97. ORIGINAL EPISDODE: This Bites

This Bites

One night in the Loud House was like any other night. Except for Lucy getting ready to watch her favoritre spooky show: "Vampires of Meloncholia".

Spooky TV Announcer: You're watching Fright TV, up next, Vampires of Melancholia.

Lucy: This is it Edwin. Just two more episodes to the season finale of "Vampires of Meloncholia". Finally you're gonna teach that stupid werewolf duke not come on to your loved one.

[The episode starts in the graveyard where Griselda is seen with a werewolf in a formal suit]

Edwin: Griselda, please. I know you're just only doing this to make me jealous.

Griselda: It's not that, Edwin. It's just that Chesterfield is just so.. different from other werewolves.

Edwin: He's only using you my love! Chesterfield's just a filthy hound!

Chesterfield: How dare you! I've come from a long line of purebred werewolves!

Edwin: You don't deserve her!

Chesterfield: I'll fight you for her! [Edwin hisses at him]

[Just then, Laney came down the stairs into the kitchen to get a drink. As she was pouring she heard Lucy's TV show]

Laney: Huh? What was that? [She walked over to the living room] Uh, hey Lucy. What are you watching?

Lucy: Vampires of Melancholia. My favorite show. [Laney sees the show and looks on nervously]

Laney: Umm... What are they doing?

Lucy: Edwin is fighting with the werewolf duke Chesterfield for stealing his soulmate, Griselda.

[Edwin and Chsterfield continue fighting for Griselda. Laney looks on as the battle gets uglier and she grows terrified. Edwin and Chesterfield are both beaten up with their clothes torn]

Chesterfield: Face it, Edwin! Griselda belongs with me!

Edwin: YOU'RE WRONG! GRISELDA'S MY SOULMATE! I WILL MAKE YOU BLEED!

[Laney was horrified at what she saw]

Lucy: You tell him, Edwin! Laney, i'm so glad that you're liking this.. [sees that Laney's gone] Laney?

[Laney was seen shaking in fear after seeing Lucy's show.]

Laney: [scared] It's okay, Laney. Vampires aren't real, and neither are werewolves... It's just a TV show... just keep saying that and you'll be... [Sees the Edwin bust] DAAAH! L-L-L-Lucy? Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You left your b-b-b-b-b-bust... [Lucy climbs up Laney's bunk and takes her bust]

Lucy: Sorry, Laney. I must've left him while I was washing the dishes. So what did you think of the show?

Laney: It's... was great. [nervously smiles] Really like that Edwin character...

Lucy: Oh, I'm so glad you're on Team Edwin. You know there's another show starting next week. You can watch with me if you're interested.

Laney: S-S-S-Sounds great and not scary at all. I'll be there.

Lucy: Cool. Goodnight. [Climbs down and goes to sleep]

Laney shivered as she continued to think about the things she saw on Lucy's show. All the terrifying vampires and werewolves and other scary things maybe alright for Lucy. But not for Laney's faint of heart... In fact, those are the kind of things you see in scary nightmares...

[Laney begins to have a nightmare. She begins to hear howling and wakes up]

Laney: Huh? What was that? [She looks outside the window and sees a full moon and a silhouette of Lynn] Lynn? Is that you? [Laney walks outside and towards Lynn] What are you doing out here so la- [It reveals that Lynn looks like a total werewolf and snarled at Laney] AAAHH! Werewolf! [Lynn walked towards Laney drooling at the mouth.] St-St-St-Stay back! P-P-P-Please! [Bumps into Lana] Lana! Help! Lynn's turned into a werewolf! I think it's part dog so you get her to calm do- [It is revealed that Lana is a werewolf] AAAAHH! [Laney runs away as Werewolf Lynn chases Laney. Werewolf Lana shrugs and drags her butt on the lawn. Laney runs inside the house hyperventillates]

Rita?: [off screen] Laney? What's wrong sweetie?

Laney: [sobs] Mommy! It's horrible! Lana and Lynn are scary werewolves and they want to bite me! [Hugs Rita?]

Rita?: [Pats Laney's head] Oh, sweetie. It's okay. Those filthy hounds won't get you now...

Laney: Thanks mo- Wait. Why did you call our siblings houuuuu... [Laney looks up and is terrified to see that her mother is a menacing vampire.] AAAAAHHH! [Laney tries to run but Vampire Rita grabs her]

Vampire Rita: Please don't run, Laney. I just want a tiny bite of your delicious neck!

Laney: Please don't bite me, mommy! I don't wanna be a vampire!

Vampire Rita: Why not? It's so much better to be a vampire! You get to live for years and not age a minute!

Laney: NO! [Runs upstairs]

Vampire Rita: Get them, my children. [Vampire versions of Lori, Lola, Luan, Lucy, and Lily appear and run after Laney]

Laney: AAAAHH! PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! [Werewolf versions of Lincoln, Leni, Lynn, Lana, and Luna appear in front of her] Ah!

Werewolf Lynn: Come on, Laney. Let me bite you! You can run around and do whatever you want and you don't have wear clothes!

Laney: [Terrified] No! I prefer wearing clothes!

[The werewolves and vampires surround Laney]

Vampires: Join us...

Werewolves: Join us...

Laney: No! No! [Wakes up from her nightmare] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Lynn: Woah, Laney. What's up?

