16. Ties That Bind

Ties That Bind

It was a quiet saturday morning. You may think so, but if you happen to live in the Loud House, you'd know peace and quiet goes out the window... [A butterfly perches on Lincoln's window. Just then, a sudden blast blows the butterfly away and we see the real actions occurring inside the Loud House] See what I mean?

[Inside, Luna is rocking, Lucy is reading her poetry on the attic steps, Lola and Lana are racing with their car and pogo stick, some commotion is coming from Lisa and Lily's room, Lily is finger painting on the hall walls, and Luan is practicing with her dummy Mr. Coconuts]

Mr. Coconuts: How do you make an egg roll?

Luan: I don't know. How do you make an egg roll?

Mr. Coconuts: You push it!

Luan: Good one, Mr. Coconuts, but your delivery was a little wooden. [laughs]

[Mr. Coconuts just turns at her and stares at her vividly. Luan reacts surprised and turns to the viewers awkwardly. Leni comes out of her room wearing one of Lori's tanktops]

Lori: [angrily] Is that my shirt? Take it off!

Leni: I can't! There are boys here!

[Mr. Coconuts raises his eyebrows in an aroused motion and Luan covers his eyes.]

Mr. Coconuts: Ah, coconuts.

[Lynn is leaping off the walls in the manners of parkour. Lincoln is trying to copy it, but falls on his face. Lynn bounces off Luna's speakers and leaps over Lola's car and Lana's pogo stick. Lincoln tries it but Lola runs him over and Lana bounces off him. He tries to catch up with Lynn.]

Lynn: See, Linc, the key to parkour is momentum. Never stop moving. [leaps onto and springs off the bathroom door] Door jump! [flips back]

Lincoln: Door jump! [drop kick opens the door and falls in] Whoa!

[Cliff comes walking out of the bathroom with a piece of toilet paper on his right paw. The hind one]

Lincoln: [on the bathroom floor] I'm okay. Just gonna lie here a sec on the nice, soft floor.

Laney: Um, do you mind? [Laney is shown by the sink brushing her teeth]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] Welcome to a typical Saturday morning in the Loud House. Sure it's crazy, but that's the way we like it. All twelve of us.

[At that moment, their mom's voice comes through the vent]

Rita: Twelve is way too many. I can't take it anymore.

Lynn Sr.: But we can't get rid of them. I'm too attached.

[Lincoln gasps and gets closer to hear better]

Rita: I know you are, honey, but they're just so obnoxious and loud.

[Laney overhears the conversation, and gets closer as well]

Laney: Are they talking about us?

[the two look out into the hallway to see the chaos that they love possibly being the cause of this issue with Lori trying to get her shirt back from Leni who's running from her while Lori holds on]

Lori: Stop! You're stretching my shirt!

Rita: I'm sorry, but my mind is made up. I want all of them out of the house and on the curb in time for trash pickup tomorrow.

Laney: [frightened] Trash pickup?! Lincoln! What's gonna happen to us?!

Lincoln: I don't know! [runs off to tell his sisters]

Laney couldn't help but look at the vents, could her parents really be planning to get rid of their children?

Lincoln: Laney! Come on! [grabs Laney]

Of course not! They just didn't hear the whole conversation...

[Down the vent the scene goes to their parents' room to reveal what they're actually talking about, which appears to be about their father's neckties]

Lynn Sr.: But I love my tie collection! Cool neckwear is my thing.

Rita: Honey, they're an embarrassment.

Lynn Sr.: [holds up his disco tie] Not this one. [presses a button that makes it light up and play music] It's like a dance party around your neck. [starts dancing which makes his wife feel embarrassed]

[The girls have heard what Lincoln heard through the vent and don't believe him.]

Lori: That is literally the dumbest thing you have ever said.

Lynn: Yeah. Why would they want to get rid of us?

