73. Future Tense

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Future Tense

[The kids are having fun outside. Lincoln is reading one of his comics, Lisa carrying a microscope, Lana is playing in the mud, Lily is holding Cliff, Lynn and Laney are playing soccer, Lola is driving her car, Luna is playing her guitar, and Lori is taking a picture of Luan, Leni, and Lucy posing by holding their fingers like guns with her phone.]

Lori: Say hi to the internet!

Luna: [playing her guitar and singing] I love to do nothing and hang out and waste time

Laney: I bet I can kick that ball higher than you.

Lynn: Bring it on, sister!

[Lynn Sr. and Rita are pulling dandelions out of their yard.]

Rita: [exhausted] Ich. I'm covered in dandelions.

Lynn Sr.: Well you look dandy, and I'm not lion. [laughs]

[A fancy car horn blurs and gets the Louds' attention. A car drives by with a family with gleaming smiles.]

Lola: Who's that? They look so...so...perfect!

Laney: And their smiles are so bright.

Lana: [nauseated] Yeah, I'll say. Their shiny teeth hurt my eyes. [rubs her eyes]

Lincoln: Looks like they bought the Crowleys' old house.

Lynn Sr.: Guess we got a new family moving in on the street.

Rita: Let's put off weeding until tomorrow and welcome them to the neighborhood. As soon as I clean up.

Lynn Sr.: On it! [blows the leaf blower at his wife, getting her clean.] Good to go. [They go insde the house]

[Moments later, the kids were inside the house]

Lola: So what do you guys think of the new family.

Lynn: I don't know, anyone who looks that fancy can't be nice. I bet they think they're much better than us.

Lola: So do you love them?

Laney: Guys, you're looking at this the wrong way. These guys are new here and they probably don't know us yet. Maybe we can be friends with the new family. And besides, it's not like they're prescence is gonna effect our lives. [Rita and Lynn Sr. bursted through the door]

Lynn Sr.: Kids! Get in the car!

[Inside Vanzilla]

Lana: Where are we going? I was supposed to meet the guys at the mud hole after school!

Rita: Your father and I signed you up for some extracurricular activities today.

Lynn Sr.:We just feel it's really important for you guys to be well-rounded in this competitive world.

Lynn: Well-rounded? Ho ho! You want us to bulk up? [starts lifting a dumbbell] Sweet!

Lynn Sr.: No, Lynn. You're actually going to the learning center.

Rita: You're great at sports, honey, but to realize your full potential, you could use a boost in your academics.

Laney: But academics aren't Lynn's thing. I mean sure getting education is good and all, but this isn't who Lynn is.

Lynn Sr.: Sweetie, in this competitive world you need to know how to get ahead in life. And we feel the best way to do that is sharpen our math skills.

Lynn: But I'm great at math! A TD plus extra point equals 7! But if you go for a conversion, that is 8. Boom! Math.

[They drop her off at the learning center anyway.]

Lynn: FLAG ON THE PLAY! [throws the flag on the ground in anger]

[The arts and crafts center]

Lisa: A ceramics studio? Are we lost?

Lynn Sr.: No, sweetie. This is your stop. You're great at science, but to be well-rounded, you need to embrace the arts. [drops her off]

Lisa: [sarcastic] YES, GOOD CALL! I WAS JUST ON THE VERGE OF CURING THE H1N1 VIRUS, BUT HEY, WHY DON'T I GO MAKE A COFFEE MUG INSTEAD?!

[The community college]

Luna: Royal Woods Community College? What the hay, Pop Star?

Lynn Sr.: Luna, we love your fun lingo, but to get ahead in life, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on your English?

[Luna steps out]

Luna: That's whack, brah!

[Lori and Leni watch Luna and are terrified at the mention of their names.]

Rita: And Lori and Leni, you'll be taking SAT prep classes. That's the best way to get into a good college.

[Lori and Leni step out]

Leni: What about just using the front door?

Rita: [worried] Let's put Leni for the double session.

[Vanzilla drives off]

Luna: WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION!

[The parents drop Luan off at City Hall.]

Rita: Life isn't all about laughs, honey. We think you'll learn more about serious matters by interning at the mayor's office.

Luan: Well, mayor day be ruined, too! [laughs] Get it? But, seriously, I don't wanna do this.

