Chapter twenty-four: Because I love him

~~~ Don't cry out loud, just keep it inside and learn how to hide your feelings. Fly high and proud and if you should fall, remember you almost had it all...~~~

-Rachelle Ann Go-

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"Okay, I got it. You don't want your best friend to know all this, but why do you have to face the pain if you can go and free yourself from this hell?"

I shrugged. Tears started to form around my eyes. She's right. Why do I have to take all this if I can easily free myself? And then the answer is...

"Because I love him."

Her expression softened.

"I love him and I think I couldn't live without him but on top of that, I don't want my daughter to grow up without having a father beside her. So yes, I could face all the pain and this hell just for her. But you know what, I'm still hoping that one day, Luke will change even if it's not for me but for our baby."

I didn't get back to sleep or should I say--- I could no longer go back to sleep because even if I hadn't heard them, their image kept dancing in my head every time I closed my eyes.

The next morning, everything seemed to return to normal... I mean, new normal. He has a deep frown when he met me on the stairs. I was going up to my room with my pillows and my favorite fleece blanket as he came down wearing his office attire. He's currently training to manage their business.

I ignored him and didn't even try to spare him a look as I headed directly upstairs and into my room. But the moment I entered my room, I ran immediately to the bathroom and it was only then that I allowed my tears and heaviness of my chest to explode.

***

When Dale and Luke's graduation came, mom and dad agreed to celebrate it in my in-laws' house. On the same night, his father announced to the public that his son was already married which caused my world to suddenly stop for a few seconds.

Everyone's eyes were on me and I gulped when his father called us to be in the middle. He told his son to hold my hand and they all cheered, shouting a loud 'congratulations' in the air.

But little did they know we're just faking our smiles, especially Luke. I felt afraid of being happy as he acted a sweet, caring and clingy husband that night. I don't know what came to his head as he also kissed me in front of them. Yes, excitement filled in me with that kiss but I also couldn't help but feel scared as what he was up to.

And my thoughts confirmed when we got home. We fell into a fight. It was then that I knew that he didn't want his father's idea of announcing his marriage status in public. Well, I also didn't know it coming and I was shocked when he called us in front of the guests because as I remembered, our situation would be kept private until I gave birth to my baby... and I agreed although I couldn't understand why.

So I was also in deep shock when they announced it out loud in front of everyone. But what I couldn't understand was that why he was so affected and furious about it? I asked him, but what I got was just a loud 'swearing' that echoed throughout the living room.

He went out and left the house after throwing the small flower vase from the console table. I felt scared, shocked and helpless at the same time. But thanks to Elaine and Rory who came running to my side and helped me calm down.

***

"What the hell is really going on between you and your bastard of a husband, Samantha?" Jack asked as she slumped across the couch.

It's been a week since Luke left and no one knows about it except all the people at home.

"You looked 35 instead of 17, girl! And it's your birthday next week, how will you fit the gown that Untie has ordered for you when you looked so thin? Do you still eat at home?"

I chuckled at her question. "Of course, how would I live if I don't eat?"

She looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Is there's something you haven't told me, Samantha Soriano? I've been busy this past few weeks so I couldn't visit you, but when I look at you right now, jeez! It seemed like years that I haven't seen you!"

"Come on, Jack, I'm pregnant and my body is still adjusting, you know." I lied.

"Adjusting?"

"Uhuh." I nodded.

"Really?"

"Yeah, so let's stop talking about my body. Uhm... anyway, what did my brother give you as a graduation gift? You haven't told me about it, yet." I silently prayed that she would bite it.

"Hmmp!" She huffed and I sighed in relief. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Don't ask me what your jerk of a brother gave me, ask me what did I received from him?"

"But it's just the same." I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Agh! Just ask me!"

"Fine! What did he give you---I mean what did you get from him?" I bit my lower lip to control my laugh.

"A frog toy!"

"A what?" I frowned.

"A small frog fucking toy! Can you imagine it? Jeez! Well, what did I expect to receive from him--- a gold bracelet, a diamond necklace? Argh!"

And my laughter filled the four corners of her small apartment. At least once in a while, I can still laugh my heart out like this, unlike when I'm at home.

"But why did he give you a frog toy? What was it for?"

"Because he's the frog prince or maybe it's just like the usual, he wanted to make fun of me and the worst was to piss me off. Haist! As if I didn't know your brother, I'm sure he thought I was really expecting something special to receive from him! Gosh! I hate him!"

'Jeez! When will they grow up and realize their feelings? They're a cute couple if that happened.'

Her rants suddenly stopped when we heard the doorbell ringing outside.

"I think that's my pizza. Hmm... yummy!"

"You ordered a pizza?"

"Yup, wait for a while." She stood up to open the door and to pay for the pizza.

***

"Uhm, Jack?" I called her after we finished eating and while she's already cleaning the mess on the small table.

"Yeah?"

"Can I sleep here--- again?" She was stopped by taking the box of pizza and looked at me with narrowed eyes. "Please?"

"Sam, it's not that I don't want you to sleep here, but what would your husband say to you---"

"He's not at home!" I lowered my head and sighed. "I mean, he's been gone again for almost a week and I don't know where he stays."

"He's doing it again, tss! That pathetic bastard!"

It's enough that I told her about his disappearance rather than telling her what Luke was doing every other night.

"I just wanna have someone to talk to apart from the four corners of my room and all the displays and furniture in the living room. You know what, honestly, I think I could walk around the house even in closed eyes."

"Hmm... well, let's have a girls night tonight--- and you can stay here as long as you want!"

"Wow! Thanks, Jack."

"Tsk.tsk... no worries, it's for baby Cali." She winked at me.

***