19. It's A Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud House

It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud, House

[Lincoln is looking around and sneaking about in the living room and leaps onto the sofa]

Lincoln: Money. In the Loud House, there just isn't a lot of it to go around. [searches between the cushions and gets wads of chewed gum on his fingers] Ew! [shakes it off and pulls out a pair of dirty underwear and tosses it] Grody! Which is why, if you happen to find some, even the smallest amount...you gotta keep it to yourself. [finds a quarter] Jackpot! [kisses it]

[Just then, his sisters happen to come across him and his coin]

Lola: We heard money! A dime! No, a quarter!

Lincoln: That's impossible. Money doesn't make a sound.

Luan: Haven't you ever heard the expression Money talks [laughs at rimshot]

Luna: And that quarter is saying, Hand me over, bro!

Lana: It's mine!

Laney: Can't we just share it?

Lucy: We can't share a quarter, Laney.

Laney: Of course we can, we can split it... Um.

Lincoln: No! None of you are getting it! I found it in the couch fair and square!

Lynn: Wait a second! If there was one quarter down there, then maybe there's more!

[The girls, excluding Laney, all then pounce on Lincoln and fight over the quarter and the possibility of more under the sofa while Cliff runs off from the fight. Enter their parents]

Rita: What are they fighting over this time? A nickel under the ottoman?

Laney: Nope. A quarter down the sofa.

Lynn Sr.: *sighs* Why can't they all be more like you, Laney?

Rita: We better stop them before they start biting.

[Lola bites Lincoln]

Lincoln: Ow! Lola!

Lynn Sr.: Too late. [whistles and gets them to stop] ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY GET UPSTAIRS AND CLEAN THE ATTIC! That's punishment for fighting over money!

[The kids all groan and acquiesce]

Luan: That punishment makes no cents. [laughs to rimshot]

Lynn Sr.: Upstairs! [to Rita] But that was a good one.

[By the Attic]

Lynn Sr.: AND I WANT THAT WHOLE ATTIC SPARKLING! EVEN THE BACK CORNER! *Laney tugs her father's shirt*

Laney: Mind if i help them clean?

Lynn Sr.: Well, you didn't do anything wrong but I don't see why not.

Rita: But watch over your sisters, okay.

Laney: I will, mom. *She grabs a feather duster and walks up to the attic*

[Cut to in the attic, Laney enters]

Lola: Well, If it isn't little miss goody goody.

Laney: I just thought you guys could use some assistance.

Lori: That's the thing, you always insist on helping even though you're not the one causing trouble!

Laney: Do you ever think that if you just learn to share, you all wouldn't be up here?

Lori: This is money were talking about, Laney. You can't expect to just split it. If you had money, you wouldn't share a dime!

Laney: That's not true! If I was rich, I'd share with all of you! Because I'm not greedy, unlike some people! *Lori growls*

Lincoln: Hey, guys! Check it out! I found this letter from the original owner! She says she's hidden money in the house!

Lori: [disbelieving] Yeah, right, Lincoln. Quit stalling. You're not getting out of cleaning the attic.

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lisa: YEAH!

Lincoln: Fine! I'll just do it by myself , and when I do, it'll be all mine. [steps on and gets hit by the loose floorboard again]

[When Lincoln comes to, he sees that his sisters are gone]

Lincoln: Where'd everybody go?

[in the hall]

Laney: I'll prove I can be generous! I'll find that money and share it with everybody!

Laney marched down through the hallway and sees Lynn searching the laundry chute.

Lynn: *notices Laney* Laney! What do you want?!

Laney: Don't worry Lynn! I'm here to help!

Lynn: How do I know you're not gonna keep that money yourself?

Laney: Because, If do find that money, I'll split it with you! I promise.

Lynn: I don't know...

Lincoln: Lynn, Laney! What are you doing?

Laney: We were just-[Lynn covers Laney's mouth, causing her to drop Lucy down the chute and scream and land with a thud]

Lynn: Putting laundry down the chute.

