88. A Fridge Too Far

A Fridge Too Far

[A ringing sound is heard. Cut to inside the classroom where Lincoln is looking at the clock with his mouth drooling. From his point of view, he is hallucinating the clock as a mac 'n' cheese bite.]

Lincoln: [dreamily] Mmm! Mac 'n' cheese bites!

Liam: [whispers] Hey! Psst! Lincoln! What'd you get for Number 1?

Lincoln: [dreamily] Mac 'n' cheese!

Liam: [jotting down] Thanks, buddy.

Zach: Really? I thought the Native Americans gave the Pilgrims corn.

Liam: If Lincoln says mac 'n' cheese, that's good enough for me.

Lincoln: [worriedly] I can't focus at all today. [to the viewers] Last night, Dad made his famous mac 'n' cheese bites for dinner and in order to make all that cheesy goodness last, I saved three bites for after school. But, if I'm going to get through this day without losing my mind, I'm going to have to stop thinking about them.

[Intercom buzzing]

Cheryl: [over intercom] The following students please report to the principal's office: Mac and Chaz.

Mrs. Johnson: Alright, everyone. Pencils down and let's go over the worksheet. [holds out the answer sheet] Who has the answer to Number 1"

Liam: [waves his hand excitedly] Oh, oh, me! It's mac 'n' cheese and if I'm wrong, you can flunk me. [winks at a worried Lincoln.]

[Back at the Loud House, Lynn Sr. is wearing a chef's hat and is holding a bowl of foie gras foam as he enters the kitchen.]

Lynn Sr.: [singing merrily] Today's the big day! [twirls and continues singing] Just to chill the Duck Liver Pâté. [places the Pâté in the fridge and mixes the bowl whilst still singing.] I'll show him that I'm a star with my yummy take on caviar.

Rita: [enters the kitchen] I love that confidence, honey. When is the investor getting here?

Lynn Sr.: In a few hours. Just think, if he likes my food, I can open my own restaurant. Here, try this Foie gras foam! [stuffs the ladle of foie gras foam into Rita's mouth. Rita gulps it down.] And here's the second course [opens an empty jar]

Rita: [sniffs it] Err, this is just air...in a jar.

Lynn Sr.: Lemon air in a jar. Low-end but locale.

Rita: Honey, no offense, but why are you making all this showy stuff? What's wrong with your famous 'Lyna-sagna'?

Lynn Sr.: Honey, this is Timothy McCole. This guy travels all over the world tasting exciting and exotic food. [stammering] I can't just shove a hunk of noodles.

Rita: Well, I like the hunk who made those noodles and I think anything he cooks is delicious. [kisses Lynn Sr. and leaves.]

Lynn Sr.: Can you say that again when he's here?

[Later, Laney was walking into the kitchen happily whistling]

Laney: Next stop: the fridge. Where I have leftovers of last night's dessert! [drools] Chocolate chip pudding! [Laney walks over to the fridge and opens it] WHA!? [She is shocked to notice that her pudding is gone] My pudding! There was pudding here last night! I put it in there!

Lincoln: [enters the kitchen in a zombie-like trance.] Mac 'n' cheese!

Laney: Lincoln! Do you know about the- [Lincoln walks right past her, still in a trance]

Lincoln: Mac 'n' cheese!

Laney: No, it can't be him. He's gone mac 'n' cheese crazy.

Lincoln: [opens the fridge and opens the container only to find two mac 'n' cheese bites left.] [upset] Two bites?! I saved three! [growls, glares at Laney] Laney! Did you touch my bites?

Laney: It wasn't me Lincoln. I'm just as shocked as you are. I was going for my choclate chip pudding and it completely vanished! [Lincoln marches to the living room]

[The sisters are in the living room when Lincoln enters.]

Lincoln: [angrily] Alright, which of you vultures swiped one of my mac 'n' cheese bites?! If you guys wanted one so badly, you should save some of your own.

