29. Chore and Peace

Chore and Peace

[Lincoln is dumping all the trash around the house into a trash bag]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] It's Chore Day at the Loud House, and taking out the trash is my job. And in a family as big as mine, chores can be pretty intense. But we get through 'em because we all do our fair share.

[Leni enters the bathroom, plucks a hair out of the sink, and places it on Lincoln's garbage pile]

Leni: Chores all done! [slams the door making the trash splatter all over Lincoln]

Lincoln: Well, except maybe for Leni. [starts cleaning out the expired and moldy stuff in the fridge and notices Luan and Lynn washing the dishes together] Wait. Two of you do one chore?

Lucy: [closes the fridge door behind Lincoln's back] Three of us.

[Lincoln screams in fear of Lucy and observes Luan who is washing a dish and passes it to Lucy]

Lucy: Sigh. [dries it off with her breath]

Lynn: [catches the plate tossed to her by Luan] Lynn Loud makes a snag! [puts it away] Touchdown!

Lincoln: That doesn't seem very fair.

[Enter Luna with the vacuum]

Luna: Open sesame, bro. [dumps all the dust she vacuumed up into the bag]

Lana: [carrying in the pooper scooper] "Little present from Charles!" [dumps it in] "Special delivery from Cliff!" [dumps it in] "And airmail from Walt!" [catches Walt's incoming dung and tosses it into the trash bag and notices Geo rolling away]

Lincoln: What about Geo?

[The toilet flushes]

Lana: Oh, I taught him to use the toilet.

Lincoln: This isn't a chore for you; it's a hobby.

[Water splashes]

Lana: Uh-oh! Geo fell in again! [busts out a net and runs to his rescue] Hang on, baby! Mama's comin'!

[The basement; Lori and Laney are doing everyone's laundry and Lily is spinning on the top of the dryer; Lori adds the detergent and leaves the machine to do its thing and starts texting on her phone; Lincoln gathers the trash down there and is struggling to get the bag up the stairs since it's gotten so bulky from all the other trash]

Lincoln: Can I get a little help here?

Lori: Can't you see I'm doing the laundry? [laughs] LOL, Bobby!

Laney: [sighs] I'm doing the laundry.

Lincoln: [unable to hold the bag] WHOA! [gets crushed; finally gets the bag out to the curb only to find that the weight from it has torn a hole in it and the trash has been scattered everywhere] Dang it.

[Luna is vacuuming some more and Lincoln unplugs the device]

Luna: Dude, what gives?

Lincoln: Alright, everyone! Listen up! It has come to my attention that I've gotten a raw deal in this house!

Leni: You mean your white hair? It's nice. It makes you look like Pop-Pop.

Lincoln: I'm not talking about our grandfather! I'm talking about my chore! It's way harder than all of yours, and it's not fair!

Laney: Your chore is harder? Do you know how many times I have to cover for HER [points at Lori] when she's doing laundry?

Lori: Be that as it may. Our chores are just as hard as yours, if not harder.

Lincoln: Oh, really? Look at Lisa! What does she even do?

Lisa: [on the line] Uh, hold on, Janice. [puts Janice on hold] I do the bills, Lincoln. [goes back on her call] Now, listen, I want that charge removed, Janice. I don't think anyone in this house bought a car in Saskatchewan.

Lincoln: Well, if you all think your chores are so hard, I'm sure one of you won't mind trading with me.

Lori: No way, Lincoln. There's a very delicate balance in this house, and if we all start trading chores, it will literally open up a can of worms.

Lana: What's so bad about that? Worms rule!

Lincoln: [deterred] Okay then...

[Lincoln starts holding up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a trash can, indicating he's on strike from his chore]

Lincoln: [chanting] One, two, three, four! I won't do your stupid chore!

Lori: What the heck are you doing?

Lincoln: I'm on strike until someone agrees to trade chores with me. [chanting] Five, six, seven, eight! Garbage Day will have to wait!

Lana: What am I supposed to do with all this poop? [holds up several sacks]

Lincoln: [chanting more] Nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Take that poop out by yourself!

Lori: Ugh! Will you stop talking in chants?

