56. The Green House

The Green House

[In Mrs. Johnson's classroom]

Mrs. Johnson: Okay, class, we're at the halfway point of our energy reduction project. Let's see how you're doing. [checking the students' status] Great. Very good. Ooh! Very impressive, Clyde!

[Clyde's bar is extremely low.]

Clyde: Thanks, Mrs. Johnson. Our house is solar powered, so we don't burn any fossil fuels.

Mrs. Johnson: Wonderful. You're all doing a great job of reducing your eco-footprint at him. And if you keep this up, we'll definitely win the Save a Polar Bear Challenge and get this adorable little guy named after us! [shows her students a poster of a sad polar bear cub with tagline under the photo.]

HAVE A HEART, DO YOUR PART

Students: [with big cooing eyes] Awwwwww...

[However, Mrs. Johnson notices Laney and Lincoln's bar is extremely high. In fact, it's so high, they have to stand on a ladder and go into the room's ceiling to properly display it.]

Mrs. Johnson: [disappointed] Oh, Lincoln, I see you and your sister haven't made any progress. [points to poster] What does this say? Have a heart, do your part. Do you two not care about polar bears?

Lincoln: [muffled from inside the ceiling tile.] No, I don't! I don't hate polar bears! They're awesome!

Mrs. Johnson: [misinterpreting] What's that? You hate polar bears? You're a polar haters?

Laney: [muffled from inside the ceiling tile] No you don't understand. Polar bears are adorable!

Male Student 1: Did you hear that? Laney thinks polar bears are horrible!

[The kids all start booing at Lincoln and Laney.]

Female Student 1: If you and your sister make us lose, Lincoln, you'll be an outcast!

Girl Jordan: You might as well throw your social life out the window.

[The other students boo Lincoln in disagreement.]

[Walking home]

Laney: I've never been booed my entire life, Lincoln. How are we supposed to save engergy when we have 10 wasteful sisters.

Lincoln: I don't know, Laney. But we got to think of something.

Clyde: [while reading a player's book] I know! We'll just swoop in from the left and ANNIHILATE THEM!

Lincoln: What? Annihilate my sisters?

Clyde: Huh? No. I was talking about our strategy for the Swords and Cyborgs online tournament tomorrow. Preparation is key to victory.

Lincoln: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'll be ready. But right now, I've got bigger things to deal with. You heard our class: if Laney and I don't get our eco-meters in the green, we'll be social outcasts.

Clyde: I'll still hang out with you. In secret, of course. After dark. Speaking of which, the sun's going down. I better get home before the lights go out. [hurries home]

[Lincoln checks his eco-meter which is all the way in the red.]

Lincoln: Maybe there's something wrong with my eco-meter.

Laney: No there isn't. [points to their house, which is a big energy consuming mess]

Lincoln: [turns to the camera] What can I do? In a family this big, our eco-footprint is a size 18 triple wide. We use a lot of electricity...

[Evidenced by Luna rocking with a ton of amps and Lori gushing over Bobby on a ton of webcams.]

Lori: Bobby, you look so good on all of my devices.

[As well as Luan using the oven to bake pies and hit herself with them.]

Lincoln: ...fossil fuels...

[Evidenced by the twins: Lola driving around in her princess car and Lana shoveling a ton of soil into a furnace to warm up her reptiles.]

Lincoln: ...water...

[Evidenced by Leni running a ton of water in the bathroom sink and the bathtub and Lynn using the hose to fill a giant makeshift pool and freezing it with the freezer.]

Lincoln: ...aerosols...

[Evidenced by Lucy spray painting her whole room pitch-black.]

Lincoln: ...non-biodegradables...

[Evidenced by a huge pile of Lily's dirty diapers.]

Lincoln: ...and did I mention electricity?

[Evidenced by Lisa powering up one of her machines.]

Lincoln: We gotta reduce our eco-footprint. Hopefully, I can get my sisters on board.

Laney: I'm sure it won't be that hard. [However, after they tell them, they all complain and refuse; Luan throws a pie at Lincoln to show her refusal.]