[They drop Lucy off at the basketball court.]

Lucy: Basketball?

Laney: Okay, this one doesn't even make sense. Why would Lucy brush up on athletics?

Lynn Sr.: [To Lucy] We love how independent you are, honey, but when you get out into the real world, you'll need to know how to work with a team.

Lucy: Of humans? [gags]

[They drop Lola off at the community help center.]

Rita: Volunteering at a soup kitchen will look great on your résumé.

Lola: [furious] You know what won't look great? ME IN A HAIRNET!

[They drop Lana off at Finishing School.]

Lynn Sr.: Finishing School will teach you some valuable social graces. [drives off]

Lana: I'VE GOT SOCIAL GRACES UP THE WAZOO! [belches]

Laney: Oh, this is ridiculous. I bet you're gonna send me to i don't know, maybe an IT center to work on my [uses air quotes] "computer skills"?

Rita: You're not going anywhere, sweetie.

Laney: What do you mean?

Lynn Sr.: Honey, you're socal skills are impecable. You work well with others and you have so much creative energy. That alone should be enough to get you into a college.

Lincoln: [petrified] But what about me? Where am I going? A police academy? Military school?

Lynn Sr.: Nope. You're going home. To read comics.

Lincoln: [relieved and under a beam of light] I knew I was your favorite.

Laney: [offscreen] Ahem. [Lincoln looks at Laney who had her arms crossed. Lincoln rubs the back of his head] I mean, one of your favorites.

[The light turns out to have been coming from Vanzilla's inside light. Lynn Sr. turns it off and hands Lincoln some comic books about the government.]

Lincoln: [confused] "The Senator Squad: Law Making In Action"?

Rita: Yes! These are educational comics that'll help broaden your outlook."[smiles]

Lincoln: [disappointed] So...not your favorite.

Later at home, Laney was in her room reading her book. But she was bored with everyone at their extra curricular activites.

Laney: [sighs] It's so boring with everyone gone. [Laney gets out of her room and goes to Lincoln's. She opens the door and sees Lincoln reading an educational comic just as bored as Laney] Hey, Lincoln. You uh, wanna play soccer with me?

Lincoln: [Bored] I can't. I'm too busy reading this issue of "The Amazing World of Biomes" Did you know that the scariest creature in the desert biome is called the Gilla Monster?

Laney: [sighs] Okay, maybe later. [Walks away feeling low]

[The next day, the kids (Sans Laney) are all ready and reluctant to go to their activities.]

Lincoln: [unamused] Another day, another educational comic. [holds up a comic about temperatures]

Lynn: You're so lucky you don't have to spend your day studying, Laney.

Lisa: Indeed. At least you don't have to spend the day making ceramic gravy boats. [holds out said boat]

Luna: At least you can talk how you wanted, brah. Uh, I mean, milady.

[The parents come out of their room waking up.]

Lynn Sr.: Kids, what are you doing? It's Saturday! Go have fun!

[The kids cheer and go outside.]

[Outside, they're doing what they did at the beginning of the episode with Leni taking a photo of Lucy, Lori, and Luan making duck faces while Luan makes a funny variation.]

Lori: Luan, that's not a duck face.

[Leni takes the picture.]

Lori: Leni, I wasn't ready!

Leni: Say hi to the internet!

Luna: [playing her guitar and singing] Doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop, doo-wop-doo...

Lynn: Hey, Lanes! Catch! [Lynn throws a football and Laney runs to catch it]

Laney: I got it! I got it! [Laney trips on Lana and falls into the mud.]

Lana: Oh, so you wanna mud wrestle do ya? [Lana playfully wrestles with Laney and they both laugh. The parents are happy that their kids are having fun and notice the Yates family passing by with trees and gardening equipment.]

Bumper Sr.: Hiya, Louds!

Lynn Sr.: Hey there, neighbors! Got some fun plans for the weekend?

Jancey: Yes, we do! We're doing some volunteer work for the city: planting trees!

Bumper Sr.: It's all about turning downtime into well-round-time.

Beau:[Speaks in Korean] Najung-e boja! [Translation: "See you afterwards"]

[The Yates Family leaves; Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other in fear. Cut to the Louds cleaning up the interstate.]

