Chapter 21: half life mistake

Beyond the outskirts of Lu Zhuang, a contingent of fifty fully armed soldiers stood in wait, emanating an aura of determination. However, most of Lu Zhuang's own men were trained under the tutelage of Lu Bu himself. Zhuang Yong, the guardian of Zhuangzi, was a particularly distinguished figure, commanding an elite group. While their equipment might not match the newcomers', their resolute spirit was undeniable. Apprehensive about potential disturbances, I refrained from allowing them entry, opting instead to dispatch a messenger to notify Lu Bu.

Yet, this assembly was clearly not the border guard it purported to be.

As Lu Bu laid his eyes upon this military assembly, he swiftly discerned their unfamiliarity. Their armor lacked the finesse typically seen among border generals and their troops.

"State your identity," Lu Bu inquired, his brow furrowing, directed at the approaching soldiers.

A rustling from a nearby carriage, securely guarded by a cadre of thirty soldiers, drew his attention. He glanced upwards to see a middle-aged woman emerging from the curtained enclosure. Her movements, though graceful, bore a hint of valor uncommon to most women. A vague sense of recognition pricked at Lu Bu's consciousness.

"Could it be... Brother Feng?" The voice from the carriage spoke, her tone tinged with recognition. Lu Bu met her gaze and realized that the woman bore an air of familiarity.

"It's you..." Lu Bu hesitated, momentarily unable to place her. His acquaintances with women of stature were few.

"Yan Xueyun, your sister," the woman introduced herself with a courteous bow, a faint smile gracing her lips. "Although many years have passed, Brother's heroic presence remains as potent as ever."

"Ambassador's wife," Lu Bu responded with a cold snort, humility marking his tone. It appeared that Yan Changkong's son-in-law had ascended to the position of an imperial envoy since their chance meeting at Luzhuang some years prior.

"Despite the years, Brother still harbors resentment toward my father?" Yan Xueyun's gaze settled on Lu Bu, tinged with a hint of disappointment.

"Never would I dare. General Yan's valor and wisdom are beyond reproach. I am but a reckless soul, unworthy of such sentiments," Lu Bu countered, shaking his head with humility. "If Madam merely seeks amusement at my expense, the spectacle has been laid bare. You need not linger in the company of an insignificant man like myself."

"Little sister simply wishes to unveil something before Brother's discerning eyes. Should it displease you, Brother, I shall depart this instant, never to intrude again," Yan Xueyun addressed him with a placid smile.

Lu Bu opted for silence, prompting Yan Xueyun to direct an attendant to present a box before him. Upon opening the container, a collection of aged memorials came to view, each bearing the weight of history.

"What is the meaning of this?" Lu Bu inquired, puzzled, as he regarded Yan Xueyun.

"These are the recommendations my father submitted to the court on behalf of my brother," Yan Xueyun sighed, her gaze fixed on Lu Bu. "Brother, I implore you to examine them for yourself."

Perplexed, Lu Bu gingerly retrieved a bamboo scroll from the box. To his surprise, it bore Yan Changkong's endorsement, composed during Lu Bu's tenure as a county captain many years past.

As his eyes roved over the familiar script, a pang of discomfort gripped Lu Bu's heart. He perused several scrolls, realizing that Yan Changkong had submitted a total of twenty-one endorsements, spanning from Lu Bu's initial return to his hometown.

Clutching the memorials, Lu Bu felt an internal tumult, grappling with emotions he struggled to articulate. Over two decades of resentment seemed to blur into uncertainty in this moment.

"Initially, the court appointed officials based on military merit. Yet, once a general's rank is attained, lineage plays a pivotal role. My father's intention was... for you and my brother to be united through marriage, fortifying his background and easing his path to advancement. Alas..." Yan Xueyun's voice trailed off, the rumors of Lu Bu's dismissive attitude towards material wealth having spread even to the ears of the general's household. The climb to higher ranks proved arduous.

"Why did the General not speak of this?" Lu Bu's voice trembled slightly as he voiced the question that weighed on his mind.

"What would you say if you were in his shoes?" Yan Xueyun countered, a hint of sorrow in her gaze. "Father believed that you and my brother shared striking similarities in your youth."

Likely, he would not. Words could only do so much without accompanying action.

"In his efforts to prevent my brother from feeling slighted, all accolades bestowed by the imperial court were augmented by my father's contributions, even drawing upon the Yan family's resources. Sadly..."

Regret hung in the air. Lu Bu's unyielding disposition rendered him incapable of accepting such assistance. His perception was that the military establishment treated him unfairly, thus he deliberately hindered his own progress.

Lu Bu's eyes stung with a poignant realization. He raised his gaze, inhaling deeply before inquiring, "Madam, how fares the General now?"

Upon his departure from the military encampment, Lu Bu was a mere thirty years old, whereas Yan Changkong had already reached the age of fifty. Time had undoubtedly marched on for both, and Lu Bu now found himself well-acquainted with the passage of years.

"He is not in good health. Initially, my father intended to shield the General from these documents. However, our nation's strength wanes by the day, and support for the border regions steadily diminishes. Supplies and wages in Beiguan have dwindled to less than half of their former levels. To shore up our defenses and repel external threats, my father's hair has grayed prematurely. Whenever barbarian raids occur, I hear him mumble that, were Fengxian present, these invaders would stand no chance... Recently, his health has taken a turn for the worse. Even in slumber, his thoughts are consumed by Beiguan's plight or by calling out your name..."

An aching sensation constricted Lu Bu's chest as he absorbed Yan Xueyun's words. The degradation of Beiguan's defenses had not escaped him; establishing Lu Zhuang had been his effort to alleviate the burden.

"Father may not be..." Yan Xueyun's gaze met Lu Bu's, her voice tender. "Could you visit him, Brother?"

With a solemn nod, Lu Bu affirmed, "Just give me a moment... I shall depart forthwith."

Initially, he intended to delay his departure until the morrow, yet the prospect of Yan Changkong's ailing state dispelled any sense of complacency. Without hesitation, Lu Bu summoned his horse, impelled by an urgent determination.

"Father, today is your birthday. What could be so pressing?" Lu Bu's sons exchanged bewildered glances, astonished by their father's abrupt departure.

"Brother, fear not. Father's condition is not dire. My presence today was not initially planned, and I arrived without preparation. I beg for your understanding," Yan Xueyun interjected hastily, restraining Lu Bu's hastening steps.

"Of course, Bu is honored to host Weizhou." With a warm smile, Lu Bu led Yan Xueyun back to the village, presenting her to his wife.

"Madam, please meet our guest." Lu Bu's wife rose, assisted by her daughter-in-law, her movements quivering as she attempted to offer a salute to Yan Xueyun. Swiftly, Yan Xueyun moved to her side, providing support.

"I've heard of the esteemed reputation of the elder brother's wife, though I've never had the privilege of visiting before. It's only fitting for the younger sister to pay her respects to her sister-in-law," Yan Xueyun conveyed gracefully, acknowledging the customary gesture.

Understanding the physical strain on his wife, Lu Bu intervened, offering his own support. "At this age, there's no need to trouble yourself with such formalities. The banquet is ready, let us proceed to the table."

"Your marriage is truly an inspiration to others," Yan Xueyun spoke sincerely, observing Lu Bu's wife, whose appearance may not conform to conventional notions of beauty. Yet, her strength and character shone through.

"Don't mind such matters at your age. Join us at the table," Lu Bu chimed in, urging Yan Xueyun to partake in the festivities.