84. Anti Social

Anti-Social

Everyone is always so busy in the Loud house. Members are always preoccupying themselves either with doing their hair, reading comics, bouncing balls... Or just spending most of their time on their phones or tablets.

[The kids are using their phones and tablets as Laney was reading her book]

Laney: Hey. Um. Could you possibly keep that clicking down please? [The kids didn't respond to her] Uh, hello? [sighs] Nevermind...

Now Laney too has a phone, but you don't see her spending her life on it. You see, Laney is one of those people who believe to find more excitement not connected to the internet. And she's not alone in that argument.

[Lynn Sr. comes in]

Lynn Sr.: Hey, guys! Papa Loud in the house!

[Laney walks up to him]

Laney: Hey dad!

Lynn Sr.: Hey Lanes! How's your day going?

Laney: Great! We were doing a lesson on splatter art and I got some ideas!

Lynn Sr.: Say no more! How about you and I get creative later?

Laney: That sounds great.

Lynn Sr.: And how was everyone else, huh? Lori, did you ace that Latin exam? [no response] Hey, Lunes, wanna jam later? Just got the old cowbell tuned.

[Enter Rita on her phone]

Rita: [sighs] This is unbelievable!

Lynn Sr.: [sternly] Thank you, honey. I couldn't agree-

Rita: 10 Unexpected Ways to Re-tile a Backsplash? Cuh-lick! [clicks on the link]

[Lynn Sr. facepalms and slams the door; the kids respond this time]

Leni: Oh. Hi, Dad. Welcome home. Why the grumpy face?

Lynn Sr. Because I've lost my family to those ding-dang devices! We used to do stuff together. But now the only kid I hang with is Laney! I can't even get the rest of you to look up when I come in the door. Can't you put those things down once in a while?

Lori: But, Dad, we need them. Our lives literally depend on them."

Lynn Sr.: [takes Luan's phone] Baloney sandwich! They're just little hunks of plastic! [tosses it back to Luan who tries to catch it and falls over] And if you don't start spending less time on them, I'm gonna have to cut the internet.

[The kids gasp, Lynn falls over, and their dad goes into his room]

Luna: Whoa! Pops is talking crazy! Doesn't he get how croosh these babies are to our lives? He might as well cut off our oxygen supply!

Laney: Aren't you guys over reactng to this just a little bit? I mean they're just phones. You may think dad doesn't understand how the social network works but he's just doing this because he- [Lori gets an idea and interrupts Laney]

Lori: Maybe that's the answer!

Lucy: Cut off his oxygen supply? Whoa. That's grim, even for me.

Lori: No, I mean the only reason Dad is against our devices is because he doesn't get them. But what if we could show Dad how much better it could make his life? Then he'd never do something as ridiculous as... [gasps] ...taking away our internet.

Laney: [sighs] I'm not even going to try get involved in this one. [Heads upstairs] I'm going to my room. Let me know how this backfires. [Leaves]

Luna: While we're at it. Maybe we should get Lanes to join the network too.

Rita: [off-screen] I love it!

Lori: Thank you. I appreciate your support.

Rita: [actually referring to something on her phone] A new super bright flashlight app? #Download! [downloads the app and notices her kids] Oh, hey, kids. When did you get home?

[In the kitchen, Lori is feeding Lily and Lynn Sr. is bringing in some groceries]

Lynn Sr.: Okay. [looks at a list] Gotta tell Lucy her funeral dress is back from the cleaners, gotta let Luna know I can drive her to rehearsal tonight, I need to remind Lola that she can't watch TV till she's finished her homework. All of it. [sets groceries down and sees Lori] Oh. Hi, Lori.

Lori: [texting] One sec, Dad.

Lynn Sr.: [exasperated] Oh, sweetie, we just talked about this. Can you please put that thing away?

Lori: [reading the responses she got] Okay, Lucy says "Thanks, just in time for the service", Luna says "Rockin'", and Lola sent this. [shows Lola's response being three raging flame emojis]

Lynn Sr.: [dumbfounded] You just took care of my whole to-do list? How did you manage that?

Lori: [picks Lily up] It's called texting. You can literally have a million conversations at once. Could be pretty handy for a guy with 12 kids.