Lincoln: You were saying? [shakes the pie off his face] Or not. Time to pull out the big guns. [shows them the poster of the polar cub and explains in a sorrowful tone.] ...and if we don't all do our part, this adorable little guy won't survive.

[The girls all start sobbing with waterfalls of tears.]

Luna: [sorrowful] But what can we do?

Lincoln: [satisfied with their cooperation] I'm glad you asked. [showing Lori all of her webcams.] You don't need all of these devices.

Lori: Yes I do. Bobby and I like to admire each other from multiple angles.

Bobby: Hey, Lincoln! Hola from France! [stands next to the Mona Lisa.]

Lori: [suspicious] Who is that girl? And why is she smiling at you?

Bobby: Babe, that's the Mona Lisa.

Lincoln: [unplugs webcams] Instead of using all of these, why don't you write Bobby a letter?

Lori: [Threateningly] Why don't I rip your little-

Lincoln: [shows her the poster] Polar bear.

Lori: [gushes] Aww...okay. I'll write him a letter. [irked] And maybe I'll write one to that little flirt Mona, too.

[Laney puts out the fire in the furnace.]

Laney: Sorry, Lana. No more furnaces in the house.

Lana: But how will I keep my reptiles warm? They're cold-blooded, you know.

[Laney thinks for a momentm then she gets an idea. She dresses Lana in a parka and stores all her lizards in there. Lana likes this but finds out one of them is in her mouth; Lisa is powering up her machine and laughing evilly until Lincoln shuts it down.]

Lincoln: "Instead of powering your lab with megawatts of electricity, why not use a renewable resource?"

[Lisa is now using Lily's dirty diapers and it works like a charm.]

Lisa: [gasps with a clothes peg on her nose.] "Lincoln, this is genius!"

Lincoln: [changing another diaper] "Fresh energy, comin' at ya! This one's got to be good for at least 75 watts."

[Leni is about to take a shower, but Lincoln is in there and she shrieks.]

Lincoln: Leni, instead of taking multiple showers a day... [holds up a moist towelette] ...how about using this refreshing moist towelette?

Leni: And clog my pores?! No way! [Lincoln shows her the poster.] Awww...okay. [takes towelette and starts wiping] Do you mind? I'm showering! [closes curtain and continues wiping]

[Luan is baking even more pies.]

Lincoln: Luan, instead of wasting all that energy making more pies, why not get some comedy out of your leftover banana peels? [holds up a peel]

Luan: That old gag? I don't think so.

Lincoln: [shrugs and trips on a peel.] Whoa! [thuds]

Luan: Actually, I'm starting to see the a-peel! [laughs at rimshot]

[Lincoln checks his eco-meter and finds that his house is now in the yellow.]

Lincoln: We're getting there.

Throughout their endeavor, Lincoln and Laney have made their house free of enviromental disasters.

[Lincoln takes away Lucy's aerosol and gives her shades to look at everything darker and she smiles in agreement. Laney turns off Luna's amps and gives her recycled bottles that show blows in for sound. Lincoln pulls the plug on the freezer and cancels Lynn's hockey practice and gives her a surfboard to surf in the pool. Laney trades Lola's gasoline out for a sail to drive in the wind and she takes off. Side by side Laney and Lincoln's meters are still yellow]

Lincoln: Almost there. [dumps the rest of his electronic stuff and finds the meter going green.] WE DID IT!

[The girls cheer]

Lincoln: See what we can accomplish when we all do our part? All we have to do is keep the house in the green until the end of the week, and that polar bear will be safe! [To the viewers] And so will my social life.

Luan: Say it proud! We're green and Loud!

Sisters: SAY IT PROUD! WE'RE GREEN AND LOUD! SAY IT PROUD! WE'RE GREEN AND LOUD! [They leave]

Laney: [shakes Lincoln's hand] Thanks to you, Lincoln, I can not worry about being an outcast.

Lincoln: You're welcome, Laney. Couldn't have done it without you. [Laney leaves]

Clyde: [calling Lincoln on radio] Lincoln! Come in, Lincoln!

