The Darkness Before Dawn

~ TARKYN ~

Harth's throat bobbed and she stared at him as if he'd asked her to slit her own wrists. Tarkyn knew, immediately, that if she chose not to share he couldn't push. So, he held her hand and prayed she could feel the way he wished to protect her. That his vows were true. He would do anything in his power to hold her safely away from anything that would hurt her--even her own memories.

"Harth," he breathed, "if you don't want--"

"My first memory is of a human in a white coat," she blurted suddenly.

Tarkyn held his breath as she swallowed again and again.

"They were trying to give me... medicine," she said, with an odd twist to her lips. "But it hurt and they wouldn't listen. They didn't believe me. They thought I was just being difficult because of the needle. And I was too young to have the right words..."

She trailed off, her eyes distant. Tarkyn waited. Then she blinked and looked down at their linked hands. When she continued it was in his head, her voice very quiet and her tone strangely timid.

'Until I was seven I lived in a lab.'

'What's a lab?'

'It's like a… a hospital, except it's not for people who are sick. It's for… experiments. Learning. But a lot of the learning… they learn by hurting. Or trying things that can end up hurting, but they don't know that until after they try, it's… it's not a nice place to be.'

Tarkyn's stomach turned just at the idea. He couldn't imagine what it must be like to live it.

'They kept us caged sometimes. Other times they gave us homes. But because I was so young and had to be watched all the time, they never let me free. Even when we went outside it was with the humans and only for short periods. For our health. To get sun.

'But then they took me to Thana. That's… that's my true home.' She sent him an image then, a beautiful, white-capped mountain landscape peppered with tall, snow-dusted trees, black rocks, and beautiful sunsets in pink and purple. The image was colored with Harth's heart—the feeling of the wind in her hair, the smell of crisp snow, the joy of sitting at a fire at night with dozens of others. Food that tasted good and a body growing stronger.

She finally smiled. "Ten years…" she whispered. "They left me there for ten years… maybe twelve? I'm not certain. But it was a life."

She returned to sending to his mind and as she spoke she shared images—smiling faces, warm meals in air so cold her breath looked like smoke. The forest at night. Snow underfoot. "It was a life. A real life—with friends, and… and older Chimera who could teach me. I learned to hunt. I learned to fight. I grew strong. The fears of my childhood never left me completely, but they faded. I know it was at least ten years because the older females began to talk to me. I was approaching the age to mate, so I had to be seventeen or eighteen at least. Maybe even twenty? I don't know for sure. All I remember is that I'd almost allowed myself to believe they weren't ever going to take me back to their world.

'I looked at every male I met and measured my heart—if it beat faster, I hoped. Maybe this would be the one…'

Tarkyn felt his jaw tighten, along with his grip on her hand. He didn't enjoy the idea of her looking at other males, of her pulse growing faster. But could he blame her? He'd done the same thing—and far more.

'But I never found you. And then the humans returned. Back in those days they used to only come every year or so. We hadn't seen them in over a year, but the team came and…'

She stopped talking, her throat jumping again. But she showed him—humans dressed all in black as she had been when he first saw her, appearing through the trees, weapons in their hands. Two of the adult males already on the ground, twitching before the rest could even blink. Orders booming around the strange, courtyard-like space surrounded by massive stone columns and walls. Chimera fighting, Chimera dying, Chimera trying to flee—some allowed to run, others stopped in their tracks by a strange weapon the humans held that looked like the drawings of the gun Tarkyn had been shown, but without the long tube at its front.

But whatever those things were, even the largest of the Chimera fell like trees cut at the root when the humans used it.

And so in the end, her people stood, shivering and full of rage, as the humans weaved among them to pick out the ones they wanted.

And through it all, Harth stood, her young heart pounding so hard it hurt in her chest, waiting for the moment she'd feared. The moment when one of the female humans locked eyes with her and beckoned her forward with that weapon.

And Harth, her heart breaking, her mind screaming, walked forward.

The memory faded into a blur. Then went dark.

Tarkyn looked down at her, his heart weeping for the fear and pain in her. But Harth's face had gone strangely blank. She didn't want to show him more.

"I spent the rest of my life with them until Sasha-don came for us," she said. "Or should I say, sent the males for us. I'd seen her in the sanctuary. Even though we didn't speak, I knew. I knew she'd help us. I knew without her, we'd die. Until she came, I think I was dying. She brought my hope back. Hoped that there could be another life, a real life. She saved me, Tarkyn. Without her, I would have died. But my life came back to me that day when she vowed she'd get us out of there, and I knew. I knew she was telling the truth. And look, she did! I'm here. I wouldn't be here… I wouldn't have found you without her. And now she's there in that tree watching her mate be tormented and…"

Tarkyn pulled her into his chest, holding her, one hand buried in the back of her hair, holding her head to him.

She shook in his arms but he could feel that it was as much with rage as grief. The memories had frightened her, but they'd reminded her of her resolve as well.

She was strong, and fierce, his mate.

"I wish I could be as strong as you," she whispered into his chest. "I wish I could make them see—"

"You are," he said immediately. "And we will… I'll help you, Harth. I'll help them. I… vow it. They're gone. Those humans are gone from here. And they aren't coming back. You're free. This is a life. This is our life now—yours and mine. I promise. We'll show Elreth, let her hear your story. She'll know you're being honest and we'll fix it. You'll be free, Harth. I'll make certain of it."

She pulled back, out of his embrace to find his eyes, the furs around her beginning to slide down, revealing her collarbones. He stroked her hair back from her face letting her see him, hoping she could feel his heart and know he was true.

But even though she gave a small smile, she sighed. "Tarkyn… I'll never be free as long as my people don't have their freedom too. They're the only family I have. I'm not free if they're in prison."