Lincoln: [suspicious] Laundry doesn't scream and go thud.

Lynn: [threateningly] No, but nosy brothers do.

Lincoln: [backing away scared] Okay. Okay.

Lynn: [opens the chute] SORRY, LUCE!

Lucy: That's okay! I found a new secret dark place!

Laney knew that she had to find the treasure herself. She decided to look outside in the front yard, then she heard something in the crawlspace.

Lori: Gross! What is this?

Leni: Get off my pumps!

Lori: I'm gonna pump your face if you don't move faster!

Leni: Let's just get this over with.

Lori: Ugh! Why didn't Mrs. DeMonet just tell us where the money is?

Laney snuck into the crawlspace entrance and tried to make herself quiet while her two older sisters continued to look around.

Leni: I don't know. Let's ask her. [shines the flashlight on a skeleton]

[They scream in horror]

Lori: [calmly] Wait. That's just a leftover Halloween decoration.

[Enter Lincoln]

Lincoln: Hey! What are you three doing?

Leni: Three? [the two turn aroud to see Laney behind them]

Lori: Uh...we're just dusting! [dusts with Leni's arm]

Leni: Wait. I thought we were looking for the money.

Lincoln: I KNEW IT!

[Everyone has grouped together in the living room]

Lincoln: Okay, you're all looking for the money, aren't you?

Leni: Obviously!

Lynn: Uh, duh!

Luna: Heck, yes, we are!

Luan: Where'd you find your first clue, Sherlock?

Lincoln: I expect this kind of behavior from all you guys. But you too Laney?

Laney: I was only finding that treasure for a non-greedy reason.

Lincoln: You guys didn't even believe the money existed! I'm the one who should get it!

Laney: What!

Lori: Forget that! I'm finding it for myself!

Leni: Not if I find it first!

Luna: Yeah, dream on!

Lana: It's mine!

Laney: Can't we just split the money?

All: NO!

[They all start fighting again and pull Lincoln into the fray. Laney escapes, then the parents appeared]

Rita: Are you alright dear?

Lynn Sr.: [to the kids] Obviously, you haven't learned your lesson. Back to the attic!

As the resume cleaning the attic, Laney was in her room, pondering about what her sisters said.

Laney: [thought] I know I'm not like all my other sisters. I don't fight, I don't argue, and unlike my sisters, I can learn to share. *sighs* I'm not asking for any of my siblings to be like me. I'm asking for them to be smart about- (Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of her sisters trashing the hallways trying to find the money. She went outside to see the mayhem happening before her)

Lincoln: Guys, the letter! Remember what Sharon DeMonet said!

Lola: Forget Sharon DeMonet! It's every man for himself!

[Lincoln gives up and decides to join the battle. Lana is waving a dollar in front of Charles]

Lana: Smell the money, boy! [Charles sniffs it] Now go find more! [Charles eats her dollar] Hey! Spit it out, Charles! So help me, I will get that dollar back even if I have to wait for it to come out the other end! [chases after the dog. Laney looks back at her room to see Lucy performing a seance]

Lucy: I summon you from the great beyond...Mrs. Sharon DeMonet! Tell me where your fortune is. Speak to me, oh, spirit. [losing patience] Come on, lady! Just tell me where the dough is!

Lincoln: What did Sharon say?

Lynn: [with a Tennis ball dispenser] SHARON SAID TO GET OUT OF OUR ROOM! [fires Tennis balls at Lincoln]

Laney: This is insane!

Lynn: C'mon Lanes! If you really wanna help, then help us find that money!

Lucy: We'll split it with you.

Laney: Really? ACK! What am I saying? [runs off]

[Luna and Luan are checking every square inch of their room.]

Luan: Hey, look! [pulls out a half-eaten sandwich from her wastebasket] I found the bread! [laughs] And the cheddar, and the lettuce, and the clams. Ew! No wonder someone threw this out

Lincoln: Hey, what-

[Luna busts out one of her amps]

Luna: STAY OUT! THIS IS OUR TURF! [blasts Lincoln with a killer wail]

Laney: Luna, stop!

