27. Linc or Swim

Before I begin, It has come to my attention to some of you that I may have missed a few episodes. Well, the reason was I was feeling uninspired to write them. But now that I do feel inspired, I present to you the episodes that were cut out from my story. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: The Loud House is owned by Chris Savino and Nickelodeon

Linc or Swim

On hot summer days, there's nothing like day at the pool to cool you off. But when you live in big family, it's hard to stay cool. Little Laney walked out of the girls' changing room in a blue bathing suit, stretching as she makes her way into the pool. Until...

[The sound of a whistle halts him to a stop. The camera goes up, showing a concerned face on Laney]

Lifeguard: Loud family, out!

[The Loud kids are seen leaving the pool]

Lynn: But we were just having fun.

Lifeguard: Chicken fights during Senior Swim are not "fun".

Mrs. Jelinski: [shaking her fist in anger] I just replaced this hip!

[The other seniors look back at the kids with concerned or angry expressions]

And it wasn't the first time today, Laney's plans of swimming were foiled by her sisters' mischief. This went on from pool...

Lifeguard: Loud family, out!

[The Loud kids are seen leaving, while the lifeguard shoves Lincoln out. Lana can be seen holding a spoon]

Lana: But we were just having fun.

Lifeguard: Drinking pool water is not fun.

Lana: But it tastes like chicken noodle soup.

Lifeguard: Fine, but did you have to add the celery and carrots?

[The camera zooms out to reveal that Lana has littered the pool with slices of celery and carrots. The lifeguard scoops some of these slices out with his pool skimmer]

To pool...

Lifeguard: Loud family, out!

[The Loud kids are seen leaving once again]

Lori: But we were just having fun.

Lily: Poo-poo.

Lifeguard: Fecal incidents are not fun.

[Camera cuts to the now emptied pool, where people in hazmat suits scrub the walls of the pool to get rid off Lily's excrement while pedestrians look on. Camera shows another glance of the sun, then it shows the twelve siblings walking home.]

Lori: Come on, guys. We'll just find another pool.

Lisa: Actually, we've been suspended from every aquatic recreation center within a 60-mile radius.

[The gang stops and groans in agony]

Lori: Seriously? How are we gonna keep cool now?

[The girls start grumbling in frustration]

Laney: Well maybe if you guys behaved better, we wouldn't have this problem!

Lola: Don't look at me! Lana's the one who turned the pool into a soup kitchen!

Lana: Well they should stop making chlorine so delicious!

Lincoln: So that's it, then. No more pool for the Louds. [gets an idea] That's it! 'Pool for the Louds!' Why didn't I think of that sooner? [Heads off while his sisters keep grumbling]

[Over at Good Sport Sporting Goods, Lincoln is looking for a new swimming pool and picks up the DELUX SWIMMING POOL which is Muscle Fish approved and has a warning label that says it has dangerous levels of fun and is a drowning hazard]

Lincoln: Whoa. The perfect family pool. Just imagine...

[Lincoln has a fantasy about getting ready to dive into his new pool]

Lincoln: On a hot summer day, there's nothing like a refreshing dip in your own pool. [charges toward it] CANNONBALL! [suddenly comes to a screeching halt]

Lola: Ah ah ah! Don't you dare splash me, Lincoln Loud! This outfit cannot get wet.

[It is revealed that his sisters have taken up the pool even in his own fantasy]

Lincoln: But it's a swimsuit.

Lola: [scoffs] It's a swim gown, you Philistine.

Lana: [adding the celery and carrots and singing] "Mama's little baby loves shortenin', shortenin" [scoops some water up and takes a sip]

Lynn: Who whats to chicken fight?

[Luna lets out a war cry]

Leni: [with a chicken on her back] I'm in!

[The chicken tries to get away while Leni holds on tight]

Lana: Mmm...just what my soup needs...

Lincoln: I can't even get into the pool in my own fantasy!

Lori: FECAL INCIDENT!