Laney: NO! I DON'T WANNA BE A WEREWOLF! [Falls down from her bunk]

Lynn: Okay, you're acting weird. [Laney looks at Lynn]

Laney: Lynn? You're not a werewolf! [sees Lucy] Aaah! Lucy's a vampire!

Lucy: No. This is how I always look. [As Lynn leaves] Laney? Is something wrong?

Laney: [sighs] Yes. Lucy... You see, I had a terrible nightmare last night and it had something to do with your show...

Lucy: It did?

Laney: Yes. All of my siblings were either werewolves or vampires.

Lucy: Please tell me I wasn't a werewolf.

Laney: No. You were a vampire.

Lucy: [fistpumps] Yes! [Laney sighs sadly]

Laney: Lucy, what am I going to do. I'm not like you, you know. I can't be cool with monsters and other scary things like you.

Lucy: No. But maybe you can be.

Laney: What do you mean?

Lucy: If you know what the show was about. Maybe you'll be less afraid of vampires and werewolves.

Laney: Do you really think you can turn me into vampire fan like you?

Lucy: Oh, yes... I'm gonna turn you into a real vampire...

[Cut to Laney and Lucy in the bathroom. Lucy was applying makeup to Laney]

Laney: Are you sure about this, Lucy?

Lucy: Just hold still... [finishes up] There! [She holds up a mirror and Laney sees that she looks pale and grey like a vampire and screams]

Laney: [Terrified] AAAH! YOU TURNED ME INTO A VAMPIRE! TURN ME BACK! TURN ME BACK!

Lucy: Laney! Calm down! I just put pale face paint on you. If you're gonna face your fear, you need to understand what vampires are all about. [Laney looks ar herself in the mirror and sees her face painted self]

Laney: Oh. Do vampires always looks so pale?

Lucy: Yes. That's because they're undead.

Laney: [frightened] Und-d-d-d-d-dead? [faints]

Lucy: Sigh. This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought...

[Cut to Lucy and Laney hanging upside down]

Laney: Uhh... why are we doing this? I feel light-headed...

Lucy: Vampires always hang upside down like this.

Laney: Wow. Actually this feels good. I like how everything's upside down.

Lucy: Now you're getting it. [Cut to Laney and Lucy in the kitchen] Now, there's one crucial thing about vampires is that they love to drink blood.

Laney: B-B-B-Blood. [Lucy pours Laney a glass of homemade blood] Um...

Lucy: Come on, Laney. You can do this. [Laney takes one sip of the blood and shudders] So what do you think?

Laney: Umm... It's okay? I guess... This isn't actual blood is it?

Lucy: No. It's just my signature homemade blood. [sighs] Unfortunately. Come on. We got more work to do.

[Cut to montage of Lucy showing Laney all about Vampires of Meloncholia. She tells Laney about Edwin and Griselda. She shows Laney how vampires dress. Laney brings out a dark cape from her chest and wears it. Lucy gives her a thumbs up. Lucy then teaches Laney how vampires act and how the sleep in coffins.]

As Lucy showed Laney all of what she knows about vampires and her show. Laney begins to shed off her fear of vampires and other scary things. In fact, she began to like the ideas of vampires. As the days go by, it was almost time for season finale of "Vampires of Meloncholia".

[Lucy marks off a day from the calendar]

Lucy: This is it, Laney. The season finale of Vampires of Meloncholia. This is where your new expertise finally pays off. You ready to face your fear?

Laney: To be honest, I'm still a bit scared. But I'll do it! [Raises a cup of homemade blood and toasts with Lucy]

Lucy: That's my sis.

Spooky TV announcer: And now the season finale of Vampires of Melancholia.

[The episode begins on a steep foggy cliff]

Griselda: How could you do this, Chesterfield?! I gave you my heart all you want to do is turn me to a werewolf like you!

Chesterfield: There's no use denying it, my love. This is the only way we'll be together forever!

Edwin: Leave her alone you stupid dog!

Griselda: Edwin!

Chesterfield: You again?! Stay out of this! [pushes Edwin away, Laney gasps]

Laney: Oh, no!

[Edwin and Chesterfield begin fighting again. Laney held on to the bust as they do this. Just then, Chesterfield punches Edwin and he falls to the ground. He picks himself up and moves towards Chesterfield holding something.]

Edwin: Hold it right, there!

Chesterfield: Why won't you stay down?! [He begins to attack Edwin. Laney tried to look away. But just then, Edwin shoved a spoon down his throat. He gags] AGH! Silver! My one weakness! [Laney looked on astonished as Chesterfield falls down the cliff] NOOOOOOOOOO! [He plummets to his doom. Laney and Lucy cheer.]

Griselda: Edwin! [She comes to her soulmate] Oh, Edwin! You saved me from a lifetime of being a flea-ridden dog forever.

Edwin: Oh, Griselda. Our souls should never be apart again. [They kiss and the episode ends. Laney claps]

Laney: Yes! Yes! Oh, that was beautiful!

Lucy: I told you, you wouldn't be so scared.

Laney: Did you see Edwin shove that spoon down Chesterfied? He know that all werewolves are weak to silver. and the part where He and his wife kiss was beautiful...

Lucy: The love between to soulmates is eternal. [Laney hugs Lucy]

Laney: Thanks for helping me with my fear Lucy. It was kinda cool hanging out with you and watching the show.

Lucy: Thanks, Laney. So, there's a new season coming up this fall. You wanna watch with me?

Laney: [Hugs Lucy again] You bet, soul sister. [Lucy smiles and hugs back]