[Lincoln shows them the damage, nay, the destruction they have caused in the hallway and a coyote trying to make off with Mr. Coconuts. The coyote notices the kids, drops Mr. Coconuts, and leaves]

Girls: Oh.

Lori: [still disbelieving] Whatever, Mr. Paranoid. This is a waste of valuable texting time.

Lincoln: Lori, wait! I'm serious! Come listen for yourself.

Seconds later...

Lori: [to her other sisters] IT'S TRUE! MOM AND DAD ARE GETTING RID OF US!

[The others start panicking]

Lola: [furious] I'm gonna go down there and give them a piece of my mind!

Laney: [stops Lola] Lola! Calm down!

Lola: I'm gonna lose my princess bed! Don't you tell me to calm down!

Lincoln: This is what got us in trouble in the first place. The yelling, the fighting, and the loudness.

Laney: Is "Loudness" even a word?

Lori: Lincoln's right. We have to be quiet, and perfectly well behaved.

Lincoln: If we all work together, maybe we can convince Mom and Dad not to get rid of us. Now who's with me?

Sisters: [yelling] WE ARE! [realize their noise and tone down] We are.

And so the kids put their operation to work. Lynn stopped doing sports in the house. Lisa stopped concocting mad science experiments. Luan stopped cracking jokes. And Luna stopped jamming, much to her dismay.

Luna: [sorrowfully] Sorry, love. Time to go acoustic. [puts away her axe and starts playing a zither]

Luan: [puts away Mr. Coconuts] So sorry, Mr. Coconuts.

Mr. Coconuts: [played by Luan] Without me, you're just a hand! [Luan closes the trunk on him and speaks for him in a muffled tone] Hey! I bring the funny! You're always-

[Luan zips her lip and is now a mime]

But more importantly, they stopped fighting and breaking things.

Leni: Here's your shirt back.

Lori: Thanks. [takes her shirt back and sees what Leni's wearing] Wait! That's my sweater!

Lincoln: [reminding his eldest sister] Remember the plan.

Lori: [feigning] And it looks so much cuter on you! [grins widely]

[Lily is crying with worry of getting kicked out and Luan performs the classic trapped-in-a-box routine and cheers Lily up. Leni walks in]

Leni: Oh my gosh! Luan, are you okay? HELP, GUYS! I THINK LUAN'S TRAPPED!

[Meanwhile downstairs, Laney was walking to the living room with a book in her hand, she sees Lucy sitting on the couch trying to smile]

Laney: Hey Lucy. Are you okay?

Lucy: [feigns happiness] Just swell Laney. I'm having a great day...

Laney: Are you trying to smile or you going insane?

Lucy: Don't worry about me Laney. Just making sure everyone's happy and not trashed out of our house...

Laney: Okay...

Lincoln: Guys! Get up here! Mom and Dad are at the vent again.

Moments later all the children were in the bathroom eavesdropping on their parents conversation.

Rita: Okay, maybe I judged them unfairly. Forget what I said about getting rid of all of them.

[The kids are relieved]

Lori: It worked!

Laney: Thank goddness!

Twins: We did it! We get to stay!

Lucy: Oh joy. What a relief.

Lincoln: [still straining from not being able to go at such an inconvenient time] Speaking of relief, everyone out, please.

[The girls all leave the bathroom happy that they're not gonna have to leave as Luan pretends to pull on a rope]

Leni: [intrigued by Luan's rope trick] Ooh! Invisible rope! [follows it]

[Lincoln shuts the bathroom door so he can pee as his parents talk more]

Lynn Sr.: You mean it? I can keep them all?

Rita: I didn't say that. But I will let you keep your favorite.

Laney: [rushes in] Favorite!?

Lincoln: [whispers] How did you... Nevermind! Quiet.

Lynn Sr.: But they're all equally great. How can I pick just one?

Rita: Come on. There must be one that stands out above the rest.

[Lincoln and Laney looked at each other]

The very next day, Laney was painting of her dear mom and dad, in hopes to become the favorite.