Lincoln: [refusing to stop] Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen! [stops] Uh... [tries to think of a rhyme for sixteen as his parents watch]

Laney: See what I'm dealing with here?

Lynn Sr.: Think we should intervene, honey?

Rita: No, not yet. I wanna see what he rhymes with sixteen. Also, maybe we should let the kids handle this themselves. They might learn something.

Lynn Sr.: Good idea. Laney, In case things go wrong, I'm leaving you to watch over your siblings. Okay?

Laney: Yes, dad. [exits]

Lynn Sr.: [busts out a jigsaw puzzle] In the meantime, it's time for ol' Jigsaw Loud to get back in the puzzle game!

Rita: [chuckles] Didn't we agree to never use that name again?

[Lola is practicing her posture with books on her head]

Lola: And that's why I deserve to be the next Cute N' Mean's Beauty Queen. [slips on a banana peel]

Lincoln: [chanting] What do I want? Someone else's chore! When do I want it? Now! What do I want? Someone else's chore! When do I want it? [gets pegged by peel] Ow!

[Laney was walking to the kitchen until she tripped on some garbage bags]

Laney: Oh! Lincoln! Can you get rid of all this trash?

Lincoln: [offscreen] One, two, three, four! I'll pick up your trash no more! [Laney sighs in frustration]

[Chunk is helping Luna with her amps as she rocks on]

Luna: So, what'a ya think, Chunk?

Chunk: It stinks.

Luna: Way harsh, dude.

Chunk: Not the song, your room. Chunk's gotta blow. [leaves]

Lincoln: [chanting] Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with trash! Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with- [Luna gets annoyed and tosses her drumsticks at him and he shields himself with his sign] Ha! Missed me!

[Luna tosses the rest of her drum kit at him and gets him this time; Leni is getting ready to take a shower but finds the tub filled with garbage]

Leni: Ew!

Lincoln [faking sympathy] Aw...got a problem?

Leni: Oh, not with you, Pop-Pop.

[Lincoln puts on a hairnet to hide his white hair until further notice]

[The girls are all having a meeting to discuss Lincoln's behavior]

Lola: Princesses cannot live in this filth!

Lana: It's disgusting, and I know disgusting.

Laney: Tell me about it! Look at what stuck to my hair! [A fishbone is stuck to Laney's hair]

Lucy: Ew.

Lori: This can't go on. We have to do something.

[Lincoln overhears this and believes one of them is finally going to agree to trade chores with him]

Lincoln: [chanting] Hey, hey. Ho, ho. Tomorrow I get a brand new Cho...re. Good thing they're giving in. 'Cause I'm all out of rhymes.

[The next morning, Lincoln wakes up and finds out that he has no clean laundry]

Lincoln: Lori, where's all my clean laundry?

Lori: Hm...laundry, laundry...oh! I didn't do it.

Lincoln: And why not?

[Lori holds up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a washing machine, meaning only one thing]

Lincoln: Ha! You're going on strike?

[The other girls hold up signs as well]

Lana: We're all going on strike until you agree to end yours!

Laney: [offscreen] Wait! [runs downstairs and sees the signs] I didn't agree on this!

Lori: Well, this is the only way he will stop his stupid strike. By striking back. That means no laundry, no clean dishes, no vacuuming...

Lisa: ...and no doing the bills. [on her call] Janice, cut the power and the water. We're going off the grid.

Laney: But without all of us doing our parts this house will become a mess! You don't want that do you?

Other Sisters: YES!

Lincoln: Well, good luck! 'Cause I'm not backing down!

Sisters (Minus Laney): NEITHER ARE WE!

Lori: [chanting] One, two, three, four! I won't wash your clothes no more!

Luna: CHORES! HUH! WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR?!

Sisters (Minus Laney): ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! SAY IT AGAIN!

Lynn Sr.: Now should we intervene?

Rita: Oh, no. Let's give the kids a little more time to resolve this on their own. If it gets out of hand, Laney will let us know.

Lynn Sr.: Sweet! Who's up for round two? Jiggy Loud's about to do a pizzy up in this bizzy!

Rita: Uh-uh.