Lynn Sr.: Uh, hold on. If I were going to do a text, how-how would I go about that?

[Lori gives Lily to her siblings and winks to them]

Lori: It's so easy. All you do is type. Where's your phone?

[Lynn Sr. gets his phone out]

Lori: Try texting me.

Lynn Sr.: [confused] Uh...where?

Lori: Here. [presses the icon with a speech bubble, indicating texting and opens it up as her father starts texting] Just say hi.

Lynn Sr.: Ooh! Delete!

[Laney could only look from the dining room as Lori tried to explain texting to her father. And rolls her eyes at it. Lynn, Lucy, Luna, Lincoln, and Leni were in the living room spying on Laney]

Lincoln: [whispering] Alright. Time to initiate phase 2. [They all nodded and went over to Laney]

Luna: Yo Lanes.

Laney: If your here to convince me to join in on your plan. Forget it.

Leni: She's on to us! Run! [Luna nudges her]

Lincoln: No, Laney. We understand that you're not interested in social networking. We were just wondeing if you wanna read a book with us. It's a John Ruby novel.

Laney: Now, that's what I'm talking about! [Jumps up] So what's the story? [Laney's siblings show her a tablet and her smile droops] Oh, for crying out loud...

Lincoln: Oh, no Laney. You can read your novels in here. [A cover of a John Ruby book is shown]

Laney: How can a book be read on the internet.

Lynn: Not just a book, Laney. An e-book!

Laney: E... book?

Leni: Yeah. It's a totes perfect way to read books on your phone without getting papercuts.

Laney: Well, I have been getting a lot of cuts lately. [Looks at her hands that have multiple cuts. Her siblings give her the tablet and she starts reading] Wow! Is this the one where The Tackback Boys kidnap the mayor? I never got that yet! [As she leaves, Lincoln and her sisters exchange thumbs up]

[Later, Lynn Sr. is rushing to the bathroom]

Lynn Sr.: Oh, why couldn't I resist all those Flippee samples? [sees his kids waiting for their turns]

Luna: Back of the line, bro.

Lynn Sr.: Dah! [gets in line]

Lincoln: [on his tablet] Hey, Dad, want something to keep your mind off the wait?

Lynn Sr.: Aw, no thanks. This is what I've been trying to tell you kids. I can just keep myself distracted with the old bean.

Laney: [On her phone] You can read with me, dad! I'm just in the middle of an exciting chpter in the new John Ruby book! I can get you up to speed on what's happening.

Lynn Sr.: Oh, come on, Laney! Don't tell me you're stuck on those things too.

Laney: What? Me, no... I'm just reading this all... [Continues to look at her phone]

Lincoln: Well, if you insist on just waiting, dad. You're in for a long one. Leni's in there trying a new hair color. Could be a while.

Leni: [screams in horror] Totes not a redhead! Starting over.

Lynn Sr.: Oh, fine. Whaddya got?

Lincoln: [showing his dad a game] Raging River Racers. You have to paddle down a rushing river trying to escape a giant gushing wave.

Lynn Sr.: [needing to go more] Gah, not helping.

Lola: [pushes Lincoln out of the way] Step aside, Lincoln. We have a game Daddy will actually like.

Lana: [shows the game] Presenting Jolly Hollow.

Lola: You build a pretty brick house and show it off to your friends.

Lynn Sr.: [takes the device] Ooh, I think I'll build one that has more than one bathroom.

Laney: Wow! That looks cool, can I play?

Lana: Sure, it's multiplayer.

Laney: Alright! [Plays Jolly Hollow on her phone]

[The kids smile and Leni pops out smiling as well. Later]

Lincoln: [comes out of the bathroom] Your turn, Dad.

Lynn Sr.: [too busy with the game] Lisa can go. I'm busy upgrading my wallpaper.

Laney: Hey dad! You gotta check out this condiminum I made! It's doubles as an art museum!

Lynn Sr.: Neato burrito! Can I come in?

Laney: You sure can!

[As they were talking, Lisa goes in, the other kids smile, and the twins take a bow. Later, Laney was in her room trying to use her phone to call someone. Just then, Lori comes in]

Lori: Hey, Lanes. What are you doing?