Luna: [frustrated] What happened to "It's Saturday"? The only thing I should be picking up is my axe!

Lynn Sr.: You'll thank us for this one day.

Laney: [unamused] Yeah. Maybe when were 20.

[A car comes careening down the road and hits some mud that gets all over Leni who screams.]

Leni: [sad] I've got mud in my mouth.

Lana: [jealous] Lucky...

[The kids arrive home filthy from their cleaning.]

Lincoln: I'm going to be seeing hamburger wrappers in my sleep tonight.

Rita: All right, kids... [the kids gasp in horror of what she's about to say.] ...you're free to do whatever you want for the rest of the day.

Laney: Finally!

Lynn Sr.: [with coffee] Guys, I just ran into Bumper Sr. at the coffee shop, and he said they're taking their kids to the symphony for cultural enrichment!

Rita: What?! Wash up, kids! We're going to the opera!

[The kids groan, and the family goes to the opera house where Lynn Sr. and Rita appearing to be enjoying it.]

Tenor: [singing] Tralala-lalala-lalala-la!

Rita: Do they look enriched?

[They open their eyes and see that all of them except Lisa fell asleep.]

Tenor: [cont'd] Fortunatissimo per verità! [Translation: "Most fortunate indeed!"]

[They return home after the show.]

Lynn Sr.: [holding Lily as she sleeps] Wasn't that enriching, guys?

Laney: Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Now can we go back to enjoying our weekend? I believe that I had Lana by the ropes.

Lynn Sr.: Yes we- [Just then, Rita runs in]

Rita: I just ran into Jancey! Her kids are raising money for schools! She says it's important to keep them civic-minded!

Lynn Sr.: Can't! Back in the car!

[The kids groan and follow]

Lori: I'm really starting to not like the Yates's.

[Cut to Luna and Lucy at a neighbor's house. Luna knocks, the owner answers, and Lucy holds up a pamphlet.]

Lucy: Hi. Are you registered to vote?

[The guy closes the door on them.]

Luna: [pounds on the door] Bogus, dude! I mean... [British accent] ...that was rather uncouth.

[Lisa and Luan have a door slammed on them, as do Lynn and Lincoln, Leni and Lola, and Laney]

Lola: [furious] I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

[They return home in the dead of night.]

Lynn: Can we please go to bed now?

Rita: Of course. Jancey says kids need 10 hours of sleep for maximum brain growth.

Lisa: [sarcastic and relived] Oh, well, thank goodness for Jancey.

[The kids go to bed and the parents sit on the sofa.]

Lynn Sr.: I think we earned a little R&R. You wanna watch that show where they reenact old movies with cats?

Rita: Do I?!

[Meanwhile, Upstairs in the hallway]

Lori: I literally don't know how much "well rounded" time I can take!

Lola: Tell me about it! I've worn a hairnet for so long, my scalp's starting to itch! [scratches her head]

Lincoln: And I'm tired of reading comics that don't involve superheroes fighting crime.

Lucy: I'd rather have a tea party with Lola than having to play another insipid game of basketball.

Laney: Guys, I was wrong to ever think the Yates' can be a good change for our lives! If this keeps up, we won't ever have time to fit fun in our lives anymore!

Luna: Well, what are we gonna do? It's not like we can do something about the Yates' and their "well roundedness".

Laney: True. But we can do something OUR parent's well roundedness. Here's the plan- [The kids huddled up as Laney whispers her plan]

Lynn Sr.: [runs upstairs] KIDS! IN THE CAR! WE'RE GOING TURTLE SAVING! [The siblings groan]

[A few days later, Lynn Sr. is bandaging up his hand and holding a pineapple for a snapping turtle that they saved. The turtle roars at Lynn Sr. and snaps.]

Lynn Sr.: [giving his wife the pineapple] You wanna feed him, honey? I've been doing it all week. Ow.

[Rita puts the pineapple in the tank and the turtle snaps it. The parents flinch at the snapping. Enter their kids one by one.]

Lana: [balancing books on her head] Hey, Mom and Dad. I passed Finishing School with honors.

Lynn: [holding a trophy] I took first in the state math bowl.

Lori: We just took our practice SAT's. My verbal score went up 200 points.

Leni: Mine, too. So, now it's 200.

