YOU ARE MY REASON TO LIVE

After the forty days prayers,Leylah slowly started to accept the painful truth that her mother was gone and will never return.

She talked to the director and prepared to go back to work. She didn't want to leave her mother's house,so she continued living there. Suraj stayed there with her even though she didn't want him there.

As painful as it was,Suraj had become used to Leylah ignoring him and behaving as If he doesn't exist. He was told that Zara ran away and the police are still searching for her but can't find any trace of neither her nor her grandmother.

He realised his mistakes and accepted it was his fault for not listening to his wife. She constantly kept telling him about how dangerous Zara seems but he didn't listen to her and took the matter lightly.

But saying he is an accomplice or caused the death of the woman who became his second mother since he was little was very painful.

And it hurt him even more to hear the only woman he ever loved,say that to him. He felt really pained by it.

Ever since Mrs Karina left,their happiness left with her. he felt empty and non existent,even though his wife and unborn child were still alive. it felt like he wasn't living at all.

One night Leylah was in her room,preparing to go to sleep when Suraj barged in. He was tired and frustrated with her silent and cold treatment towards him. He thought to talk to her and make her realise how hurting he is.

"My love please let's talk. you have punished me now for several weeks now,and i have willingly accepted your punishments. But don't you think its enough now? Don't you even pity me?" Suraj said frustratedly looking at Leylah who was sitting on the bed and glaring at him.

he entered her room when she has warned him not to show his face to her while they are still living together.

"Okay,what do you want me to do now so you'll end this punishment? tell me. Anything and I promise I will do it" Suraj said taking slow steps to Leylah and praying silently in his mind that they will finally resolve their issues.

"You will do.....anything I ask?....Anything?" She raised her brows,and amusement shone in her eyes.

"Yes. anything babe. Just say the word". Suraj replied. A glint of hope in his eyes.

"let's get divorced Suraj....Am tired,I can't do this anymore".Leylah let the word roll out of her mouth nonchalantly.

"Wh.....what?....What the hell are talking about Leylah " Suraj said as he grabbed Leylah's arms.

"You heard me. This marriage....isn't working aga....."Leylah said as her voice started to break, She was starting to become nervous. She pushed him and released her arms from his grip.

"No Leylah,its because you are determined to put a negative slant on everything I do these days,that you are willing to accept anything at face value".

"You want to make me look bad in all ramification. Everything I've done so far is to make this marriage work and now you....you....want to just get divorced? Seriously Leylah?" Suraj questioned her.

He tried to access her unbelievable and outrageous request. How could she ask this of him,it was too much and going too far.

" Why are you doing this baby? Why? You and I know that I didn't have a hand in what happened to mother. But when you accused me,I just let it slide seeing how hurt and pained you were".

"But why are you blowing things out of proportion and taking it all out on me? Am hurting too Leylah,you know". He took a deep breath as he slowly approached her.

" Why can't you fight for our love,why can't you fight for us Leylah? We have a little one on its way,what will you tell our baby when its born?"

" Suraj please don't do this.....I don't have the strength to deal with this"

"Its okay I'll fight for the both of us. I'll keep loving you and our baby everyday until my last breath. So please don't say you want me to leave " he held her arms again.

"Suraj you won't understand. You still have father,mother and Nabeela with you. You are loved by everyone in the hospital. You have people you find solace in,you have a reason to live but I don't anymore".

"No Leylah,you are my reason to live". Suraj breathed out. His voice choked due to forcing back the tears from falling and hidding his emotion. He caressed Leylah's cheeks with his thump and leaned in to kiss her.

But just as his lips touched hers,she pushed him away. "I....can't do this Suraj,am sorry. I still blame you for what happened,and that's why I can't continue this marriage with you".

"I need time and space to be alone,away from you. please try to understand."Leylah said and a tear dropped from her eye.

Suraj felt an amount of needless stabbing in his heart. The tears he was holding in finally poured out uncontrollably when he heard her words. They hurt so much that it felt like his heart was stabbed continuously with a dagger.

Days later...

Leylah went back to work. The director informed her that Ibraheem has been transfered home,a few days after he woke up from the coma. He has said a few words here and there but there were incoherent.

He hasn't been able to walk yet but he uses a wheelchair and is improving from the physical therapy.

"Mrs Fatima sends her condolences. when I told her,she felt sorry and guilty" the director told Leylah when he came to see her during lunch time.

"But she still hates me and won't want me near her son" Leylah scoffed.

"No thats not true. Am sure she is feeling guilty from the way she treated you before".

"We can go over there,this weekend if you want to see him. and I promise you,she won't say anything"

"No thanks director,I appreciate everything you are doing for me. But am not in the right frame of mind to see Ibraheem now ."

"Okay"

"So....how are you?" The director asked.