Laney: Hi, Lori. I was just using my phone to call Joey and see how I'm doing.

Lori: Oh, sure you can do that. Or, and this is just a suggestion, you can send him a selfie!

Laney: Sel-fie? What's that?

Lori: [gasps] You literally never heard of a selfie? Boy have you've been missing out! Here! Let me show you! [Takes Laney's phone, grabs Laney and hold her phone up.] Smile. [Lori takes the photo and sends it] And send.

Laney: AGH! [snatxhes her phone away from Lori] What did you do!?

Lori: Relax, Laney. I just send Joey a picture of us together.

Laney: No! No! I don't want to be that direct! I mean what If he's too embarrassed responds to it? [Her phone vibrates and Laney sees it and happily squeals] He did respond! [She looks at Joey's message which said: "You and Lori are so cute together!"] I wanna send him another one! [does some more selfies as Lori smiles proudly at this]

[Lynn Sr. and Kotaro are jamming in the garage; Luna and Luan pop their heads in]

Kotaro: We are gonna rock our first show, Lynn! Now we just need to get the word out. Remember, my cousin said we gotta have 100 people or we can't book his basement.

Lynn Sr.: Way ahead of you, Kotaro. [pulls out a wagon of flyers] I posted 500 of these babies to post around town. Hope your afternoon's free.

[Kotaro grins nervously]

Luna: Hey, Pops, I know you got a big gig coming up, so I thought I'd help you get the word out.

Lynn Sr.: [gives Luna some of the flyers] Oh, great. You can start putting these up on Oak Street.

Luna: Uh, no, dude. I made you a band page. [Luan shows him the page] It's like putting up a flyer that everyone with a computer can see!

Lynn Sr.: [excited] Shut up!

Luna: Right?

Lynn Sr.: [typing] We're gonna get hundreds of people to see our show.

Luan: How about thousands?

Kotaro: Well, parking's kinda limited at my cousin's.

Luan: No. I mean, you can stream the show live for fans around the world.

Lynn Sr.: Whoa. You think you could show us how to stream our concert like that?

[Luan and Luna smile to each other]

[Cut to Lynn Sr. now working with many devices and Laney taking selfies]

Lynn Sr.: Watching videos, texting emojis, selfie... [takes one] ...and post. [posts] Nice.

Laney: [does multiple poses] Chill. [takes picture] Goofy! [takes picture] Dashing. [takes picture] Kawaii! [takes picture]

[The kids have seen it all]

Lori: [overjoyed with tears] I am literally so proud right now.

[They each get a ping on their phones]

Lincoln: It's a text from Dad. THX 4 showing me the light. Wut U kiddos thing about getting FASTER internet? Racecar emoji, celebrate emoji, happy cat emoji.

[The kids all cheer and hug while their house gets cover in other emojis Later, Lynn Sr. is busy texting while Lincoln comes in with a textbook]

Lincoln: Hey, Dad, could you help me with my social studies homework?

Lynn Sr.: Eh, sorry, son. It'll have to wait. It's Throwback Thursday, and I have to post some pics. And...post! [posts them]

[Suddenly, Lori screams and comes charging in]

Lori: [enraged] WHAT DID YOU DO?! How could you post a picture from my... [gasps] ...awkward stage? [shows a picture of herself when she was younger, looking much nerdier]

Lynn Sr.: Ooh! Five likes already! [gasps] Maybe it'll start trending.

[Lori screams at the thought]

Lincoln: Don't be embarrassed, Lori. Everyone posts old photos like that. They're harmless.

Lynn Sr.: And...post. [posts]

[Lori gets it]

Lori: Oh, yeah? Then maybe you'd like to see Dad's latest post. [shows Lincoln one of his old baby photos from when he was potty training, specifically, him standing on the bowl]

Lincoln: [horrified] #PottyChamp? #LinkyMadeAStinky? [faints]

Lynn Sr.: [takes a photo of his unconscious son] So cute! I'll post this next TBT!

[Later, in Lynn and Lucy's room. Laney was up in her bed texting.]

Lucy: Hey, Laney... [Laney didn't respond] Um... I was hoping you would help me with my poems?