THE NEXT DAY

[Charles licks Lincoln awake and he gets up to find that all his clothes stink, so he applies a garbage bag to wear, where he comes across Lynn kicking something around]

Lincoln: Ew. What is that?

Lynn: Bunch of hair from the sink drain. Makes a great footbag.

Lincoln: [goes to check on Lori] Hey, Lori, now that Lisa stopped back the bills, it must be pretty hard having no cell service.

Lori: Who needs cell service? I found a new way to text Bobby. [holds up Walt in her hands and gives him a message as her text] Fly away, my faithful messenger!

[Walt takes off and smacks into the window, to which Lincoln laughs]

Lori: What? Phones crash all the time. [opens the window and lets Walt fly]

[Lisa and Lily's room]

Lincoln: Pretty messy in here. Must be pretty hard to get any work done.

Lisa: On the contrary. The garbage and my chemicals have fused, creating a scientific breakthrough. I call him Homo Trashilius. Or Trashy for short.

[A living breathing creature made out of trash roars at Lincoln, scaring him off]

Lynn Sr.: Okay, now should we intervene?

Rita: I still think the kids can solve this themselves. Besides the house has...looked worse. [notices Lily crawling around in trash with a chip bag on her head] Aw, come here, sweetie. [picks her up]

Lynn Sr.: Round three with Jiggy P?

[Rita turns it down]

That night, Laney was exhausted walking around the trash-filled house. She went to her room to find it a smelly mess.

Lynn: [kicks around a ball of hair while Laney walks to her bunk] Hey, Lanes. Want in on a game of Hairy Sack?

Laney: Don't talk to me. My feet are killing me after stomping through that sticky pool of maple syrup in the kitchen... [climbs to her bed to find it filled with piles of filth, which horrified her. She tried to pick off a few litter, such as some small brown droplets]

Lynn: Careful, those aren't exactly chocolate truffles! [Laney realized waht they are and gagged]

Laney: [lies down on her bed] Okay, Laney... Just go to sleep, and all of this will cleared up tomorrow. [sleeps]

THE NEXT DAY

[Laney woke up only to discover that her bed was filled to the brim with garbage. Terrified, she escaped and finds her room a bigger mess. She exited and found the hallway an even bigger and smelly mess]

Laney: [terrifed] Ohhh... [she crept through the dark and stinky hallway then she found Lola wearing a toilet paper dress and a banana peel on her head]

Lola: How do I look? [Laney screams and runs] Everybody's a critic...

[Downstairs]

[Lola comes down in her ensemble now covered in trash]

Lola: [singing] Here she is! The next Cute N' Mean! [poses and farts]

Reporter: Ew! More like Miss Gross N' Gnarly! Interview over!

[The crew leaves]

Lola: NO! [growls at Lincoln] You...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! [starts chasing Lincoln]

[Lori is watching and laugh at Lincoln's torture; Laney runs in with a pair of gloves on and a mop]

Laney: Please Lori! Before it's too late! Call off this strike and help me clean up!

Lori: Why should I? Been doing wonders for me. [ just then, Clyde enters, happy to see Lori]

Clyde: Lori!

[Lori shrieks in horror to see that Walt sent her text to Clyde instead of Bobby]

Clyde: Walt brought me your text. Usually, I bleed profusely from my nose, turn into a robot, and eventually faint when I'm around you, but this has given me the confidence to say...I LOVE YOU, TOO!

Lori: WHAT?!

Clyde: Don't worry. I already broke the news to Bobby. He took it pretty hard, but a really nice cheerleader is consoling him. [puckers his lips hoping for a kiss]

Lincoln: Phew! Finally lost Lola.

Lori: [enraged] YOU! [chases Lincoln who runs away in panic and is unable to lose her]

Laney: Don't leave me here! [Runs after them, as they approach Lincoln's room, out came Lisa's trash monster that grabs the three]

Lisa: TRASHY! BAD! [realizes she's still on her call] No, no, not you, Janice.

Lincoln: Lisa! What have you been feeding him?

Lisa: His name is Trashy. What do you think, genius?

[Trashy roars voraciously and Lily starts crying off in the distance]

Trashy: Baby?

Lori: Great, Lincoln. You made Lily cry.

