Chapter 9- The lead... to action

Kara looked up at me and spoke softly, "I'm sorry I fell asleep, I couldn't help it. I felt terrible when I woke up for being so selfish, what you did to me really opened my eyes, I've never felt that way with Steve and I really wanted to…return the favour but I…"

"Hey, it's okay babe. We have plenty of time for you to…pay me back." I winked as I said it and my hands brushed over her wet bum. Kara moved the shower away from us with a more serious look on her face.

"You mean… you'd want to do it again?" Kara asked cautiously.

"Of course, didn't you like it?" I asked, suddenly concerned at the change in mood.

"Yes, yes I loved it, I mean… loved it; I just thought maybe it was a one-time deal." She looked at her feet as she said it.

"No, why would you think that it was a one off?" I asked feeling a little uneasy.

"It's just, I wondered if you'd done it because… I don't know… maybe you felt a sorry for me," she still looked down as if she was afraid to see the expression on my face. "To be honest, when you pulled open the curtain, a part of me thought you were going to tell me to leave!"

"Kara! No! Of course not, how could you think that?" I said a little more harshly than I intended. "I don't make people feel better by sleeping with them, what kind of person would that make me?"

"Oh Faye, no I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that…" she looked up at me with a hint of panic in her voice. "Please stop, I'm sorry."

I regained my composure and looked at her; she looked so vulnerable hugging her boobs and shivering a little. I wanted to hold her but first I desperately needed to make her understand. I got hold of the showerhead and made the warm water flow over her shoulders to stop her shivering and I calmly spoke.

"Kara, I didn't make love to you just to make you feel better. I…" I looked right into her eyes. "I did it because I love you. I have desperately wanted you in this way and every other way for years. What happened earlier was a dream come true for me and, I am truly sorry about what's happened to you but I can't ignore my feelings for you and…" I trailed off unable to put words to it anymore.

"Oh… Faye, I had no idea, come here," she put her hands around my waist and pressed her warm body against mine. "I'm sorry, I'm so confused, but now know one thing."

"What is that?" I asked her, staring into her eyes.

"I love you too," as she said that, about 15 million butterflies in my stomach exploded.

"Really," I asked her. "You really do?"

"I do, you've shown me a whole new side of me and I want to explore it more, and I want to do it with you… if that's okay?" She looked so sincere and her hands locked around my back, it was a moment I would never forget. Unfortunately, I followed this perfect moment up with possibly the most pathetic sentence I have ever said.

"So," (prepare to cringe) "You… uh, you want to be my girlfriend?" (Yep, I was suddenly an 8 year old again!)

"Yes," Kara couldn't help laughing as she watched my face contort in embarrassment. "Yes I want to be your girlfriend!" I smiled so wide my lips nearly ran out of mouth, and laughed like a maniac. Then regained my poise, more or less, and kissed her as if my life depended on it.

In the back of my mind, I wondered what kind of things she wanted to explore. My sexual fantasies were on hold for now. I just hugged her close and enjoyed the most intimate moment of my life, up until then at least.

Here is what you are thinking.

A woman is married for eight years, and then her husband leaves her. Then, the following day she becomes a lesbian and declares her love for another woman. How that could be possible? It is unrealistic and almost too easy!

I know this is what you are thinking because I was thinking the exact same thing. The love of my life suddenly becomes available and turns gay in the space of twenty-four hours? It was in the back of my mind even after she told me she loved me. How does a person change so dramatically? I desperately hoped this was not all some kind of rebound reflex.

As we finished up in the shower and got dressed it continued to puzzle me, and my unease must have shown on my face because a little while later while we were sipping our cups of coffee on the sofa she turned to me with a concerned look on her face.

"Faye… honey are you okay?"

"Yea, yea I'm good," I told her unconvincingly.

"Are you sure? Since we talked and got out of the shower you've been awfully quiet, are you having second thoughts about this? Or about us being together like this?" She sounded worried.

"No, of course not, this is a dream come true for me. It's more than I ever could've hoped for," I blurted out. "I guess that's why I'm worried."

"Well, tell me what's worrying you and we can talk about it," she had her head cocked to the side with her damp hair framing her face, my god she's beautiful.

"I want too, but…" I searched for the right words. "I don't want you to get angry, or push you away. But there's this thing bothering me that won't quite go away."

"Okay, look, just blurt it out and we'll deal with it after you've said it. I promise I won't get angry," she spoke so softly.

"But…"

"Faye."

"Yea?"

"Say it," Kara insisted.

"Okay, okay here it is," I decided to take her advice and get it all out quickly. "I'm worried that this might all be some kind of rebound for you. You went from being with a man for eight years to now being a lesbian. It seems pretty unbelievable, if I was looking at this from the outside I'd say you can't suddenly become a lesbian in the space of six hours and fall in love with a girl…"

Kara didn't reply right away, she sat and thought about it for what seemed like hours, her facial expression didn't change until she eventually looked up at me.

"When you say it like that I guess it does seem pretty… extreme…" She spoke thoughtfully and calmly. "To be honest Faye, I don't know what I am. I have never really thought about women in a sexual way, but… I haven't thought about anyone in a sexual way for a long time…" she paused for a moment, considering each thing carefully.

"Not even Steve?" I asked.

"Especially not Steve," she said with what almost seemed like anger. "Are you sure you want to hear all this? It'll take a while to explain, but it might show you that I am telling the truth when I say I love you and what to be with you, but…it means telling you something that will probably make you angry with me." My heart had jumped all over the place while she was speaking, especially when she said the last part about wanting to be with me, I felt like this was an important moment for her.

"Please, go ahead and tell me, whatever it is I won't be angry," I reached out and covered her hands with mine in her lap.

"Faye," she looked up. "We… I mean, I lied to you last night, I didn't want to but Steve said it would be better to make up a story rather than tell the truth."

"What was the lie?" I asked while still holding her hand firmly.

"The part where we said there's something wrong with me, that I can't conceive children. We have never been to a doctor about not being able to get pregnant," she looked so embarrassed and let go of my hand. "I'm so sorry Faye."

"Hey," I said softly, taking hold of her hand again and returning it to her lap. "It's okay, I'm not angry, I'm just confused. If you wanted a baby, why couldn't you do it, y'know, the old fashioned way?"

"We haven't had sex for over six years," Kara revealed.

I was astonished, "You haven't had sex with him at all?"