54. Making the Grade

Making The Grade

[The elementary school. The bell rings, and Lincoln enters Mrs. Johnson's class.]

Lincoln: Lincoln Loud in the house! [passes by his classmates as they give him a high-five each.]

Rusty: Oh yeah!

Zach: L-Train pulling into the station!

Liam: Howdy, Loudy!

Clyde: Saved your seat, buddy.

Lincoln: [sits down and sighs; to the viewers] Fifth grade. After half a decade with these guys, I really feel like I'm part of the gang. Yep. Life is pretty good.

Mrs. Johnson: Attention, class. I'd like to introduce our new students: Lincoln's little sisters, Lisa and Laney Loud.

[Lincoln gasps]

Mrs. Johnson: Laney, you can have a seat by Lisa. Lisa, why don't you sit next to your brother? Clyde, you don't mind moving, do you?

Clyde: [heartbroken] Of course not. [blubbers and calls Dr. Lopez.] Hello, Dr. Lopez? Do you have any openings this week? I'm having trouble accepting change again.

[Clyde leaves his desk which Lisa now occupies.]

Lincoln: [upset] Laney, I can understand that you go to this school now. But Lisa? What's going on?

Lisa: I asked to be transferred here because kindergarten is a complete waste of my time.

[Flashback to Lisa's last kindergarten class.]

Ms. Shrinivas: [showing her students a book about monkeys.] There are two boy monkeys and three girl monkeys. How many are there total? Let's count together.

Ms. Shrinivas and students: One monkey, two monkeys-

Lisa: [interrupting off-screen] Five!

[It's shown that she's working on some chemicals at the play table.]

Ms. Shrinivas and students: [resume] Three monkeys, four monkeys-

Lisa: [interrupting again] For the love of Pythagoras, it's five!

Ms. Shrinivas: Lisa, you seem a little cranky. How about we all take a nap?

Students: YAY!

Lisa: No time for that. I'm this close to synthesizing an antidote for streptococcal pharyngitis; street name: Strep Throat.

Ms. Shrinivas: [drags Lisa with a pillow.] You can play more later, sweetie.

[End flashback]

Lincoln: Okay, kindergarten's not challenging you, but why do you have to come to my class?

Lisa: I wanted to go straight to med school, but that dunderhead in the principal's office said fifth grade was the best he could offer.

Lincoln: Well, what about you Laney? Why are you here?

Laney: Well, since I became part of North Hazeltucky school tranfer program, I've wished I could be more close to my younger siblings. That and this and Art, are the only classes suited for me.

Lincoln: Fine. Just try not to rock the boat, okay?

Laney: I promise. But, I'm not so sure about her though. [Points to Lisa]

Mrs. Johnson: [writing on the board] Okay, class, you should have read up to chapter 12 of your world history books. Lisa, Laney, since you're new, I don't expect you to have-

[Lisa reads the book instantaneously.]

Lisa: Done. Interesting read, if a bit light on indigenous cultures.

Laney: Um... I've gone through the table of contents?

Mrs. Johnson: Wow! If a former kindergartener can read the whole book this quickly, I expect all of you to do the same. By tomorrow.

[The rest of the class groans.]

Lisa: If you want us to retain the information, I suggest a pop quiz.

Mrs. Johnson: Agreed!

[The class groans again and Lincoln facepalms.]

[Later]

Mrs. Johnson: Okay, class, time to present your robotics projects.

[The students get out their projects.]

Mrs. Johnson: Lisa, Laney, it's okay if you two wanna sit this out.

Laney: Okay, Mrs. Johnson.

Lisa: Give me a moment. [runs off and comes back with a robot she constructed.] Say hello to Todd. He's fluent in over 600 languages.

Todd: HOLA. BONJOUR. GUTEN TAG. GOODBYE. [blasts the other projects with laser vision.]

Lisa: Oh, and he destroys anything inferior to him.

[The students groan again.]

While the other students in Lincoln's classroom were not finding Lincoln's genius sister easy to be around. Laney was trying her very best not to be any trouble. Later, during lunch in the cafeteria, Laney was surprised to see her brother Lincoln sitting in an unsanitary and dirty table.