Lana: I'm not saying it was me. [burps] But if I did take one, I only did it because Lola ate the rest of Dad's tater tot bake. I was saving that!

Lola: I'm not copping to eating the tater tot bake but if I did, it was because Luan ate the last slice of Dad's pie, which I was saving!

Luan: Actually, I didn't eat it.

Lola: Oh, my bad.

Luan: I smashed it in Lynn's face.

[Lynn nods, confirming it. Lola growls angrily]

Laney: Everyone, please. I know Dad's leftovers are delicious but we shouldn't take and take and take without other peoples permission. Can't we just learn to share?

Lucy: Try telling that to me when I had Dad's chcolate pudding.

Laney: [Angrily] THAT WAS YOU!?

Lincoln: Guys, how do you not see this as a problem? Our fridge is like the Wild West!

Lori: Look, Lincoln, nobody likes having their leftovers swiped but we're a big family. You can't expect to protect every little bite of food that you want.

Lincoln: [thoughtfully] Oh, can't I?

Lori: No, you can't!

[Lincoln walks off and Laney follows him]

Laney: What are you planning?

Lincoln: I'm planning to protect my leftovers. If you ever want some pudding again. You do it too.

Laney: Oh no! I know better to get involved in ridiculous conflicts. Besides it's always end in disaster.

Lincoln: Suite yourself. [Lincoln leaves]

Laney: Maybe I'm overreacting to this. I mean they're just leftovers. I'm sure they won't take it too far...

[Later, Luan is in the kitchen and looks inside the fridge when a label from Lincoln's face and name on his container.]

Luan's Thoughts: Hmm, I really want one of those mac 'n' cheese bites but Lincoln is gonna have a conniption. Then again, watching Lincoln have a conniption is fun.

[Luan grabs the container but it's attached to a string, which opens a door on the bottom, causing a watermelon to fall onto Luan's foot.]

Luan: Owww! [clutches her foot in pain.]

Lincoln: [from the doorway] That'll teach her. [smirks before leaving]

Luan: [angrily] Oh! So, we're protecting our stuff now, huh? [shakes her fist] Fine by me!

[Later, Leni looks inside the fridge and gasps excitedly when she sees a wrapped brownie.]

Leni's Thoughts: Ooh, one of Dad's yummy brownies. But, wait, didn't Luan call this? Well, she won't mind if I just break off a little corner.

[But, before Leni can break off a corner, a boxing glove suddenly pops out of the fridge and punches Leni.]

Leni: [yells in pain] Ow!

Luan: [from the window] The gloves are off, now. [laughs before disappearing]

Leni's Thoughts: Luan put that there to protect her leftovers?! Well, I can play that game too!

[Laney looks inside the fridge and sees a piece of leftover lasagna]

Laney's Thoughts: Dad's leftover Lynn-sagna! No, I can't this is Lucy's leftover. But it's so good! No! I must'nt get involved in this silly feud! [Laney struggles to resist but takes the lasagna] I'm sure she won't mind if I take a small bite... [A bowling ball then drops on Laney and hits her over the head]

Laney: Uhh... Has anyone seen my... unicorn? [Passes out]

[Leni slinks away. Later, Luna attempts to steal another leftover, but when she lifts the lid, a paint bomb explodes, covering the kitchen and Luna in blue paint. Lynn reaches for some pudding and gets mauled by a raccoon. Next, it's Lana's turn but the drumstick she grabs is hooked up to Vanzilla. As a result, she takes a bite and yells in pain as she is electrocuted. Lori reaches the fridge but feels something biting her hand. She pulls it out to see the turtle biting it and she runs out of the kitchen, screaming.]

Lincoln: [angrily] That's it! You guys really crossed the line this time! [camera zooms out to reveal that Lincoln has been hung upside down by a snare trap.]

Luna: [still covered in blue paint] I'd say that line was crossed when this happened, brah!

Lana: [still burned from her shock] Or this!