Laney: Sorry, Lucy. I'm too busy talking to my school friends. [Gets another message] Ohh! Another one from Karla! [reads] "How cute is Joey?" Uh, mega cute! #BritishLover! [Takes another selfie]

Lucy: Sigh.

[Dinnertime]

Luna: Dudes, I'm hungry like the wolf. What's taking Dad so long?

[In the kitchen, Lynn Sr. is live streaming a cooking show]

Lynn Sr.: And hello to my new viewer from Sweden, or should I say, Valkommen, to the Lynn-ternational Cuisine Livestream with Chef Loud. Today, we're making pizza. [notices the angle the phone's at] Oh, wait. They can't see that. [takes the dough and zooms in] Today, we're making pizza. [begins tossing]

[Later, everyone else is still waiting]

Lynn Sr.: [serving the pizza] Alright, get ready to feast, fam.

[He sets it down and the kids are about to reach for a slice, but their dad stops them]

Lynn Sr.: Not so fast. I meant feast your eyes. We'll eat after I take photos for SwiftyPic. [takes a photo] Better take a few, JIC. [takes another photo] Ugh! I can't post these! They're totes ug. I'm starting over. [tosses the pizzas out the window, much to his kids' chagrin]

[Lynn Sr. and Laney are still on their devices as the rest of his family comes in]

Lincoln: Hey, Dad.

[No response from their dad]

Leni: So, how was work today?

[Still no response]

Luna: Hey, Pop Star. Wanna jam later?

Lynn Sr.: I'd love to... [Luna gets out her guitar] ...send you an autographed CD, CowBellFan85!

Lincoln: Uh. What about you, Laney? You wanna read some comic books later? [Laney didn't respond. Luna growls and Lori slams the door to get his attention]

Lynn Sr.: Oh, hey, fam. When did you get home?

Lori: Dad, how about we just put these away for one second?

[Lynn Sr. snaps and bites like a vicious dog at her]

[Sibling meeting]

Lisa: Father and sister are out of control, or, to use their inane vernacular, OOC.

Lynn: They got their faces in those ding-dang devices all day long.

Lana: Can't they put them down once in a while?

Lucy: they don't even look up when we come in the door.

Lori: [realizes] Uh, guys, is this all reminding you of anyone?

Lincoln: [gasps] Holy moly! We literally turned Dad and Laney into us!

[Leni screams]

Lana: You're right! So that's why he was upset with us. It's no fun being ignored by your own family.

Lynn: And I guess we know why Laney rarely uses her phone.

Lola: How do we get the old Daddy and Laney back?

Leni: Ask him politely?

Lori: I think it's gonna take more drastic measures than that.

[Back to Lynn Sr. and Laney and their devices]

Lynn Sr. Watching videos, oh, love this filter, gym bod! [takes a filtered selfie] Nice. How you doin'? Now to post.

Laney: Hey, pops! Check out my latest pic! I'll send it to you! [Tries to send it but fails] Wha? [Tries to send it again but nothing happens] Why am I not... [a message pops up] "Not connected to the internet"? [Nervous] Uh dad? Why is the internet not working

Lynn Sr.: What are you talking about? My internet's working- [tries, but fails] Not connected to the internet? What? [checks his tablet] Not connected?[checks his laptop] NOT CONNECTED?!

Laney and Lynn Sr.: [screams in panic]

Lynn Sr.: HELP! KIDS! KIDS! CAN ANYONE HEAR ME!" [he and Laney enter Lori and Leni's room] Oh, there you guys are. The internet's out. [keels over] I feel weak.

Lori: It's not out. We had it turned off. [Laney and her father gasp]

Laney:[shocked] You did this!?

Lynn Sr.: How could you? You may as well have cut off my oxygen supply!

Lori: We had to do it! You two are obsessed with your devices.

Lana: Which, to be fair, is all our fault.

Leni: But we totes miss spending time with you guys.

Laney: [Realizes and gasp] Oh my gosh. You're right... I've became as technology crazy as you guys! [sniffs] I promise myself I wouldn't end up like this. And yet here I am just texting to Joey instead of talking to him in person... [on the verge of tears] I feel like such an idiot!

Lynn Sr.: [Also on the verge of tears] Me too! ISS! [awkward beat] That means I'm So Sorry.