[Laney's painting was Rita and Lynn Sr. from the day they met, she was walking towards her parents room when she bumped into Lori]

Laney: Oh, hey Lori...

Lori: What's that?

Laney: Oh, just something I worked on. Thought I took up painting again and made this. Nothing to be suspicous about...

Lori: Oh yeah? Then why does it have mom and dad on it?

Laney: Ummm... [tries to walk away with her painting but Lori grabbed her by the skirt]

Lori: Laney. What's going on?

Laney: Umm... [cut to Laney and the rest of her siblings next to the bathroom] And then mom said she'll only leave the favorite.

Lincoln: But on the upside, we're not all getting kicked out. One of us gets to stay.

Lynn: And you thought it'd be either of you? [viciously bites into a Lincoln pancake]

Lola: What happened to 'we all work together'?

Lincoln: I'm sorry. I just kind of panicked.

Laney: And I just don't want to be abandoned...

Luna: Dudes, Mom and Dad are talking again.

[They rush over to the vent]

Lynn Sr.: I don't know. Maybe I'll keep the musical one.

[Luna smiles triumphantly]

Rita: Are you kidding? That one makes my ears bleed.

Luna: [heartbroken] Way harsh, Mom...

[Her siblings console her]

Lynn Sr.: Well, I definitely don't need the dark one. So dreary. Good for a funeral, but what else, really? Right?

[Lucy gasps, thinking that Dad meant he doesn't want her and Lynn laughs at her]

Lynn Sr.: But not the yellow and blue striped one right? It's cute. [Laney looks down at her yellow and blue striped socks]

Rita: No way! It's too clingy! [Laney becomes heart broken]

Lynn Sr.: How about the one with the hockey sticks?

Rita: Eh, never been a fan. [Now Lynn gasps] Same with the filthy one. [Lana scoffs]

Lynn Sr.: How about the funny one?

[Luan puts a smile on her face, thinking she'll be the one]

Rita: Never made me laugh.

[Luan replaces her smile with a frown and puts a teardrop on her cheek]

Lynn Sr.: Ugh. Now the pink one I can definitely do without.

Lola: [enraged] You will PAY FOR THIS!

Rita: And the littlest one is just crying to be thrown out.

[Lily is flabbergasted. She puts her pacifier in her mouth and goes into a fetal position.]

Rita: Then we've got the dumb one.

[The other kids look at Leni]

Leni: [oblivious] What?

Lynn Sr.: You know, I'd also feel a little guilty about tossing out the gifted one.

[Lisa seems calm about that comment presumably reflect on her]

Rita: Oh, who's gonna know? [Lisa's expression changes] So where does that leave us?

[The girls realize there's only one left and it's the only boy]

Lisa: I believe it leaves you with Lincoln. But what do I know? I'm just the gifted one.

Laney: But he's not just going let mom and dad throw all of us away. Right Lincoln?

Lincoln: [happily] Wow...I've always wonder what it would be like to be an only child.

Laney: WHAT?!

Lincoln: [snaps out of it] Uh...I mean... [feigning sympathy] ...being an only child is gonna be terrible. What am I gonna do without you guys?

Lori: Well, I guess we'd better go pack.

[The girls leave the bathroom forlornly]

Leni: I'm still trying to figure out who the dumb one is.

[wipe to Laney, Lynn, and Lucy's room. Laney was packing all of her things in her suitcase]

Laney: I can't believe it's come to this. Kicked out of our own house. [sniffs] I didn't to make mom and dad mad at me.

Lynn: Don't worry Lanes. Things will turn up for us.

Laney: How?

Lynn: Maybe a rich family will take us in and they will be twice as cooler than our old parents!

Laney: But I'll miss our old parents...

Lucy: Gotta accept your fate Laney. Our parents hate us. The best thing we can do is to forget about them and move on.

Laney sighed and went outside her room, but as she walked she saw Lincoln in his room packing a bindle. He then called for all of his sisters to meet up with him.