[Laney walks up to Lincoln sitting in the sticky table]

Laney: Goodness, Lincoln! What are you doing having lunch on this unsanitary table?

Lincoln: It's the sticky table Laney, my friends sent me here.

Laney: What kind of friends are they to put you in this disgusting table? [Laney picks Lincoln up and cleans his seat with a disenfected wipe]

Lincoln: The kind of friends who dislike the fact that my sister is ruining everything in class.

Laney: [gasps] You're not talking about me, are you?

Lincoln: Oh! No no, not you Laney. I'm talking about Lisa. [Points to Lisa eating her lunch at another table]

Laney: She can't help it if she's smart. It's what she is.

Lincoln: Yeah? Well everyone thinks it'll be better if she wasn't smart.

Laney: Look, if it makes you feel any better, how about we go talk to her after school.

Lincoln: [sighs] Okay. [bell rings and Lincoln tries to leave the table but his hands got stuck] Uh, little help?

[The Loud House: Lisa and Lily's room. Lincoln knocks on the door frame.]

Lisa: Lincoln, Laney, enter. I'm just drafting a proposal to eliminate recess.

Lincoln: That's exactly what I need to talk to you about. You're acting way too smart in class. It's annoying everyone, and they're taking it out on me. Could you please just try and act like an average kid?

Lisa: That's like asking a sea cucumber to act like a cephalopod. [Lincoln has a blank stare to that response with crickets chirping.]

Laney: She means it's impossible.

Lisa: Looks like someone did her science homework.

Lincoln: Lisa, please. Thanks to you, I've been banished to the sticky table. Look at these pants! [shows a milk carton stuck to his butt.]

Laney: [as she removes the milk carton from Lincoln's butt] What my brother is trying to say is that you should try to be more normal. You know, just to fit in at class.

Lisa: I sympathize with your plight, dear siblings, and I suppose that acting average could be a fascinating sociological challenge. Okay, I'll do it.

Lincoln: Thank you. You're the best. [hugs her]

Lisa: [notices something] Grab my saw; I'm stuck to your pants.

[The next day in Mrs. Johnson's class]

Lincoln: Hey, Laney. Where's Lisa?

Laney: Uh. She's coming, but she's trying out a different look today.

Lincoln: How different? [Lisa enters the classroom with her hair done with a hairpin holding it up and she's not wearing her glasses.]

Lisa: Greetings, classmates! It's me, Lisa.

Lincoln: [hardly recognizing her] Whoa. You look so...average.

Lisa: Thank you. I created an algorithm based on the traits of typical fifth graders and reinvented myself accordingly.

Lincoln: Don't you need your glasses?

Lisa: Pshaw. I took care of that.

LAST NIGHT

[Lisa takes off her glasses and blasts herself with an ocular vision surgery laser; end flashback.]

Lisa: Physical appearance was the easy part. Acting average is a far greater challenge, so I invented this baby to keep me honest. [puts some kind of collar around her neck.]

Mrs. Johnson: Okay, class, who can recite the Gettysburg Address?

Lisa: [raises her hand] Four score and- [gets squirted by water from her collar and yelps.] I mean, 85 Elm Street! Get it?

[The kids except Lincoln all laugh and high-five Lisa.]

Mrs. Johnson: Who knows the most common gas in the Earth's atmosphere?

Lisa: [raises hand] Nitrogen! [gets squirted again] Gah! I mean, methane! [toots loudly] Get it?

[Laney plugs her nose as the other kids laugh and high five Lisa again]

Mrs. Johnson: Time for a pop quiz, everyone.

[The kids groan. Lisa pulls out her remote and summons Todd who enters.]

Todd: POP QUIZZES STINK. [blasts the pop quiz sheets into ashes.]

Lisa: I reprogrammed Todd to be average, too.

[The kids all cheer for her.]

[Later in the cafeteria, Laney was walking to a table to eat her lunch]

Laney: Gee, everyone sure is shown a liking to Lisa's new look. Not sure I like that she's forcing to not show her genius self. [sits down] But at least Lincoln's happy, and nothing bad is coming out of it...

Lisa: [offscreen] FOOD FIGHT!

[Soon, everyone in the cafeteria was throwing their lunches at each other. Laney got hit with some of it, leaving her a complete mess]

Laney: [sighs] I spoke too soon...

