Just a speck in your universe

There's nothing great about life. Every damn quotation about how beautiful and wonderful life is makes me want to puke. Happiness, as long as there's this thing called consciousness, is nothing but a lie. How can someone (oh please tell me) be able to wake up each morning not wanting to just end everything? My typical mornings are spent by contemplating whether to take a shower or drink up the bottle of sleeping pills in my night stand. I have these pills because my parents were alarmed with how late I am to fall asleep causing tremendous dark circles around my eyes. I was diagnosed with insomnia which pretty much does not really bother me. I have no problem with my night routine. Diving in my thoughts and overwhelming imagination is one of my most favorite things. But I guess these pills with cute little heart in them are not bad after all. I can always use this to finally realize my dream of not witnessing another dreadful day pass again. I hate pain, but if it is the only way to escape this misery I'd gladly embrace it.

The only thing keeping me from escaping this cage made up of flesh and bones is this man before me. His brown eyes narrowed letting a mischievous smirk creep out of his lips. I felt shivers across my body, an electric current surge through my veins. He raised one of his eyebrows like a questioning remark. If only he's not gorgeous. I'd hate him. I hate his guts. The way he acted like he knew who I am really annoys me.

"Aheem!" A random bystander passed. It's just now that I realized I'm standing in the middle of the hallway traffic. I shift my body and realizations hit me. I look stunned.

Great! Now he thinks his presence affects me. As much as I hate to admit it, it's true. His eyes pierced mine as he walks. Wearing fitted ripped jeans and a plain white shirt he opened his lips making a fake shocked expression.

"I thought you'd never show up buttercup" he blurted.

I tilted my head right enough to meet his eyes. We're only 5 cm apart (I guess) so it's not actually hurting my pride to come face to face with him.

"You're not the boss of me. I can be wherever I wanted to be. And stop calling me buttercup as*hole." I'm pissed. He saw me last night. He knew who I am.

"Ouch" putting his hands in his chest acting like I hurt him. I rolled my eyes and started walking pass through him.

"Carol, don't be so grumpy. It's only 8 in the morning" he said laughing behind me.

I wish I knew who James Marker is beneath his superficial facade. I hate him. He knew and I didn't know to which extent. I've never let anyone see me like that before, not even my parents.

My heart sank, breathing becomes hard. Realizations struck to me.

He knows.

James Marker knew.