[All the girls except Lily run away for obvious reasons]

Lincoln: NOOOOOOOOO!

[End fantasy]

Lincoln: Maybe not so perfect. [puts it back and finds an individual one] Oh! Paradise for One. Just imagine... [imagines himself in the pool on a small island in the middle of the ocean] Now this is a pool I can really get into. [singing and heading for the exit] Lincoln's little baby loves shortenin', short- [triggers the alarm] Whoops. Gotta pay first. [heads to check out counter]

[The Loud House; the girls are in the kitchen trying to cool off with the contents from the freezer; Lincoln sees them and tries to hide his pool kit from them]

Leni: Hey, Linc. Wanna chill with us?

Luan: 'Chill'! Good one, Leni! [laughs]

Leni: Good what?

Lincoln: Thanks, but I don't mind the heat. But, uh, you guys keep cool in here. Definitely no reason to go outside. I wouldn't even bother looking out there. Am I talking too much? I feel like I'm talking too much.

Laney: Are you alright?

Lincoln: I'm fine! Don't follow me! [leaves]

Lisa: He's clearing suffering the first symptoms of heat stroke. Now, pass the frozen succotash.

[Lynn tosses the succotash to her]

Lana: Scoot over. You're melting the broccoli.

Lola: Well, stop breathing on the frozen carrots!

Luan: Hey, Lynn, can you grab that bag of peas? Peas and thank you! [laughs while her sisters groan. Laney, wondering what Lincoln's planning, follows him outside]

Lincoln: [breathing heavily] Phew. [dumps out pool kit and instructions] The manual? Psst. Who needs the manual? [tries setting up pool only to make it look like a camping tent] What the? [tries again and makes it look like a sailboat; tries again and it looks like a unicorn; wrestles with it and gets bucked into the trash can; pulls out the manual] Ah, the manual. Everyone needs the manual. [unfolds it. The first thing he tries is using a bike pump to inflate it, but it breaks] Whoops. [sees the nozzle] I guess it's just you and me now. [breathes into it deeply a few times but gets too lightheaded to keep trying; passes out for a bit, when he wakes he sees Laney beside him]

Laney: Lincoln?

Lincoln: DAH! Um, Laney! [looks around] Are the others with you?

Laney: No. What are you doing? And what with the sunburn?

Lincoln: What sunburn? [touches the burn] Ow! That one... [sighs] Okay, I wanna make a pool for myself so my sisters can't ruin it. But you can't tell them!

Laney: Lincoln, you think you're the only one who has their plans to cool off ruined by others. If anything, I want to help.

Lincoln: Really?

Laney: Yeah! It will be a pool for two Louds!

Lincoln: Great! Now, where do you keep the bellows? [tries pumping up the pool with a pair of bellows and inflates it perfectly and closes the nozzle and notices a bee] Oh, no, you don't... [shoos it away, gets chased by it, and gets stung]

Laney: I got it! [grabs a spatula as the bee stood on Lincoln's face, Laney smacks him while the bee flies away] Did I get it? [the bee stings and pops the pool]

Lincoln: Dang it. [The pool gets a patch where the sting occurred and is fully inflated and Lincoln is hosing water into it and notices the shadow from the tree is casting over it; he moves the pool to the sun while the water comes out and now the pool is empty; he then touches his two painful spots]

Lincoln: Ouch! My sunburn and my bee sting!

[Later, he finally gets it set up]

Lincoln: And now, to suit up and cool down. [charges off into trash can] Ouch! My sunburn and my bee sting and my twisted ankle!

Laney: I'll get you an ice pack. Hopefully the others aren't using them. [runs to the kitchen]

Later, Laney and Lincoln, in their swimsuits were dashing to dive into their pool when...

Lincoln: [charges] CANNONBALL! [comes to a screeching halt] Aah! [discovers that Lori and Leni have found out about the pool and are now lounging in it]

Laney: Seriously?! How did you two get here!?