Lisa: [with a wagon of pottery] Behold the fruits of my ceramic labors. 13 full plate settings.

Lucy: [spinning a basketball on her finger] I made the all-star team. [Enter Lola and Lincoln with bags of trash.]

Lincoln: "We cleared the entire interstate from here to Flint."

Luna: I tutored some new citizens in English, then registered them to vote. [Drops a piece of paper which Luan picks up.]

Luan: [with a briefcase] I helped solve the city's parking crisis.

Rita: Wow, guys! This is all so amazing! We're so proud of you.

Lynn Sr.: What say we take a little break and get our ice cream on? Huh?

Lola: Sorry, Daddy. Ice cream doesn't look good on a résumé. Especially if you spill it.

Lori: Plus, it'll literally just make us sluggish.

Rita: Well, how about a little trip to the movies?

Leni: I don't see how that will help us get ahead in life.

Luna: Regretfully, I must concur. Now we must excuse ourselves to study our state capitals flash cards.

[The kids go upstairs to continue applying themselves while their parents are shocked at what they had become.]

Lynn Sr.: No ice cream?

Rita: No movie?

[Enter Laney]

Laney: Sorry, parents. We're so well rounded, we can't fit fun into our busy busy schedule. Now if you excuse me, I'm off to read comics with Lincoln. There's a new issue of The Senator Squad. [Walks upstairs. The parents continue to look on shocked]

Lynn Sr. and Rita: WE'RE FAILING OUR KIDS!

Lynn Sr.: Kids, come outside!

[The kids pop out of their rooms curiously.]

[Outside]

Lisa: Can we make this quick? You're cutting into our well-rounded time.

Lynn Sr.: Forget about well-rounded time. Forget about everything. Just go have fun.

[The kids are surprised]

Lola: [suspicious] Is this a trick?

Rita: No. We're sorry we've been forcing all these activities on you guys. We got so caught up in worrying about your future that we forgot about your present.

Lori: But what about college?

Lucy: And our résumés?

Lisa: And embracing the arts?

Lynn Sr.: That stuff's important, but there'll be plenty of time for that. You're kids. You should enjoy being kids.

[The kids all cheer and go off to do their own activities. Lily is now holding Geo's hamster ball. Luan is reeling her fake spider down to Leni.]

Lori: Leni, there's a-ah, whatever. Say "hi" to the internet.

Leni: AAAHH! SPIDER! [Lincoln and Laney were sitting on the porch]

Lincoln: Wow, Laney. You're plan worked. How did you know that Mom and Dad would give up the well rounded buisness.

Laney: Simple. Our parents try so hard to make us like the Yates's, so I figured we should act like we were so well rounded we never even heard of taking breaks or having fun. It was a matter of time before they realized their mistake: the future is us to deicide. The only thing we should be worry about, is our present.

Luna: Smart thinkin', Lanes. Maybe you will get into a college with that kind of wit.

Laney: Oh, no. You guys did all of the work. You were all so believable! [Enter Lynn] Especially you, Lynn! That trophy was so convincing and realistic! What kind of metal did you use to make it?

Lynn: Uh, I never made it. [Holds out the trophy] I actually won the math bowl.

Laney: [surprised] Oh... Good for you then.

[The parents are happy to see their kids playing and see the Yates's.]

Bumper Sr.: Hey, Louds. We're off to the postal museum.

Jancey: Learning about the past will help our kids shape the future. What are you guys doing?

Lynn Sr.: Just having fun.

Bumper Sr.: [puzzled] Fun? What's the purpose of that?

Rita: Well, we think that in this competitive world, it's good to let kids unwind a little.

Jancey: Huh. We didn't think of that one

Bumper Sr.: [checks his watch] I guess if we switch from the 12 o'clock tour to the 12:15, we can squeeze in...seven minutes of fun. What do you say, kids?

[The kids all smile and head over to the Loud House. Bumper Jr. is playing with Mr. Coconuts and making Luan laugh, Beau is reading comics with Lincoln and Laney, Belle is jamming with Luna, and Beatrix is playing Soccer with Lynn while all the parents look on contently.]

Lynn Sr.: Hey, while the kids are playing, you wanna watch videos of old people falling out of boats?

Bumper Sr. and Jancey: [ecstatic] DO I?!