Lincoln: You may be wondering why I assembled you all here.

Lori: Uh, yeah. You've got five minutes. I literally have an entire wardrobe to pack.

Lincoln: Don't bother. [sighs] I overheard another conversation between Mom and Dad.

[The girls chastise him for eavesdropping even further]

Lincoln: Wait. Mom and Dad aren't choosing a favorite kid to keep. They're just getting rid of one: me.

[The girls gasp in shock]

Lincoln: So, I wanted to give you guys my treasured possessions before I, you know, have to leave." [gives Lily his stuffed rabbit] Lily, this is Bun-Bun. He needs two hugs a day, and...try to keep his ears clean.

[Lily puts Bun-Bun in her mouth]

Lincoln: Luan, these are my rarest comics. [Luan turns them down] But they're limited editions.

Laney: No! [hugs Lincoln] You're not leaving!

Lori: Yeah! There's no way we're letting Mom and Dad kick you out.

Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, and Lisa: YEAH! YOU'RE STAYING!

Lincoln: Really? Even though I was going to turn your rooms into my own personal theme park?

[The girls look at him upset and seem to have changed their minds]

Lola: It was nice knowing ya. [takes Lincoln's pigy bank]

[Lana takes Bun-Bun and the piggy bank back from Lily and Lola and returns them to Lincoln.]

Lana: Of course we won't let you go. You're our only brother.

Lori: Come on. We're gonna march right down there and tell Mom and Dad you're staying!

[Mom and Dad's room. The kids barge in and the girls start demanding their folks to let Lincoln stay and trip onto the floor.]

Parents: What the-

[The girls are all still demanding that Lincoln stay]

Leni: There's nothing wrong with his white hair!

Lynn Sr.: White hare? You kids like my Easter tie?

Luna: [clearly confused] Easter tie?

[The Easter tie makes a high-pitched laugh]

Laney: Tie?

Lynn Sr.: Yeah. It's great, right? You know what? They all are!" [looks at his collection which shows themes similar to his daughters] "Honey, I'm not getting rid of any of these ties!

Lincoln: Ties? You guys have been talking about ties?

Rita: Of course. What did you think we were talking about?

Lincoln: Uh, nothing.

Lola: [pleadingly horrified] WE THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA GET RID OF US!

[Their parents laugh at such a thought]

Rita: Oh, we would never do that. You're the best eleven things that ever happened to us.

Lynn Sr.: There's twelve, honey.

Rita: Yep. Right.

[The girls are relieved that it was all just a misunderstanding. Lincoln looks at his Dad's Easter tie which laughs again]

Lincoln: [crept out] Whoof! Dad really should get rid of that one.

[The kids leave, but Laney stood behind and hugged her mother]

Laney: Please don't get rid of us. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on you.

Rita: Honey, we forgive you. But next time If you think that were talking about something bad. Talk to us before you jump to conclusions okay?

Laney: Okay mom. [She leaves]

The very next Saturday, things were back to normal. The kids return to their antics with Lynn trying to teach Lincoln parkour, Luna jamming, Lily finger painting, Lucy reading her poetry, Lola and Lana playing with their car and pogo stick, Luan practicing with Mr. Coconuts...

Luan: Good one, Mr. Coconuts!

And Lori and Leni are back to disputing.

[Lincoln gets covered in Lori's sweater, resulting in him landing in the bathroom again. This time, Geo gets a trail of toilet paper stuck to his hamster ball]

Lincoln: Ah... [to the viewers] Looks like everything's back to normal at the Loud House. And my eavesdropping days are over.

Laney: Wish I can say the same about crashing into other people's privacy... [Laney as at the sink brushing her teeth, Lincoln nervously smiled]

Lynn Sr.: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'VE GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN?!

Lincoln: [gasps in alarm] YOU GUYS! [runs off to tell his sisters]

Lynn Sr.: You know I'm gluten free!

Laney rolled her eyes and continue to brush her teeth.