8. No Guts, No Glori

No Guts, No Glori

It was friday night at the Loud House. Laney was reading her book in her room till she caught an odd scent.

Laney: [sniffs] Hey, you guys smell something?

Lucy and Lynn caught the scent as well, and it worried them. For they knew what it was.

Lucy: It's mom's expensive perfume!

Lynn: It's date night!

Laney: IT'S... what's happening now?

[whistle blows]

Laney: Oh...

Yes, Lori was babysitting once again, much to everyone's dismay. The girl gets a kick out of bossing her sisters around. In this she is known as The Queen Of-

Lori: NO! [unplugs Luna's amplifiers] NO MUSIC! [tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash] NO MUD PIES! [approaches Leni who's talking on the phone] NO-

Leni: Way! That's totes cray cray!

Lori: [hangs up Leni's call] NO PHONE CALLS! [takes away Laney's book] NO READING!

Laney: Hey! You can't just-

Lori gave Laney an intimidating look.

Laney: Nevermind...

Poor Laney couldn't stand up her big sister. She had a thing for following house rules, and couldn't bare to break any of them.

Now back to our story...

[Lori dresses up in a military uniform and blows a whistle that summons her siblings and the pets to the front room]

Lori: At ease! [Everyone feels calmer now] JUST KIDDING! NOBODY IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE! [the others regain their forms] As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit".

[Charles, Cliff, and Geo sit down on command, but Walt tips over in his attempt and knocks Geo's hamster ball to the side]

Lori: [busts out a chart of tonight's schedule] Now, here is our schedule for this evening.

6:00 to 7:00: Sitting on bed with arms folded.

7:00 to 7:30: Chow.

7:30 to 8:00: Thorough cleaning of mess hall.

8:00: Staring at wall until falling asleep..

Everyone got that?

Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Laney, Lola, Lisa, and Lily: MAM, YES, MAM!

Lana: SIR, YES, SIR!

[Lori glares at Lana for calling her "sir"]

Lori: DISMISSED!

[Lincoln opens his door and puts a note in Geo's hamster ball]

Lincoln: Hey, Geo. Want a snack, boy? [tosses the snack over to Lola and Lana's door]

He then used Geo to gather every sister to his room to discuss the concern of Lori's babysitting methods.

Lincoln: Rooms? More like prison cells! Every time Lori's left in charge, she makes our lives miserable. Well, I say no more! It's time to take back our Friday nights! Luna, do you like it when Lori unplugs your amp mid-jam?

Luna: It's way harsh.

Lincoln: And Lana, how about when Lori throws out your mud pies?

Lana: I work hard on those!

Lincoln: And Lily, what about when Lori won't let you run around naked? [Lily takes off her diaper and blows a raspberry in protest] Then let's do something about it!

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: YEAH!

Laney: WAIT! [they all look at her] Um, I know you guys have a problem with Lori's rules but we shouldn't resort to breaking them.

Lana: Yeah right! Like we take advice from a suckup!

Laney: Suck-up? What are you talking about?

Lana: You've never broken a rule in your life! Always puttin' on a goody goody routine for Lori.

Laney: Hey! I can be a rulebreaker to Lori.

Lana: Then why can't you?

Laney: Ummm. Maybe, because there are some specific rules...

Lana: Or maybe, you're afraid of her!

Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lisa, and Lily: Ooooh!

Laney: [furious] THAT'S IT! COUNT ME IN!

Lincoln: Alright, now here's the plan...

Back in Lori and Leni's room, Lori is trying to paint her toenails like in Sixteen 1/2 Magazine, but she doesn't seem to have gotten it down. Suddenly, Luna's jam is back on, which Lori does not take well as it's going against her orders.

Lori: [sees Lily playing] Lily? What are you-

[Just then, there are some creaks and Lori notices that the others are right behind her; they tackle her and she screams for help; just then, it's revealed that they tied her up to a chair]

Lori: [furious] Hey! What is going on?

Lincoln: Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!

Lori: Power trip?

Lincoln: Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around.

[The other sisters concur]

Lori: You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it.