Luan: [with her leg in a cast] Or this!

Laney: [With bandages wrapped around her head] Or this... ow.

Lily: [glowing green because of radiation] Ga-Ga!

[Laney, Luna, Luan and Lana look at Lily in shock.]

Lincoln: This is crazy! We can't go on like this! If someone could gently let me down, I think I have an idea.

[Luan cuts the rope and Lincoln falls to the floor with a thud.]

[Later, the siblings are gathered in the kitchen.]

Lincoln: I think we can all agree: basic order needs to be restored so with an assist from Lisa and Laney, I came up with a plan.

[Lisa wheels in a blackboard, accidentally running over Luan's injured foot.]

Luan: [gasps in pain]

Lisa: Sorry! [lifts the cover off her blackboard.] Per Lincoln's request, I calculated the refrigerator's cubic footage and divided it in eleven equally sized zones, creating the optimal conditions for what I'd like to call: Dairy Détente.

Lincoln: [opens the door] Everybody gets a zone of their own. And the genius part is that no one can mistake theirs for someone else's because they're color-coded. [presses a button on a remote and the compartments light up in the siblings' respective colors.]

Laney: The colors were my idea.

Sisters [minus Lisa and Laney]: [in awe] Oooh!

Laney: Now we don't ever have to worry about stealing each other's leftovers.

Lincoln: Exactly, Laney. All we have to do now is divide up Dad's leftovers and put them in our zones.

[The sisters look at the pile of leftovers and began fighting over it. Later, the argument is settled and the siblings have claimed their leftovers.]

Lori: I call Dad's stuffed peppers!

Lynn: And I got dibs on his fried chicken!

Laney: I got his Lynn-sagna!

Leni: I get his mine strone.

Lisa: Err, Leni, it's pronounced 'Minestrone'.

Leni: I call it 'Mine Strone' because it's mine!

[Soon, the siblings are placing their leftovers in their zones.]

Lincoln: Nice job. Thanks for the assist.

Lisa: You're welcome. For payment, I will happily accept your last mac 'n' cheese bite.

Lincoln: Not a chance.

[Later, Lynn Sr. returns from the grocery store, humming happily.]

Lynn Sr.: [singing] Wait 'till he tries my Uni-surprise. This organic beet juice will open his eyes. [Lynn Sr. is so busy singing he fails to notice the different colored zones in the fridge.] [still singing] That investor guy will feel like a royal when he tastes my risotto with... [stops singing when he notices something is missing in his bag.] Dang it! I forget the truffle oil! [facepalms himself] Come on, Lynn. You're better than that! [closes the fridge and walks out of the kitchen just as Luan, Laney, and Lisa enter.]

Luan: Next stop: Yellow Zone! Can't wait to dig into Dad's mashed potatoes.

Laney: You can have the potaoes. My stop is the brown zone where I will sink my teeth into that leftover Lynn-sagna!

Lisa: And my destination is the Green Zone, where I intend to feast on Father's savory meatloaf. [licks her lip in anticipation] Num-num!

Luan: [rushes over to the fridge and goes into her zone.] Eww! Gross! [reaches out the packet of uni Lynn Sr. put in there.] Someone put something in my zone called 'Uni'. Whatever that is.

Laney: What's that?

Lisa: That would be a low-fat, high-protein, globular animal in the Echinoidea class. Street name: sea urchin.

Luan: Well, sea you later. [throws the packet of uni into the trash can where Cliff dives in.] Must be one of Lori's gross health foods and it doesn't belong in my zone.

Laney: I don't know, Luan. It's not like Lori to eat something like that in her diet.

Luan: Of course it is, Laney. That's why it's gross. [takes her leftovers. Laney scratches her head and then she shrugs and takes her leftovers]

Lisa: [reaches in her zone and takes out the beet juice.] Lucy's homemade blood does not belong in my zone. Bye-bye. [throws the juice into the trashcan, covering Cliff in juice.]

