9 R 2 1

This smoke was far less potent than the previous, so I doubled the effort to consume it. Started walking again. My feet and heels felt less raw. I frowned. 

The sky was cumulating mean-looking clouds on one side. The night is going to be fun. I started looking out for a dumped car with at least some intact windows. There were a lot of rust buckets strewn around in various states of decay, oldest probably dating to the start of monster invasion. Or maybe not? I had no way of knowing for sure, but the nostalgic old-timers made everything before that seem so great and pristine that I was conditioned to think so. This junk heap had clear teeth marks by its missing half, so perhaps they weren't wrong.

Contemplating lost civilisations was a terrible distraction. It had nothing to do with me. I lit up another cigarette, took a drag and pressed fingers onto my eyes. Being docile was such a drag. I continuously failed to keep myself in check with such a permissive master.

"What do you even want with me, really?" my frantic thoughts spilled out. "What the fuck did you mean by a pet? This is clearly not a sex thing 'cause you're puritanically predisposed, nor do you make ridiculous demands of me to prop your ego up. So, what? What is it you want me to do?"

I didn't turn to grill him with a stare because there was no point. He wouldn't even understand the gesture. There was nothing to see either. Monster showed what he wanted others to see. He probably won't even reply, but the very long leash he's given me permitted me to mouth off and some days it was hard to hold it all in.

A growl lazily ticked away until he finally deemed it a reasonable time to reply, "You humans keep animals as pets disregarding their wishes all the time, yet it somehow is an unfathomable concept to you? I will protect and care for you; you need not do anything."

I thought at best he'd slap me with some non-answer, misunderstand or just play dumb, so an actual explanation kind of floored me. I sucked on my stress-relieving stick. It was just that. Plain interspecies hostage situation. Cat in a window. Dog on a leash. Fish in a bowl.

Relief flooded me. Laughed sincerely for the first time in weeks. Held onto my knees lest I'd just turn liquid from this complete and total relaxation.

He'd meant it so literally.

My warped mind was only circling darkest connotations of the word and waited for the worst. People of power and means in the manor have been turning us into dehumanized items to be abused and disposed of on a whim - but this wasn't it at all. This I can actually do and not want to retch. He wasn't a harsh master. The leash was long, enough to delude myself into feeling free. Was I being unrealistic? Very likely, but boy needed a little gaslighting to get through his day.

I shook my head and straightened out after gathering my wits together. Monster has stopped as well and had even turned to face me. He had no reason for the gesture hence it made it seem as though he thought I was having a thorough mental breakdown and was unsure what to do about it.

I smiled at him, still feeling the high of the ninth cloud. "So you're not gonna make me into a mouth that lives on and on and never dies? Because, you know, nobody turns pets into body parts – I wouldn't sew an entire cat to my butt and parade around. That'd be just weird. " 

"Why do you not want to live on? A lot of humans asked me to remove this limitation of your form," monster wondered and I did not miss lack of the other answer.

I rolled my eyes - how contrary of him. Would be easier for everybody if he just took those who wanted to live forever. Win-win. "I've had enough, thanks," I said.

It started drizzling and I got moving again. There were no conveniently placed shacks anywhere in the overgrown fields and cars have all seen better days. Oh well, I haven't planned on sleeping tonight anyway. Monster must have fiddled with my exhaustion too because I wasn't feeling nearly as depleted as I should be. Slogging through muddy pools will be an absolute nightmare regardless. The roads weren't what they used to be and missing entirely in some sections. Plants reigned supreme. The odd metallic pillar here and there still informed me to look for fallen road signs whenever I could. Some were even propped up to be properly seen by a rare traveller. How unexpectedly kind.

Water stopped annoying my nose but I still heard it fall. Raised my eyes and found monster's arm up, the sleeve stretching to make a roof over my head. I grinned like a fool and said, "Thanks."

It's not like I haven't been promised the world before - plenty of clients did that. But pretending felt nice. Cherry would have tried to check my ears each time I'd fake believe all these lies the boys told me. And now she was dead.

"Why did you not help me at the douche manor?" I spat out the accusation.

"I did," he said. And technically he was correct. When I didn't need it anymore. My frame of mind soured further. Yes, I was entirely a moody bitch on a swing today.

"Earlier. Before that," I ground out through my teeth.

"Did you want me to?"

I was disarmed and all my thoughts derailed. Did I?

I wasn't expecting him to. He had no obligation there either. Did I hope for it? Did I want for literally anybody to pretend to give a shit? Yeah, obviously. Did I for a second think that would happen? No. Such sad state of affairs. And he wondered why I was done with living. The audacity.

"You didn't need help. You're quite the wildfire," monster finished his thought. The underhanded praise doused some of my anger.

He was still being a suspicious fuck. "What were you doing there anyway?"

"I smelled you nearby after explicitly placing you in safety. I came in to find out why you'd go back." Alright, well, if you put it like that I wouldn't have helped the dumb hoe either.

"Nobody has really asked me," I grumbled and kept eyeing the horned monster suspiciously. The lords knew this particular monster enough to not panic. There was serious lack of gunfire too, considering how fortified the place has been. "And what were you doing nearby?"

"I searched where you came from."

"Well, not there," I still grumbled but found myself at a lack of reasonable things to be pissed off about. All of this could still be crock of shit, of course.

I slogged through wet grass and more often than not stepped into the puddle in the absolute dark. Hefty clouds made night fall so much quicker. Was I even on the road anymore? Sky in front of me was brighter, signalling I was on a right track at least. City still shone like the sun at night. 

The cover he's given me from the rain was far too sweet a gesture to not get to my head. I could not stop overthinking it. I wanted there to be some scent too, something to envelop me without touching but I was on my stinky lonesome. I contemplated diving headfirst into one of the puddles.

The proximity was driving me mad. I didn't see the surroundings very well, so more often than not I'd stumble and grip the monster for stability. My hand lingered each time against my express wishes. Not long, just enough to beat myself up over.

Come on, stupid, don't make it weird. We'd just established boundaries and I was perfectly happy not being a sentient sex toy for once.

Perhaps my wishes to touch him weren't a purposeful conditioning, but a pleasant memory instead. Just like I kept on hoping, expecting, looking forward to finding more leftovers in a certain house's trash. I was now aware of an extremely pleasurable reprieve and knew exactly where to find it. I'll get over it. Just like I eventually stopped dumpster diving.