55. Along Came a Sister
Along Came A Sister
[The story begins in Mrs. Johnson's class, and there's a spider in a tank that the students are eyeing.]
Lincoln: Hey, Frank.
Classmate: Frank! Over here, buddy!
Clyde: He's so cool!
Mrs. Johnson: Now, before we pack up, I need a volunteer to look after Frank this weekend while I'm out of town.
[The kids all volunteer to look after him, especially Lincoln.]
Lincoln: Come on, please, Mrs. Johnson! Me! Me!
Mrs. Johnson: Lincoln.
Lincoln: Yes!
Clyde: Way to go, Lincoln!
[All the other kids moan in disappointment.]
Mrs. Johnson: Now, Lincoln, this is a major responsibility. Frank needs to be fed twice and under no circumstances should he be let out of his cage. Unlike me this weekend. [chuckles]
[The kids all awkwardly glance at each other over what their teacher meant on that last part and the bell rings.]
Lincoln: Well, see ya Monday, Mrs. Johnson. [grabs Frank's cage and heads home.]
Lincoln: Check it out, Laney! I get to watch over Frank this weekend. Cool, huh? [Laney was uncomfortable as she looks at Frank]
Laney: Yeah that's great, Lincoln... Now do you mind if you put that tank away from me?
Lincoln: What's wrong? Don't like spiders?
Laney: It's not that I don't like them. It's just that they creep me out...
Lincoln: Well, don't worry Laney. I'll be sure to keep it away from you.
[Later, Laney, Lincoln, and Clyde were walking home]
Lincoln: This is gonna be the best weekend ever!
Clyde: I'm not sure your sister Leni will think so. Remember last Halloween?
[Flashback to last Halloween; the doorbell rings.]
Leni: [dressed as a flamingo] I got it! [answers the door to see Clyde in a spider costume.]
Clyde: Trick or tre-
Leni: AAAHH! SPIDER! [sprays bug spray everywhere and runs out the door while trampling Clyde.]
Clyde: I'm all right...
[End flashback]
Clyde: She hid in her room for three weeks.
[Lincoln stops and turns to the viewers.]
Lincoln: If I had to worry about my sisters every time I wanted to do something, I'd never do anything. [to Clyde and Laney] Besides, I have a plan. Stealth mode. [waves his hand in front of his face and changes his expression and sneaks into the house, Laney follows him inside]
Clyde: Now I'm worried.
Later, Laney was in her room trying not to think about the spider. But then she saw Lincoln looking for something outside. She hoped it's not what she's thinks that missing thing is.
Laney: Lincoln? What's going on? [Lincoln was surprised to see her]
Lincoln: Oh! Hey, Laney. I was uh... just... [looks at the magnifying glass he was holding] Playing detective...for a play?
Laney: I didin't know the school had a play about detectives.
Lincoln: Well, there is. And don't want to break character for it so I must go back to reharsing... [walks off]
Laney: Something tells me Lincoln is hiding something. [sees Lincoln run to his room] I better go find out. [finds Lynn standing still]
Lynn: [through clenched teeth] Little help? [Laney carries Lynn to Lincoln's room]
Lincoln: [frantic] Crud, crud, crud!
[The others open the door.]
Lori: Alright, Lincoln! You don't wear contacts! What is going on?
Luna: You've been acting even weirder than usual, bro.
Lola: Yeah. There's no way you think Lana is cute.
[Lana picks her nose in agreement and they demand answers.]
Lincoln: Okay, I'll tell you! Well, Frank was looking sluggish, so I took him out of his cage to get a little exercise, and then I turned to get the crickets, and he was gone.
[The girls ramble about Lincoln's idiocy and worry about Leni finding out about Frank;
Laney: Lincoln! Do you know what will happen if Leni finds out about this?
[Leni appears.]
Leni: Find out about what? Oh right! My surprise party! Don't worry. I won't tell me!
[The second she turns around, Frank is shown to be on her back and the others scream in horror and follow them to the kitchen.]
Leni: See? I know nothing. Just making a smoothie. [opens the fridge to get her ingredients.]
[When her back is turned, it's revealed that Frank is gone again; they mutter about the issue at hand and fear what could happen next.]
Leni: Oh, I need milk. [opens the fridge where Frank happens to be on the milk bottle.]
Lisa: Wait! [slams fridge shut] You're lactose intolerant!
Leni: No, I'm not. I'm tolerant of everyone, whether they lack toes or not. [opens the fridge again]
Siblings: NOOOO! [notice Frank's not in that spot anymore.] Huh? [sigh with relief]
Lily: Eee, pider!
[Frank is scurrying across the floor and Luna traps him under a pot; Leni turns around to see what's going on and Luna and Lily pretend to have a jam session by banging pots and pans and utensils together; Leni digs the beat; as she's too distracted by the tune, they look under the pot to see Frank escaped again.]