Laney: Uh, I don't think that was Lucy's fake blood.

Lisa: Of couse it is, Laney. That reddish substance was fabricated to look just like blood. Ergo, that had to be Lucy's. [Walks off with her leftovers]

Laney: Well it does kinda look like blood. Besides, if it's not Lucy's who else could it have been. [Notices something in the fridge] Huh? [Takes out an empty jar] What's an empty jar doing in the fridge? More importantly what's it doing in my zone? [Opens the jar and sniifs it] Mm. Lemon. Not exactly sure who does this belong to. But I know one thing, we shouldn't leave empty jars in the fridge. [Places it on in the sink] I'll just leave this here for mom to wash up later. [Leaves with her leftovers]

[Later Lori opens the fridge door and sees the caviar in her zone.]

Lori: Eww! What is this black goo? [takes the caviar out and sniffs it.] Eww, smells fishy! Must be Lana's bait! [tosses the caviar] Not in my zone!

[Cliff emerges from the trashcan and grabs the caviar.]

[Later, Lola has found the duck liver pâté in her zone.]

Lola: Duck Liver Pate? Eww! Lisa! If you want to dissect animals, don't put their icky organs in my zone! [throws the pâté into the trashcan and a nearly full Cliff crawls towards it.]

[Lynn Sr. returns from the grocery store after getting the truffle oil when he notices something.]

Timothy McCole: [on his phone] If they can't be on time, just cancel the appointment and move my 3.15 to 3.00, my 4.15 to 4.00 and my... [whispers down the phone] manicure to 5.00.

Lynn Sr.: Oh, hi, there! Lynn Loud Sr., I am so glad to meet...

Timothy McCole: [shakes Lynn Sr.'s hand] Timothy McCole, but call me Tim because 'Timothy' takes more time to say and time is the one thing I don't have. Now, let's see what you've got for me.

Lynn Sr.: Err, don't worry, Tim. You'll be eating before you know it. [smiles nervously]

[Inside the kitchen]

Lynn Sr.: [opens the fridge door but screams in horror upon seeing his ingredients gone.]

Timothy McCole: Is everything alright?

Lynn Sr.: [stutters] Of course! I always scream when I open the fridge door. See. [opens the door and screams three times.]

Timothy McCole: Okay, I guess every chef has his own special style.

Lynn Sr.: Err, could I interest in a aperitif? [laughs nervously]

Timothy McCole: Well, I'd really rather...

Lynn Sr.: [hands Timothy a juice box] Good. Here's a new juice box. Good and sit down. [shoves Timothy out of the kitchen] I'll call you once dinner's ready. [runs back into the kitchen and begins searching franctically for his ingredients.] Where are all my ding-dang ingredients?!

[The siblings notice the commotion from the doorway.]

Lincoln: [worried] Dad, are you okay? We heard a woman yelling.

Lynn Sr.: No, I'm not okay! There's an investor in the living room waiting to try my food and all my ingredients are gone.

Cliff [meows in pain and throws up the pâté.]

Lynn Sr.: [unimpressed] Well, there's my pâté.

[Cliff throws up the caviar.]

Lynn Sr: And my caviar.

[Finally, Cliff throws up the uni.]

Lynn Sr: And my uni!

Laney: Wait a minute. You mean that uni was yours?

Lynn Sr: Yes it was!

Laney: And the beet juice?

Lynn Sr: That too! Cliff, how did you get your paws on my ingredients?

Laney: Uh, guys? Isn't there something you want to tell Dad?

Lori: It wasn't Cliff's fault, Dad. We threw out your ingredients. He must have gotten them out of the trash.

Lynn Sr.: What?! Why would you do that?

Luan: We didn't know they were yours.

Lincoln: See, we kinda divided the fridge into zones because we'd been stealing each other's leftovers.

Lori: So, when we found your stuff in our zones, we assumed someone was violating the system.