Lincoln: [answers] Clyde, I'm not supposed to be talking on this right now. We're reducing our eco-footprint.

Clyde: But it's tournament time. Swords & Cyborgs!

Lincoln: Oh, right. Just let me go get my laptop.

Girls: [off in the distance] YES WE CARE! WE'LL SAVE THE BEAR!

Lincoln: What am I saying? I can't use my laptop! We've finally gone green in the house and I can't mess it up.

Clyde: Well, there's always next year.

Lincoln: No, no, no. I'll make it work. [picks up laptop] One laptop won't make that big of a difference. [tucks it in his pants and scurries off to the basement and plugs it in only to notice his meter go yellow.] Whoops. I gotta get us back in the green.

[Meanwhile, Laney walks into the living room where Lynn and Lucy were watching TV]

Laney: Hello my enviromentally friendly sisters. Mind if I join you for some clean energy TV?

Lucy: You may. [Laney sits on the couch between Lynn and Lucy. Just then, Lincoln turns off the TV]

Lynn: Hey! What the-

Laney: Lincoln, what's going on?

Lincoln: [holds out poster] Remember this guy?

Lucy: Yes. We saved him.

Lincoln: Well, he's got siblings, too. Do you hate siblings? Are you sibling haters?

[Lynn and Laney look on with sorrowful guilt.]

Lucy: Well, I'm starting to.

[Lincoln takes the TV away]

Laney: Don't worry, guys. I'm sure it's all for a good cost.

[Leni picks up the remote and presses the power button.]

Leni: Hey, guys! Our neighborhood's on TV!

[Later, Laney was going to the kitchen to get something to eat. When she sees Lincoln disconnecting the fridge and carrying it with a lift]

Laney: Uh, Lincoln? What are you doing with the fridge?

Lincoln: Uh... Saving more energy? This refridgerator uses up more cooling then the AC.

Laney: Still, is it really that necessary to take the entire fri- [Lincoln shows her the polar bear poster and she gushes. While she's distracted, Lincoln takes the refridgerator downstairs. Laney snaps out of it] Hm. Something seems odd about this. [Leni walks by and goes up to get a refreshing drink, unaware that the fridge is gone, so she's only sipping air.]

Leni: [Sees Laney giving her a confused look] Oh, sorry Lanes. Wanna sip? [offers her the imaginary drink]

While Laney was pondering about what motives Lincoln has planned with all this energy being saved. The boy himself had other plans...

[Lincoln crashes onto the floor and the fridge lands at the base of the stairs.]

Gamer 1: Sweet! Snacks! Let's put it by the air conditioner we found outside!

[They do so and Lincoln looks worried.]

Gamer 2: But if it's not cool, Lincoln, I mean, just say the word.

Lincoln: No, no. Adjustment. [runs around and turns off all the lights in his room and his sisters', tightens up the plumbing, struggles to unhook the washing machine and dryer and just dumps everyone's clothes in the trash.] Can't run the washer if there's nothing to wash. [eventually gets rid of a bunch of other things that could cause his house to go out of the green but still has it in the yellow.] What else is there? [notices his meter and tosses it out and the meter is back in the green]

And with that, Laney was awoken to an awful odor. It wasn't before long before the others found out about Lincoln's gaming plan.

[A foul smell was emitting around Lynn and Lucy's room, waking Laney up]

Laney: Ugh! What is that smell. [She climbs out of her bunk, only to see that neither Lynn or Lucy were in bed. She followed the scent and found her sisters wearing nothing but potato sacks for tops and their feet wrapped around in bandages] Guys? What's going on?

Lori: I can ask you the same question, Laney.

Lynn: Yeah, I bet this has something to do with you and Lincoln's project.

Laney: No. No. You got it all wrong. I have nothing to do with this. [hears Lincoln's video game]

Lola: Then what was that?