Lana: Yuh-huh. Lincoln could.

Lincoln: [surprised] I could?

Laney: Yeah! He's twice the better babysitter than you! We're thinkin' Lincoln!

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN! WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN!

[Lincoln and Lori are flabbergasted at this]

Lori: [condescendingly] Lincoln in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.

[Cliff is right next to his little box and suddenly goes right on the carpet]

Lincoln: Oh yeah? Challenge accepted! [takes the whistle] Take her away!

[the other sisters carry her to her room]

Lori: You won't last five minutes! [laughs maniacally] HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Lincoln: [shuts the door] Lola, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out.

[Lola nods in agreement and gets a Golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard]

Lincoln: Say goodbye to the Queen of No... [tosses whistle on the floor] ...and hello to the King of Yes!

[The sisters cheer in victory. Luna is finally jamming out]

Lincoln: Yes to music! [cranks the tunes and puts a happy face on Lana's mud pie] Yes to mud!

Leni: [on the phone] Seriously?

Lincoln: Yes to phone calls! [gives Laney her book] Yes to reading! And yes to video games!

[turns his game on]

SUPER MEGA BRAWLERS TURBO FIGHTER XXIV

Game announcer: Round 1: Fight!

But just before Lincoln can finally start playing, Leni screams and Lincoln pauses the game to see what's wrong; it turns out that Luan is chasing Leni around with a rubber spider.

Lincoln: Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy.

[Just then, Luna's amps are at a really high volume]

Lincoln: RAD SOUNDS! MAYBE NOT SO LOUD! [turns it down a little which Luna doesn't understand]

[Lincoln tries to get back to his game, but there's a suddenly explosion and the smoke alarm goes off; Lisa comes out of her room]

Lincoln: [concerned] What was that?!

Lisa: It's science. You wouldn't understand. [just then, a tentacle grabs Lisa and drags her back in] AAH! [the door closes]

Meanwhile, Laney walked through the kitchen to see part of it covered in mud from Lynn.

Laney: What are you doing?

Lynn: Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt.

Laney: Dirt bike? You can't ride a dirt bike in the house!

Lynn: What are ya gonna do? Tell Lori? [chuckles]

Annoyed by the thought of her being a rule-following suckup. Laney went to the fridge and grabbed some lefover pizza and went to the dining room. She hid under the the table, the spotted Lana.

Laney: Hey Lana! Would a suck-up do this?

She then throws the slice of pizza, but Lana dodged ad it hit Lucy instead. It was silent for a moment, then Lucy had some waffles in her hands.

Lucy: Game on.

They all smiled and they commenced an all out food fight. In which Lincoln was caught in the middle of. He shields himself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting which impresses him. Meanwhile at the messed up table, Laney couldn't help but laugh at how much fun that was.

Laney: That. Was. Great!

Lana: I knew you'd come around.

Laney: Why stop here? We got the whole night to ourselves! What do you say we get reeeeeeeeally crazy!?

Lana: Now your talkin'!

And so the whole night, the two did everything together. Mudskiing on Lynn's dirtbike, raving to Luna's jams, and scaring Leni. It was the best friday night Laney ever had. But all Lincoln could see was the house turned to a complete mess.

Luna: FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK! [sets her amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks all set up for a big finale]

Lincoln: LUNA! [slow motion] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Too late! Luna plays a chord and the noise blasts Lincoln right into the wall which leaves a dent of unsightly residue. Just then, Lori's taunting words echoed in his mind.

Echo Lori: Lincoln in charge? Ha! He couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.

[Cliff is right next to his litter box, but goes on the fireplace instead]

Lincoln: [irked] Oh, really, Cliff? [gets steamed up; unplugs Luna's amps] No guitar playing... [stops Lynn from riding her bike in the house] ...no dirt bikes, and no science experiments! [takes Lisa's beakers and tosses them, causing an explosion]

The others aren't too happy with Lincoln suddenly changing his mind.

Lynn: Who do you think you are? Lori?

