Goodbye

I was worn out after the long night. Couldn't get sleep because of the overthinking. To be honest, I thought of your lie. The lie you told me that you hated me all along. My eyes are all swelled. Well, I didn't cry. The way you told me was not normal. I saw a tear falling from your eye so I couldn't help and got away from there. You know, your actions don't match your words. What should I do now? I am thinking too much , ain't I? Am I the only one thinking that? Even if I am the only one, it doesn't matter. I wanted to help you, all along. The day when I saw you crying, I fell in love with you. As if we were fated to meet each other. But what is fate, by the way? I don't think it's something we can rely on. The matter of Love is something we should decide ourselves. If we always rely on this so-called 'Luck' and 'Fate', we are doomed. We have so many things in common. But in the end we were just Passerby who happened to meet eachother. We aren't friends. We aren't sure of what we are. What happened afterwards isn't something important because I think now you are happy, aren't you? If you don't remember me, it make sense. I am not the important one in your life. I think you have found the important one. So be sure after reading this, delete this. By the way, I am in our old hometown. You know, everything here is changed. Your house is about to get perished. My house is already broken. It is like our heart has been broken and we are just suffering without saying anything to eachother. But then again we were just passerby who happened to meet eachother. So what if we were passerby? Aren't we still the same? Even if you are not, I am. I am the same or worst than the old me. You can feel it by this letter. My words are still the same as old. I am the only one who's suffering. Suffering is something that can make you strong. But here I am getting weaker and weaker everyday. The night is something I can't bear. I am afraid like the old me. I am not sure why I am afraid. I can feel the anxiety of my heart in my whole body but unlike my old me, now, I can bear that all. Even though, I am afraid, I don't show it to them. This wasn't my nature in previous days. I have acquired something good this time. The ability to Bear all the pain without telling anyone, without sharing with anyone. The only thing I suffer is not only pain. Of course everyone criticize me. At first I wasn't sure why they always criticize me even when I worked hard they still criticized me but now I know why they call me useless shit. I can't make them happy so they criticize me. I cannot think of anyway but to die. Dying. Huh, what a simple word. I can't die yet. My life is just started. That's what I thought after being separated from you. But now, now, I think that I was naive. In many ways. Reality was harsh, every time. If you got sometime free, come at our old hometown to see what has happened to me. You won't find me here by the time you'll come. So stay calm. I couldn't understand you but you understood me better than me. Sorry. 'Sorry' is a mere word. I am deeply sorry. A sorry from the bottom of my heart. I should not tell you this but you know, I am still in love with you. And thinking you are with someone else makes my mind blow. It makes my heart depressed. You are thinking I am crying, right? Haha! You are thinking right but my lips are smiling. Seeing you happy was the only thing I wanted for so long. If not with me then with somebody else is okay, too if he can make you happy. I am not with you because in the end we were just passerby who happened to meet eachother. I don't know you, you don't know me. I am changing. Bit by bit. Unlike you. You changed so fast that I couldn't understand you. You should've said so from the beginning that you don't love me. It wouldn't have hurt me. Haha, it doesn't matter now. Look at you, a lioness with no fear and me? A jackal with fear of everything. We do have things common but we are not alike. But even if we are just passerby, I love you. I am not special. I don't have any gifted talent from god. I am a normal, who would die and nobody would care. Isn't this a rule of world? A commoner couldn't die in peace nor live in peace. Our lives are nothing in the eyes of world. Haha! Not our only mine. You are way too far that I couldn't see you from here. Ah! I am exaggerating too much, ain't I? Lets call it our final goodbye. I couldn't say you goodbye last time because you left without telling me . Don't worry, if you need me, I am here. I have loved you for years and I will love you rest of my life.

Goodbye!