Leni: So, who wants to try my new recipe? It's curds and... [takes a sip while Lincoln notices Frank on the ceiling light.] ...way, way too much spinach! [her siblings gasp] Ugh! I know! What was I thinking?
[Frank plops right onto her glass.]
Leni: [thinking it's fake] Ha! Nice try, Luan, but I'm not falling for another one of your fake spiders. Though, this one looks pretty real.
[Frank blinks, leading Leni to realize...]
Leni: AAAHH! SPIDER! [busts out the bug spray.]
Siblings: NOOOO!
[Too late; Leni unleashes a massive spray cloud to ensure she got Frank.]
Leni: [running off in fury] WORST SURPRISE PARTY EVER!
[The cloud clears up and Lincoln spots what appears to be Frank's corpse.]
Lincoln: [lamenting] Frank! No-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Lucy: I just wanna say I'm sorry for your loss...and that I'd be honored to serve as funeral director. [holds out a brochure for a business she owns called "Lucy's Lament"] I keep an assortment of caskets on hand. Were you thinking shoebox, or for a little more money, mahogany?
[Lincoln has settled for the shoe box deal, and everyone who does not fear spiders is there to attend Frank's funeral. Clyde arrives with a casserole dish.]
Clyde: Hey, Lincoln. I brought you this casserole. My nana says that there's no greater comfort in times of grief.
Lincoln: Thanks. [sighs] This might as well be my funeral, too. Our whole class is gonna hate me for letting this happen to Frank.
[Everyone, kids and pets, gathers around to pay their respects to Frank.]
Lucy: We are gathered here to mourn the untimely passing of Frank the Tarantula, a pet beloved by all.
Lola: [spiteful] Except Leni!
Lana: The murderer!
Lori: Yeah! This is all Leni's fault!
[The others agree except Lincoln.]
Lincoln: Guys, this isn't Leni's fault. It's mine.
[Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Leni is washing her hands to wash away any and all tracings of Frank.]
Laney: [places her hand on his shoulder] I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I just wish I could've done something. Despite my dislike of spiders.
Leni: Ew! Ew! Ew! [overhears Lincoln]
Lincoln: No, Laney, it's all my fault. I knew Leni was afraid of spiders, but I brought Frank home, anyway. It was a bad idea. I guess I deserve to have my whole class hate me.
[Cliff prematurely coughs up a hairball.]
Lola: Ew! Gross, Cliff! Show some respect!
Lana: [notices something odd] Weird! This hairball looks like Frank! [picks it up]
Lola: Ew! Gross, Lana! Show some respect!
[Lincoln then looks at the hairball and the corpse.]
Lincoln: Because this isn't Frank! It's a hairball, too! Which means...Frank could still be alive!
?: AAAHH! SPIDER!
Lincoln: And it sounds like Leni just found him!
Clyde: Uh, that wasn't Leni. I know that scream.
[Another flashback to last Halloween; Clyde had come to after Leni had mistaken him for a spider and attacked him.]
Clyde: [coughs a little] Oh, hi, Mr. Loud. Trick or tre-
Lynn Sr.: AAAHH! SPIDER! [tramples Clyde and runs after Leni.]
Clyde: I'm all right.
[End flashback]
Luna: [grinning] Dad's afraid of spiders?
[A pest control van pulls up out front.]
Lori: [concerned] And it looks like he's got the exterminator on speed dial!
Kids: Frank!
[The kids watch as the exterminator gets out of his van and notices two caterpillars.]
Exterminator: Oh, hello, cute little caterpillar family. [shots them with bug killer and laughs wickedly.]
Lincoln: It's okay, sir. There's been a misunderstanding. You don't need to kill the spider.
Exterminator: Huh. What are you, a spider hugger? Nobody stops me from getting my spider... [heads into the house to find and kill Frank.]
Lincoln: I gotta go save Frank!
Lynn: [still in her freeze tag pose and through clenched teeth.] We can help!
Clyde: I can help, too!
[They all request Lincoln to let them help him.]
Lincoln: Okay. You guys distract the exterminator while I look for Frank.
[The others head in to do their job, but Lynn is hopping about; Lincoln runs up to her and tags her.]
Lincoln: Unfreeze.
[Lynn now hustles]
[The exterminator begins to look for the spider]
Laney: Help! Mr. Exterminator! [Exterminator runs to the living room]
Exterminator: Where's the spider? [points to the couch and the Exterminator looks under it. He reaches in with his arm and his hand gets snapped by a mousetrap] OW!
Laney: So that's where the mousetraps went. [Exterminator growls]
Luna: [fake screaming] There's a big scary spider in the last room on the right! I hope someone can exterminate this ugly spider!