Lynn Sr.: You kids know I love your creative conflict resolutions but now I have nothing to serve my investor. [overhears slurping] [panics] And he's almost done with his juice box!

Lincoln: We're sorry, Dad. We never meant for something like this to happen.

Laney: I'm sorry too. For throwing out your lemon-smelling jar. But to be fair, you weren't supposed to put empty jars in the fridge.

Lynn Sr.: [sighs] Well, I guess my restaurant dreams are in the toilet. I'd better go tell 'No-Time Tim' his afternoon just opened up.

Laney: Oh, dad. [Gives Lynn Sr. her leftover lasagna] Here you can have my lasagna if that makes you feel better.

Lynn Sr.: That's very nice of you sweetie, but it's not like I can serve this to my investor.

Lincoln: [suddenly has an idea] That's it! What if you served him your leftovers? [opens the fridge]

Lori: Yeah! That's a great idea. You can take the stuffed pepper I've been saving.

Lisa: And, err, I can part with your meatloaf.

Leni: [reaches for the minestrone] And I'll give you this soup. Mine strone is now your strone.

Lynn Sr.: Oh, that's a nice thought, guys, but Tim won't want any of that. He's used to eating the most amazing food in the world.

Lucy: But, your leftovers are the most amazing food in the world.

Luna: Truth, Pops-star! Look what we did to keep them to ourselves.

Laney: It's true. I got hit in the head with a bowling ball. Got a bit of a concussion. [Lucy nods]

Lynn Sr.: [sniffs] Well, I guess it's worth a shot.

[Soon, Timothy is eating Lynn Sr.'s leftover lasagne whilst Lynn Sr. and the kids watch nervously.]

Timothy McCole: "Well, Lynn, I'm gonna give it to you straight. This is one of..." [happily] "...the best meals I've ever eaten."

Lynn Sr.: [ashamed] I knew it was a dumb idea! I should have never served it! I... [realizes] Wait, what?

Timothy McCole: I've been all over the world and every chef serves me the same thing: caviar, pâté, uni. It's boring and uninspired. Do you know at the last place I ate, the chef served 'Air in a Jar'.

Laney: [whisper] That's what that was? What kind weird resturant serves a jar full of air?

Lincoln: Shh!

Lynn Sr.: [scoffs] [laughs nervously] What a bozo!

Timothy McCole: But, your food is classic, comforting and delicious and when you travel as much as I do, there's nothing better than food that tastes like home. [writes a cheque] Oh, I want to be in the Lynn Loud business!

Lynn Sr.: [happily takes the cheque] Wow! Thank you, Tim! I don't know what to say. [offers a hug to Tim who declines it.]

Timothy McCole: I don't do hugs. [gets ready to go. Timothy and Lynn Sr. shakes hands. Then Timothy's phone rings and he answer it.] You got Tim. [leaves the house]

Lola: We do hugs. [she and the rest of the siblings hug Lynn Sr. who returns the hug.]

[Later, the siblings are washing the dishes when Rita comes home.]

Rita: So, how did it go?

Lynn: Aww, Dad kicked butt!

Lynn Sr.: [proudly] Yeah, I'm one step closer to my dream of owning a restaurant.

Rita: [happily] I'm so proud of you, Honey. I guess he liked your uni and your lemon air.

Lynn Sr.: Actually, he liked my leftover 'Lynn-sagna' just like you said.

Lana: And all his other leftovers too.

Rita: That's wonderful. This calls for a celebration. Who wants some of Dad's chocolate cake?

Sisters: [in unison] Me!

Lincoln: Wait! I didn't see any chocolate cake in the fridge.

Rita: Well, that's because I stashed it under the couch. [notices everyone looking at her with astonishment, and slightly embarrassed] What? I can't claim any leftovers?

Lynn: I'll go score us some. [races into the living room]

Rita: [realizes something] Lynn, wait!

[Lynn yelps as another paint bomb explodes and she re-enters the room covered in blue paint and looking annoyed, much to everyone's shock.]