Lori: Lincoln, this is literally genius. Who's gonna kick us out of our own pool? Right? [raises a toast with Leni]

Leni: Are you getting in? There's totes room for one more.

Lincoln: Um, actually... [shows them the package] ...there's only room for one. See? Says so on the box. Paradise for-

Lynn: [pounces on Lincoln] CHICKEN FIGHT! I call Lincoln!

[Lincoln tries to get up, but is struggling to carry Lynn on his shoulders]

Lynn: Come on, partner! You gotta plant those feet!

Lincoln: Whoa! [collapses] Oof!

Laney: [sighs] Well, at least we're not getting kicked out of our own pool.

[The girls are having a pool party right in their backyard while Lily is running around in the nude]

Lincoln: [chasing her with her diaper] Lily! No skinny dipping! [gets splashed by Lynn and sees Lisa adding some kind of chemical] Lisa! No! What do you think you're doing?

Lisa: Testing sanitation levels. I've concocted a special serum that will detect and eliminate urine.

Laney: You mean... tinkle?

Lisa: Indeed.

Lincoln: I'm sure no one here would...

[Lisa adds the serum anyway and it reveals that all of her older sisters had tinkled in the pool, proved by their rosy cheeks, except Lisa, Lincoln, and Laney]

Lisa: Hmm...unprecedented levels.

[Lincoln washes the pool and refills it and the party continues; Luan and Leni are playing Marco Polo]

Luan: Marco!

Leni: Marco!

Luan: No, Leni. I'm Marco. You're Polo.

Leni: Then who's Leni?

[Luan was dumbfounded. Laney is seen sunbathing on a lounge chair]

Luan: Come on, Laney! The water's fine!

Laney: No thanks, I don't like crowded pools.

Leni: But I thought you wanted to play in the pool.

Laney: Maybe you didn't understand me when I said... [Luan grabs Laney into the pool] WOAH! [Luan laughs, Laney growls] You think this is funny?! Bring it on! [Lynn jumps on Laney's shoulder]

Lynn: Chicken fight! [Leni jumps on Luan's shoulder and they began the chicken fight]

[Lily is about to go skinny dipping again]

Lincoln: Oh, no no no no no! [grabs her and puts her in her diaper] No fecal incidents in my pool! I'm watching you, Lily. [sees Lucy floating and gasps in horror] Lucy? I didn't know you liked to swim.

Lucy: I'm not swimming. I'm trying to see if I'm a witch. Am I floating?

Lincoln: Yes.

Lucy: Wicked.

[Lily has escaped her diaper yet again]

Lincoln: [gives chase] Get back here!

[Its shows Lynn with a pool noodle with Lana standing on the edge, as Lola lounges]

Lynn: You know what your soup needs? Noodles! [bonks Lana with a pool noodle]

Lana: [grabs one] Bring it!

Lola: STOP SPLASHING ME!

Lincoln: Guys, no horseplay!

Luan: What about elephant play? [blasts Lincoln with a jet of water while sounding like an elephant, which makes Laney, Lana, Lynn, and Lola laugh at Lincoln]

Lincoln: [flies right into Bobby] Huh? Bobby? What are you doing here?

Bobby: Lori said there was an opening for a lifeguard at Casa Loud. [blows whistle] Everyone out! Senior swim!

Lincoln: What? There aren't any old people here!

Lori: Um, hello! High school senior? [points to self and gets in] Shoo shoo. Oh, this really is paradise for one.

[Lincoln gets enraged, grabs Bobby's whistle, and blows into it]

Lincoln: THAT...IS...IT!

[Everyone gives Lincoln their attention and Lynn bonks Lana with her noodle]

Lincoln: In case you guys haven't noticed, this is my pool! I bought it and spent all day setting it up, and I haven't even gotten in it yet! I'm too busy keeping all of you from ruining it!

Lynn: But we were just having fun!

Lincoln: Loud family, out!

Laney: But, Lincoln. We were just having fun.

