9. The Sweet Spot

The Sweet Spot

One night in the Loud house, Lincoln was setting things up for tomorrow's road trip.

Lincoln: Ah, road trips. That beloved tradition for families everywhere. Tomorrow, the Loud family's going on a trip of our own. Sounds fun, right? Not with 14 of us packed into the family wagon. Or as we affectionately call it: 'Vanzilla'. [looks down at the family van] Every seat in Vanzilla offers one kind of torture or another.

That is true. When he sat next to Lily, he was bombarded with beets and juice. He always caught in the crossfire between Lola and Lana in their seat. And he certainly couldn't sit at the front behind his parents...

Lynn Sr.: Feet off the seat!

[Lincoln looks at Lynn Sr., whose furious eyes can be seen in the driver's mirror]

That and it was next to the one working speaker...

Lynn Sr.: Ooh, honey. It's our prom theme. Prrrrrrrr!

[He turns up the music even louder, much to Lincoln's annoyance.]

But soft, there was one person in all of Vanzilla who was the least bit of trouble during trips. That's right, little Laney. And she had it just as rough as Lincoln. Being the 12th sibling it was always cramped for her, and she never had a moment's peace. How she longed for a peaceful spot in the car where she would relax the whole trip. Little did she know, there was!

[Lincoln x's out more seats until he points to the first seat from the second row]

Lincoln: From my calculations, that leaves just one seat safe from it all. I call it 'The Sweet Spot.' And tomorrow, it will be mine, 'cause I'm gonna stake it out tonight.

Lincoln notices that everyone else in the house has fallen asleep.

Lincoln: There's my cue. Everyone's asleep. It's go time.

[Lincoln tiptoes out of his room. He steps on Cliff's tail. Cliff meows loudly until Lincoln pets him to sleep. He goes out the house and into the car.]

Lincoln: Come in, Nose Bleeder. This is Road Tripper.

Clyde: Sorry, Road Tripper. I have to keep the line for my friend Lincoln.

Lincoln: This is Lincoln.

Clyde: Oh. Hi, Lincoln!

Lincoln: Operation Sweet Spot is a success. I've secured the seat.

Clyde: Great job. [pause] So, who did you get to sit next to you?

Lincoln: Who did I get to sit next to me?

Lincoln shouts in anger and goes back to his room. He needed someone to sit beside him the whole trip but it's got to be someone who isn't much trouble.

It can't be Luan...

[Flashback; Lincoln is sitting next to Luan in the car]

Luan: [hits Lincoln with a pillow] Airbag deployed! [Laughs]

And it cant be Lola...

[switch over to Lola giving Lincoln a manicure while his hand is oddly bobbing up and down]

Lola: Hold still!

Lincoln: [voice vibrating; bobbing up and down thanks to the spring] I can't! I'm on the spring seat!

And it clearly can't be Lynn...

Lynn: Let's play Auto Attack.

Lincoln: How do you play that?

Lynn: I punch you every time I see a car. [sees a car carrier with a ton of cars driving by] Ooh...good timing. [starts throwing a barrage of punches at Lincoln; end flashback]

Lincoln: I got it! Leni!

[Flashback to a road trip with a dazed Leni]

Lincoln: The motion of the car always puts her in a daze, and she'll leave me alone.

[End flashback; Lincoln goes to Lori and Leni's room]

Leni: [having a fashion nightmare] Oh, scrunchies! Oh, leg warmers!

Lincoln: Leni! Leni. LENI! [shakes her awake] Oh, good. You're awake. Listen. Will you sit next to me in the car tomorrow?

Leni: Sure. I mean, it's the least I could do. You did just save me from a bad fashion nightmare. [goes back to sleep]

Lincoln: Yes! [leaves]

Leni: [having another nightmare] SOCKS WITH SANDALS!

[Lincoln sneaks back to the Sweet Spot]

Lincoln: [on radio] Road Tripper to Nose Bleeder.

Clyde: Sorry, Road Tripper. I have to keep this line-

Lincoln: It's Lincoln! Operation: Seat Next To The Sweet Spot is a success.

Clyde: Excellent! [pause] So, who's sitting behind you?

Lincoln: Who's sitting behind me? [shouts in anger again; back in his room] Ah, so many ways to ruin the Sweet Spot! All right, who can I have behind me? Definitely not Lana.

[Flashback to Lana sitting behind Lincoln and torturing him with a peashooter]

Lincoln: Can you please stop?

[Lana fires a pea right into his mouth and he starts choking; flashback to a trip where Lori was behind him]

Lincoln: Definitely not Lori. She spends the whole ride texting with Bobby. Which means...

Lori: [gags from nausea] CARSICK! [throws up on Lincoln and takes a picture of her vomit] I totally have to text that to Bobby! What did I eat?

And then it hit him. There was one person in the entire house who wasn't much trouble during roadtrips...

Lincoln: Laney! Out of all of my sisters she never fights, vomits, or punches me. She'll be perfect!

Lincoln went to Lucy and Lynn's room and queitly climbs up to Laney's bunk.

Lincoln: [nudges Laney] Psst, Laney.

Laney: Hmm...mm?

Lincoln: [whispers] How would you like a seat in most peaceful spot in all of vanzilla?

Laney: [whispers] The most peaceful spot in vanzilla? I'll belive it when I see it.

[Cut to Laney sitting on the spot in the car]

Laney: And, I can sit here with you?

