Depressed drunk

"Woah, is that an upset drunk or depressed drunk." Alex gasps.

"I'm rooting for depressed drunk." Ben looks over to where most of our eyes have landed at. We've already forgotten what Ben was saying before Mason entered the room.

"Maybe he's just upset. You said he didn't care much about his mum..." I guessed lamely.

Alex shrugs and looks at me, he looks worried for his friend now, "That looks beyond upset if you're asking me."

"I'll go talk to him." I offer and look at Alex reassuringly, giving him a light pat on his shoulder. He looks up, surprised at my gesture, I marvelled myself too. I may just be able to move on with Alex, move on from my past. The others shrug approvingly, a look of acceptance gleaming in all their eyes, and Alex finally replies me with a, "Sure."

I walk to the table Mason stands at... with his lonesome self. "Hey." He calls out to me as he twists his neck towards me and sees me. My head buzzes with questions but I hold them back.

As I walk over, I constantly remind myself that he is drunk. He is drunk, you must remember that Skyla. Don't push him too far, you don't want a cry baby on a romantic day, it'll ruin Valentine's atmosphere.

"Hey." I reply Mason, "Are you doing alright?"

"No." He replies me honestly, and I'm half surprised. He begins smiling sadly.

I wince and sit next to him, "Wanna... talk about it?"

"Yes. No." He laughs and empties another cup of his drink. He demands for another and the person serving his drinks looked so intimidated by his alcohol intake.

"What?" I frown but he just laughs again.

"My mother died, my father hates me, I have no home." He chuckles sadly. Oh my Lord... I thought.

"Wait, what did you do to deserve that?" I shake my head in bewilderment. He glances at me sadly and replies, "I bet you've never had a father who ditches his kids, sleeps with a different woman every damned day of your life, and pushes the blame to everyone that he comes in contact with. The stupid thing is, he can be right sometimes." My mind drifts to my own life and I wonder what's worse. I eventually decide on his being the worser one and bring my attention back on him.

"What do you mean?" I say just as Ben walks over and jokes, "Yo, depressed much?"

"Piss off." Mason growls, chugging down another cup of liquor. "My mum had breast cancer." He starts to explain once Ben leaves, "Dad never cared about us and my mother was foolish enough to stick with that dickhead who offers no money for her medical bills and in the end, she gave up. She let go of everything. Well, serve her right, now she's dead."

"Mason!" I gasp in disbelief, "Don't speak that way. Especially... not over your dead mum's body."

"What do you know? There's no funeral, for your information. Seemed like that's all you wanted to know anyways." He mumbles and pushes his emptied cup away. He stands leaving me in utter confusion and shock. I walk back to Alex and the others solemnly.

"What did ya get?" Alex queries about Mason with a smirk. I glare at him before plopping my butt beside him and confessing, "Nothing."

"Told ya. That man gives no damn shit about his mama." I nod along with his words but my mind wanders off. Mason actually fooled himself into thinking that he doesn't give a damn about his parents. Poor him, I wonder what he's going through... I wonder if Anna knows about all this.

I turn to Alex and say, "I have to go."

"What, why?" His eyes widens and then narrows into two thin line.

"Please." I plead, adding my best puppy eyes. Everyone around us is too caught up in their own conversations to notice anyways.

"Ahh... I see." He smirks but I think he understood what I meant. He stands and announces to the others, "Chow babies, my girlfriend is getting restless." I silently thank him for making our departure sound casual. Maybe too casual... I notice a few girls scowling in what seemed to be of jealousy but I ignore them.

I assume Alex is going to take me back to his car but I assumed wrongly, he guides me someplace far from his car. When I realize, I tug at his arm and frown, "Alex, your car is the other way."

"But a bed is this way." He starts and I almost laugh. A bed? I look at him with disbelief.

"I want to leave the party, Alex."

He looks at me and his eyes widen, "You're serious?" He asks and I blink in confusion.

"What?" He laughs with amusement and guesses again, "You want me to hit you there."

"Hit me where?" My mind is completely oblivious to what's going on and my hand trails down his and lands below my waist.

"Weren't you restless?" He frowns now, confused too.

"I meant I needed to leave, I have something important to attend to." I explain. I see Alex's expression turns from bemusement to puzzlement, to turbulence or embarrassment.

"Aww, fine. Let's go." He takes my hand but I shiver this time. God knows what he would have m to do with me. My mind drifts to the touch... a man's touch, no men. I feel my body shake and tremble and Alex notices. He turns, look at me, and his expression crumples. "Oh no, baby, what's wrong?"

My body may be physically ready for a man's intrusion but my mind clearly isn't.

It literally stops functioning, all but the memories stays and the worst part is that I can't stop it, I've never managed to, this shock wave, the flashbacks, I can't stop it! I know it's some post traumatic disorder but it's never affected me this bad.

Their rough hands gliding across my skin. Their hair, I could literally smell their shampoo. Their breath so close, breathing against me, making me sweat from the heat. A finger sliding into me, their laughs mixing with my screams and broken sobs.

All a sudden, I'm back with Alex, he holds my feeble body as I lean against the wall, squatting. Tears are all over my face, my mascara is trailing down mixing uglily with my blusher. Everything is mashed together like my messed up life.

How could that happen to me? I just keep convincing myself that it's my fault but it scares the hell out of me. I didn't get help. It was my fault. I made the situation so huge that now I can't even sew the hole back together. I'm over. Done. Dead. You name it.

My life is over.

Alex can't help me move on and the terrible feeling of 'it's not their fault, it's yours' returns to me.

"Talk baby. Please." Alex begs and I hold up a hand.

"I'm fine. I'm so stupid." I laugh softly.

"If you don't wanna talk about it, don't. I'll take you home." He comforts me in a cheery tone and pulls me into his chest. "It's okay." He keeps repeating. Finally, he says something else, "Come on, let's go. You need some rest."

I nod and accept his hand, without the shivers coursing throughout my body.

Half of me feels guilty for not telling him what's going on, but I'd rather not.

Sooner than expected, he pulls into my driveway and supports my full weight as he walks with me into the house. Henryk as expected is thankfully not home yet.

"Alex, you don't have to come." I tell him.

"What if I want to?" Just like that, he persuades me into letting him into my house.

Alex, being such an caring and understanding person takes me to my bedroom and settles me into bed. He watches me rinse my face into a makeup-free face and doesn't judge how different I look. instead, he smiles at me sweetly and taps it dry with a towel. I smile gratefully at him and he leaves the room and even waits for me to change before reentering to tuck me to bed.

"See you tomorrow." He whispers into my ear when I thought he was leaving.

"Thank you so much Alex. I really didn't mean to trouble you, you really didn't have to do this."

"But I really wanted to." He moves closer and I oblige. I move up and our lips touch. He moves his lips against mine and I feel the warmth of a real kiss. I laugh lightly at the enjoyment and he smiles into my lips.

After what seemed like ages, he gently pulls away and breathes into my blushingly red face, "Goodnight! Whatever you wanted to do, save it for tomorrow." He finally says and I feel my eyelids closing before everything turns black.

My last thought is, I want nothing more than to feel happiness.