Chapter 01- Chance

I didn't want to sleep again. I don't want to go through all those dreams. By the time daylight slapped my face I was still clutching the pillow in my arms. I had dark circles under my eyes but I couldn't be bothered to care. The alarm went off jolting me from my daze. 08:15.

I gave a gasp and stumbled off the bed into the washroom. New day means university. And university means-

'Maeee!'

'Coming dad!'

I go to the Seoul University of Archaeology and Art History. Why? Because I love history and painting. Me and my dad both. He's the lecturer and I'm the student. It may be awkward for others, but me, I don't mind. He and I are similar in many ways. Same eyes, same hair, same talents, waking late….

'I'm going to tell her that the car broke down, if she asks you, tell the same thing' Dad drove through the traffic while smoothing his hair simultaneously.

'I told her that last time' I sighed, 'Just let me do it, focus on driving. You're going to get us killed dad'.

I shoved my bag aside and helped him comb his hair. His hair is thick and dark as mine.

'Where are your spectacles dad?' I asked sitting back down.

'Um, I think it's in my bag', he said, 'Don't bother looking for it. I can find it when I get to the university'.

'Mm' I yawned.

'Mae, you didn't sleep last night did you?' He asked, noticing my eye bags, 'Were you studying?'

I shook my head and buried my face in my bag.

'Mae, I-I booked a psychiatrist okay?' he said coming to stop at the parking lot, 'Don't freak out, I know you're not crazy, but this has to stop'

I didn't know what to say. Even I wanted them to stop. This was never a problem in the past. I would just see something less violent like oh, a painting perhaps or koi or some guy I don't know. But now it's disturbing me. They keep me awake at night and I don't want to close my eyes again. They're like these scenes from a movie that keep coming out all of a sudden. The scary thing is that they're kind of connected. Like I see the same person sometimes for days and other times it's the same background-

'Mae!'

I broke out of my daze, 'Sorry what?'

Dad looked genuinely concerned, 'Mae, I called you three times darling'

'Oh, I was-was thinking' I stuttered walking to the entrance.

The canopy of trees above me rustled, leaves fluttering around me. It had a familiar feeling.

'Mae, I made an appointment today after your lectures', Dad took my hand gently, 'Just cooperate and see if it feels any better alright? I want you to be okay Mae'.

'I know' I whispered. If only you knew.

'Let's head to class, you brought your painting material right?' he asked.

'Mmhm, I brought everything,' I put on a brave smile.

Painting is what puts my mind at ease. Holding the paintbrush and looking at the empty canvas gave me a sense of serenity despite all the muddled thoughts in my head.

'Today, I want you to draw something that you remember as significant. Something that you found pretty or …..extraordinary', Miss Aecha clapped her hands gleefully, 'By that I mean that it has to be full of detail as usual, extraordinary memories are unforgettable of course. You'd remember everything about it. What I remember most significantly is the scene of my husband on our wedding day. I even remember the number of the flowers that decorated the aisle. Be clear, be precise. Artful minds remember detail'

There was a scuffle of feet and hands as the students hurried to adjust their canvases or bring out their most perfect paint brush.

Extraordinary memories indeed. I have plenty. But which one?

I squeezed out the paints onto my palette and thought hard.

The pond with the koi? The blooming Sakura flowers? The bloody battle? Or….

I dipped my brush in black and began to draw. I could literally draw with my eyes closed. Smooth brush strokes forming a picture on the empty canvas. I delved into my dreams again, pulling out all the features of the picture I wanted to create.

I opened my eyes, and there it was. A pair of two toned eyes staring back from the canvas. Blue and a violent shade of purple. It was a painting of a man with messy flowing hair tied back in a tidy ponytail. I remember it clearly now. Leaning against a tree blooming with Sakura flowers. A playful smile rested on his lips while a hand extended out with a flower clasped between his fingers.

'My my, Mae', Miss Aecha cooed behind me. I started.

'I don't know any Korean actors with heterochromia' she said as the class broke out in giggles behind her, 'Mae, I never thought of you as a girl who watches Korean drama'

'He's not an actor…' I muttered, blushing a deep red.

'Either way, that's a beautiful painting Mae. Silence!' She barked at the class, 'You have applied the colours really well dear. The details….'

She reached out her hand and with the tip of her finger, traced the slight brushstrokes of his hair.

'Amazing, Mae' Miss Aecha gasped dramatically, 'When did you learn how to draw like this? You weren't like this before. I remember'

'Ever since-' I stopped myself. Ever since my dreams worsened.

'Ever since I'd researched more into ancient Korea ma'am' I answered.

'Ah! What an interesting topic to search into', she considered, 'Well done Mae, I hope you keep surprising me like this in the future as well'.

I have no other choice. These memories are truly quite extraordinary. How can I ever forget them?

I let out a sigh. Maybe I shouldn't let out my thoughts so freely. After class I dodged a few girls who commented on my painting by giving a few short replies.

As I wandered out into the busy corridors I realised how lonely I've been this entire time. I've always been so focused with my paintings, dreams and education so I've never thought of interacting with people or even... having friends. I guess I never needed them. Dad was outside laughing with another male teacher and I waited patiently to talk to him.

'Hey Mae, How's the lectures?' He asked, coming over and ruffling my hair.

'Fine, I guess, I painted something from my dreams' I paused, 'Miss Aecha said that it was extraordinary'.

'Did she now?' Dad chuckled, 'perhaps they're not as useless as you think they are'.

I walked silently and dad glanced over, 'Enough of that, how about we go see your psychiatrist?'

'Okay…. I guess' I murmured.

'Mae, I know you think that this won't work but we have to try and see' He insisted, 'besides this is the best psychiatrist I know'.

'I understand dad, it's just…. So weird'

'Don't worry honey, if this worries you so much, then we don't have to let anybody know alright?' He said.

'It's not like I have anybody for them to know….

I let him walk on and paused briefly. The same canopy of trees. I looked up at the green mass and closed my eyes.

So familiar. I like it. I feel so content ... .so free. I want it to be like this forever.

'You're right dad' I said walking up to him as he unlocked the Prius, 'I should give it a chance'. He beamed.

A chance to understand and let go.