"How are things between you and your husband?" He knows about the whole situation with Zara and how Leylah blamed Suraj for her mother's death.

He has also seen the couple a few times and they seem distant from each other than they were before.

"Am fine....I guess. I still haven't stopped blaming Suraj for everything. I know its not his fault but....I don't know...." She rubbed her baby bump slowly and lovingly before she continued.

"I just get angry at him whenever I see him,knowing he could have prevented this whole thing from happening but he didn't" Leylah said with a so much pain in her voice.

"You shouldn't be so hard on him,he had a hard time too. You should sit down and have a talk with him,try to understand him. You know how much he would have avoided the situation if he knew things will turn out like this" The director adviced and Leylah nodded her head.

"Do me one favor please. if you want to talk or need any thing at all, just don't hesitate to let me know alright. I'll always be here for you".

"thanks,I really thought i would get to call you step dad but I guess ..."

"You can call me step father if you want. I was also looking forward to the day I get married to your mother and call you both my family" the director told her.

The both of them stayed quiet for a long time and none of them said anything. they both thinking of the same person, Mrs Karina.

"Okay I will leave now. I have an appointment to catch, just stepped in to check on my step daughter. Take care of youself and my grand child okay" the director said and got a nod from Leylah.

she looked at him going out of her office and then she said in a low voice but enough for him to hear her "okay step dad". The director halted in his steps. a smiled spread across his face then he walked out of her office happily.

She picked her lab coat and wore it. putting on her lab coat she looked at herself in the mirror,she looked pale and tired.

'Sigh'! "I really miss you so much. I wonder where you are now. Are you even missing me just like I am now?" Leylah said and she saw tears pool up in her eyes. She shook the tears away, picked her stethoscope and left to check on a few patients.

She wasn't allowed to take on too many patients as she may over work herself and that could harm the baby. She was in her second trimester and her baby bump was obvious.

Each day Leylah feels drained and exhausted not from work but from lack of happiness in her life. She didn't know how it got this way but she was starting to regret her actions and most things she said to Suraj.

Her relationship with Suraj has taken a sour turn,she was technically separated from him.

She missed him so much but what can she say to him now? Everything was just messed up.

Suraj had decided to do as Leylah said after he talked to his mother and she adviced him to give Leylah some space and time to think alone.

Mrs karina's death hasn't been easy for everyone to handle and she could only just imagine how hurt Leylah felt.

knowing that her mother didn't just died naturally or was sick. But was killed and that too could have been avoided. But as the same goes,they wouldn't have been able to prevent or avoid what Allah has already planned.

Suraj called his mother after he has finished packing his clothes and things from Leylah's former room in Mrs Karina's house. He has been sleeping there since he started staying in the house.

"Mum,I just finished packing and am about to leave. Don't come see me please,I don't want you to see my pathetic self. I'll call you when am settled".

"Son please,listen to your mother and come stay with us. I can't trust you to take care of yourself seeing your state now" Mrs Najma said worriedly.

"I can't mum...I don't know how am going to survive without my wife and child. But am sure i'll be okay mum" Suraj said as his voice broke over the phone.

"I'll be gone in the next 30 minutes,then you can come stay with Leylah. Don't leave her alone for long mum"

"Nabeela should come stay with her since Leylah doesn't mind. That will make me less worried knowing that she isn't living alone in the house".

" Alryt mum. I'll go now. I'll call you when am settled".Suraj said with a heavy heart and hung up the phone. He looked in the mirror and saw how pathetic he looked.

He wiped the tears from his face and wiped his running nose. His eyes has started to become red from crying,he looked sick and very tired.

'Knock knock' Suraj knocked on Leylah's room before he opened the door and went inside.

Leylah was standing in the middle of the room,she looked nervous and was fidgeting with her fingers when she saw Suraj come in.

"I....I am going to leave now.....just like you wanted. Am sorry I can't still give you a divorce but I'll give you enough time away from me". He put his hands in his pocket and looked down.

" thank you for making me into a pathetic man. I couldn't even keep the promise I made to mother before she died. I promised her that I will never leave your side no matter what until death" Suraj scoffed as he laughed bitterly and put rubbed his beards roughly.

"I'll just go find somewhere to stay,you can go back to our house whenever you want. I won't be staying there,I'll be only torturing myself staying there alone".

"Take care of yourself and our baby please Leylah.....And please let me be there when our baby is born. Don't take that precious moment away from me". Suraj pleaded and quickly turned to leave the room not allowing his tears fall in front of her.

As though he has thought of something,he stopped at the door, turned around and said to Leylah "I love you.....and I'll always love you even in Jannah". He opened the door and left.

Leylah just stood in the same position perplexed. The memories of when she first broke up with Suraj seven years ago flooded her mind.