[They all start laughing at him and go back to enjoying their Friday night]

Lincoln: No. I'm not. [realizing] Lori! [heads to Lori's room only to be stopped by Lola]

Lola: Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!

Lincoln: Those were my orders! Let me in!

Lola: I'm gonna need you to step back, sir.

Lincoln: Sorry about this, Lola. [charges at Lola with a war cry; Lola whacks him with the golf club and knocks him out]

[As soon as Lincoln comes to, he sees that Lola tied him up like they tied Lori up]

Lola: Uh, no no no. I'm sorry, Lincoln. ANYONE ELSE?! [beat] I DIDN'T THINK SO!

[Lincoln can't break free and sees Geo]

Lincoln: Geo! You want a treat, boy? [Geo rolls over to get the treats] They're in my back pocket. Come on. Get 'em! [Geo starts gnawing on the rope] Little more. [Geo bites in a soft spot] YOW! Too far! [Geo gets him free] Good boy. [gives him a treat]

Meanwhile, Lori has somehow already broken free of her rope bindings and is filing her nails.

Lincoln: Lori! Lori! [climbs in through window]

Lori: Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes.

Lincoln: [despondently] It's only been five minutes? [gets it together] It's a mad house down there! You've got to help me!

Lori: Nah. I'm thinkin' Lincoln. You handle it.

Lincoln: I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble. [Luna's fireworks go off] Or ashes.

Lori: And?

Lincoln: I couldn't lead Cliff to the litter box.

Lori: And?

Lincoln: I'm sorry.

Lori: That's all I needed to hear. [puts on military shades] Let's roll!

[They open the door with Lola still standing guard]

Lincoln: I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal.

[Lori covers his mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Lola's direction]

Lola: [giddily chases after the sparkly cloud] GLITTER!

Lincoln: [impressed] Glitter. Nice.

They go downstairs where Lincoln shows Lori the chaos caused by their sisters' antics.

Lincoln: [scared] See what I mean?!

Lori: Observe. [busts out her whistle and blows it and gets their attention] MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!

[The other sisters hurry and get to cleaning up the mess they made]

Lincoln: Brilliant.

Lori: Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older. [hears her phone ringing and answers it] Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye. [hangs up]

Lincoln: Who was that?

Lori: Mom and Dad. They're gonna be home in 10 minutes.

Lincoln: [panicking] WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!

Lori: I got this. Luna. A little clean up music?

Luna: You got it, sis!

And so, everyone was doing their part to clean up the mess in the house. Lana puts the fish back in the tank, Lisa scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend. Leni and Luan untangle the phone wire, Lynn uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside. Cliff is about to go on the carpet, but Lori glares at him and he obeys to go in his litter box, Lola ties up some trash and Lynn yanks it up on her dirt bike. Lincoln fishes out Lily's diaper and puts it on her, they do the finishing touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.

Luna: GOODNIGHT, LOUD HOUSE!

The other sisters go back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night. Their parents are approaching and just as it seems all is well, there's still a dent in the wall from Lincoln's impact caused by Luna's power chord.

Lincoln: [gasps] The wall! [sees the painting from the food fight] Lori! Catch! [tosses it to Lori]

[Lori catches it and puts it right over the dent; their parents enter]

Lynn Sr.: Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!

Lincoln: What'd you expect? Lori's in charge.

Rita: So, what are you guys up to?

Lori: Oh, we were just about to play a video game. You can't say "no" all the time.

Rita: Oh, and look at this lovely piece of food art the kids made.

All seems well and Lori and Lincoln begin to play some Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV. But...

Lynn Sr.: [screams] WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOLF CLUB?!

Lori and Lincoln realize they forgot something and are gonna get it. Laney and Lana overheard everything from upstairs and giggled.

Laney: Well, I guess we won't have another friday night like that again. But It was fun spending some time with you guys.

Lana: Yeah, not bad. For a suckup! [playfully punches Laney's arm]

Laney: [laughs] So, shall we do this again tomorrow.

Lana: Yeah, right.

They both go into their rooms. Saying goodnight to a totally fun day they will never do again.