Luna: Sorry, sis! Every man for himself! [blasts Laney]

Lana: [still chasing Charles into her room] HEY! GET BACK HERE! THAT'S MY DOLLAR!

As Laney watched her sisters and brother turn the house upside down to find the money. She struggles to resolve this chaotic conflict. They messed up the kitchen, the living room, and Lily's room. After that, she saw all of them exiting the room.

Lori: We've literally searched the whole house, and nothing!

Leni: Hello! My floral pump is not nothing.

Luna: Maybe we missed something in the letter!

[The girls all glare at Lincoln who knows where this is going. They all start fighting over the letter and tear it apart]

Lola: Look what you did!

Lana: You're the one who ripped it!

Luna: Dude, how are we gonna find the money now?

Lincoln: We're not.

Laney: What do you mean?

Lana: Why?

Luan: What are you talking about?

Lincoln: 'Cause all we did was fight over it. And this is exactly what Sharon DeMonet warned us about. [his sisters start to look regretful] How about this? From now on, whenever we find money, whether it's a hidden fortune or even this quarter... [takes out the quarter] ...we all share it equally.

Laney: Lincoln, you took the words right out of my mouth. [hugs Lincoln]

Lisa: Okay.

Luan: Sure.

Lori: Sounds good.

Luna: Yeah, I kinda like that.

Lana: I'll even share the dollar I got back from Charles. [shows them the dollar now covered in Charles' feces]

Laney: Eww..

Lincoln: [thoroughly disgusted] Let's not...

[The others agree and Lily comes crawling out from her nap]

Lori: [picks Lily up] Aw...we're sorry, Lily. Did your noisy sisters and brother wake you? [makes cute faces to Lily]

[Something is attached to Lily's butt]

Lynn: Hey. What's that stuck on Lily's bottom?

[Lincoln takes it and unfolds it]

Lincoln: It's...a map! [reads] "If you're reading this, it means you came together and got to the "bottom" of the matter! Congratulations! You're almost there!"

[The kids cheer over this discovery]

Lincoln: [suspicious] But wait. How could she have known the map would be on Lily's bottom?

[The others think about that for a brief moment]

Lola: [breaking the silence] Who cares?! Let's find the money!

[They all head out on the search]

[The backyard. The kids come across a big X]

Lincoln: X marks the spot.

Lisa: [excited] Ooh! I love solving for X!

[Lincoln grabs a sandbox shovel and starts digging]

Sisters: [chanting] DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

Lucy: I've got some experience digging holes. [joins Lincoln in digging]

Sisters: DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

Laney: Allow me to assist! [starts to dig with Lincoln and Lucy]

Luan: Digging is fun for the hole family! [laughs] Get it?

Sisters: DIG! DIG! DIG! DIG!

Lana: Okay, everyone. Stand back. Luna? A little digging music?

Luna: You got it, sis! [starts strumming her acoustic guitar]

[Lana digs like Charles and finds the briefcase, much to her sisters' amazement]

Lincoln: [takes it but notices...] It's locked!

Leni: I got this. [takes the briefcase, pulls out her barrette, and picks the lock open with it, stunning her sisters] What? There's more to my head than just air, you know.

[Lincoln opens the briefcase and everyone gasps to discover that the money is real!]

Lola: [checks the total] Five...hundred...DOLLARS!

[The kids gasp again]

Lincoln: So, if we share it equally, that means we each get, uh...

Lisa: $45.4545455 each.

So they all celebrated their achievement, everyone except Laney couldn't help but go crazy about all the money they now have. And Laney was just leaning on a tree and smiling at this display.

Laney: [thoughts] Money, There just isn't a lot of it in the Loud House. And even though that not everyone has good intentions like me, I know that my siblings will know how to share from now on.