[The kids and Trashy check Lily's crib]

Lincoln: There, there. It's okay, Lily. [pulls out the covers only to find that the raccoon is in Lily's crib instead of Lily]

Lana: [catches it] "I'm more than just poop patrol."

[Lana tosses the raccoon at the window which is closed; the raccoon gets frustrated and opens it up and leaves]

Lincoln: Guys, if the raccoon was in the crib...then where's Lily?

[The girls and Trashy gasp and everyone starts searching for her]

Kids: LILY!

Lincoln: She's in here somewhere!

Lucy: We'll never find her in this mess.

Laney: I know how we can find her! And If you're all willing to stop acting like slobs you'll join me!

Lincoln: She's right! We have to clean up! [holds up sign] I declare this strike officially over! [breaks it and gets a splinter] Ow! Who's with me?

Sisters: WE ARE! [break their signs]

Lisa: [calls Janice] Janice, how soon can we get back on the grid? 24 hours? What if I throw in a muffin basket?

[Soon the power was back on and the kids began searching Lily in their junkyard of a house]

Lincoln: Come on! You gotta be around here somewhere!

[They hear Lily making noises and it sounds like it's coming from the kitchen]

Lincoln: Hang on, Lily! Your big brother's coming! [searches around as fast he can]

Lucy: [interrupts him] There's a better way.

Luan: Wash and learn! [laughs and starts doing the dishes at breakneck speed]

Lucy: Sigh. [dries it with her breath]

[Lynn is still trapped in her hairy footbag and Luna vacuums it up and sets her free; Lynn catches all incoming plates and Lincoln checks the basement]

Lincoln: Hang on, Lily! I'm coming! [dives into a laundry pile stacked up high but starts to drown] So...much...underwear!

Lori: [saves him] Yeah, and that's just Dad's. Now get outta my way, little bro. We've got a system. [Laney started folding the laundry and Lori starts washing them, as she folds all the clean underwear Clyde pops in from the hamper]

Clyde: Hey, sugar lips. Should our couple name be "Clori" or "Llyde"?

Lori: Bobby and I are back together.

[This breaking news causes Clyde to lose his confidence and do what he usually does when he sees Lori]

Clyde: [gets a nosebleed; starts acting like a robot] ABORT. ABORT. [faints]

Laney: [comes in with one last load] Clyde be a dear and pass me the fabric softener. [Clyde hands Laney the fabric softener] Merci.

[Everyone is doing their best to clean house and find Lily, but to no avail on the latter]

Lana: Poop patrol is done, but no Lily!

Lola: Beds are made, no Lily!

Trashy: [checks under the sofa] No baby!

Lola: "Maybe she's under all this trash!

Lincoln: Step aside! [gets out a trash bag] Taking out the trash...is my job.

[Lincoln eyes Trashy who gulps and takes all the trash out]

Lori: Well, we've all done our chores, and there's still no Lily.

Lincoln: [guilty] This is all my fault! For the rest of my life... [familiar giggling] ...I'll be haunted by the sound of her adorable giggling!

Rita: Lincoln, what are you crying about?

Lincoln: Mom, I confess! We lost- [surprised]... Lily? Have you guys had her this whole time?

Rita: [holding Lily in her arms] Of course. You didn't think we'd leave her in that mess, did you?

Laney: Oh thank goodness! [runs up to hug her parents]

Lynn Sr.: You know, we're proud of you guys for working this out. Now, who wants to a puzzle with J to the Iggy?

Kids: Who?

[Later on, Lincoln, while wearing his normal clothes again walks outside with his sign]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] When it comes to chores, nobody in the Loud House has it easy. The truth is, we all do our fair share. [feeds his strike sign to Trashy]

Mr. Grouse: Hey, Loud! Don't bother! There's no trash pickup this week! The garbage workers are striking for more money!

Lincoln: Wait! They get paid to take out the trash?!

[The kids are now back on strike demanding an allowance for their chores]

Kids: [chanting] ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! GIVE US CASH OR NO MORE CHORES!

Rita: Any ideas, J Pizzy?

Lynn Sr.: Now this is a puzzle. [giddy] Can you call me that again?

Rita: J Pizzy.

Lynn Sr.: YES!