[The exterminator sprays what looks like a spider and laughs triumphantly, but it turns out to have been one of Luan's fake spiders, making the exterminator flinch.]
Luan: [tauntingly, wearing her Groucho glasses and holding a fishing pole with a fake spider in it.] What's the matter? Afraid of a little rubber spider? [laughs]
Exterminator: I ain't afraid of nothin'.
Lucy: [right behind the exterminator] Excuse me. [the exterminator screams at the sight of her and Luan smiles.] The scary spider went in there. [points to the bathroom]
Exterminator: [checking under the bathroom door.] Hmm... [sniffs]
Lori: [bursts open the door] What are you doing, you weirdo?!
Exterminator: [embarrassed] Oh, well, uh...I-I-I-I-I-I-I didn't...
[Clyde appears in his spider costume from last Halloween.]
Clyde: Roar! I'm a spider. Come and get me! [the exterminator nonchalantly shoves him aside.] I'm all right.
[The twins ensnare the exterminator into a jumprope tangle and high five each other and Lily shoves her pacifier in his mouth; he spits it out in disgust.]
Lisa: Kids. They can be so juvenile. Mouthwash? [shoves the container in his mouth, and when he sloshes it, it's revealed to be a little spicy.] My special ghost pepper formula. The tingle means it's working. [Enter Lincoln]
Lincoln: Frank's not downstairs. So, he must be... [spots him]
Exterminator: [coldly] Upstairs...
[Lincoln tries to save Frank, but the exterminator tangles him with the jump rope and beats him to Frank.]
Exterminator: Ha! I've got you now!
[Frank trembles in fear of his untimely demise.]
Lincoln: [begging] WAIT! STOP! NOOOOOO!
[The exterminator blasts bug killer everywhere, thus dooming Frank; the kids all gasp at his untimely demise, just as the cloud dissipates, someone in a hazmat suit appears.]
Lincoln: Huh?
Exterminator: WHA?!
[The person in the hazmat suit takes off their helmet and reveals to be Leni and it shows she just save Frank.]
Lincoln: [overjoyed] FRANK!
[The other kids cheer.]
Exterminator: [threateningly] Why you...
Leni: [strong-willed] Hold it right there, mister! If you exterminate this spider, you'll exterminate... [pointing to Lincoln] ...this boy's future! Everyone will think he's a spider killer and no one will ever trust him again! Do you really want that on your conscience?
Exterminator: [remorseful] Wow...I never thought of it that way. Lady, you just changed my life.
Lincoln & Leni: Really?
Exterminator: [disdainfully] Of course not, you spider huggers! Exterminator out! Here's my bill. [plants the bill on Clyde's face and leaves.]
Lincoln: Leni! That was amazing! But why?
Leni: I heard what you said at the funeral. And besides, maybe spiders aren't so bad after all. I mean, this one's kinda cute. [second thoughts] No, it's not! Take it! Take it! [gives Frank back and runs off.] Ew ew ew ew ew! It blinked at me!
Laney: Well, one things for sure. My opinion of spiders changed... a little... [looks at the spider and gets a uncomfortable look] Not much.
Lincoln: Let's get you back in your cage, Frank.
Lisa: I always thought Frank was a strange name for a female spider.
Lincoln: Frank's a girl?
Lisa: Mm-hmm. I can tell from the markings. Plus, female spiders always get sluggish before they give birth.
Clyde: Frank's gonna be a mommy?
Sisters: Aw...
[Monday; Frank has now been renamed Frances and all the sisters who are not Leni bid farewell to her.]
Lincoln: I'll miss you, Frank, but I'm glad things are gonna be back to normal around here.
Laney: There's just one thing that's been bugging me all weekend, Lincoln.
Lincoln: What's that?
Laney: If Frank was pregnant, where did she lay all of those eggs?
[In her room, Leni is brushing her hair.]
Leni: 20...21...22...23...
[However, it seems Frances laid her egg sac in the vents; the babies hatch and scurry into Leni's room.]
Leni: AAAAAAAHHHHH! SPIDERS!
Laney: Nevermind...
[Lincoln and Laney have looks on there faces that just read "Uh-oh"]
Now to get this out of the way. For those of you who are complaining about Laney's switch to Lincoln's school, allow me to explain.
First off, I didn't say that North Hazeltucky was the best school, nor did I say it was suited for a gifted artist such as herself. The reason for this transfer was because the principal of North Hazeltucky was looking over Laney's talents and wanted to talk schools that were more suited for her skills. Laney was thrilled and wanted to go to a fancier school. But the best they could offer was Royal Woods Elementary. Though Laney was not pleased she wasn't going to a more gifted school. She was excited to hear she will be closer to Lincoln and her other young siblings. That, and I had this idea for quite a while and knew this is what I needed to spice the story up, as previously stated in the update.
Thank you for listening. For further questions please feel free to PM me. Bye now!