That night in the Loud House, Laney was washing off the flung food from her hair when she heard the sound of Lisa throwing all of her genius stuff away.

Laney: [comes out of the bathroom to see Lisa throwing her stuff away] What's going on?

Lisa: Meh, just getting rid of all this stupid old science stuff.

Lincoln: You don't have to go that far.

Lisa: Oh, I do. Lincoln, you and Laney have opened my surgically-corrected eyes. Being part of the gang is way more fun than being smart. Say hello to the new Lisa Loud! Street name: L-Dawg! [shows her room now covered in Boyz Will Be Boyz posters.] Have you heard of Boyz Will Be Boyz? They're not quite Stravinsky, but- [gets squirted again] Gah! I mean, they're so cute!

Laney: [Looks at Lincoln concerned] Oh dear. This could only end in disaster from here.

[Enter Luna]

Luna: Dude, you gotta help me cram for my test tomorrow.

Lisa: Sorry, I'm out of the tutoring game.

Luna: Bogus! Since when?

Lisa: Since Lincoln and Laney showed me the joys of being average.

[Luna growls at Lincoln and Laney who smile nervously]

[The next night at dinner, everyone is eating at the dining room table, but Lisa's older sisters suddenly gag and spit out their meal and complain that it wasn't cooked right.]

Lynn Sr.: It's not my fault! The recipe is in metric, and Lisa usually helps me with the conversions.

Lisa: Thanks to Lincoln and Laney, I'm out of the conversion game, except for converting beans to methane. [toots hard enough to make the table bounce.]

[The rest of the sisters growl at Lincoln who gulps nervously and leaves the table.]

[The next day, the kids are riding in Vanzilla when they hear a radio contest.]

Jay Rock: "I've got free passes to the Royal Woods Day Spa for the first caller who can name all three classifications of rocks!"

Lola: Eee! [calls the radio station and gives the phone to Lisa.] LISA, TELL HIM THE ANSWER!

Lisa: Hard rock, soft rock, and indie.

Jay Rock: Uh...no. You lose, baby!

[Lori and Lola look at Lisa dissatisfied.]

Lisa: What? Thanks to Lincoln and Laney, I'm out of the geology game.

[Lincoln an Laney are kicked out of the van with an annoyed look on Lincoln's face. Laney looks on in disdain]

[Back home, the phone rings and Rita answers it.]

Rita: Oh, hi, Dad.[Albert chatters] You've been waiting at the train station for an hour? Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry! Just stay put. I'll be right there. [hangs up]

Leni: Aw, poor Pop-Pop. What happened?

Rita: Well, usually, when Pop-Pop's on a train headed east going 80 miles an hour and he has 230 miles to his destination, Lisa can tell me exactly when he'll arrive.

Lisa: What can I say? I'm out of the algebra game. Right, Lincoln?

[Lincoln gulps nervously while hiding his face with his comic.]

Laney: Well, at least she didn't mention me this time.

Lisa: [offscreen] And I also have to thank Laney for inspiring me for my transformation. [Leni, Lucy, and Luan glared at Laney and she dashed off]

[The next day at school, Lincoln, Laney, and Lisa who is now wearing a leather jacket are waking down the hall when Ms. Shrinivas shows up.]

Ms. Shrinivas: Oh, Lisa! Thank goodness you're here! We need the antidote you were working on.

Lisa: Sorry, Ms. S, I'm out of the disease control game. My big brother here showed me how lame and annoying it is to be an egghead. [walks off] And I am outta here!

Ms. Shrinivas: [angrily to Lincoln] Way to go, buster. Now all my kids have strep throat.

Lincoln: I'm sorry, but I didn't have a choice. If she kept acting like a brain, I was gonna be out of the gang.

Ms. Shrinivas: [sarcastically] Well, as long as it's for a good reason. [slams door]

Lincoln: I was gonna have to sit at the sticky table!

Laney: [smacks her forehead] Oh! That's it! I don't know how much more of this I can take! Lincoln! We have to fix this!

[The other fifth-graders are cheering for cool Lisa while her brother rushes toward her.]

Lincoln: Lisa, you have to go back to being smart!