Lincoon: Fun?! I thought we agreed that we were gonna have the pool to ourselves! We were both tired of our sisters butting in our summer fun!

Laney: Well, yes. But over the past few hours I have spent with them, I've learned that they just want to have fun just like us.

Lincoln: I should've known you'd take their side. Well, forget it! This pool is mine and nobody elses! Now GET OUT [blows whistle, Laney bowed her head in sadness as she and the rest of her sisters leave] Maybe I was a bit too hard on her... Oh well, time to...CANNONBALL! [charges and comes to yet another screeching halt] What? [reads] Warning. No cannonballs. May cause tears. How did I not notice this before? Eh, I'll just rip this off. [notices another label] No removing the warning label? Sheesh! What can I do? [gets in] That's all right. This is still gonna be paradise for one. [starts to get a little bored and tries doing some of the things his sisters did like kicking back, lounging, playing Marco Polo...] Marco! Marco! [...and playing with the noodles, but nothing interests him, and he pulls out a carrot slice from Lana's soup recipe] Ugh! [tosses it aside; remembers all the fun his sisters had and misses them; hears some splashing] What's going on? [goes to check it out]

Lincoln goes into the front yard to find all of his sisters having a blast on a swimming pool more delux than Lincoln's.

Luan: Okay, this time, instead of Marco Polo, why don't we just use our real names?

Leni: Okay. So, I'm... [sees her brother] Lincoln?

Luan: Boy, you really don't get this game at all, do you? [then notices what Leni meant] Oh, hey, Linc!

Lincoln: Hey, guys...what's all this?

Lori: Well, little bro, you had such a good idea in buying your pool, we decided to-

Luan: -pool our money to get this one! [laughs and gets more exasperated groans from everyone and gets bonked by Lynn's noodle] That's using your noodle! [laughs some more] Ow.

Leni: Aren't you gonna get in? There's totes room for one more.

Lincoln: You're gonna let me use your pool, even though I kicked you out of mine?

Lola: Well, he was kind of a meanie.

Lucy: Not to mention selfish.

Lori: And bossy.

Bobby: And he stole my whistle!

Luan: But that doesn't mean he can't use our pool.

Lincoln: Really?

Lynn: Well, duh. It's more fun with all of us.

Leni: Yeah! All ten of us!

Lucy: Leni, there are eleven of us.

Leni: Oh, that's right. I forgot Marco.

Lincoln: Wait a minute! What about Laney?

Lisa: Out of all of us you scolded. Laney was most devistated. [pointed to Laney lounging on a chair, Lincoln walks toward her]

Lincoln: Laney, I'm sorry I got mad. I guess you're right about our sisters just wanting to summer fun just like us. Can you ever forgive me? [Laney stood silent] Please, Lanes! All this time I've been trying to have a paradise for one. But It's not really a paridise without you, [to the rest of his sisters] without all of you.

Siblings (minus Laney): Awww. [All eyes were on Laney, she stood up and turned to Lincoln smiling at him]

Laney: Cannonball?

Lincoln: CANNONBALL! [the two jumps into the pool and cannonball straight in. What they don't know is that there's a warning label prohibiting cannonballs on the INSIDE of the pool; this unfortunate oversight destroys the pool and ruins their party]

Laney: [reads label] Warning! No Cannonballs! Should've seen that coming.

Luna: Whoa, dude...looks like pool's out for summer.

Lori: How we are gonna keep cool now?

Lisa: I'll go get the frozen succotash.

Lincoln: No worries, guys. I got just the thing.

[Everyone is cramped inside Paradise for One, making it paradise for a dozen]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] So, it turns out that a pool, and basically everything awesome in life, is more fun whoever gets to be a part of it.

[Bobby blows his whistle]

Bobby: Fecal incident!

Kids: LOUD FAMILY, OUT!

[All except Lily get out of the pool, making it pretty obvious that Lily was the cause of the fecal incident]

Lily: [giggles in her own paradise for one]