New beginnings

My name is Ajax Carter and I am just your every day neighborhood not friendly NEET.

I am going to be honest with you ,reality is so god awfully boring. I mean seriously how can a world where life exist be this mundane.

I used to be a CEO of a gaming company a year but the work was not fun at all , it was soul crushingly boring.

I mean how in the world do you make a job about games, for crying out loud so boring?

I have no clue, that is not even the worst part of being alive in this ordinary world.

I feel like I have no purpose, I can not actually relate to anyone and I just can not care enough for anything.

Oh how I wish that I can care for even a single thing but it feels like that life just sucked out all my emotions.

I tried everything to get rid of this feeling of apathy , I tried everything but nothing works .

I tried therapy, medication,exercising,traveling and many other advices that I found online to just for once get rid of this apathy.

I want to feel something, anything at all except for this haze of numbness. I want to cry , I want to laugh, I want to feel alive .

Everyday as time goes by I lose all hope of ever being fixed , I feel like I am destined to this numbness for all eternity.

I want to rage, I want to scream, I want to feel anything at all but all I feel is numbness.

The only this that has worked has been distracting myself with entertainment so that I just stop thinking for my own sanity .

As time passes by nothing changes, my body rots day by day as I just can not care enough about it . My mind has stopped working ages ago because I just do not want to feel that numbness, anything except that.

My soul just feels like it is being torn apart constantly by this feeling of apathy and I just can not get out of bed because I can not care enough.

I forgot how long it has been since I showered or brushed my teeth or done anything at all .

The last thing I remember is losing my consciousness and here I am. Little did I know that finally , I will have a purpose, finally will I be again able to feel ,finally will I have hope for at last will I have something to care for this was my new beginning