the Monster Lord,' the way described by this idiotic king isn't just worthless, it's insulting," she practically growled. "I could do a better job showing you how to become a real Hero."

"Wouldn't that be…I don't know, counterproductive? Considering just who you are?" the boy questioned.

"What? You think I couldn't train you to be a Hero capable of taking down the Monster Lord?"

"That is not what I'm saying at all. A) I have no need or desire to become a Hero; B) it sounds like you're just projecting your frustrations onto me; and C) I'm pretty sure I could beat you in a fight without needing your so-called 'Hero Training.'"

Alice huffed. "Well, if you DID want to, and maybe get stronger along the way, I would tell you to go to the Four Spirits and ask for their blessing."

"…Is this your roundabout way of telling me you found something more interesting for us to do than just wander aimlessly around the continent?"

"…Maybe."

Kevin sighed. "Well, it's not like we had anything better to do. Who are these Four Spirits, anyway? I've heard you compare me to them before."

"Salamander, Sylph, Undine, and Gnome," the lamia explained. "They embody Fire, Wind, Water, and Earth respectively. They should be somewhere on this continent. If you locate them, they may give you their blessings."

The boy rose his hand to his chin in contemplation. "Well…I'm already good on the Wind and Water Type Energies, but the Fire and Rock/Ground Type energies should be worth searching for."

Their conversation was interrupted by the King snapping out of his horrified daze and shouting in a mix of despair and…glee? "Fuuaaahaaahoha! Oooo Ilias! Look at what happened! Fuahahaa!"

"Did he break?" Alice idly asked, obviously not at all worried about the man's mental state.

"Eh, the sword breaking probably caused him a bit of psychological damage," Kevin shrugged, turning to face the door again. "Either way, it's not our problem anymore."

At that moment, Arthur burst through the door into the room. "My Lord! What happened to you!? What happened here!? Oh my god, the [Goddess Sword]! It's shattered."

"Yep," the Eevee commented. "And so did his mind, apparently."

Approaching the king and kneeling next to him, the Guard Captain glared at Kevin. "Kevin! What the hell happened here!?"

"I can say with one hundred percent certainty that the Monster Lord got offended by the claims that the [Goddess Sword] could defeat her, and promptly smashed it to bits.," the Eevee answered honestly.

Alice smirked a little at the misleading statement, but chose to remain silent.

Unable to detect a lie in the boy's statement, Arthur paled. "The Monster Lord!? How could she possibly get in here!?"

Kevin shrugged. "Who knows? I'm willing to bet one, or more, of you was stupid enough to just allow her to walk into the building in a clever disguise."

"We need to increase the castle defenses right away!" the man shouted, trying his best to ignore the passive aggressive jabs being sent his way.

Having no reason to stay behind and watch the fireworks, the Monster Lord and Eevee make their way out of the throne room and back into the main hall of the castle. There is chaos everywhere as soldiers, Heroes, priests, and Scholars run every which way, either trying to avoid whatever calamity is coming their way or prevent it from happening in the first place.

"The monster lord is attacking! She attacked the King and then ran away!"

"Oh no! Is the King safe?"

"He doesn't seem to be injured, but he suffered quite a shock."

"is it true that the [Goddess Sword] was destroyed!?"

Kevin chuckled at the ridiculousness of the situation. "Alice, you really outdid yourself this time."

"Hrm," she hummed with a satisfied smirk. "He was speaking such gibberish that I had to wake him up. It's not my fault that he couldn't handle reality."

They continued to calmy walk toward the castle's exit, the only two calm people in a storm of chaos. It wasn't until a massive explosion echoed through the castle that they took an interest in the chatter going on around them again.

"A monster is attacking!"

"So, she is here! It looks like the Monster Lord's attack wasn't a false report after all!"

"No! It isn't the Monster Lord! It's one of the Four heavenly Knights, Granberia!"

The Eevee boy suddenly froze mid-step. Flashbacks of the death of his precious chocolate bar back in Iliasburg ran through his head, alongside the fact that he never truly got his revenge on the monster responsible. It couldn't possibly be a coincidence that she was here at the exact date and time that he was. Which meant…

Suddenly, the guards around them started dropping like flies, all of them ending up unconscious on the floor. The next second, a monster Kevin was all too familiar with appeared in the middle of the hall a few yards away. It was the same black and gold armor, green scales, and red hair that haunted his nightmares to this day.

"Hey, Bitch," he growled, glaring at Granberia with all of his hatred. "Here to destroy even more of my precious food!?"

***

{Author's Note}

I'm hoping that this cliff hanger will help me stay inspired to write the next chapter. Even if it doesn't, it does serve a purpose in torturing you all with thoughts of how Kevin's second meeting with Granberia is going to play out.

Some things I want to address on the side:

1. This story is now being cross-posted on Fanfiction dot net so you can read it there if you want to as well. I prefer here, though, because here I can get reactions on a paragraph-by-paragraph basis, and the comments can be pictures and gifs. It's awesome.

2. If I created a Discord server, would anybody want to join it and talk about the story or future stories I might make? I find that talking with others about my ideas helps me develop them, but I'm a shut-in so a nice only chatroom might help. I remember one comment before asking me about if I had a Discord server, so now I'm asking you guys if you think it's a good idea.

3. If I were to set up a Pat reon, Sponsus, or some kind of account on a tip jar website, would any of you be willing to slide me some money? It won't start out with you actually getting anything back, but I figure if I eventually start making more money than I do at my job, I could just write for a living. And not just fanfictions, but actual original stories that have been bouncing around my head for years. I yearn for a day when I don't have to worry about my job constantly beating down my creativity on a daily and weakly basis.

Art, especially writing, doesn't really pay much these days.

And that's all I have to ask for now.

As always, comment on the paragraphs and the chapter itself. Try not to be a dick, memes are appreciated, and correct my grammar so I can fix it for future readers!

See you later!