Laney: I don't know. But it's coming from the basement. Come on. [The sibling follow Laney to the basement]

[Cut to Lincoln, Clyde, and the co-op players playing their video game with all the house's appliances]

Lincoln: We're in the green! Let's do this! [But just as they're about to play, a foul odor hits the basement.]

Gamer 1: Pee-yew! What stinks?

[Suddenly, the TV goes off and it's revealed that the girls have unplugged it and are standing in nothing but potato sacks for tops and bandages for shoes and stink.]

Lori: GAME OVER, LINCOLN!

Lincoln: [panicking] It's not what it looks like!

Lori: We're up there making all these sacrifices, and you're down here playing some stupid computer game?!

Lincoln: Okay, so maybe it is what it looks like.

Laney: [upset] Lincoln how could you! The whole point of this project is that we can prove to everyone that this family was energy efficient! NOT TO PROGRAM YOUR STUPID GAME!

Lynn: If you don't wanna give anything up, why should we?

Lincoln: But...but... [shows poster] ...polar bear?

[Before the girls begin to feel remorse again, they snap out of it when Laney took the poster and angrily tore it up]

Laney: You're fooling us with that excuse again!

Lori: Yeah! Come on, girls. Let's go get our stuff back.

Leni: [holding up her glass of air] And a refill!

[They do just that]

Gamer 2: Well, I guess you're going back into the red.

Gamer 1: Which means you're gonna lose the polar bear challenge for our class.

Gamer 2: Which means we can't be seen with you.

Gamer 1: Which means your social life is out the window.

[The gamers leave]

Lincoln: Guys, wait! Come back! I can make adjustments!

[Too late. They're out the door. Lincoln sees Laney still standing there angry and disappointed]

Lincoln: Laney! You gotta help me fix this.

Laney: [still upset] Forget it, Lincoln! Thanks to you, everyone's gonna hate me now. And you lied about trying to make the house even better. Guess you're not only a polar bear hater, you're a sibling hater too. [storms off]

Lincoln: I blew it.

Clyde: Don't worry, Lincoln. I'll still hang out with you. In secret, of course.

Lincoln: It's not about that, Clyde. I don't care if the class hates me. What I should have cared about all along was... [shows poster] ...this guy.

Clyde: [gushes over the cub almost as much as he gushes over Lori.] Aww...

Lincoln: Exactly! Our class has done their part. My sisters have done theirs. Now it's time for me to do mine.

[Clyde gives him a salute.]

[The girls have gone back to doing their normal things with their normal power sources. Luna is back to rocking on a ton of amps, Luan is back to baking pies and hitting herself with them, Leni is back to carelessly running water, Lisa is back to using electricity for her machines, and Lori is back to talking to Bobby on many webcams. And yet...the meter is still in the green.]

Lori: [giggles] Oh, Bobby. You got me a present? I can't wait to see it.

[It turns out Lincoln is now using a generator to power up the house as the fuel source, pedaling as fast as he can to satisfy his sisters and do his part for the planet.]

Lori: [from upstairs] LINCOLN! PEDAL FASTER! I'M DOWNLOADING A PIC FROM BOBBY!

[Lincoln obliges]

[Mrs. Johnson's class]

Mrs. Johnson: Amazing work, class. We won the polar bear challenge. And I took the liberty of naming him...Mrs. Johnson...

Students: [complaining at such an unfair naming choice.] MRS. JOHNSON?!

Mrs. Johnson: Let's all give Lincoln and his sister Laney a round of applause for stepping up there green game and doing their part.

[The entire class applauds for Laney]

Laney: Thank you, Mrs. Johnson. But most of the credit should go to my Lincoln. He really fixed the biggest problem facing our household.

[The class applauds for Lincoln]

Lincoln: Well, I saved the polar bear, and I'm not an outcast. Though, technically speaking...my social life is out the window. [reveals to be standing outside the school wreaking severely from powering the generator, starts rubbing with a scented towelette and sees his class staring at him.] Do you mind? I'm showering! [closes blinds and resumes rubbing.]

Laney: Not only he saved energy. He saved me a lot of trouble. [winks at the viewers]