Laney: [wipes off the tears] Yeah. ISS too.

[They hug]

Lincoln: It's okay, guys.

Lori: So, can we put these away for a while?

Lynn Sr.: [sniffles] Sure. No problem. [hands Lori his phone but doesn't let go as he pulls it away] Ah, I can't! I'm so hooked on these babies I can't live without 'em.

Laney: Me neither!

Lori: Don't worry, guys. We'll all work on this together. [turns the internet on her phone off]

Lynn Sr.: [knocks the timer over; acting] Oops! I'll get it. [goes under the table and takes out a phone]

Lincoln: Dad! No phones! Besides, we don't even have the internet.

Lynn Sr.: Sorry. I just wanted to hold it. [gives his phone to Lincoln]

[Laney was outside playing soccer with Lynn. Lynn kicks the ball to the other side of the yard]

Laney: [acting] Oh! I better go get that. [Runs over to where the ball landed. Lynn walks over there only to see Laney on her phone]

Lynn: Laney! [Laney sees that she's been caught]

Laney: I was just uh... looking at my photos? [Lynn holds out her hand and Laney hands over the phone to her]

[Now Lynn Sr. nd Luna are jamming in the garage when he leans over to Mr. Grouse's window and sees him ordering socks online]

Luna: [rings his bell in his ear] Oops, you did it again. No looking at devices, Dad. Not even Mr. Grouse's.

Lynn Sr.: But he just got a really good deal on socks.

[Meanwhile, Lori and Laney were both reading books]

Lori: Wow! These novels are amazing! What do you think, Laney?

Laney: [Hiding her face in the book, not paying attention] Oh, yeah.. Uh. Real page turner. [Lori puts down Laney's book and find she was on her phone again. She sheepishly smiles as Lori shakes her head. Laney frowns]

[Later, Lynn Sr was folding laundry with Lori and he sees his phone. He tries to reach for it, but he fights the urge, impressing Lori. Meanwhile, Laney was doing stand up with Luan leaving her phone alone. In the attic, Lynn Sr. was playing tarot cards with Lucy and leaving his phone alone. Then he plays blocks with Lily and puts a molecule model together with Lisa. He plays Hockey with Lynn Jr. who shoots the puck into his net]

Lynn Sr.: Ha ha, nice one!

Lynn: Whoo! Yeah!

[Laney was playing table tennis with Lincoln and gets the ball over Lincoln]

Laney: Woo hoo! Another win! Best two out of three?

Lincoln: You know it!

[Lynn Sr. and Laney are now playing Duck Duck Goose with the twins]

Lola: Duck...duck...duck... [to her dad] GOOSE!

[She runs around as her dad chases her. Then he's juggling with Luan]

Lynn Sr.: Huh? Huh?

[He juggles all the balls and drops them on his head, making them both laugh. Then, Laney was doing a fashion show with Leni. She comes out looking and acting like a Hollywood diva and Leni claps for it]

[Lynn Sr. puts his devices away in his closet]

Lincoln: Good job, guys. We're proud of you.

Lynn Sr.: [sighs relieved] Thanks, kids. It's good to be back. Now, who's hungry? [the kids raise their hands] Dinner in five! [leaves]

Laney: I also like to thank you guys for getting me off this phone habit. And, I'm sorry I ignored you all.

Lincoln: No, Laney. It was our fault you were like that. You're right, there is more to life than just technology.

Lisa: So, now that we cured Father and sister, shall I send word to our internet provider to get the rest of us back online?

[Beat]

Lori: Eh, what's the rush? We can wait another day.

[They all smile]

Lynn Sr.: Let's dig in!

[The kids rush to dinner]

Lynn: Hey, Dad, how about a hockey rematch after dinner?

Lola: Hey, I get Daddy first! I wanna show him my ribbon dance.

Lana: No, I get him. We got some gutters to clean.

Lynn Sr.: Kids, kids. We can do it all.

[Laney could only look from the dining room to see how happy her family was and smiled... Until she got a message from Joey. She relpies to him as an Iris closes in on her. She looks at the audience and nervously chuckles]

Laney: Heh heh heh... Force of habit... [Iris out]