Lisa: What? And give up all this?

Fifth Graders: [chanting] LISA! LISA! LISA!

Lisa: Not likely.

[Zach's trying to use the water fountain, but it won't turn on. Lisa nudges it and water comes out like normal now.]

Zach: Thanks, L-Dawg!

Lisa: [Fonz impression] Ay!

Lincoln: Lisa, listen to me. Any half-wit can be part of the gang. No offense, Zach. [Zach stares blankly at that last part.] But no one else I know can heal sick people and save dad's cooking and figure out what time Pop-Pop's train is arriving. What I'm trying to say is, the world needs smart Lisa.

Lisa: Flattering words, big brother, but I already bought this leather jacket.

Laney: Please, Lisa. We're sorry we ever suggested you should become average. We should've known we can't change a person. Just like me when I thought no one likes me because they think I'm so perfect. You shouldn't be so much of an average joe! You have to go back to being smart! You have to make that antidote!

Lisa: What about the gang and being part of it?

Lincoln: I'd rather be the one to suffer than a classroom full of kids with strep throat. Man, I can't have that on my conscience.

Lisa: Okay. But if I go back to being smart Lisa, you're getting the whole package, i.e., unabashed superiority and zero tolerance for ignoramuses. It'll probably be back to the sticky table for you.

Lincoln: That's a chance I'm willing to take.

Lisa: You're a good man, Lincoln Loud. As Socrates once quipped- [gets squirted again] YAK! Ah, to heck with this thing! [takes the collar off and tosses it aside.]

Laney: [offscreen] I didn't know Socrates said that.

[Lisa, now back to her old look, is busy working on the antidote.]

[Lisa arrives at kindergarten with the completed antidote and notices all the kids crying, moaning, and whining over their suffering from strep throat.]

Lisa: Line up, no pushing, there's plenty for everyone.

[The cafeteria lunch line]

Lincoln: So, how'd it go this morning?

Lisa: We lost one. [Lincoln and Laney are shocked] I'm kidding! It went fine. All cured.

Lincoln: Good job. Lunch for three at the sticky table?

Laney: No worries, I got more wipes. [Brings out a box of sanitary wipes]

[Lisa nods in acceptance and they head for the sticky table.]

Zach: L-Train and L-Dawg! Park it!

Lincoln: Really?

Lisa: I must give you fair warning, I have reverted to my previous incarnation.

[The gang doesn't get it.]

Lincoln: Smart Lisa's back.

Liam: Smart Lisa's fine by me. My little sissy's in that there kindergarten class.

Rusty: Yeah, and that virus could've spread to all of us. I can't get strep. I've got a date on Friday.

[Lisa and Lincoln sit down with the gang.]

Zach: We're sorry we treated you badly before.

Liam: Our class sure is lucky to have someone with smarts like yours.

Laney: Hm. Guess you don't have to be dumb to fit in.

Rusty: Hey, Laney was it? Wanna sit down with us? There's room for one more.

Laney: Thanks, but no thanks. I'm fine sitting with my own crowd. Besides, I cleaned the sticky table. [Points at the sticky table which is is now as cleaned as a regular table. She leaves]

Lisa: Thanks for your support, guys, but you don't have to worry. I'm going back to kindergarten.

[Clyde suddenly appears]

Clyde: So I can have my seat back? [calls Dr. Lopez] Hello? Dr. Lopez? I don't need that appointment after all.

Lincoln: What about wanting a challenge?

Lisa: Meh. Kindergarten, fifth grade, it's all a snooze fest to me. I'm gonna pursue my own studies either way, and kindergarten does have one major advantage.

[Ms. Shrinivas's kindergarten class]

Ms. Shrinivas: Okay, boys and girls, nap time. Now, Lisa, I know you're not gonna want a nap, but-

Lisa: [in pajamas and a nightcap and holding a pillow.] Are you kidding? After the day I've had, I am bushed. Oh, and by the way, Ms. S, if you attempt to wake me up before my required 45 minutes of REM sleep, you'll have to answer to Todd.

[Todd comes into the room.]

Todd: NAMASTE, MS. SHRINIVAS.

[Ms. Shrinivas has a nervous look on her face.]