Lincoln: Yup! Just think about it, we both share the same problem every road trip. Can't find a moment of quiet, always cramped. And not to mention the many hazards of vanzilla. Just stick with me and it's gonna be smooth sailng the whole trip.

Laney thought about it for a while, and as she thought, she imagined herself in the car sitting next to her big brother, reading her book and playfully kicking her legs. With no interruptions from her bothering sisters. She sighed happily at the idea.

Lincoln: Well?

Laney: Will you sit beside me? [Lincoln nodded, Laney smiled then shook her hand] I'm in! See you tomorrow. [gets off the car and walks her way back to her room] Gee! It must be so nice to have a seat all to yourself. No gum on your shorts, no fights, no puke...

?: No one punching your arm.

Laney: Oh yeah. Especially when it's part of a game made by- [notices all of her sisters in front of her] LYNN!

Lori: What's this about a whole seat to yourself?

Laney: Um, Oh no. Not possible, there's no sweet spot-[covered her mouth. her sisters glared at her] Oh dear...

Moments later, they knocked at the car window waking Lincoln up.

Lincoln: [rolls down the window] Hey, guys. What's up?

Lola: What are you up to, Lincoln?

Lincoln: [acting] Me? I'm not up to anything. Just, you know, catching some Z's in the car like guys do.

Lori: [livid] Oh yeah? Then what's...THIS?

[They show Lincoln his seating chart, having found out about his operation]

Lincoln: [infuriated] You went in my room?!

Lori: That's not the hot issue right now.

Lana: That's the Sweet Spot? And why are you in it?

Lincoln: Oh, it's...uh...it's the worst seat in the whole car! I put myself in it so none of you would have to suffer.

Lucy: Then why is it called the Sweet Spot?

Lincoln: Because I'm being sweet?

Lisa: [calculating on the trunk door] According to my calculations, the Sweet Spot is actually the best seat in the car for various reasons including air circulation, proximity to parental units, and the lack of chewable adhesive on the cushion.

Lincoln: [outraged] It took me eight months to figure that out! [He headpalms in frustration, as his sisters glare angrily at him]

Lisa: Shocker.

Lori: Well, if that's the best seat, then I should get it. [Look down at her siblings] I'm the oldest.

Luna: You'd just barf all over it, dude! I should have it!

Lola: Beauty before age!

Lana: [retorts] Yeah! So I should get it!

Luna: That seat belongs to me!

Leni: No! I want it!

Lincoln: You can yell all you want, but I'm already in the seat. And possession is 9/10 of the law.

Lynn: [threatening] You're gonna possess a bruise in a minute!

The girls all glare at Lincoln, demanding him to hand over the Sweet Spot. Laney then came over to once again be the voice of reason.

Laney: No girls! We shouldn't fight! If this spot is so sweet, why don't we share it?

Lynn: Yeah right! There's only room for one of us on that seat!

Lola: She's just acting nice so she can have it to herself!

Laney: No! W-Wait...

Lana: Get them!

Lincoln grabs Laney inside the car and and rolls up the window before they can attack and thinks he's safe. His sisters angrily yell at him, as he stares at them in triumph, but to Lincoln's shock, Luan opens a door and is peeved.

Laney: You forgot about the broken lock...

Luan attacked the two then it turned to an all out brawl to see who will sit on the sweet spot. Poor Laney was caught in the middle of the whole thing. Then, their parents woke up to the ruckus outside.

Rita: [from Lori and Leni's room] THAT IS ENOUGH!

[The kids stop fighting]

Rita: EVERYONE BACK TO THEIR ROOMS THIS MINUTE! I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYONE IN THAT CAR UNTIL 7:00 AM! [rolls window down and turns off light]

Lori: Good luck getting the Sweet Spot now.

And so everyone went back to bed. Laney was still feeling a bit woozy after that fight.

Lynn: Don't even try to up tomorrow, cause I'm getting that spot!

Laney: [yawns] Good, you can have it. That "sweet spot" isn't so sweet if it's causing this much trouble. Goodnight...

But the very next day, Laney woke up to such a clatter.

Laney: Huh? Hey guys wake up..[sees that Lynn and Lucy are not in their beds. She knew what this means] Oh no!

She climbed out of her bunk and ran towards the sound of her siblings battling it out for the sweet spot. Laney then saw her parents looking out the window in Lori and Leni's room, she was worried. By the time she got there to stop the fight she was too late. She looked outside to see Vanzilla completely totaled.

Lynn Sr.: [weeping] That was my first car! And my dad's first car! And his dad's first car! [continues to sob]

Rita: [enraged] ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, BACK INSIDE! THE ROAD TRIP IS OFF! YOU ARE GOING TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND SITTING TOGETHER UNTIL YOU LEARN TO GET ALONG!

Kids: Awww!

Laney was disappointed that the road trip was cancelled, and she never had a chance to sit on the most peaceful spot in Vanzilla.

[A defeated Lincoln walks back in his room and furiously puts his duffle bag on his dresser]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] I'm sorry you had to see that. [He shuts his door] Well, Operation: Sweet Spot went sour. I guess I should have known that in a family this big, you just can't control every little thing. [slyly] That said, there's a Sweet Spot in the living room too. It's at the end of the couch; close to the bathroom with a great view of the TV. And it's going to be mine! [grabs his radio] Nose Bleeder, this is Couch Potato. Operation: Snag the Sofa is a go! [wails crazily and heads out the door to catch the best spot on the sofa, probably his sisters, minus Laney did as well. Meanwhile, Laney was walking to her room when she sees Lincoln running towards the living room. She only sighed]